CHAPTER XXIII Mortals

Ash stayed with the body alone for a long time before she finally let us take Simon to his resting place. Space. It was my idea. We gathered what was left of him in an urn and took him out into the sky, to spread his ashes in heaven, close to my sun.

Ash wouldn’t talk about it. Her eyes were glassy and wet all the time. Her raspy voice was quiet when she did utter a few words. All she had said to me so far was that she couldn’t believe she had outlived Simon. That hadn’t been part of the plan.

She was in shock. And she didn’t have long.

The Overseer was dying too.

That was what Jackshade told me. That was one of the many reasons—rumours really—that was circulating through the royalty as an explanation for what had happened to Simon. The Overseer realised he was dying—just like all gods die. Just like Ash and Simon. He was starting to fade into nothing and all the little things that used to bother him were suddenly very important. He was taking it out on the rest of them.

I wasn’t sure I bought it yet.

But, the only other decent explanation was the one that still hung in the air from before. Simon’s treachery. He had disciples, like the mythical gods of old. This had upset The Overseer enough that he snapped… Then again, the damage they had caused was equivalent in many ways.

The mortals just didn’t know what to make of what had happened. The world had gotten real hot for a few minutes, and very bright—the night sky had gone away in some parts of the world, replaced by the white glare of Simon’s little sun. The ocean had receded about ten miles away from every shore, as Jonah called upon its mass to help him smoother the sun.

A lot of people said it was the end of the world. The final ten notes of the countdown. The second coming.

But it was over. And even the gods weren’t sure what had happened. There was nothing to do but keeping living for now. Maybe later, after I caught my breath, I could think about what had happened and find a solution, or a missing piece to make everything right again.

So, nothing significant changed. Everyone who had already had a predisposition towards believing that the world was ending or changing into something unrecognizable had more evidence to support their claims and everyone who had been determined to be normal before was still just as determined now. Stores and schools stayed open. Regularly scheduled meetings weren’t postponed. The mortals were curious and a little scared, but their lives had always been precarious. Fear and uncertainty weren’t new to them. But it was all new to the gods.

Why had I come here?

It was the last place I wanted to be. Maybe I was trying to prove I was normal to Izy and Dad. I hope that wasn’t it, because that was already a lost cause. They knew I was a mess—they just didn’t know the real reason why.

The dress I was wearing didn’t really fit in next to the other more formal gowns of the other girls. It was just a dark red cotton thing with the empire waist that Lisa had picked out for me.

The school was a mess of fake snowflakes and glittering plastic Christmas trees. Falls of tulle and silk twirled eerily in the bluish silver glow and the shimmer of a dozen different disco-balls. It was all very high school. I probably should have taken a moment to appreciate a few things; high school, teenagers, the joys of ignorance and human social situations. All of the ridiculous, awkward pieces of adolescent life. I should have made more peace with my failed human life.

Lisa and Grov were dancing—I could see Izy chatting up a girl a few tables away. His eyes kept darting towards me with concern and brotherly guilt. I knew I was going to have to dance with someone soon, so he could pretend with me that I was having a pleasant time.

I still had not managed to stifle the dense sickness that had nearly smothered me since Simon’s death. The world had been violently shoved into perspective for me, in a way that had magnified my own pain and guilt. I didn’t think of Jonah as a murderer. I kept having to tell myself repeatedly that he was just a tool of the Overseer… He had acted out of duty and against his own will.

Seeing the death and destruction that these ‘godly’ abilities had caused, had made me face my own transgression again. I had to accept that I had caused my mother to suffer and die in a most horrible way. I wasn’t cognitive of my evil at the time… but I faced the guilt now. I faced it every day, when I looked in the mirror and saw the gift of her eyes, or when my father lay awake at night and looked silently at the fading photographs from when our family was whole.

I was a murderer. Maybe we all were. All the godhood I had come to know had been built on death. Mortal death. It seemed so much more significant now, to die. I understood that I might live forever. Or, I would one day meet my executioner. Another god or goddess, maybe as reluctant as I was. Maybe two of them. A little Sun and Fire Prentice, who could work together to drain the life out of me.

Simon was wrong about a lot. I hoped. I didn’t want to end up the way he had—not dead—but jaded past mortal feeling. I wanted to be the sort of goddess that kept the true spirit of my element pure and effervescent. I needed to keep my sympathy for people, and my connection to humanity. I couldn’t imagine any of them worshiping me. I wouldn’t want that.

