Ridiculous
9.31.7

It waits outside that ever aging door
Colors and warmth don’t hide it anymore
Life catches up to you in the end
Difficult, how we used to pretend, and
Silly, how I still defend a life so unsure

Life just shifts, it’s so incredibly ridiculous
Watching myself slip as the sounds tumble
Falling, clashing ugliness against one another
It hurts, and then they cling and become beautiful together
Like nothing ever kept such a symphony apart but my own lacking appreciation

In a way it’s a “why even bother?”
It’s wondering if it’s okay to want to feel something
To be something, to know something
As though it’d be nice to really know myself once more
Finding out, so brutally, what that really means

Time slips, it falters, ridiculous
What people miss, and then those things they don’t
A wrinkle is two hundred thousand frowns
So blame me for smiling despite the pain
Blame me forever because I’m getting used to shame

They wave, it’s unenthused, it’s ignorant
If only I could reach that sky
Tear it down so you could really find
All that it’s ever meant to me
All I wish I’d shown