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It was blacker than night . . . .
“Ahhhhh!” I screamed in my cell, feeling utterly alone; separated from all feelings except for fear and absolute terror. ‘Where’s the love in this world?’ I wonder, but I hear my thoughts as if someone is mocking me, and, upon hearing the word ‘love’, I am afraid all the more. I am so hot. I am afraid I am burning in a furnace, yet I see no flames licking my body. The smell is like rotting dead people and sulfur and I realize all I want to do is puke and die.
“Puke and die! Puke and die! He, he, he!” mocks a voice so terrible that I think I am literally going to jump out of my skin.
‘Help! Help!’ I scream, bighting my toung so hard that a pool of blood begins to pour out of my mouth. I start cutting myself and pulling out clumps of my hair, welcoming the pain yet wanting to die all the more. But I can not stop pulling out my hair, scratching my self with my long jagged fingernails, bighting my toung, and running into walls trying to break open my skull. No matter how hard I try to kill myself, I can not. I long for death so much that it is starting to mock me.
“Stop longing for death because you’re already dead! Ha, ha, ha!” says that evil voice again and again as if it enjoys torturing my mentality.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, comes the most evil creature I have set my eyes on. It had hundreds of eyes all over itself, two heads, and sixteen arms—eight on each side of its body, and, to make matters worse, his body had muscles twice the size of my face. I wish I could describe it in greater detail, but no words could describe the terror and grotesqueness of this creature.
“A new one, eh?” it said to no one in particular. “Well, let’s see what you’re made of!’’
It punched me in the middle of my face. I could have gone through a hundred walls, but he grabbed my flesh—for I had no shirt or clothes for that matter—and pulled me towards him. His gases seemed to say ‘Go to Hell’, but I was pretty convinced that I was in hell already.
It hit me a few more times then grabbed a metal rope-like thing with a snake’s head showing its fangs at the tip. He beat me with it several times, and each time the fangs became stuck in my flesh and when it was stuck, the demon yanked it out.
After I was bleeding uncontrollably, it stopped beating me, then it ushered me out of my prison cell to a smell even worse than my own vomit, urine, and feces combined; where the sound was worse than all my cries of terror and pain. I, again, was completely alone except for the things that tortured me, but in the distance, I heard the cries of thousands—maybe millions—of people being tortured like me. Even though their cries seemed so close, I found no comfort knowing that there were others like me here. Then again, to feel something like comfort or love is a luxury I can not get.
Still bleeding, I was led to a room where another evil thing stood before me. My other escorts delivered me into its hands like a worthless piece of garbage . . . I felt lower than dirt.
My new torturer put a metal chain around each of my wrist and stretched them out then he cuffed my feet together. Next he held me over something hotter than lava and started to lower me into it.
‘No! No! NOOOOOooooo!’ I screamed though I knew in my heart that no one could hear me.
Somehow, I was able to get out of my bedroom and make it to the shower. I slowly undressed and crawled into the tub. Accidentally, I turned on the hot water and screamed then I turned on the cold water at full blast. It hurt at first, but then it was relieving. Bits and pieces of my dream just kept trying to come back, but I pushed them to the back of my mind. I concentrated on the now as I have always done.
The bathroom’s green ceiling and dark blue walls seemed to be closing in on me. I’ve got to get this room painted white, I told myself.
I turned off the shower and looked in the mirror and just stared at myself. Boy, Nick, you seriously need a hair cut. My brown-streaked, blond hair hung past my ears and my beard looked like those imaginary prophets you see in church windows. I took out my shaving kit and began to shave off that thing growing off of my face.
After I shaved my beard and cut my hair just above my ears, I got dressed in my light blue business suit with a white shirt to go with it, and I went into the kitchen.
For a bachelor, I have a huge kitchen. The walls are a bright orange with wooden cabinets on one of the walls. A marble table that was long enough to seat ten people sat in the middle of the kitchen. The stove and the refrigerator were both stainless steal. In the counter was a toaster, and if I pushed a red button on my remote for some of my kitchen appliances, the toaster would come out. I decided to make some coffee, and just as I finished, the phone rang.
“Hello?” I said.
“Hello, Nick,” my mother greeted me in her cheery voice.
“Oh, hi, mom. How’s everything?”
“Well, your father and I are doing alright; as for Annie, well she can’t wait to get out of school to see her father.”
Annie. Annie was my fourteen year old daughter. I was supposed to pick her up from school today. Almost forgot about that thanks to my headache.
“Yeah, I can’t wait to see her either,” I told my mother.
There was a silence between us, each waiting for the other to say something. Then mother decided to talk.
“You know, Nick, you don’t sound like yourself this morning,” she paused. “You had one of those horror dreams again, didn’t you, except this time it was a lot worse.”
“Yes, mom,” I admitted.
“Son, Jesus is trying to get your attention. When will you wake up to that fact?”
“Well I woke up around 5:30 this morning . . . .”
“No, son, I’m serious. Jesus is trying to tell you that you need him to survive-”
“Need Him to survive?” I scoffed. “Who made me rich? Me. Who makes himself able to go to work the next morning? Me. So the way everything is going around here is all because of me. I am the god of my life, Mother, not some imaginary man named Jesus!”
“Nick, who allowed you to live from day to day, huh? Jesus does. If it weren’t for Him, you would have died in my womb.”
“That incident happened by chance.”
“And what it chance, and feeling, and reality, and truth? What is that?”
I had no answer for that, for mom had me cornered like a confused animal who was trying in vain to fight its way out.
“My point is, Nick,” she continued close to tears. “Is that you need Jesus as your personal savior, because if you don’t believe in Him, I will never be able to see you again when I die. I love you, Nick, and so does Jesus, and I want you to know that your father, Annie, and I pray for you daily.”
“Well that’s very kind of you guys,” I said sarcastically. “I have to be at work in thirty minutes so I’ll talk to you later.”
“I love you, Nick.”
“Love you too, mom.”
“Bye, son.”
“Bye.”
What is it with mothers? They seem to know what is going on before you tell them. Maybe they have sensors in their body to tell them what is going on called motherly intuition or something like that.
Suddenly, I did not feel hungry any more, but I decided to grab a bagel and head for work. I hoped in my red convertible and turned on my radio to my favorite rock station.
It was a beautiful spring day. The leaves were the brightest green I have ever seen and roses and buttercups were growing everywhere. At seven o’clock, the grass still held on to the morning due and birds were so happy, their songs made you want to stop doing whatever you were doing and dance for joy. Kids were getting ready for the last day of school until the fall, and adults were getting ready to face life in the real world. No matter how many times one may look oneself in the eyes and practice telling one’s boss how much they hate working for him, one still manages to go to work the following day.
