I still couldn’t say
Those three words
Back then and even now
It’s something I can’t do

.-.-.-.-.-.

Him.

The rain fell heavily; pattering the earth sheets after sheets. Any visible object within the radius of 10 feet was obscured by the heavy downpour. Everything around seemed so dull and grey. The sloppy sidewalks were pretty much empty except for a few, hurrying stray figures. The usual congested road was even more jammed due to the downpour. Cars were crawling on the road like colorful snails. The blares of honking caused by irritated drivers clashed terribly with the battering raindrops. He grabbed his umbrella from the stand and shoved his briefcase to his free hand. Glancing through the glass doors, he sighed wearily. It has been raining for a few days in a row. However, today’s downpour was the heaviest of all. For some reason, he felt the rain seemed melancholic; like it’s crying over the loss of someone dear. How ironic, he thought. I feel like the rain is lamenting alongside me. Forcing the depressing thought out of his mind, he ventured out into the rain with his umbrella as a shield. His dark curls were slightly plastered to his head and neck from the occasional spray of rain water. As he braved through the rain, his dark eyes were half-closed as he unconsciously hummed a tune.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Every detail of yours
I still recall vividly
I wanted to see you
So I sang your favorite song

.-.-.-.-.-.

Her.

She leaned against the wall of the telephone booth with the receiver pressed close to her ear. Automatically, her delicate finger punched in a well-memorized number. Just as she was about to press the last digit, she caught herself and paused. Losing her nerve, she placed the receiver back and sank to the ground. The rain fell steadily outside the booth. A few people were scurrying to look for shelter. A couple hurried past. She couldn’t help but watch the man holding his coat over the two of them, laughing despite the rain. They look so happy in each other’s company, she thought. She suddenly felt a pang of loneliness as a tear threatened to roll down her cheeks. Hugging her knees, she glanced back at the receiver. A soft sigh escaped her lips. She dug in her bag till she found her mp3 player. She plugged the earphones into her ears and leaned her head against the wall, drowning the steady sound of the rain with the music. Despite the distraction she brought upon herself, a question still resounded in her head. Will I ever have the courage to pick up that receiver and call him?

.-.-.-.-.-.

If I see you on the street
Would you just walk past?
If I reach out to you
Would you push me away?

.-.-.-.-.-.

Him.

The rain did not lift one bit. In fact, it just pelted down harder than before. A sudden gust of wind smacked him hard. He stopped humming altogether. Annoyed, he then realized he was humming that song. Why am I humming that song now? He silently chided himself. He trudged on in the rain. The hem of his pants was soaked and clinging to his calves. The wind battered mercilessly against his umbrella. Fed up, he decided to seek shelter from the rain in a nearby café. Lighting flashed above his head just as he stepped into the premise. He jumped slightly. Slightly shaken, he shook off the excess water and slid into an empty table by the corner, away from the crowd. His eyes strayed to window just beside the sidewalk. A waiter waddled over to him poised with a pen and a notebook.

“May I take your order?” he asked. His shod feet tapped the floor in rhythm with the tune from the jukebox.

“One cup of white coffee please,” he replied. “Plain, no sugar or creamer added.”

He knitted his eyebrows together as he jot the order down. “Anything else?”

“No, thank you.”

“All right.”

With a nod, the waiter left the table and disappeared behind the double doors leading into the kitchen. He ran a hand through the mass of wavy locks on his head. He found they were damp despite having an umbrella over his head. So much for keeping dry, he thought dryly. A few minutes later, the waiter returned with a steaming mug of white coffee.

“Nasty weather we have today,” the waiter remarked, inclining his head towards the window.

He cast a brief smile of thanks at the waiter and muttered a soft ‘yeah’ before gratefully taking the mug and warmed his hands with it. Taking a careful sip, he glanced out of the window and let his thoughts drift.

“Very nasty indeed…”

.-.-.-.-.-.

The memories we shared
Laughter, happiness, sorrows
Seems surreal, like a dream
As they slowly fade away
Tell me, what does this mean?

.-.-.-.-.-.

Her.

Lighting tore the grey sky into half and thunder boomed in a distance. The rain continued to pour relentlessly outside. She rubbed her hands on her tanned arms to calm the goose bumps forming on it. She stared absentmindedly at the dreary scenery outside, lost in her thoughts. As if on cue, the music in her player switched to the sentimental ones. She smiled sardonically to herself. She found her thoughts drifting back towards the days she spent together with Jun. Jun, the only genuine guy friend she ever had. Jun, who would listen to her troubles and made her worries disappear along with the laughter he brought afterwards – the guy she also happened to like. Very much. Sadly and fortunately, Jun never knew this of her. Nor will he ever find out while she still breathes. She’d make sure of that.