It was hard to imagine fire as Ash must have felt it. Full of rage and futile anger and violence… Just the slimmest spark of hope lost in a sea of angry red despair. I had come to know fire as love undeniable and powerful. Heartbreak had inspired a surrender inside my heart. Fire was love and passion and pain and pleasure. The sun was starting to feel the same. It was just so distant. Like fire, my sun was built on death. But that wasn't the sun's fault. It just wanted to shine and embrace the whole world in white-hot invisible arms. I jolted back to my senses as I started to feel little spirals of steams floating off of my fingernails. How long had I spaced out? I had forgotten my plan to dance with someone and ease Izy’s mind. I looked up—trying to find Izy, but he was on the floor now, dancing a slow-dance with someone I didn’t recognize. I hadn’t even noticed when the music changed from fast to slow. There was fire in this song—as there was in most music. The sombre tune smouldered under the surface of the notes with that same surrender to love that I had come to know so well in the previous weeks.

A glimmer of light rippled across the floor to dazzle my eyes. I blinked the confusion away. It was just a shimmering yellow glare from the hallway door as it opened and allowed a tall statuesque figure to enter the room slowly and nervously. The door opened again a moment later as a second figured followed the first.

I recognized them both in a panicked moment. Jonah and then Jackshade in his wake. Had something else gone wrong? Did they need to fetch me? Why had they both come? Couldn’t Jackshade get me on his own? Then I saw their faces as the light moved over them.

There was no worry in their features, just purpose, in Jonah’s case, and amusement and escape in Jack’s. Jack had abandoned his usual flamboyant attire for a sombre black suit that matched Jonah’s. There was a definite air of morning about both of them, but Jackshade seemed to be mostly recovered. He slapped Jonah hard on the shoulder and split, making a b-line towards a group of girls who where standing off by themselves, apparently dateless.

I didn’t even realize that I had stood up from my chair until I was entwined around Jonah. His arms closed against my shoulder blades and I felt his neck and chin resting against my head as I hid my face in his collar. I had been too ensnared by his iridescent sea-shell eyes and the sadness contained inside to notice or think about what I was doing or why. He had caught me by surprise, that was all… at least, that was what I would tell myself later. I was just feeling vulnerable and sorrowful and the sight of him had been so unexpected. Of course I didn’t think. I just went to him.

“What are you and Jack doing here?” I asked, stifling a sniffle. It was impressive that he could understand me through the muffle of his own clothes.

“I told Jack I wanted to break the rules… he said he’d keep a look out, as long as I let him come.” Jonah murmured into my ear. We had met on the dance floor, right in the middle of everyone. Slowly, we started to move in sync with the music and darkness around us; swaying in our own orbit while we held tightly to each other. I felt his fingers borrow into the tresses of hair spilling down my back.

“Why?”

“Because… I wanted to be near you.”

“What about letting me spend time with the mortals?”

“I’m feeling kind of mortal right now,” said Jonah softly, he pulled back a touch so he could see my face. I tried to look like I wasn’t having an emotional breakdown. I don’t think it worked, because the silver sheen of his eyes was enhanced by a sparkle as he started to tear up. “Cherry…” he sighed and I realized that this didn’t mean he’d changed his mind. “I know that the best thing would be for me to just leave… and I will. I’ll leave you alone.”

“I don’t want that,” I reminded him in a whisper.

“I know it’s the right thing to do.”

“You came here to let me known that we’re still broken up?” I said, trying to keep my voice even. I almost started laughing, or crying, or perhaps it was a kind of combination of both at once.

“I don’t know,” said Jonah, and he really looked confused.

Good. That made two of us.

“Let’s not talk about it,” I pleaded after a moment’s consideration. “We’re both… too upset to think rationally… For tonight, can we just be together?”

Jonah looked conflicted. I think I know what was going through his mind. He was worried that he was hurting me; making it worse. He was afraid he was making it even harder for me to be normal; whatever that means. He didn’t want to take advantage of me—we were both so weak right now.

“I love you,” Jonah reminded me. “That’s why I’m here. I know what’s good for both of us… I know where I should be tonight, but I can’t be away from you right now.”

“I’m glad you came.”

He pulled me into his chest again and for a moment we just danced. It was subdued, we were both exhausted and far too focused on each other to look where we were putting our feet. I breathed deep, letting to sensation and scent of the clear ocean air take me deeper into this fantasy.