I approached an intersection and the light turned red, but I was so caught up in the atmosphere and my thoughts that I did not realize that I had just ran a red light and almost got myself and a bunch of other people killed until a police car pulled me over and gave me a two hundred dollar ticket.
Some how, through all that, I managed to make it to work a minute late.
I went to see Hank, the security guard, to sign in for work.
“Hey, Nick,” he greeted me. “You’re a minute late.”
“I know,” I said as I wrote my name. “I almost died running a red light, but I saved myself.”
I began to feel uneasy and found Hank’s freshly cleaned garbage can and vomited up the bagel I had on the way here and . . . I also upchucked blood.
I vomited a whole garbage can of blood, the passed out.
Next time I opened my eyes, I awoke in the hospital hooked up to almost everything but blood. I looked around and the walls were completely white with one picture on the left wall. Next to me was a night stand with a baloney sandwich cut up into four slices with chocolate milk on the side.
This is the type of lunch Annie makes, I thought as I stared at the lunch. To my right was a curled up sleeping Annie in a chair. I reached over and stroked her hair and she woke up. She never was a hard sleeper. She stretched and yawned and saw me eating a piece of her bologna sandwich.
“Oh, Dad, thank God you’re alive,” Annie smiled.
I gave her a hug.
A very attractive lady with brown hair and caramel skin came in. Her white coat hung three inches above her feet.
“And how is our patient doing?” She asked Annie.
“So far, so good,” she said. “He’s very responsive and ate one-fourth of a bologna sandwich.”
“Wow, seems like he’s getting stronger by the minute.”
“Indeed. Dr. Nolan. He was able to give me a firm bear hug without becoming exhausted or breaking a bone.”
Doctor Nolan’s laugh was so melodic that I started to laugh.
“Not only can he eat, and give hugs, but he can laugh to,” Annie giggled.
Doctor Nolan turned towards me and cleared her throat. Time to be professional. “Mr. James, from the information I have received, you vomited a whole garbage can of blood, yet lost none according to the machines,” she paused looking straight at me as if I had an explanation for it. Seeing I had none, she continued. “We, the other doctors and I, have not found out how you were able to loose so much blood and still live; it had to be a miracle from God. Nevertheless, we’re very happy that you are alive.”
“Well, I don’t know how that’s possible either, but looks like I was lucky,” I smiled.
“No, Dad,” Annie corrected. “It was because of God’s mercy on your soul.”
I smiled and patted her hand. You are spending way too much time at Grandma’s.
“Well, Mr. James, you’re free to go home, and your boss said to tell you that you’re off this week.” Dr. Nolan said as she unhooked me from the machines.
“Thanks,” I said.
“You’re welcome.”
After leaving the hospital, Annie and I started on our way home. Traffic was great and I did not run any lights.
“Boy, Dad, you gave me quite a scare,” Annie said as she plopped on the couch laying her book bag on the floor.
“I know. I didn’t mean to,” I said in this kid-like voice as Annie laughed.
I went to the kitchen to prepare a snack: fruit salad, cookies, and fruit punch. I heard her turn on the television and I realized how much I loved her. The main difference between us is that I had no faith and was never at peace, and she had a faith and was completely at peace. I longed for the peace she and my parents had, but there had to be a catch to the whole Christianity thing. Oh well.
“Annie, we’re having dinner with Uncle John, Mom, and Dad tonight, so can you make your famous peach cobbler?”
“Sure!” she said as she ran to the kitchen.
Women seemed to always love to cook, or so I thought. Annie was getting her ingredients out: Flour, peaches, pecans, the whole works. She always made it from scratch.
“Dad, what happened to my mom,” Annie asked.
I was not prepared for that question because, in all of her fourteen years of life, she seemed contented with just having me and my parents around. She never asked what happened to her mother.
“Well, um,” I stuttered. “I’ll be frank with you. When I met your mother at Melinda’s Tavern, we were both drunk. After we became sober, we got to know each other a little bit more, and within a week of being completely sober, we were married. That night, your mother became pregnant with you and for nine and a half months, we argued over whose fault it was.
“The night you were born, your mother died, just two hours after your birth. Before she died though, we made amends and she was able to hold you until she died. Her last wish was that I’d raise you, but you also had to develop a bond with your grandparents. That’s why you spend so much time with them.”
“Wow,” Annie said as she took the dough out of the bowl.
“Yeah,” I agreed as I finished dicing the rest of the cantaloupe into cubes.
“Did you love my mom?”
“Well, I guess it was a mixture of lust, the thrill of the moment, and love. But did I love her with my heart? More so at the end of our relationship.”
“Do you love me?” she whispered.
I hugged her close. “With all my heart. I know we have our differences and all, but I love you more than life.”
“I know. I guess I just wanted to hear you say it for the billionth time.” She said as we laughed.
“But seriously Annie, I do love you,” I said as I kissed her on the forehead.
“I love you too dad.”
We went back to making the food for tonight’s dinner. Annie was just putting the peach cobbler in the oven to bake when they heard the doorbell ring.
“Hmm, they were supposed to arrive at six and it’s only four,” I stated. “I’ll get it.”
I opened the door only to see my parents standing in my doorway.
“Hey Dad and Mom,” I said as I gave each of them a kiss on the cheek.
“Hello, Nick,” they said together. “We greet you with the love of Jesus.”
Mom and Dad stepped into the house and handed me their coats. I hung them up in the coat closet.
Mom let out a huge sigh and smiled. “I know we were supposed to come in another two hours, but I wanted to help cook and spend time with my son and granddaughter while I can.” I nodded and she continued. “Well, don’t just stand there, Nick, show your poor mother to the kitchen.”
I smiled and did as I was told, even though I knew she already knew where the kitchen was, it was kind of hard to miss. Annie turned abruptly around when Dad, Mom, and I entered the room, and almost spilled her batter.
“Grandma! Grandpa!” Annie squealed as she gave them a hug and placed her peach cobbler in the oven with her other things. “I wasn’t expecting to see you for another two hours, but it’s cool that you’re here now. How have you been doing?” she asked as she added flower to her batter.
“Oh, the good Lord has been taking care of us so we’ve been doing alright,” dad said as he sat in the chair next to me.
Mom peered over Annie’s shoulder. “Looks like you’re making a crust.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“What pie are you making?”
“Um, let’s see,” she opened the door to the oven. “I’ve made apple, cheery, and pecan pie so far . . . .” she closed the oven door and looked at mom. “So now I have to make sweet potato pie.”
“Okay. You need me to fix anything?”