They were in the sort of relationship where it hovers between just friends and a little further than that. However, they stay within the boundary of ‘just friends’ most of the time. Despite that, she treasured and treated every moment spent together as special. Perhaps all of the feelings were just one-sided. But she never voiced it out. Sometimes she would pour her frustrations to her best friend for the sake of her sanity. Things were fine the way it was and she was contented. But she never saw what was coming. Then one day, while they were out on their usual ‘dates’, Jun suddenly decided to put a halt on their friendship – meaning stop seeing her altogether whether as a friend or something more. Just thinking about the way they abruptly parted ways a few months back made her chest tighten with a tinge of sadness. She never found out the reason for it. She was afraid of him telling the truth and tried to run away from it.

Once again, lighting struck and lit up the entire sky for a spilt second. She was snapped out of her reverie. Outside, the rain seemed to return with renewed vengeance. At the same moment, her cell phone started ringing. Rummaging through her bag, she fished out her phone and answered it.

“Erii dear, where are you?” Her best friend, Ai, nearly whined. Her tone was that of concern. Erii tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, contemplating her answer for the question.

“It’s okay. I’m fine, Ai,” she said finally.

“Relieved to hear that but that didn’t answer my question; where are you in this dreadful weather?”

“Oh, just in a…” She caught a glimpse of a café which was two shops down the booth. “…café, nursing a cup of coffee. Oh you know; staying out of the rain till it ceases a little.” She could hear Ai released a sigh of relief.

“At least you’re safe and dry… for the most part, I assume.”

“Assumption right on target,” Erii smiled despite her own misgivings. Ai paused for a moment and Erii braced herself for the next question.

“Jun hasn’t contacted you, has he?” her friend asked cautiously. Erii heaved a small sigh. She knew it’d come to this sooner or later.

“No.”

“Are you gonna call him anytime soon?”

“Honestly, Ai, I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I think you should, you know, to clear things up. Didn’t you say you want to live a life with no regrets?”

“True, but-”

“Well, what are you waiting for? I’m sure you hate this state of estrangement.”

“I do but I don’t want to upset the delicate balance either.”

“If you don’t sort things out by tonight, I’m not letting you into the apartment!”

“Sorry, Ai love. But I don’t remember you having the keys to my apartment.”

“Well I do now. Check your bag and see.” Ai was never known to lie so she didn’t doubt it when she said she held her apartment keys hostage. Nevertheless, she checked her bag. Sure enough, her keys were missing. Now her best friend is blackmailing her to resolve things? Oh gosh, what have I gotten myself into?

“I suggest you better make up or you’ll be sleeping on the streets tonight.”

With a click, Ai hung up with flourish. Erii stared stupidly at the phone in her hand. She grumbled as she stashed her phone away in her bag. Hesitantly, she fingered her player and put her favorite song on repeat. For courage, she mused. She touched the cuff on her right ear tentatively. Then she stood up and stretched herself. She turned to face the telephone once more. Squaring her shoulders, she picked up the receiver and dialed the well-memorized number. Her pulse quickened considerably as the dial tone started up.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Love, just thinking of you
Is painful and my love deepens
I really want to see you
So I sang your favorite song

.-.-.-.-.-.

Him.

Jun ran his fingers through his damp hair again in attempt to dry it. All efforts to dry it, of course, were fruitless. He idly swirled the contents of his cup. Subtly, the buzz in the café seemed to fade away as the tunes played by the jukebox became more distinct. He stared absentmindedly at his mug. The combination of the dreadful weather outside and soulful tunes from the jukebox made him reminisce.

.-.-.-.-.-.

.3 months ago.

He had long thought about his decision and he decided to put it today. I’m gonna tell her. He grinned foolishly at the thought. He felt like a cat with a jar of cream. He walked up to his wardrobe and rummaged through his clothes. He randomly picked out a pair of jeans and a dress shirt. As he was zipping up his jeans, his house phone rang. Jun fumbled with his zipper in his haste to answer the phone. Who could it be? He wondered as he strode into the hall. He tugged at his zipper once more and it came undone. Just my luck, he sighed exasperatedly. Grabbing the offending phone, he said not too pleasantly, “Hello?”

“Hello? Jun? Is that you?” The voice sounded familiar. Jun couldn’t place his finger on it.

