To whom it may concern:

Why do you do this? You're such a damn BABY. Oh, so NOW I'm your 'very best friend'? Whatever happend to 'ALL my friends are my best friend'? What happened to Goodness and Alex and Judy and Kassidy? Oh, I forgot. You see them every week. Now that you don't see me every week, it's 'Ohhh, Laura, I love you soooo much!' and 'Oh Laura, please come back and I'll ALWAYS sit by you!' and 'Laura please I'm crying don't cuss at me! I love you so!' Of course, as soon as I give you another chance, it'll go back to that day on the staircase. That's what we call TAKING FRIENDS FOR GRANTED, kthnx.

On the Staircase, all alone

Something told me to break a bone

I tried to listen, but God broke through

And told me just what NOT to do

But still, some days I wish I had

So none of this would ever have

happened; the tears, the fears,

cause throughout the years

You were the one that I looked to

When I wanted to cut, when I thought it was through

But now I wonder why I ever trusted you.

And why do I suddenly matter? Why is it that EVERY time I try to hurt myself, you all-of-the-sudden love me again? And why is it that every Sunday, as long as I looked fine and well on the outside, you never sat by me? Do you remember what you said to me? We were talking about Kelly, and why you sat by her instead of me. You were telling me why; you said she was thinking about suicide. I said 'Oh, cause I'm NEVER thinking about suicide.' And what did you say?

'Not that much,'

She said to me

As if I've never

As if I've never

Thought about it,

Or said to me,

'It would be better,

It would be better...'

The world around

Indeed would be

Calm and quieter

Calm and quieter

If only you

Could really see

How suicidal,

Suicidal...

It would mean

A lot to me

If you'd realize

If you'd realize

She's not the only

One who sees

How rotten life is

Rotten life is

Since I was old

Enough to breathe

I've been needing

I've been needing

I've been needing

To be free

Loving bleeding

Loving bleeding

That fateful day

It came to me,

I'll do it on my own

I'll do it on my own

Then I found someone

Who I thought loved me

Who could've known

Who could've known

I wish you could have some kind of grasp on how desperate I was to die. I was asked the question, 'Would you sacrifice yourself for some random on the street?' I was shy, so I didn't say why I would. But I did say yes. Do you know why? Two birds, one stone, as I like to say.

I have to be honest, I kind of hoped you had gotten so depressed about me leaving that you would have killed yourself--then you wouldn't be pestering me like this.

But since you didn't, and since you are, here's some words for you:

Fuck off.

The most pathetic thing I think you've done so far was when you said 'All your stories are amazing, u even the one about Ben. /u ' Do you have any idea what a flake that makes you look like? As if you suddenly loving everything I do that you hated before will make me want to talk to you. All it does is make me want to kick your fingers and make you fall off the edge of that cliff.

Who's King of the Jungle now?

You thought you had it all figured out.

But I will straighten that mess up

Just in case there's any doubt.

Who feels awesome, who feels smart?

Who feels cunning, quick, and clever?

I'll tell you one thing, you'll be trusted

Never ever, never EVER!!!!

You thought you were at the top

Of that glorious happines chain

But look who's still alive and thriving

Even after all that pain.

Look who's happy, look who's great;

Look who feels like life's the best.

Poor you, you're all alone and sad,

Crying because you're so depressed...

And it feels good on my part.

It's all you deserved, anyway. For all the times you turned me down (not talking to me because I wouldn't get in the swimming pool even though you KNEW I was on my period), all the things you did to manipulate me (not talking to me for drinking energy drinks when you KNEW I had bad insomnia), and all the ways you made me think you cared (remember those weeds you picked in Reyes' back yard? I chunked 'em :D). What is it I DID get out of thinking you were my friend? Well, let's make a list:

I got dissapointed

I got used by you.

You made me feel like I had purpose,

Then like a tissue, I you threw.

I got a lot of truly false hope

I got all the blame

For being a bad influence

And every online game.

I got hated by my peers

For rumours you had spread

I got wet cheeks for every time

I cried there on my bed.

I got depressed and I got mad,

I thought myself worth some.

I can't believe you made me act

So stupid and utterly dumb.

I got in trouble every time

I hit one of your friends

Or your brother, for that matter,

Because it never ends.

Something ends, though, here it is:

My relationship with you.

As awkward as this may sound since we're both girls:

WE'RE THROUGH.

So just get over it, alright? You have plenty of OTHER best friends, don't you? Oh, no, wait, I forgot--every time I leave for a while you suddenly start loving me again. If I came back, of course, everything would be the same as it was before. But you won't have to worry about sitting by me ever again, I'm not coming back. You don't have to worry about me bothering you about learning songs, writing songs, singing songs, or anything. Anything, even things not having to do with music. As far as I'm concerned, I'll never see you again.

And that's the way it should be.

I'd honestly rather spend an eternity in hell than spend an eternity in heaven with you.

Sincerely,

Laura James