Most people would say they have a fear of commitment, not of breaking it. But that’s my problem. I can’t bare to hurt others. I don’t want to be the one to cause anyone pain, in any form. Above all, I don’t want to hurt my wife.

She and I met in high school, a very important time in anyone’s life, and we’ve been together ever since. She has been there for me at all the influential points in my life. My graduation from high school and then college, our marriage, the birth of our children, the death of my parents, and so on. My wife is a pillar of strength, integrity, and companionship. And I just don’t love her anymore.

It isn’t anything she has done. It isn’t anything she hasn’t done either. I just want to have a life away from her. I want a chance to see what type of person I can be on my own, because I’ve never been an individual. I’ve always been a son, and then her husband. There is no I, there is only us.

I cannot tell her this though, she wouldn’t understand, and it would only hurt her. I wish there were another way to part from her, but I can’t think of one.

My psychologist says it’s time to start making the transition and so I’ll have to tell her soon. I hope she’ll be unable to stomach me anymore and leave quickly. I don’t want to cause either of us pain.

If getting a sex change doesn’t make her leave me, I don’t know what will.