“Yes and who are you?” he almost gritted his teeth.

“Gawd, Jun. Can’t you recognize your brother’s voice when you hear it?”
”Ah, that figures. How should I know when you never called?” he shot back sarcastically.

“Jun! That’s not-”

“What’s the matter anyway? Whatever it is, you better be quick. I;ve-”

“Jun, come home at once.”

“What?”

“Come home at once. Dad’s in the hospital.”
“What the hell? You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“Look, I’m serious. He had an accident and… the doctor said he won’t last long…”

Jun didn’t hear the rest of it. His entire being was numb with shock. He felt the strength left his knees and they buckled. He slid down to the floor, phone still cradled to his ear. He stared off into space as though in a trance.

“Bro? Jun? Are you there?”

“Are… are you serious?” he finally managed. He slowly ran his hand through his hair, messing it up in the process.

“Why the heck would I kid about this?”

“I-I’ll come home at once…”

“Please hurry home and be careful, yeah? Take care of yourself, bro.”

Barely muttering a reply, Jun replaced the phone back. He barely remembered getting up – albeit a little shakily – and walked to his room. Shedding his spoilt jeans, he put on another pair. He grabbed the dress shirt from his bead and pulled it over his dark head. He grabbed his wallet and stuffed it into his back pocket. He paused when he took his mobile. His screensaver displayed a photo taken during one of his outings with his friends. One of the cheekier ones snagged a shot of him and certain pretty girl with dark brown eyes. He fingered the screen absently.

“Oh gosh, Erii!” he exclaimed. He glanced at the watch strapped onto his wrist. He was fifteen minutes past the appointed time. Scampering about, he pocketed his mobile phone and grabbed a flat parcel off the table. Within seconds, he flew out of his unit slamming the door shut as he did so. A rushed half an hour later, he stood panting in front of the same brown-eyed girl from his screensaver. He apologized profusely, catching his breath as he did so. Why can’t I remain cool around her?

“Oh gosh… I-I’m so sorry-” So much for sounding cool and detached. He was late and he knew it. It wasn’t a nice feeling. Erii simply smiled at him. She patted his shoulder fondly.

“I understand, don’t worry.” Her face lit up. “At least you didn’t stand up on me or anything like that,” she added lightheartedly. Jun could only gape at the gentle, forgiving girl before him.

“I would never do that!” he gasped, clutching at his heart in mock horror. She just smiled. Was that a hint of sadness beneath that smile?

“I hope not. So where shall we go?”

They traipsed into a random café. It was quaint and homey with a touch of eccentricity. They sat down in a table situated by the window overlooking the sidewalk. Just as soon as they ordered, it rained outside.

“Ah, rainy days makes me lethargic,” Jun mumbled. He absently stretched his arms and slung one over the back of his chair.

“Rainy days make me wanna sit in a snug corner with a steaming mug of cocoa whilst listening to my favorite song,” Erii mused.

“Oh? What’s your favorite song?” he asked conversationally. Mentally, he was jotting notes.

“Kimi no Suki na Uta by UVERworld…” she replied dreamily. “… especially the acoustic version.”

“Oh. Does it sound like this?” Jun sang the first few lines of the said song off key on purpose. Erii laughed at his impersonation.

“Oh, stop it,” she managed between laughs. “You’re tarnishing the song and Takuya’s voice as well!”

Their order arrived and they lapsed into companionable silence. Once that was cleared away, they strike up a conversation like they were never interrupted. It never ceases to amaze Jun how they could chat just about anything under the sun for hours on end. Towards the middle of the conversation, he got slightly distracted. The phone call from home was troubling him in more ways than one. In his pocket, he fingered the flat parcel. Somehow, Erii’s voice pierced through his muddled mind.

“So, what do you think?”

“Huh?” he blinked. “Oh, sorry. You were saying?”

“You weren’t listening were you.” It was more of a statement than a question. Her expression was that of concern rather than reprimand. “Is something troubling you?”

“Let’s take a walk,” he suggested brightly.

Exiting the premise, they walked in silence until they reached the park. A clump of sakura trees grew on their right whereas a deep blue lake rippled serenely on their left. They continued their stroll underneath the trees, simply relishing the fresh-from-a-shower smell of evening air. They stopped and leaned against the fence surrounding the lake.

“A penny for your thoughts,” he said.

“Hmmm… I should take more evening walks. Who knew it’d be this nice?” She turned to face him. “Now it’s your turn; two pennies for your thoughts as a compensation for not listening to me earlier.”

