AN: Okay so this may not make sense if you haven't read the first season of Lisa Superhero, but it also may not make sense if you have. Those of you who have read the previous season of Lisa Superhero may note that there has been some passage of time during which several life shattering things have happened, all of which is explained in a transitory chapter of the Lisa Superhero Epic. Sadly this story is lost. I would publish it but then it wouldn't have the coolness of being a lost episode, so I won't. So here goes, the long awaited for sequel to Lisa Superhero:

Lisa Superhero: Season 2: Episode 1: Twas a Stormy-Ass Night

Somewhere in a Creepy Underground Laboratory an epic battle was taking place. But before we get into the action packed superheroing good versus evil antics or anything resembling something mildly entertaining let’s have a little back story, shall we?

Intent on creating a weapon of mass anything the evil Doctor Kara Murphy was struggling with her inferiority complex. As a child and as a teenager she had suffered greatly from being short, bug eyed and having a major wannabee queen bee complex. Later in life when she made the short side step from hopeless social climbing to the more optimistic career option of evil doing her feelings of social inadequacy followed her.

Late at night she would ponder her own suckitude, her eye balls (already several sizes too large for her head) bulged out of her skull from the pressure of her brain thinking. “God damnit!” she would croak to herself angrily, “Saddam’s got weapons of Mass Destruction, the Joker has Weapons of Mass Laughter, Lisa Superhero has a Massive flying Sumo wrestler, and Tyra Banks is a Weapon of Mass Fierce-itude, and what have I got to show for my evil fucking ways, a just super cool evil hideout, a few henchmen, and several stock options in Starbucks. This sucks. My life sucks. This is Middle school and my brief stint in high school all over again. Gosh it all, I want something Massive!”

Maybe if Kara had been able to gain something massive like normal people, (dating around, reviewing options, male prostitutes, etc.,) like a normal person she may have been able to go about getting her Massive something or other without bothering so much as a fly, but, as it was, finding massive anything through such average means were nigh impossible with big bug eyes that had the tendency of bulging. So Doctor Murphy went about tinkering with her mechanics and some random chemicals and set out to make her own massive weapon or something or whatever armed with only her eighth grade understanding of biology. What she created was a monstrosity, an insult to super villainy everywhere, it failed so bad that all the other villains were getting together and being all like “What the fuck is up with that stupid ho, Doctor Murphy? She is whack yo! Someone should do something about this disgrace.”

That someone was Lisa Superhero. Two years of excessive hardship and suffering had led her to this moment. Her only human companions had left her to live alone with her slobbering sumo wrestler, her moody submarine samurai, and ninety eight drunken former Dalai Lama zombies when Jewel had moved in with Jordan and Tanya had been exiled to Tehran. Fate propelled Lisa through the winds like microscopic dust floating on the propulsion of the Farts of gods. Which is to say she had been having a pretty crappy time about it.

Lisa Superhero flew aloft on the back of her trusty flying sumo wrestler Alfonzo searching out her target. Like any highly dramatic and serious moment it was stormy, cellos were playing in the distance, and the rain slanted down from the sky in cold hard streaks that stung Lisa and Alfonzo like tiny pieces of (this simile: to be continued later). Alfonzo was not faring so well for despite his many layers of warming Sumo Blubber the falling water chilled his exposed skin; he was nearly naked, wearing only those tiny Sumo wrestler Diaper things. Once upon a time, Lisa had tried to train him to use the litter box like Tanya had trained her cat, Topsy, but those attempts had failed miserably so she had finally given up and settled with the traditional Sumo diaper-wear which now seemed to be the only thing keeping Alfonzo from freezing entirely. Lisa’s poor pet shivered and whimpered softly as he flew.

“Good Boy Alfonzo,” Lisa said urging him forward, “We’re almost there.”

Alfonzo gave a high-pitched whine but continued onward.

Lisa was faring only slightly better than her flying Sumo wrestler. Unlike him she did not have any Sumo Blubber, a lack she hardly regretted, but certainly didn’t help when it came to cold weather. On top of being cold Lisa was a proud inhabitant of Southern California therefore her driving skillz were minus eighty percent in the rain. She had, however, for this occasion, donned a spiffy Trench coat. For despite the wretched weather and horrendous flying conditions, Lisa was stylin’, or rather she was STYlin’. Take note of the capital “STY”.

Up ahead Lisa could see the Evil Hideout of Doctor Murphy taking shape on the horizon for although, Doctor Murphy’s Laboratory was decidedly creepy and underground, her hideout was just as decidedly above ground and Luxe. Making up for her inferiority in yet another way Doctor Murphy’s hideout was a rather awesome Penthouse Suite at the top of a rather expensive hotel. Doctor Murphy wasn’t particularly fond of being on the top floor (being afraid of heights and all) but she had felt that others would think it was cool. She was right. Lisa stared at the penthouse from the sky and was astonished. Normally her every day villains (evil fetuses, Darian or whatever) usually functioned from rather Divey joints or no joints at all.

