Author's Notes: I'm sorry for how long this took me. I hate writing fights, mostly because I'm too non-confrontational to have much experience in them. Seriously, the only fights I've ever had with friend were nonverbal nonphysical or I just can't remember them 'cause they were too unpleasant for me to remember clearly. I'm tryin to show Janis as a human being, but since she's been the main "villain" I've found few opportunities to do so. I was going to do a chapter before here, in her POV, but it proved to be too difficult, so I trashed it. Natalie's easier to write as, she's similar to me. Well, more so than Janis. I wrote the majority of this in one sitting, and I hope to start on the next one now. 3

I'm really very sad I can't work on this more than I do. I love these kids, and love seeing them interact in my head. It passes the boring times at work. Also, check out chapters one and three of my other story, From One Closet and Out the Other, all you people who love cute!Zach and Leonard. There's a pleasant surprise in store for you, promise.

My Fake Heart; Disastrous!
Chapter Three; The Rage, The Dig, The Tissue
Natalie Ann Barker

I can't believe him. That ass, that utter and complete ass! How could he just tag along with us, walking with us like it was completely normal. It took all my control not to jump him and beat his ass into the dirt.

"Fucking Zach," I mumbled as he and Leonard drove off into the sunset for a night of debauchery and God knows what else.

"What do you mean?" Amanda asks in that 'I know you're angry but I don't get why' tone. That, in itself, made me even angrier.

I held out my hand demonstratively, flailing it a bit for emphasis. "Are you kidding me? He-he's fucking ZACH!! Since when do you not hate him?!" I nearly shout.

Amanda shrugs. "C'mon, let's go inside and get started on that civics stuff." She's changing the subject. Which basically means she disagrees but isn't willing to argue it with me right now. Fuck that.

"Don't do that. Look, just tell me what changed your mind," I insist as we walk up the front porch. She stops at my door. I have the key to let us in, so it's up to me when we go in. Not her. "Maybe you can convince why he doesn't deserve to be raped with a cactus and no lube," I finish sarcastically.

"I think-" she blurts angrily, before catching herself. Then, she starts again, conviction in her voice and eyes, "I think he deserves a second chance."

I blink stupidly at her. A second chance? That-what the fuck?! I don't reply to that, simply walking to the front door and unlocking it jerkily. Once inside I drop my bag, then stomp to my room going to my stereo and putting in the first CD I get my hands on. I slump down at my desk, scrabbling for paper and pen from my many drawers. The music barely registers in my mind, far too furious to really focus on it. I barely hear Manny step quietly into my room, followed by two soft thumps. I glance at her, and see she's brought my backpack with her too. She looks up at me, and I turn back around.

I sigh as I feel the tension sucked from me. Her expression had been so hurt, I couldn't stay angry at her. Besides, it wasn't really her I was angry at. I was pissed at Zach, for being Zach, and pissed because of the guest Mom and I would be having tomorrow.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. "I'm just stressed 'cause Eric's coming home for Christmas tomorrow." I can hear her wince.

"Oh. Well, at least you only have to deal with him for a couple weeks, right?" I almost snort at her pale attempt at finding a silver lining. I listen to my bed creak as she sits on it, rifling through her bag.

"Anytime I have to be around my pigheaded brother is too much," I growl. "He thought it would be funny to get me a birthday card with a naked guy on it last year, remember?"

"Yeah," she says, a weak chuckle in her voice. I turn to her, I can't stand talking to someone I can't look in the face. "Good thing your mom thought it was hilarious. But didn't she get kinda mad when you ripped it up, and burnt it?"

"You should have seen her face later, when I flushed the ashes down the toilet." We both laughed gently. This is why I absolutely love Amanda-er, being around Amanda. Yeah. She and I can't stay upset with each other long at all. One of us will think of something funny, and say it, and we're both laughing again, at ease. If we could just get over this. My stupid crush, making things awkward for both of us.

We're both silent for a while, me listening to the music and Manny probably actually doing the homework. After a while she sighs, seemingly bracing herself. I look at her, and find her brow furrowed and her gaze avoiding mine. "But really, Natalie...can't you cut him some slack?" she suggests quietly. I don't say anything, just let that angry boil right back up inside. "I talked to him earlier, he seems like he's really-"

"Really what?!" I snap, she flinches. "Turned over a new leaf? Actually fallen for Leonard? Changed?!" I huff loudly. "Guys like Zach don't change. They'll always be selfish, inconsiderate jerks, no matter what."