“Whoa!” I said as I walked to the pot full of macaroni that was boiling over. “I guess you’re done.” I told the macaroni as I poured the water out.
Something sizzled for a few moments then made a loud popping sound.
“The chicken!” Annie and I said at the same time as we raced to the pot where the chicken was frying in. I made it there first. Not bad for a thirty-seven year old man.
“Watch out Annie,” I said as I flipped the chicken over so that it could fry on the other side.
After I was done, I was just about to walk away from the pot, I saw this huge beast with wings four times the size of my kitchen with teeth the color of blood. Its skin was like a black oozy slime that fell in layers on my floor but the slime was so thin that you could make out its skeleton. It drew a sword, red and hot, from its side and brought the sword clashing down on my shoulder.
“Ahhh!” I screamed out in agony, all my strength left me and I could not move for I was paralyzed with fear. This thing was about to bring the sword down for a second strike at me, but my mom stepped in the way between me and the beast. When the beast sliced the air with his sword for a second time, it stopped in midair, not even touching mom.
“I rebuke you, fear, in the name of JESUS!” mom shouted, and for a moment, this beast seemed afraid of her. “I rebuke you fear, in the name of JESUS!” mom repeated. “Go back to the pits of hell where you belong in the name of Jesus, for you have no place here!” The beast was disappearing slowly. “Jesus said, ‘Rebuke the devil and he will flee.’ So in the name of Jesus, I command you to go back to the pits of hell in the name of Jesus!” The beast finally left the room leaving a small pool of black slime in its place.
“Are you alright?” Mom, dad, and Annie asked as they stood above me as I lay on the floor completely exhausted.
All I could do was breathe for the fear inside me lingered like winter’s cold kiss. It was real. I said to myself, totally in shock. Then, somehow, I mustered up enough nerve to say, “I’m so afraid. God, I’m so afraid!”
“It’s alright,” mom said, cradling my head in her lap and stroking my hair. “God’s gotcha and mom’s right here. Everything is going to be alright.”
I felt as if I was five years old again in mom and dad’s house, and I just had a terrible dream. Mom held me close and whispered soothing words in my ear, telling me scriptures and reciting Psalms twenty-seven verse one: ‘The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The Lord protects me from danger—so why should I tremble?’ Funny how I should remember that verse; it all seemed so long ago.
“Daddy, are you okay now?” Annie asked with concern dripping in her voice.
I sat up and just started to cry. The fear was slowly leaving me but I went from having frostbite to very sore and numb. I feel so alone, so isolated from everything that was around me; so detached. Annie watched me with interest in her amber eyes, for she never saw me cry before. Dad walked over to me, pulled me up and gave me a hug.
“Man, your thirty-seven. You have to be strong and call on the name of Jesus,” he said.
I screamed and curled up like a baby in his mother’s womb at the sound of that . . . that . . . name.
“Oh Jesus, help us,” Annie said as I screamed again and ran to the car and drove off.
“A thirty-seven year old man can be scared out of his wits but never forgets how to drive,” stated Dad as he shook his head sadly.
“Hey, Frank,” I called as he looked up from his game of pool. He nodded in my direction.
His name really was not Frank, it was Tony Blithe—the toughest guy since kindergarten. We went to school together decades ago. Story has it that his father used to beat on him and his mother. One day he got the guts to bring a gun home to ward off attackers, or more importantly his father. During a fight, his dad got the gun and shot Tony in the head. Amazingly, he lived but never got the bullet out of his head because his mother had no medical insurance. Till this day, the built is stuck in his head, his mother still gets beat by his father, and both he and his mother have no medical insurance.
The smoke in the room was so thick it was difficult to breathe, and the lights seemed so dim you could probably see better if you closed your eyes. I finally made my way to where Frank was. When he leveled his stick with the middle of the white ball and prepared to shoot, I hit him on the back and triggered the shot faster than it was intended.
Tony looked up ready to kill whoever hit him, but luckily he saw me and pardoned me for hitting him.
“Nicky!” he said as we slapped hands.
“Hey Tony,” I smiled.
“Dude, I haven’t seen you in,” he started to count on his fingers, “ten years. How old are you now?”
“Thirty-seven and counting.”
“Wow, same here, even though I look like I’m forty.”
Tony and I were born on the same day but he was older by a few seconds and looked like he was fifty.
“Man, you’re looking better than me!” I lied.
“Thanks.”
Now one of the guys from the table, holding a pool stick and had to be about 6’7” with two hundred pounds of pure muscle looked up. “Yo, we gonna finish this game or what?”
Tony looked at me than at the guy, spat on the floor then threw the pool stick on the table. “Naw, I’m not playing.” He said then started to walk to the door, but the other guy got there first.
“What?” the guy asked.
Tony looked him straight in the eye and told him, “Get out of my face, James, cause I’m not playing.”
The man called James smirked as he cocked his head, his lower lip sticking out, as he clenched and unclenched his fist. He came to a decision and punched Tony in his stomach with so much force that he slammed into two people behind him. That was it. It jumped onto James’s back and put him in a choke rip and Tony was laying punches in his face and stomach. Pretty soon, everyone was getting into the fight. The bar became a living mad house. People were smashing chairs on people’s heads and TVs were broken. The air smelled like smoke and sweat but people were giving their all into the fight.
A person jumped onto my back and put me into a choke grip forcing me off of James’s back. But, you see, these people did not know whose side they were on because the guy who tried to choke me started helping me beat up James.
Bang! The owner of the bar, Thomas, shot a hole in the ceiling and people started to quiet down.
Bang! That was shot supposed to be for emphasis, but he blasted a hole in the water pipe and water shout out, soaking everyone within its reach. Luckily Tony and I were out of reach for we were at the back of the mob.
“Aww!” Thomas moaned. “Ya’ll wrecked me bar and busted me water pipe!” Thomas paused as he looked each person in the eyes. Everyone had some kind of scar but me since I avoided this mob once the gun shot was fired.
Thomas continued. “All right. Ye all just stand in a line so I can collect a hundred from ye all. Aye?”
Tony and I sneaked out of the door as the others tried to get into some kid of a line. So long suckers! When we were outside, Tony and I burst out laughing so hard that we were gasping for air.
“Man, I haven’t been in a fight like that in years!” I said.
“Well, I haven’t been in a fight like that since last week!” Tony said. “It was great seeing you again. How’s life been treating you?”
I shrugged. “Eh. Okay I guess. Got a fourteen year old daughter to raise, and now that she’s in the teenage years . . . it’s as hard as the terrible two’s.” I laughed. “But seriously, she’s a big help and the joy of my life.”
