A/N I lost my boyfriend back in October and finally found someone else, but it’s a little complicated. Lol.

Its hard to explain to someone you’ve never dated how or why you care about them so much. To spend every night lying in bed wishing you could feel their touch. Surely that’s an exaggeration, but then there are days I feel such desperation, simply to be near him. To hear him, breathing. The hardest part of it all I know is seeing him with that other girl. Knowing she is with him day and night and I am on the other side of his world. I wonder if I ever cross his mind. Does he think of me when he has the time? I’d normally doubt it but recently believe he’s thought more about it. I know I think of him every waking moment whether I want to or not its become a new torment. To know you want what you can never have has to be the worst feeling in the world. Oh if only there wasn’t another girl. Were she not around I know we’d be together, if she wasn’t around he might find a love that would last forever. I shy away from the word obsession; I don’t want that to be all this is. He’s the only boy I’ve crushed on this hard since Phillip, that’s a small confession. I wish I could find someone to love me the way that Phillip did. He was so full of passion and never thought about the end. Ok well that’s a lie yes of course he did. It seems looking is pointless and trying isn’t worth my time. Cause unless I’m willing to “give it up” I’m the furthest from any guy’s mind. I think that’s so stupid and dumb as hell. A girl shouldn’t have to give a guy anything but her love and treat him well. The guys should learn to respect us and if they cant then they can go straight to hell. I wont settle for whoever will screw me, the guy I’m chasing after will later on “I do” me. I think what it all comes down to is he’s never done me wrong, disrespected me in any way, and has laid talking to me all night long. He said he would never force me to do anything or pressure me into sex, and that right there everyone is why I like him best. To wake up beside someone that wonderful and just lay there looking into one another’s eyes is how I figured out we could share each other’s lives. Too bad he’s with that other girl and hasn’t left her side, even though all I’ve seen is them argue and fight. Oh well all I can do is wait until he makes up his mind, or until he figures out being with that chick is a total waste of time. Until then I’ll still be here silently cherishing him, keeping my distance and waiting, until he finally tells me where his heart stands. Hoping against everything I’ll win in the end.

Brittany