I’m lonely again.

Last night my friend called me beautiful

When he was drunk and stupid and gay

and I felt nothing

for so long I wanted his approval

I thought if I could not have a boyfriend

I could have a friend who valued me most

And once long ago

Before I knew

I thought he could be both

And so I look on the new year

As nothing more

than a carry on of yesterday

History defines the change

But not me

By body will not get age any faster in January

My mind will not gain wisdom from my new calendar ink

Everything is the same

Except for the date that no longer bears my favorite number.

Erases the year I got the Wii

And told a boy about it.

He smiled.

And though I do not believe in resolutions

I do look forward to being loved