"You don't know that! And you don't know him!" she argues. She's standing now. "Look, he did some crappy things before, but he's sorry for them now. He's grown up some. He has changed," Amanda finishes weakly, no longer glaring at me as she had been. Now she was staring morosely at the carpet. Probably hiding her tears. Instead of filling me with sympathy, thinking of her crying just pissed me off more.

"How can you just accept that? That he's changed." I sneer at her.

She's quiet for a moment. Then, Manny lifts her eyes from the floor to the wall, crossing her arms defensively, she damn near whispers, "Well, maybe I'm just used to forgiving people who've hurt me."

I think I heard my heart as it shattered after she said that. That...that was low. So low, I don't even know what to retort to that with. I turn away from her, fuming silently. I hear her sit back on the bed, breathing slowly so as not to cry out. I hate how she does that. Locks up all her pain so no one has the chance to help her with it or see it for even a second.

Suddenly I whip back around to her. "Like a mother who just kicks out her daughter and doesn't say anything about it when she comes back a week later?!" I ask her snidely.

"Natalie, that was different," she grates out angrily.

Ignoring her, I continue. "You know, you never did tell me how she found out about us." I don't feel the slightest bit guilty as I look at her face and see it screwed up in pain. I have to know, it's been nibbling at my patience since it happened.

"Natalie, just let it go. I don't want to talk about it," Amanda said weakly.

"Dammit, I'm supposed to be your friend! I don't like you keeping stuff like this from me."

Her voice was nearly a whisper now. "Natty, please, let it be-"

Something inside me broke in half with a resounding cracking sound. "Tell me or don't fucking talk to me ever again!" I shouted.

"Natalie..." The sob in her voice quelled some of my anger. "I'm...I can't tell you. It'll hurt you." Hurt me? No, we were discussing what hurt her, not me. How could they be the same thing?

There was a gentle knock on the door, and we both turned towards it. Janis entered the room quietly, her eyes placid and her stance relaxed as always. How long had she been there?

"You two need to calm down," she spoke soothingly, first glancing at Amanda then at me. "Nat if she has something she wants to keep to herself, let her. It's part of being there for someone," she grasped my hand in her strong grip, "knowing when to butt out and wait until the other's ready to tell you." I bit my lip, knowing she was right. It was like she sucked all my rage away where she held my hand in hers.

"I'm sorry Manny, I didn't mean it," I said remorsefully.

"It's alright. I understand." She spoke gently but calmly. Amanda seemed to be different now, afraid almost. "I'll leave you two be. Call me if you want, Natalie." After an awkward hug, Amanda left.

As soon as she was out of the room, I felt tears pouring hotly from my eyes. "She can be so damn...ugh!" Janis clasped me to her, stroking my back and making soft sounds to sooth me. I let the sobs run their course, a short time to wait for my sanity to return. My girlfriend gently tugged me towards the bed, sitting there with me as I cried for a good ten minutes. After my breath was almost back to normal, she handed me a tissue from my nightstand and waited patiently for me to compose myself.

"Better?" she asked, stroking her long fingers through my hair. I leaned into the touch, mumbling some form of assent. I looked directly into her eyes, deep blue like the bottom of the ocean, and just about as deep. Her strong features always so impassive were now slightly softened with the affection that shone there. I smiled at her, leaning forward for a kiss. She accepted it, sliding her fingers from my temple to the back of my neck. I reached up with my hands, resting one on her shoulder and the other against her cheek, thumbs idly rubbing gentle circles on her olive skin. She deepened the kiss with a quiet content rumble from the back of her throat. The nails of her free hand began raking lazy paths over my denim clad thighs, making me squirm happily under the contact.

See, this is why I need Janis around. With little more than a word, she disposes of all my tension and replaces it with an easy comfort. That's why I'm with her, not Amanda. Things get complicated when Amanda's around, my emotions become too strong, too hard to control. But with Janis, I've got tons of control. Over myself at least. That's what I need right now. Control.