“Wow,” Tony said as we walked to our cars. “So how’s your wife?”
I paused then said, “She died giving birth to Annie.”
Tony looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. “That’s too bad, man.” We kept quiet until we reached our cars and Tony said, “Hey you know Jamie?”
“Melinda’s sister?”
“Yeah, she gave the bar to her daughter after Melinda, your wife, died, divorced her husband, and is courting me.”
“No kidding!” I said as I hopped into my car. “Tell Jamie I said ‘Hi’ and I’ll give you a call later.”
“Alright.”
Where to now? I asked myself since I had another hour before I had to get home. I arrived at the intersection of twelfth and Hort. I decided to visit my brother, John’s house so I cut off another driver and switched into the left turning lane.
“!#&” the driver yelled at me.
“Hey John and Joe!” I called as I waved.
Their faces brightened as they dropped their water guns and ran towards me.
“Hey Uncle Nick!” they said in unison.
“I’ll get to hug him first,” Joe challenged as he broke into a jog.
“No you won’t!” John said as he went past Joe and they broke into a full run.
It was a beautiful sight. Two five year old twins running to meet their Uncle . . . to meet me. I held my arms out ready to give the winner the first hug. The race was looking really close. Joe had caught up to John and they both slammed into me and it was awful hard to tell who won but they seemed not to care.
“Oh Uncle Nick, we miss you so much!” they said together.
I laughed. “I miss you guys too.” I pushed them gently back to admire their boyish features. “Wow, you guys got big.”
Joe giggled as his tiny shoulders moved up and down; John smiled and said, “Thank you.”
Both had the curliest light brown hair you have ever seen. Becky, who was reluctant to let the boys get their hair cut, made sure the barber kept at least an inch of it on their heads even though John thought they would look better nearly bald. The boy’s eyes also matched their hair color. They grew at least an inch since the last time I saw them—last week. John and Joe were matching in their green shirts and corduroy pants, making them seem like very handsome boys.
“Where’s your parents?” I asked them.
“Mommy’s baking a dish to take to your house for dinner,” John answered.
“No she isn’t,” Joe argued. “She’s baking food, not a dish dummy!”
“Hey, hey guys, calm down,” I ordered, and they both took a deep breath in until their cheeks bulged then they let out the air slowly.
“You want us to show you where Daddy and Mommy are?” Joe asked calmly.
I nodded.
“C’mon,” Joe said as they both grabbed one of my hands and led me to the house.
Inside, the floor, rails, and the door frames were made of a polished dark oak and there was a chandelier that hung down when you walked into the foyer. A coat rack was on the inside of the coat door and another hung about midway. Joe was the last one in and he slammed the door behind him.
“Boys, is that you coming in?” Becky called from the kitchen.
“Yes, mommy.” They replied.
“Don’t forget to take off your jackets.”
“Okay,” John answered.
“Joe . . . .”
“Huh?” Joe answered.
“Take off your jacket and shoes before you step on the floor,” Becky instructed.
Joe growled softly. “Okay Mom.” He turned to me and whispered, “Take off your shoes and jacket.” He waved John over. “Stay here, Uncle Nick; I’ve got a plan . . . .”
The boys hung their coats on the lower rack, took off their shoes and went in the kitchen.
“Hi, Mommy and Daddy,” they said together
“Guess what, Daddy?” Joe asked.
“What?” John, their dad, asked.
“I won the water fight!” Joe said proudly.
“Wow, that’s great!” John Sr. said with much enthusiasm.
“Oh dad, we can tell that you’re not that excited,” John Jr. said. “After all, we are five.”
John was too stunned to speak so Becky spoke for him. “You’re right boys, five is a big number,” she pretended to wipe away a tear as she sniffled. “You’re not my little boys anymore,” their eyes widened as she said that. “You’re my grown men!” she pretended to cry as the boys ran up to her and gave her a hug.
“Oh Mommy. Don’t cry,” Joe pleaded.
“Yeah, Mom, we didn’t mean to make you cry!” John Jr. cried.
She hugged them both and laughed. “I wasn’t really crying guys.”
They stepped away from her too she her face.
“You weren’t?” they asked astonished by how dry her face was.
“No.”
“You act better than Daddy does,” John Jr. said.
John Sr. stopped cutting the lettuce and walked to where John Jr. and Joe were standing. “Cut your old man some slack!”
John Jr. and Joe turned their left palm upward and pretended to cut a slice out of their palms. John laughed and tickled them, their laughter sounding like sweet music to my ears. I started to miss Annie.
“Guess what, Dad,” John Jr. said.
“What?”
The boys looked at one another and said, “Uncle Nick is here!”
John and Becky looked up from their work just as I jogged into the kitchen, shook the twin’s hands, and said “Thank you, thank you, thank you, very much. Hey, John.” I shook John’s hand and gave him a hug.
“Hey little brother!” John Sr. said smiling.
“Hey Becky,” I said as I gave her a hug.
“Hey Nick,” she said. “Where’s Annie?”
“She’s at home with Mom and Dad,” I answered. I walked back to John and whispered in his ear, “I need to talk to you.”
“Alright guys, let’s go pick you out something to wear for tonight,” Becky said as she herded them upstairs.
“C’mon,” John said as he led me to his study.
John looked like me, even more so since we were twins, main difference was that he did not looked as drained as I did. He was the older one by two seconds, and he took pride on being the oldest. John also had a PHD in psychology.
His study was a medium sized room with a wooden desk in the center of the room. A computer sat on top along with a calendar, business cards, and lots of family photos. Two wooden chairs sat at the front while a black swivel chair stood behind the desk. A plaque on the front desk read D.R. JOHN JAMES PSYCHOLOGIST.
“So, what’s up?” John asked a she sat in the chair behind the desk.
“Well, I was wondering, do you know if we have family who has seen . . . things at before?”
John switched into psychologist mode and a concerned look came over his face. “No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Well things like,” I was drawing a blank on what I was trying to describe but forced myself to remember; as I could feel fear cold fingertips slowly encase my heart I closed my eyes. “A long shadowy slithering ting made of black slime with a crown of eyes about its head. Its fingertips were colder than ice but sometimes turned hotter than fire, and its fingernails were like little daggers that were deadly to the touch. Black wings rise from within its body and black slime sputters everywhere as it flies. It reeks of blood, sulfur, and dead rotting bodies. You can see straight through it. Its ribs are a glowing green and red stuff surrounds its ribs. You can sense its chilling presence and feel fear eating you up alive from the inside out. It has a name but I can’t understand it.” I opened my eyes still very afraid.