“Damn,” Lisa said when she saw it, “Alfonzo! Let’s crash this joint.”

Alfonzo slobbered into the wind and sped up. Using his awesome flying Sumo wrestler skillz of flying and being incredibly big-boned he crashed through the spot less glass windows of Kara’s hideout. The glass exploded and rained down on the soft carpeting making it less soft and a bit more painfully covered in glass shards. Lisa stepped off of Alfonzo’s back and looked around. There was nothing but high end furniture in sight. It was quiet, too quiet.

“Alfonzo, it isn’t safe,” Lisa told her pet, “Go above the clouds and circle until I call you back.”

A long drip of slobber sunk to the floor from Alfonzo’s mouth as he stood inert staring stupidly at its master. Take that designer carpet!

“Damn it Alfonzo, do I need to start up with the choke chain again?” Lisa said referring to another one of her failed attempts at training her sumo wrestler.

Alfonzo stood still. Lisa rolled her eyes, she was losing time fast and couldn’t help but worry if in her utter stupidity the Evil Doctor Kara Murphy had somehow managed to fuck up time. That would be just soooo typical. Murphy’s Law: Everything that can go wrong, will.

Alfonzo still wasn’t moving. Lisa sighed and pulled a snickers bar out of her pocket (and you probably thought she was happy to see you. Perv); Alfonzo immediately became alert. Lisa bent it at an angle, put it on an antique side table, and then proceeded to sit on it. Take that snickers bar and antique side table! And Voila! Instant snickers boomerang.

Lisa threw the snickers boomerang out the window and Alfonzo followed it out into the storm. “Oh Alfonzo, you cad,” Lisa said affectionately; she didn’t know what the word “cad” meant.

“That would be so much fucking better if he had just followed your instructions to begin with,” came a shrill assessment from behind, “Now you gone and fucked up my window and my furniture. This totally sucks! My life is fucking ruined.”

The whiny lamentations could only come from one person.

“Kara,” Lisa hissed as she turned around face to bug-eyed face.

“Lisa Superhero,” Kara replied with venom in her voice and eyes at maximum bulge, “I suppose you’re here to ruin my life, aren’t you!”

“I have security footage of you saying that exact same thing to your pizza delivery dude,” Lisa snapped back.

“Well he was! There were olives on my pizza!” Kara shrieked.

“Whatever,” Lisa groaned, “Listen you are way too annoying, how about we forgo the whole banter part and get on to the ass kickin’ already.”

“What do you know? Everyone is just … against me okay. It’s not fair; it’s not fucking fair goddamnit!”

Lisa threw an expensive looking Chinese vase at Kara’s head. It didn’t break on contact, it was cushioned by Kara’s right eyeball, but it was still enough to send Kara falling to her butt.

“I’ll tell you what’s not fair, my best friends are gone I have to pay for my own ghetto apartment with baby tears, and there are bitches like you living it up and complaining about it of all things,” Lisa shouted.

“Well… well… well… my life just sucks okay!” Kara said “Damnit where are my fucking henchman. I paged them like a minute ago!”

“No my life sucks!” Lisa argued.

“Perhaps you could say that each of yo’ lives suck in different ways,” said a burly blonde man who walked in the room in the company of an equally burly female body builder (eeewwww).

“Perhaps you could shut up and do what I pay you to do: to be a man and hench and stuff,” Kara screeched as she backed away into her secret elevator.

“Yes ma’am” the hench-Man said.

“Ugh, she makes you call her ma’am, that is soooo,” Lisa began when a firm fist to the gut punch all the air and sound out the rest of her sentence.

Lisa was not about to put up with that and through her combined skillz in geography, blacksmithing, and horseshoeing managed to kick both the hench-people out the window.

Lisa Superhero ran to Kara’s secret stair case and hurtled down the stairwell. At length she reached the bottom of the stairwell and thrust open the door.

“Take this bitch!” Kara said from behind a massive laser that was glowing a dangerous green.

The blast of the beam went through Lisa very much in the way radiation goes through a person (meaning, of course without any apparent ill affects at first and absolutely zero explosion special effects). Kara was not pleased by the lack of explosion.

“What the fuck!” she shouted slamming her fist on the machine. She was so busy berating the contraption she made that she did not notice that Lisa was standing there pale as a ghost at a single sudden terrifying revelation.

“I’ve been De-Super powered!” she thought, because she was still smart enough not to say anything about it to the evil doctor bent on her destruction that was standing before her. Kara tired easily of hitting her machine and decided instead to run away leaving Lisa standing stunned by the emptiness that came from losing her powers.