Author's Note: This was my front page profile thing and I made it into a story'ish thing. I know that fictionpress is not a blog, but I feel that this was important to keep somewhere.

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Well, in the end isn't life about ups and downs??

I think it is... at least my life lol

To prove this, here's some bits and pieces of one of my blogs/journals:

Lost
Journal Entry: Wed Oct 24, 2007, 10:33 AM

I lost the one person that truly understood me, and with him I lost myself.

Now I just have to keep breathing in to remind myself I still live.

Twirling my hair
Journal Entry: Tue Nov 13, 2007, 1:42 PM

Being lost had completely drained me. These past few months had been filled with insecurities and changes. My breakup with my ex had lingered on for longer than it should have and I would like to say that I can now breathe.

I'm no longer repeating it to myself, I feel no need to do so. Although at times the memory of him strikes and chases away whatever sanity I had gained.

Nonetheless, I find myself twirling my hair. I'm not quite sure what is the reason of this. Thoughts of another person trying to occupy my mind might have made my heart jump start, but I feel like I can say that they are not the fuel that have kept me going lately.

Instead, I've been refocusing (again) my goals, wants and needs.

So even though, I twirl my hair thinking about the what if's with a certain someone, I'm not going to let that get in the way of what I want.

I will carry myself into my studies and into being happy and keep twirling away.

What comes up, must come down.
Journal Entry: Sat Nov 17, 2007, 1:18 PM

Considering my previous post, I was feeling kind of pathetic and angsty yesterday. So during a conference that was so interesting I kept nodding off to sleep, I started writing some more bottled up feelings. (The conference was interesting, I was just sooooo tired)

You said you wanted to see me,
then you said this was goodbye
I cringe knowing you'd call her honey.
Remember when I was your star?
Will you now settle down?
Will you now compromise?
Will you now just settle for what's there?
Will you suffer every time I cry?

And then I went out with friends and professors, got drunk and danced the night away! LOL

A very productive day, in my opinion.

So, over a week later, how am I feeling? Screw everything, I have more important things to worry about. Even if I relapse from time to time and want to gouge my eyes out whenever they water up, I'm not wasting my time anymore thinking of what we had, what happened and what will apparently never happen. I'm young, and I deserve to be happy.

BTW, on the rare chance that you read this, your ring is somewhere in a swamp near campus. I think the gators will enjoy breaking it like you broke your promises :)