“Well, we’re not dealing with anything physical or mental but with something beyond our humane strength,” he opened a drawer and pulled out a book.
The Bible! Something told me to beware of this book and the contents held inside of it.
“Nick, I know you’re probably tired of hearing it, but what you need is Jesus,” I let out a whimper as I curled up in my chair. John opened up his Bible and continued. “It says right here that-”
“No! Get that Book away from him!” said an evil voice from within me. “He’s mine and you can’t have him!”
“It’s coming for me, John!” I cried, terrified for my life.
John looked around frantically, not seeing anything. Jesus, help us please! John prayed over and over again.
I picked up one of his pencils and almost plunged it into my heart, but John stopped me.
“Nick, call on Jesus!” John instructed.
“I said leave him alone!” came that evil voice again.
“John, help me! Don’t let it get to me! Let me die!” I wailed as my body started to convulse. Fear had me and was shaking me for all it was worth.
“No, you are not going to die,” John said firmly as he prayed even harder. God, please, send your angels down to protect us. Deliver my brother from this demon that holds such a firm grip on his soul . . . .
“Yes, he is! Ha, ha, ha, ha!” laughed the demon.
The thing was coming closer by the second. I could see it; I could sense its presence drawing near.
“Nick. Nick call on Jesus!”
John’s voice was fading, but I heard the name Jesus. Psalm twenty-three was brought back to my memory as the thing came closer. Just when it was about to claim my soul, I made an abrupt decision.
“Jesus!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as everything came to a pause. “JESUS, HELP ME! PLEASE!”
Everything vanished as fear’s cold fingertips slowly released my heart.
“I’ll be back!” the demon cried as it too disappeared from within me.
I was calm but not at peace. I was still worried; I fretted over its last words; “I’ll be back!’ Will I live to see the next day, or the next time he comes back? I pondered this and many other things, like where I would be after I died. I did not notice that I was drenched in sweat and tears.
John came around his desk and whispered Bible verses to me until I calmed down.
“Is everything alright? We heard a door slamming,” Becky asked as she entered the study. Jim and John followed after her.
John looked up. “Now it is.”
Becky’s eyes flew to me, and she saw how drenched my clothes were. She mouthed the words: “What happened?”
“I’ll tell you later,” John answered.
“Are you alright, Uncle Nick?” Joe asked.
I nodded. My eyes were vacant as if I was in another dimension, but I slowly came back to the present.
“Becky, you take the kids,” John instructed. “I want to ride with Nick.”
“That’ll probably be best,” she said. “Come on guys.” Becky took their hands and let them out of the room.
Who am I, that the Lord of al the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wondering heart
John was singing along in his wonderful tenor voice, closing his eyes and lifting his hands in praise.
Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are
My heart seemed to be soaking up these words as a few tears roll down my face.
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
I am yours
The words were so poetic. It seemed as if these lyrics applied to me personally.
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I remembered hearing that story in Bible School one Sunday when I was a little kid.
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
‘Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
When the song was finished, I felt like crying tears of pain, sorrow, longing, and joy, but I was determined not to cry until I saw my mom.
“Who were they talking about in that song, John?” I asked my brother.
“They were talking about Jesus Christ, the Savior of all mankind including you.”
I cringed, but I was not afraid. “Are you serious?”
“Yup.”
“Wow.”
We were silent on the way home listening to the Christian music pouring out from my speakers. When we arrived at my house for dinner, I turned to John.
“Do you have peace?”
“Yes, I believe I do. It’s the kind of peace that is always there even if I don’t feel it as strongly as I do now. The peace that tells me that everything is going to be alright.”
“Are you terrified of going to sleep; afraid that you won’t wake up?”
He leaned back in his seat. “No, not really, because I know that I have Jesus and his angels to protect me, and even if I don’t wake up to see the next day, I know that I am going to a better place with no pain or evil and that I’d be able to meet and worship Jesus.”
Again, I did not cringe. “How can you be so sure?”
“He told me so in His word—the Bible.”
“You’ll have to show me that someday.”
“You bet,” John said as he smiled and patted my back. “But let’s go on inside before they eat up everything.”
“Okay.” I said as I followed him up the steps. That song was still stuck in my head. “Oh, and John?”
“Yeah?”
“Could your family spend the night here with Annie and me? I have this feeling that I need you, my family, here tonight.”
“Sure.”
We walked in and were greeted by Mom.
“Hi, John, it’s a blessing to see you,” she said as John kissed her on both cheeks.
“Hey, Mom, it’s a blessing to see you as well,” replied John.
She looked at me. “Oh Nick! I’m so glad you’re alright.”
I hugged and kissed her on both cheeks too. “Me too, mom; me too.”
Annie’s head peaked around the corner. “Dad! Uncle John!” she said as he hugged us both. “Oh, I’m so happy to see you guys!”
I smiled and hugged her back. “I’m happy to see you too.”
“Boy, you grew a lot,” John whistled as he measured Annie compared to himself. She came up to his breastplate. “I used to be able to pick you up, but now I bet you can pick me up!”
Annie laughed. “Come on, you guys, It’s time to eat.”
Dad was at the head of the table, mom was at the opposite end. I sat on Dad’s left and John sat on Dad’s right. Becky, John Jr., and Joe sat in a row on John’s side and Annie sat next to me.
“Let us bow our heads in prayer and thanks to God who has supplied us with this marvelous food,” Dad said as everybody bowed their heads including me. “Heavenly Father, we thank You for the food you gave us and for the wonderful people who’ve cooked it. We thank You for the family time we have together. I ask that You will purify the food for the nourishment of our bodies and our bodies to Your service, in Your precious name, Amen.”
“Amen!” we agreed.
“Now, let’s eat!” Dad said with his fork and knife in hand.
“Excuse me,” I said as I arose from my seat.
I went to the bathroom wanting desperately to cry out to Jesus, but since I did not know how to, I did not. I was too afraid to ask anyone how to go about asking Jesus into your heart and soul, so I decided to put it off.
“Oh Melinda!” I cried. How I missed her so much. Why did she have to die? Why? I cried. It was at times like these that I longed for my family the most.
Annie is all that I have now and I am thankful that I have her, but I still miss the Melinda. I feel like vomiting, but for some reason I can not. My soul longed for her and something else as well, but who else could I turn to? What else could feel this emptiness within me?
Don’t turn to Jesus, A voice in my head said. You don’t need Him. You’re your own god, remember?
I splashed my face with cold water and dried it. Tears threatened to come again, but I forced myself not to cry.
