For Alex Youngblut

Since birth

That strange day where It started,

Statistics were against you

They prodded at you

They decided your parents’ thoughts

They decided your parents’ love

They determined your future

But you proved them wrong.

With weak breath

Growing stronger

You proved them wrong.

With a burden foreign to them

You fought back.

And you won.

Then the facts sent you through life

You grew

You grew

Too fast

A bruise here

A cut there

They were nothing.

They were common

But

The bruises left on your memory

The cuts carved into your heart

Those remained.

Those were something.

Those left little silver scars

That won’t fade.

They glint in the sun sometimes,

Your imaginary childhood

When you held your little sister while she cried

When he hit your mother

When they hit you

When he walked out the door that time

And never came home.

Life followed his example

Became a door that only went one way.

Out.

When you tried to walk through it again

It slammed in your face.

It locked itself,

And you stood outside

Looking in

In the cold

Knocking

Knowing someone was inside

Knowing someone wouldn’t answer.

Then she was standing next to you

Beckoning you through a new door

One with light behind it

The Future.

You look back at the door of

The Past.

There’s blood where you pounded on it

Cracks where you kicked on it

Peeling paint where you scratched at it

Ruts where you screamed at it

Stains where you cried on it.

You reach out, hesitant to take her hand

She sees your caution

She smiles beneath sad eyes

She steps out her door towards you

Stands on the empty street with you

And turning in to the light

You see

Her Scars.

So similar to yours

So hard to look at

So alien against her smiling

Then you notice…

She’s not that perfect.

She’s got cracks veining her

She’s imperfect

She’s a mistake.

And yet…

She smiles at you,

She is giving you her hand,

Offering you to cling to her

To hold onto her

She wants to be your crutch

She wants

You.

Fear

Experience

It’s screaming at you

Telling you in its high-pitched wail

To not trust her

Because trust is what got you here

Trust in the ones who broke you

Trust in the ones who tarnished you

Trust in the ones who dropped you

She’s tarnished too.

She’s weak.

How can she possibly hold you up?

No.

She’ll just be a disappointment like

The Rest of Them.

She is just like the rest of them.

Yet…

She looks like you.

She has scars too.

Her feet are frozen from standing outside her own door.

She opened hers again.

She’s the only one who ever opened the door to you

Opened door.

Outstretched hand.

Genuine smile.

Real tears on her face.

Real love.

She’s offering real love.

You reach out slowly…

And take her crumbling hand and

The Misfits

The Fighters

Step through

The Open Doorway.

When the light hits your face…

You taste for the first time

The sweet hint…

Of real happiness.

When she closes the door behind her,

You turn

Ready to smile back

Ready to love back

But you stop short.

She can’t walk towards your open arms

Because she’s chained.

Chained

To the door.

Chained

To the Past.

To her past.

To yours.

But you’re inside now.

Fear

Experience

Screams at you

To stay inside

Reminds you of the cold street,

Of the hollow knocking.

You back up.

You smile

From a distance.

You drop your arms.

Your smile fades.

She closes her eyes

And says,

“I love you.”

Before turning back to open the door

And stand outside

Looking in at you.

You close your eyes,

And feel a strange fear clamp around your chest

When you hear

The Knocking

At the Door.

There’s a ghost outside.

You really should let her in…

But what if you get pulled out again?

You reach for the knob.

Fear

Experience

Screams at you…

Remember.

No…

You draw your hand back

And walk deeper inside.

The Knocking stops.

When you open your eyes

She’s gone.

And Before you can help it…

You smile.