I try to pretend it’s not, but, really….

it’s hard to take, and occasionally swallow what i feel inside at the moment. i’m not going to lie—i love the feeling of his arms. the smell of him and the warmth his hoodie provides when he cant hold me in his arms. when his lips linger on mine, it’s warm, and heavy, and lingering…kissing me like i’m the sweetest thing. have you ever felt that?

warmth flooding you…happiness in your every thought when they turn to them. & gad, i think i’ve found “the” one. i mean…really…i…what to say? i do love him tremendously. i’ve never really been able to express it, and i’m afraid to say it, anymore.

and why was i to begin with? let’s start with…i’ve had my heart broken before. too many times…and then…i felt like i had betrayed my best friend…most my closest friends know what happened overtime…gad, i love him. and he knows it.

love begins when I see him, can breath him in….

i mean i’ll be listening to love songs, and start to think about him. just the thought of him makes me smile. he’s my hero and i’m his heroine. “and if i love you so much, why do i not die from the bliss?” i.don’t.know why slow love songs means he+melife&love&happiness. finding myself in him is…scary.

i mean, i can say so many things to describe him in one word: loving, caring, mine, sweet, awesome, perfect, amazing, priceless, breath-taking. is it possible to choose a word? can I really be the only one feeling this?

you know what it feels like alone on a summer day? it feels like him and me on the beach, holding hands—humming country songs and rock n roll as the sun sinks. fantasy, fantasy no. i…when he walks away…he rips my heart up and takes it with him. when he’s sad…I am…i…want to hold him in my arms, when he kisses me…gad, i want to melt into oblivion.

even writing this…i want to cry. just…because i miss him, and he’s not here.

so, babe. i love it all. don’t stop. don’t ever leave me…please.

i. .u