The name Jesus weighed heavily on my heart. I wondered, that, if the name of Jesus—if Jesus himself—could save me once, could he save me forever. My family believes in Jesus and they all seem so happy, sometimes rested, and at peace. When things bother me, they tend to weigh heavily on my heart and do not seem to go away. Like with the death of Melinda, I seem to never have gotten over it and it feels like a load on my heart and a ten-thousand pound on my back. But when things seem to bother Mom, Dad, or the rest of them, they seem to deal with the problem by reading the Bible and then they let it go.
Let it go, I told myself. I can’t let Melinda go; not yet.
I grabbed the edges of the sink and cried until I could not cry anymore.
“Maybe he needs some privacy,” Dad suggested. “This has always been the hardest time of the year for him.”
Uncle John looked and his mom and said, “You’ve been awfully quiet this evening, Mom. Anything wrong?”
All eyes were on my mom, so they did not notice me when I came back in and took my seat next to Annie.
Mom looked up at us and said, “My spirit senses evil presences in this house and my spirit feels heavy with concern. I can’t advert this feeling so I remind myself not to stray away from God because he is our only help. I just feel so . . . anxious . . . like something could happen at any moment.”
“How can you be so sure?” Becky asked.
“Jesus gave me the gift of discernment—to discern good from evil—and I definitely sense an evil presence here.” Mom turned to me. “Nick, is it okay if I stay over here tonight? I just have this feeling . . . .”
I swallowed the fried chicken and macaroni in a big gulp and cleared my throat. “Actually, I would love it if you all stayed the night.” Mom looked please to hear that. “For some reason I feel that I need all of you here tonight.”
“Well, Becky and I would be happy to stay the night,” John said as he put an arm around his wife’s shoulders, pulled her close to his side, and planted a kiss squarely on Becky’s full lips.
“I wanna stay!” John Jr. stated.
“Me too!” Joe agreed.
Annie laughed. “You can stay as long as you wish if your mom and dad say it’s alright.”
Joe and John turned in their seats, not needing to say anything. Their big round eyes stared at their mom and dad glistening over with water as tears started to well up in the corners of their eyes. It was certain that they were going to cry if Becky and John said no. Their lower lip protruded from beneath the upper lip and trembled slightly.
Mom, Dad, Annie, and I tried to keep from smiling at the two adorable twin boys as Becky and John stared at them intently as if they were trying to search their hearts through their eyes.
Becky looked up at the man sitting to the right of her and smiled. “I guess you can stay over-” Becky said to John Jr. and Joe as they let out a whoop and hoped out of their seats. “But you have to eat your food and behave like little gentlemen.”
“I don’t like sweet potatoes,” John Jr. muttered as the two disappointed little gentlemen slowly marched back to their seats.
“I hate green beans,” Joe said.
“I know you don’t like sweet potatoes and green beans, guys,” John said, “but eat them anyway.” John took a bite of his sweet potatoes and green beans for emphasis as the boys sat down in their seats.
Annie got up and took her plate to the counter. She opened up the oven and took out the apple, cheery, and pecan pies and placed them on the table. John Jr. and Joe’s eyes widened at the sight of the pies.
“Hey, if you guys eat all of your food, I’ll give you a big slice of pie and help you make one too,” Annie told the boys.
The boys turned hungrily towards their plates and in less than ten minutes they were completely clear of food, not even a trace of food was left except for some chicken bones, sweet potato sauce, and the juice from the green beans. Becky mouthed “thank you” to Annie and she mouthed “your welcome” back.
Mom looked around at all of her kids and grand kids until her eyes met mine. “Nick, you’re really quiet. Something bothering you?”
I put my fork in my plate and the napkin on the table. “I’m not sure. Can we talk later?”
Mom nodded her head.
We finished eating and I loaded the dishes in the dishwasher. Annie took Joe and John to the kids’ room and Dad, John, and Becky, went into the TV room. Mom waited in the kitchen for me. When I paused over the sink, Mom came and put a comforting arm around my shoulders. A shudder went up my spine as my silent tears dropped into the sink. Mom turned me around and gave me a hug as I cried on her shoulder with out making a sound.
“Want to talk to me?” Mom asked. “Maybe I can help.”
I stepped back and wiped the tears off my face. It is not everyday that you see a thirty-seven year old cry more than once in a day. “Your feeling . . . in your soul . . . is right.”
Mom asked, “Do you have the gift of discernment too?”
“I don’t know; all I know is that you’re right.” I went on to tell her the event at John’s house. Mom and I were so into our conversation that we did not even notice the curious faces peering in the door.
“What’s disturbing me the most is when the evil voice, er creature, said ‘I’ll be back’. Now I’m terrified to sleep; I’m afraid that I’ll die and end up going to hell.” I could not hold my tears back as they continued to rain down my face.
Mom pulled me back into her embrace and I clung to her like a magnet. “Shh,” she instructed.
“Mom I-”
“There’s no need to be afraid if you have Jesus,” she said, stroking my hair. “I have a feeling that this might be cognizant to your fear and you not knowing God.
“Son, God is trying to get your attention; He wants you. You can’t avert Him for long. I pray that your pride and selfishness would soon collapse and that you would embrace Jesus and cling to His love and His word. Without Him, you’re powerless. You will have no success in defeating these demons if you do not have Jesus. Romans Seven verse twenty-three clearly state that: The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord. Nick, don’t wait until it’s too late. Call on Jesus; He’ll help you. Believe in Jesus; He’ll save you.”
“I don’t know if I can do that Mom, at least not yet.”
“Well, think about it . . . think about it hard. Always remember, Jesus loves you, no matter what you’ve, done and He’s always there.”
I sniffled. “Thanks Mom.”
“You’re welcome, Nick.”
“You’d think that Nick’s purpose for having us over is so that he could say his last ‘goodbyes’?” Dad said.
“I think he wants us over because he’s scared,” Becky suggested. “I know I would.”
“Hey, can’t a man just want his family over just because he wants his family over? And besides, he might want us over for some other crisis he’s dealing with; it doesn’t have to because of his spiritual welfare issues,” John stated as Becky and his Dad just stared at him. “What? I mean all the signs and symptoms are there. He even said it!”
Dad looked at him with curiosity in his grey eyes. “Nick said that he’s going through spiritual warfare?”
“No. He . . . well showed that there’s a battle within him for his soul—completely unintentionally. And as his big brother, I’m highly concerned,” John explained.
“We know you’re concerned, darling, but all we can do is pray,” Becky said as she patted John’s cheek.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to say!” John said, clearly frustrated.
“I thought you were saying that Nick was going through spiritual warfare,” Dad stated.
“Argh! I’m going to bed,” John said as he marched off to find Annie. “G’night guys.”