“Touché,” he grinned. “All right. First thought; this fence is soaking the sleeves of my dress shirt.”

He pulled away from the fence, revealing his soaked sleeves to prove his point. She chuckled.

“And your second thought?”

Jun paused for a moment. It’s now or never.

“Erii… did you bring an umbrella?”

“Wha-? Um, no... hey, that doesn’t count your second thought…!” she said indignantly, planting her hands on her hips to emphasize her point.

“Gosh, you’re just so cute.” He doubled over and laughed. He sensed her embarrassment and did his best to stop laughing. Straightening, his face grew a tad bit serious.

“Erii…”

“What is it, Jun? You’ve been behaving weirdly and - mmph?!”

Jun simply pulled her into a hug. While he was holding her, he did his best to commit all of her into memory. The scent of her hair, the curve of her form, the warmth of her touch and the snug fit of her body against his… gosh, she was just too much for him. The almost non-existent proximity made his knees weak. Earlier, he had emptied the content of the flat parcel into his pocket. Hugging her with one arm, he took it out his pocket. It was a silver ear cuff shaped like a string of forget-me-nots. He gently clasped it on her right ear. Erii flinched slightly when an unknown cold metal object made contact with her right ear. He relaxed his hold on her. Smiling boyishly, he said, “Happy belated birthday, Erii.” And my goodbye gift to you.

He watched her finger her right ear in wonder. She whipped out a compact mirror and stared at her reflection.

“Oh gosh… Jun, it’s beautiful! What flowers are these?”

“Forget-me-not.” Leaning down, he kissed her on the forehead. “I’m sorry, Erii.”

“Huh? Why?”

“I’m leaving first thing tomorrow morning.”

He couldn’t recall much what happened after that. All he remembered that he was a callous idiot for just abandoning her in the park that day. It rained not long after; just as heavily as today. Her crestfallen face that day bored into his memory and taunted him even his eyes were closed.

.-.-.-.-.-.

I never want to forget
The way you smile and laugh
During the times we shared
Repressing memories is tough

.-.-.-.-.-.

A numbing sensation vibrated at his thigh snapped him out his reverie. He hastily fished his cell out and glanced at the caller ID. He frowned when the number displayed wasn’t a familiar one. He flipped open his phone and brought it to his ear.

“Hello?”

At the sound of the voice, a once forgotten familiar sensation tingled and he dropped his phone in surprise. He fumbled a little, attempting to grab a hold of his phone with his suddenly numb fingers. Oh Erii, see what you still do to me? He closed his fingers around his phone and brought it to his ear again.

“Hello?”

“Jun? Jun? Are you there?”

“Y-yes I’m here. Sorry, I dropped my phone just now…”

“Oh dear, it’s not damaged is it?”

“Uh… no, not at all.”

Just then, the jukebox selection switched to ballads. As the intro played, he recognized the tune immediately and swallowed. “Suki da yo to kyou mo ienai mama…” It was her favorite song.

“Jun… why did you leave so suddenly that day?”

“Look, Erii…”

“Is it true? That your dad passed away…?” she asked softly.

“Yeah…”

“I… I can’t see you anymore can I?”

“No, not anymore,” he swallowed, masking the difficulty in his voice. She didn’t seem to notice it. “Erii-”

“You know, I can faintly hear a familiar song playing in the background.”

He paused for a moment, unsure of what to say. He knew what she was feeling on the other side of the phone. After all, tey used to share the same feelings about it. He wasn’t too sure about it now since things weren’t the same. Maybe… maybe she would still feel the same.

“It’s your favorite song… Kimi no Suki na Uta; acoustic version,” he stated quietly, barely concealing the emotion that shook him. He could almost see her smiling shyly at the other end of the line.

“Ah… no wonder…”

“Erii… you must know,” he said, his voice cracking slightly, “that I-” He paused yet again. Until now, he still couldn’t bring himself to say those words. With bated breath, he shut his eyes as if it would help boost his courage.

“Erii-”

“Hush, I know.”

“You do?” his heart beat raced.

“Then… I guess we better stop communicating.”

“Umm… okay,” he replied as if on auto mode.

With that, she placed the receiver back on the phone and sank to the floor once more. Unable to hold back any longer, tears cascaded down her cheek as she hummed her favorite song softly. After a few minutes, she did her best to regain her composure. The rain had stopped altogether while she was crying. Grateful for the change of weather, she cleaned herself the best she could. Gathering her things, she stepped out of the booth and onto the pavement; singing her favorite song under her breath as she did so.

