this time

when the needles fall

it won't be

for the carnage,

no

not for the diamonds,

no

not even for the moment,

no

this time

is not like the other times

we run on broken glass

we love the feeling

of dying again, again again

no

tell me why

there is nothing to see

tell me why

I can't force myself into this

again, your smile like ice

like metal

like something tearing

somewhere

no

this is not the same.

even when I stopped breathing,

I still felt something but now now,

what is happening now?

a dull pain off to the right side

a dull flicker in the left lane

when we collide

there is nothing but

broken glass and metal monsters

we're not here,

no

we were never here at all

this time

is the same as all the others

no matter how hard we try

nothing ever moves

nothing budges

nothing is real

and it wants to destroy me

no

this time

words fall softer

like pins and needles

like rain

like something ripping

somewhere

no

it's not that I'm afraid to feel

anything

it's just that

I don't know how.