it took some time to be able to breath again, but i guess now i can actually take a breath.

not saying that all is well; not saying that nothing is wrong; not even saying that i have it figured out.

but, resolving to believe that there is far more out of my control than there is in my control.

and, also allowing unseen faith to navigate during this time of confusion, hurt, anger, and searching.

see, at first, there's this piercing, like a needle in your skin. then, there's a numbness that allowed me to forget i was being tortured. lastly, a calm that clouded it all and made me realize it had to happen.

unfortunately, im somewhere between the numbness and the calm. that's a little disheartening, isn't it?

but, whatever, im here, and not there anymore, so im better off than i was, right?

so, in retrospect, it was supposed to happen. and i was supposed to hurt. and now, in the in between, i am not even sure i believe that!