.-.-.-.-.-.

He stared at his phone after the call long ended. He only realized what he had said when the phone clicked and the line went dead. Damn, I screwed up. Again. He buried his face in his hands in frustration. A few minutes dwindled by. Outside, the rain has ceased to a drizzle. Paying for his coffee, he stepped out of the café onto the grey pavement. The dark clouds lifted a little, allowing the golden sunlight to spill through the cracks. The scene was phenomenal. He paused for a while, looking up at the sky. Just like heaven spilling all its glory on earth.

A sad smile curved his lips. He slowly let his eyes travel down to earth. The scenery looked no more cheerful than it was when it was still raining. His gaze wandered to the telephone booth not far down the street. His breath caught at his throat when he laid his eyes on the female form stepping out of it. She had her eyes closed; her earphones covered her small ears. Even from a distance, he noticed something silvery was attached to her right ear. Her soft brown wavy locks hung down her back, skimming her trim midriff. She looked the same the last time he saw her. Her head was tilted to one side and her sensuous mouth was singing the lyrics of an all too familiar song. His legs automatically walked in her direction, getting nearer and nearer to her with every step. His voice barely above a whisper, he uttered her name.

Her eyes flew open upon hearing his voice. Her hand which was attempting to remove her earphone stopped in mid-action when she saw him. And their eyes met; dark brown locked with soft black ones. She stumbled for words. There were so many things that she wanted to say to him but she only managed to breath out one word.

“Jun...”

“Erii…” he said softly, almost in wonderment. His gaze softened.

.-.-.-.-.-.

If only we could meet
The next time I see you
A simple hello? A friendly smile?
I think I’ll act selfish like a child

.-.-.-.-.-.

Her.

She didn’t expect to run into him. Oh no, not when he was supposed to be back in his hometown. And so soon after the call too! She didn’t even hear nor see him coming. She simply stared at him in shock. He himself was at loss for words. All the pent up emotion he kept hidden away was threatening to burst forth.

“Erii,” he said meekly. Her hand dropped to her side, she stood there rigid with emotion.

“Erii…” he said again, taking a step towards her. The grey clouds rolled away and the sun peeked sheepishly. How ironic, she thought. Without thinking, she took a step back and noticed his face fell at her action. Grasping what’s left of her resolve, she mentally steeled herself. However, it only took one look at the face which haunted her dreams and waking hours to melt the ice within her heart.

“You…” she managed to say, albeit weakly. He caught her up in his arms. She took in his scent she missed so much. The quiet strength which only he emits.

“Erii…” he began. She struggled a little but went still when he sang. The words flowed out smoothly as if Takuya himself was singing it to her and not Jun.

Sono egao mo juwaki goshi no koe mo hitogomi ga nigate na chiisana karada
Warui kuse mo kimi ni shika nai mono de kagayaite iru
Subete ga one and only
Boku no naka de kimi wo omou koto ga ashita no ikiru chikara ni kawatteku
Moshi mukiaeta nara onaji hohaba de shinjiaeru michi wo aruite ikou

After he had finished, he gazed at her, searching her features for an answer of any sort. To say that he was anxious is an understatement. He was –to put it plainly- utterly desperate and quite frantic. Erii, on the other hand, was overwhelmed. Unable to say anything, she just hugged him tighter. Her tears flowed once again.

“I miss you, idiot,” she half sobbed and half chided. “I thought I really will never see you again.”
Oh how his heart soared when she said that! Jun hugged her tightly, relishing the scent of her. Oh how he missed her so. A solitary tear escaped despite his efforts to hold it back.

“Do you remember… that I once said that I don’t know what I’ll do when I see you again,” he murmured against her soft locks of hair.

“So what are you doing now?” she asked.

He hugged her tightly and planted a kiss right on her lush lips. He kissed her like there’s no tomorrow. She slowly responded by nibbling on his bottom lip. He groaned in aching sweetness.

“Erii, I promise I’ll never-” He kissed her right eye. “-hurt or let you-” He did the same with her left eye. “-go ever again.” He gently pecked her right ear, just above the cuff.

“I… love you. ” he choked out. She pressed her finger to his lips and kissed him in reply.

“I know, Jun… I love you too.”

.-.-.-.-.-.

This slow ache seem to lessen
The closer I get to you
Love, you might have forgotten
But just know that I love you

If only we can meet again
I promise my all to you
Till then, let’s be connected by
This favorite song of ours

.-.-.-.-.-.

-End-