Dad smiled as he watched his son go to bed as Becky just shrugged and shook her head.
“Ahh!” Annie screamed as she turned to see who tapped her. John and Joe laughed their little hearts out.
“You scared me,” Annie stated, not liking how breathless she sounded.
John chuckled. “I guess I did, didn’t I”
All Annie could do was nod. The effect of being scared was still wearing off.
“I was wondering if you could show me where we’re bunking tonight.”
“Sure.”
“C’mon boys. Time for bed.”
“Aww, do we have to?” John Jr. and Joe asked in unison.
“I’m afraid so.”
Reluctantly, they arose from their sitting positions and followed their father and Annie out the door. She led them down to the end of the hall and stopped at the last door.
“This is yours and Aunt Becky’s room,” Annie said as she stepped into the room with white walls and a ceiling fan that hung in the middle of the room. A baby crib was placed in the far right corner of the room and a full sized bed was a little left of the window that viewed a little lake with trees planted on the other side. About this time of day, you can see the golden sun slowly falling asleep. A small night stand with a Bible and a lamp on it stood just beneath the window. A TV was in the closet at the opposite end of the bed.
Annie walked over to another door an opened it. “Here’s Joe and John’s room.”
The twin’s bedroom had two beds with two nightstands separating them, and a nightlight separated the nightstands. A TV hung in the left corner by the windows. Two miniature closets stood side by side on the blue wall closest to the door. Also, connected to the TV was a play station two with a game already inside.
“Well, I hope these are satisfactory,” Annie smiled. “I’m going to turn in. Good night, guys. God keep you in your sleep.”
“And same with you, Annie,” John, John Jr., and Joe all said together.
As she stepped into the hallway, she smiled, realizing that the twins are probably jumping for joy because they have a TV in their room. Annie walked towards the kitchen since her room was just a little ways past it, but the closer she got, the more she could hear what her dad and her grandmother were talking about.
“My real reason for wanting you all here is that, just in case anything happens to me, you all would see to it that Annie has a place to stay for the night and that I’m properly token care of,” Nick said.
“Son, you need Jesus. He’ll take all your fears away,” Grandma said softly.
“I know Mom, but I’m not ready to accept—really accept—that. I’m too scared.” He looked up from the table like a frighten baby. Annie wanted so desperately to run to him and tell him that everything was going to be alright.
Nick continued, “Not now, but before you go to bed, Mom . . . please pray for me.”
“I will, son. I will.”
With one last look at her father, Annie ran down the hall to her room and knelt beside her bed, her hands clasped together in prayer.
“Oh, Jesus, I know I can talk to you about anything and I thank You so much for that. I’ve told you about school and such, but Lord, I pray for my Dad, Nicolas James. Please be with him as he sleeps tonight and remind him to call on Your name, especially if his dreams turn sour. Sometimes I can hear him when his dreams aren’t as they should be and other times I can’t. So, Jesus, just in case I don’t hear him tonight, please protect him. I don’t know what I would do without him. I pray this in Your Son, Jesus Christ’s, name, Amen.”
Annie decided that she needed to sleep lightly just incase her father needed her.
“Ahhhhh!” I screamed as I sensed the evil presence surround me like a blanket on a cold night. “Don’t let it get me!”
“You’re mine, Nicolas!” cried that demon again. “All mine and you’ll get to meet me in person . . . tonight!”
“NOOOO!” I yelled, trying to avert it. I had to get away, but I was trapped. It was just me and it in this room fighting desperately for one of us to win and the other to loose.
“Dad!” Annie yelled as she entered my room. I could not really hear her, but I saw a small glowing orb in the room. I knew it was not of what I was, nor that of what the demon was. Its essence was too pure; too bright.
“Don’t let it get me! Somebody! Anybody! Help me please!” I screamed as I ran into the walls again and again, hoping that there was an escape anywhere. I could feel fear’s hand squeeze my heart for all it was worth and feel death slowly suffocating me. Hell’s fires and torture chambers were becoming plainer in sight. Screams were starting to fill my ears and I could feel myself slipping away from my body and into this, this hell. Out of nowhere, Melinda came by and beckoned for me to come. Seeing her again and knowing I could be with her was almost too much to resist. Melinda and I together again. Annie. I shook my head. Annie! Suddenly, Melinda’s face contorted with rage and anger causing her to look something like my pursuers. She reached for my hands and tried to pull me just as the thoughts of Annie tried pulling me the other way. I felt as if I was being stretched to my limits as my pursuers started helping Melinda pull me into hell.
Annie felt the tug on her dad’s arms get stronger so she pulled harder on his legs. “DAD, CALL ON THE NAME OF JESUS!! CRY OUT FOR JESUS!!”
Jesus. The sweetest name ever to my family, and a bitter-sweet one to me. I could feel Him tugging on my soul, beckoning me to come with Him, and then again I could feel Satan’s tug on my soul telling me to come with him. Something told me that I was given a chance to make a decision between the two. ‘It is impossible to serve two masters. You are going to love one and hate the other.’
“Jesus!” I shouted with all my might. “Jesus, please save me! Please SAVE ME!”
All of a sudden hell disappeared right before my eyes. My pursuers vanished as did the screams of agony and loneliness and Melinda. I felt my body hit the floor as I rolled over. Slowly, I opened my eyes. I was back in my room again . . . with Annie.
“Dad!” Annie cried as she rushed to my side. “Oh, Daddy. I thought I was going to loose you.”
We sat there for a while, Annie crying softly on my chest, listening to my heartbeat until she fell asleep, and I, I was thanking God for saving my life once again. I placed her in my bed and went to go wake up the others. I needed help.
“I want to thank you all for staying with me, and, if it’s not too much to ask, could you all help me become a child of God?” I asked. “I’m ready and so is He.”
Everyone let out praises to God thanking Him for softening my heart and renewing my soul.
“What changed in you, son?” Dad asked as tears gently rolled down his face.
I began to tell them my life story . . . the parts they did not know, like how I was having dreams like this when I was seven, how Melinda died giving her life to Christ and giving me Annie, and I how wondered what kind of God would take away a life that was just given to Him.
“So from then on, things just got worse. Tonight, if Jesus hadn’t helped me, I’d be in hell right now,” I concluded.
“Well all glory be to God!” Mom said after carefully sipping her hot cocoa. “Since Annie’s asleep, I’ll start.” Mom grabbed her Bible until she found what she was looking for then she came to my side. “John three, verse sixteen says that: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. Nick, God sent His only son to die for your sins. All He asks of you is to believe in Him so that you—and anyone else who chooses to believe in Jesus—will not perish but have eternal life with Him in heaven.”