“I’m a monster, aren’t I?”

I answered without really thinking, “No,” I said sharply. “No…” I repeated, “I love you.”

There was something monstrous about both of us. I could ignore it for now, but sooner or later I would have to face my own reflection; the goddess who burned below the human mask. I would have to face Jonah too… the real Jonah. The Master of the Seas, in his most destructive form.

Right now, he wasn’t frightening at all. He was warm and wrapped around me; stroking my hair with the tips of his fingers and humming with the music in my ear. It was slow and sad.

We left the dance and went down to the beach. Jackshade stayed behind, when we left he was chatting with Lisa and one of our mutual girlfriends. Part of me felt like I should be surprised that he was still so flippant about the rules after what happened to Simon. But he was Jackshade still, his nature was secrets and deceit. He had been breaking the rules for a long time. He had watched a lot of gods die.

I wanted to talk. I wanted to tell Jonah everything I had been thinking and tell him all about how afraid I was. I wanted him to help me understand The Overseer and what had happened at the palace… but I couldn’t say any of it. I was too happy to just be with Jonah again. I didn’t want to taint it with worry and doubt. I held his hand for as long as he would let me and the two of us sat down in the sand on the dark beach. It was like before, when he was mine.

It was like that, but it wasn’t exactly the same. It wasn't right.

We didn’t talk, we just held on to each other and watched the sky and the water and listened to the waves. I could guess that he was thinking about the same things that I was. His emotions were level right now, intense but under his control. I could fell the thread of fire between us, but I couldn’t hear his thoughts. It was all quiet.

Then he stood up, and walked down the beach and went straight into the ocean. He didn’t say a word to me in goodbye or even glance back. He meant what he had said before about staying away from me.

It was only just beginning, I realised as I watched the night sky. Without the sun the light up the world, I felt a little more like myself. A little less like the sun goddess... I still wasn't comfortable with that title. I decided to insist that everyone just refer to me as the fire goddess still. Even that title wasn't entirely comfortable for me left.

I replayed my life in my mind, lingering for a moment on the sweet parts like learning to surf with my dad and dancing with my mom, and I had to pause to appreciate the sad parts too; my mother’s death and most of the last few weeks, and then I had to think about a few of my favourites; opera and rollercoasters and castles and the way the ocean washed the sand from my feet. My entire life was only just beginning. I was a goddess on this little blue planet in the middle of a vast mystery called life; the universe.

For that moment, all my fear was gone. All the negative danger of my life was forgotten as I looked to the hope that was appearing like little stars in the sky above me, and the light of my sun reflecting subtly on the moon throw the misty clouds.

I closed my eyes and felt the fire that bound the whole world together. The web of red passion that pulled my heart close to Jonah, to the ocean, to my brother and my friends back at the dance, and my father, half-asleep at home, to all the people they loved. The web spanned outwards away from my city and coursed over the whole world. It pulsed as one, in unison with my heart. The net had caught the world and held it fast to me; the smouldering, sweet fire of passion and life promised me in a whisper that someday, everything was going to be okay.

The End

Song of the Last Chapter: A Fine Frenzy, Ashes and Wine

Author's Note and Final Word:

I'm leaving on January 7th to go be a missionary for my church for the next year and a half and I will not be able to post anything at all. I’ll essentially be living as a monk in the desert. (Exaggeration there, but not very much so.)

I do have a sequel planned for this story, and I would be happy to post the first chapter or so, that I’ve written. However, since I’ll be leaving so soon, there is no possible way I’ll be able to get up more than just the first couple of scenes before I have to quit posting for a year and a half... So, do you guys want me to post the first chapter of my Valkyrie Tempest sequel as a teaser? Because, I will, if you want.

The title I’ve got for the sequel right now is, The God Killer.

Pretty straight forward.

ALSO! Just for funzies, I put together a blog that has pictures of the actors who I think best resemble my own personal little vision of them from my brain. Yes, I totally got the idea from Stephenie Meyer, and about a year ago I started putting these cast lists together for my stories. I’ve made quite a few of them, but I’ve never actually put them on the internet before. I figured, some of you guys might be interested to see it... If you are, go ahead and go to Alfsigeseydotblogspotdotcom. With actual dots rather then the word dot, obviously. The most recent post is a little more information about my mission and the complete playlist for this story but everything after that is just about the characters.