“You know, if you have trouble believing, Nick, put your name where world is and read it again,” Becky suggested. “It helped me realize that God does care for me more than I will ever know.”
“‘For God so loved Nicolas that He gave His only begotten Son so that if Nicolas believes in Him he will not perish but has eternal life.’” I read.
“Hey guys, what’s that verse, um . . . .” John started.
“Romans three twenty-three?” Joe asked as his dad nodded.
The twins said together. “For all have sinned and fall short of God’s glorious standard.”
“Good job guys,” John said as he gave his sons high fives. “Nick, I know that sounds kind of harsh, but it’s totally true. Thank God H loves us so much that He gave his only Son so that we may be saved. We who are so unworthy . . . God still offers His gift of life to us.”
“He’s right, Nick,” Dad added. “I was reading my Bible last night and I ran across Romans six twenty-three: For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Son, no matter what you’ve done, God is willing to forgive you, if you really want His forgiveness.”
“God has been trying to get your attention and I’m glad that He’s finally got it, and I’m even happier that you are paying attention to Him as well.”
“But, isn’t there more than just asking forgiveness and obeying His word?” I asked, but I was surprised when my family shook their heads.
“All he wants is a lifetime of your obedience, love, and commitment to Him. Once you submit yourself to God, there’s no turning back because you don’t want to go back anymore,” Dad explained.
“Son, if you want to have peace at last, give your heart, your life, your soul to Jesus,” Mom concluded.
Taking a deep breath I asked, “How do I, you know, confess?”
“Talk to Him as if you’re standing before Him right now,” They all said. “He loves you more than the sun and the stars; He loved you before you were born, and he loves you now.”
I bowed my head. “Holy Jesus, I’ve been totally rotten all my life, yet I still hear that you want me. Thanks. Jesus, I’m really sorry for all the sins I’ve committed—from running from you my whole life. I’m sorry for hating You and blaming You for the death of my wife Melinda, and if she’s up there, please tell her that I love and miss her so much.” I cried and continued. “Thank you for sending Your only Son to die on the cross for my sins and for rising again on the third day. How blessed I am to have You for a savior. And yes, I do believe that You sent Your only Son to die on the cross for my sins and for rising again. Lord God, I give myself over to you. Please use me as You see fit. Thank You, Lord, for everything, Amen.” I felt like a newly washed person, or like Paul said ‘a letter not written with pin and ink but with God’s holy seal upon us’.
When I finished praying, I received hugs and congratulations then we all celebrated my coming into the family of Christ by reading the Bible together. Of course I could not get enough of it and asked endless questions. I felt like a newborn baby, hungry for God’s word and ready to explore the new world through His eyes.
That day, as I went to sleep, my dreams were filled with a host of angels rejoicing because I came into the family of Christ. I even saw Melinda dancing before the thrown of God. Then a kind and gentle man bent down to my height and ruffled my hair. “Welcome back, my son.” He said with a big smile on his face. “I’ve missed you so much, and I love you more than you will ever know.” He gave me a hug and when I woke up again, I could still feel His hug, and I felt more loved than I ever felt before.
“I love you too, Jesus,” I whispered.
I realized that today was Sunday so I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was 11:53 AM. Too late for Church, so I got up and turned the TV to the gospel channel.
After Charles Stanley finished preaching, I got up and took a quick shower. I saw a pot of hot water on the kitchen stove and made some hot tea for myself. I walked into the TV room where Dad was sitting on the sofa, Bible in hand and eyes glued to the TV. I sat down beside him holding my cup of tea.
“Before we go,” the pastor on the TV said. “I want to encourage every new believer out there to carefully read the Gospel of John and see God’s life on earth as John describes it. Then I recommend the book of Romans so you can get all the information you need on how salvation works and what all is entailed.”
Advertisement came on after the program and Dad turned off the TV. All of a sudden, Dad started to shake violently as he collapsed to the floor. I reached to the phone on my left and called 9-1-1. Everyone rushed into the room as I finished talking to the dispatcher.
“Oh James!” My mother cried.
“Grandpa!” Annie, John Jr., and Joe said as they watched their Grandpa.
As the ambulance took him to the hospital, we followed in our cars.
“Hi, I’m Doctor Brown,” he introduced himself as he shook all of our hands. He stopped at Mom and looked her in her eyes for a few moments. “Mrs. James, your husband suffered an extreme seizure and cardiac arrest at the same time.” Mom’s hand flew to her mouth as she uttered a soft cry. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think he’ll make it through the next hour. You guys can go see him if you wish.”
Everyone practically ran down the hospital corridors until we found Dad’s room. We let mom flee to his side first then we all crowded around her.
“Oh James,” she cried softly.
“It’s okay, Jenna,” he comforted her. “I’m going to be alright. God’s got me, remember?”
“That he does,” Mom chuckled softly.
“I love you, Jenna, you know that.” Dad looked at me as I put my arm around Annie’s shoulders. “I lived to see my number one wish: that all my children and grandchildren came to know Christ. And last night, my youngest came to know Jesus and I’m ready to go home at last.” Mom put his hand to her cheek. “I love you all very, very much. I will cherish the wonderful times we’ve had together. The grandchildren’s first steps, John and Nick’s first time on a bicycle,” he turned to his wife. “Our wedding day.”
Crying like we’ve never cried before, we left Mom and Dad alone so they can spend the last few minutes of his life together.
“I love you, and always will,” Dad told mom once we left. “I think I’ll long for you the most.”
“Oh, James, I love you too.”
A wide smile came over his face. “There’s Melinda . . . and Jesus!” he turned to his wife one last time. “See you in a little bit, Jenna.”
“I love you James; I always will, see you later,” Mom cried as she watched her husband leave this world for a better one. Tears of joy and sorrow rolled down her face as Jesus’ peace filled her soul.
Mom left to join Dad three and a half years later with the same look of pure joy on her face. We buried them next to each other.
Annie finished college the summer she turned twenty-seven with a master’s degree in Bible education and Cardiology. She married a young pastor named Nathaniel Green and now has my sweet granddaughter Nicole.
Joe and John are entering high school with aims to be on the soccer and baseball teams. They started a Christian Club at school and led ten people to Christ in their first semester.
John and Becky are proud as ever of their sons and are happy to enter retirement as am I.
I spend my days as a missionary in Japan, sharing my testimony with anyone who will listen, and thankfully a lot of people do. Sure I miss my family, but I see them at holidays, and besides, Jesus keeps me company.
I hope my story showed you that God does love you, and that no matter where you are in life, no matter how far gone you think you are, Jesus can still save you.
May the Lord be with you,
Nicolas James