“I see the Hell you put yourself through. Oh, the things I could do if I wanted to…” – Nine Inch Nails “Echoplex”

Holly lounged in her chair reading one of the novels we were studying in english, blue eyes flicking through across the pages quickly. I bit my lip and looked down, letting my hair fall like a curtain so that I couldn’t see her…

It was so hard, so hard, not to go to her, not to talk and distract her, get her to fire up again against me but she looked so tired…

And distant…

I cursed silently and continued to write on some loose-leaf paper, trying to make it seem like I was working, even though my head was ticking like clockwork. The reason I was late was because of Michael.

Holly’s friend…

“Hey! Chick! Wait up!”

I turned around, praying that whoever it was wouldn’t hold me up for too long…

“Michael?”

The guy blew some hair out of his face. He was a tall, pale, scruffy kind of person, with a seemingly continual smirk. I shifted uneasily, not feeling very comfortable.

“What would you like? I’m in a hurry, I have to go and meet-“

“Holly?” he interrupted smoothly. “Yeah, I know. About that…”

The arsehole had then told me Holly had gotten wasted on the weekend and probably wouldn’t have made it to the tutorial and that I shouldn’t bother going. He said he was saving me the time.

By the time he had in a roundabout way explained that, I was running really late but I had to come here. I had to know if she was what he said she was. If I wasn’t a complete fool for trusting a notorious ‘bad girl’…

And there she was…

Head slumped sitting on the stairs, looking like the entire world rested on her shoulders. And she had my umbrella…

She’d remembered.

I was so happy… until she accused me of being late on purpose. That hurt, that accusation of not keeping promises, of being fickle just because I was shy. Her anger scared me. It was cold and biting, and full of contempt for anyone she had felt had wronged her.

When she drew closer to me, when she’d calmed down, the feeling of happiness ebbed again only to be crushed as soon as I saw her face. There were black rings underneath bloodshot eyes, a croaky voice and paler than the normally white skin… She looked like hell. She looked so tired and down…

Michael was partially right. She had gotten wasted. She was hungover…

I felt my heart sink again and anger, completely unreasonable anger, rise up.

I knew that I wasn’t responsible for her but she was so much better than this! So much better than a substance abusing life-waster, more beautiful, more precious.

I snapped at her, feeling defensive about being me, about trying to understand her when she didn’t make the effort. I was angry, and wanting, and upset, and elated and full of so much that I just snarled at her.

The surprise in her eyes was almost insulting. What did she think I was? Some kind of shy and retiring violet? She didn’t know me well enough to judge me like that.

But it seemed, for whatever reason, she knew me well enough for me to completely want her.

“Hey Beth,” Holly asked, voice soft.

“Mm?”

“Can you… I mean… I need some help with this.”

I gave her a look. He face was completely sincere, slightly abashed and honest.

“Sure,” I replied. “What’s bothering you?”

Holly bit her lower lip, an action that made me dig my nails into my thighs to try and regain control of the urge to kiss her, before continuing.

“I don’t understand what we’re supposed to discuss with this. I mean, I find it hard enough to relate to things happening nowadays, how do they expect me to relate to the world of Charlotte Bronte?”

I rested my chin on my palm and fixed her in my eyes.

“The world of literature is designed to draw someone into a different time, place, situation or anything to do with escapism. The point of discussing literature is so that we can understand our own times as comparison to anothers. Or, in this case, our own situation.”

Holly’s eyes glowed at me and she gave me a small, albeit tight smile.

“Thanks. Now to find my inner escape artist.”

She went back to the book, picking up a highlighter. I watched as she leaned back, rocking the chair onto its two back legs. Her blue eyes scanned the page, hand quickly highlighting a passage that might be of use. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying hard to resist her. All I wanted to do was follow my mind. Just… jump over the table, leap onto her and kiss her, hands entwining in her hair.

I knew she was bad. That’s what was the most difficult. I knew what she did on the weekends and on some weeknights but it didn’t stop me from feeling anything that I was feeling. Things I suppose most people would believe an innocent like me incapable of feeling. I felt tears prick in my eyes.

God, she lit me on fire…

“Hey, kid, you all good?”

My eyes found hers again and I inwardly groaned. Concern mixed with something hidden in her expression and a twinge of hope around her eyes. Not the expression I’d wanted to observe with so much confusion swirling inside of me.

“I’m ok. Just thinking…”

“About?”

Taking you as mine.

“Nothing.”

I went back to my piece of paper and attempted to write some notes on Bronte, but my mind was too busy.

“Wanna get out of here?”

My head shot to upright, staring at Holly. She’d closed her book and placed it on the table, where she was using it as an elbow rest.

“What… what makes you think that?”

She gave a one-shouldered shrug.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m finding it a little hard to concentrate here. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I need to feel the air on my skin and get some caffeine into my system. What do you say? Wanna go for coffee?”

My mind was in turmoil. This would be the first time since I’d started talking to her that we’d socialised outside of the tutorial. I felt my pulse race as voices clamoured in my head for me to just say yes, to just go.

Why should I fight what I want?

I nodded once.

“That would be nice. My mind isn’t where it should be either.”

Her eyes bored into mine, black scruffy hair falling into her face and for a split, horrifying second I was worried she was going to ask what I was thinking. But she subsided with a smirk, an expression I was discovering I really liked on her.

“Well, come on then and let’s see if we can find your mind.”

She stood and began to pack up her things. I neatly scraped my notes into a pile and was reaching for a book when her hand fell on mine…

I gasped slightly and felt myself blush. She ducked her head lower to look at my face and asked quietly,

“Are you alright, Beth?”

The control I had was slipping. I wanted to do things I’d never imagined before.

“I’m… I’m ok…”

The grin returned but she didn’t move her hand.

“You sure?”

Gah, the impossible woman!

I nodded again and flicked my eyes to hers with a small smile on my face.

“Yes. Thank you for asking.”

Now let me go before I do something we’d both regret.

She slid her hand from mine and continued to pack up, throwing notes and books willy-nilly. I chuckled softly.

“How do you find anything with such disorganization?”

She gave a low, smoky laugh.

“I have a knack for organized chaos, kiddo. You should see my studio.”

“I’d love to.”

I mentally cursed myself. Invasion much?

She laughed again.

“Absolutely. I’ll take you there one time. Might not interest the studying side of you but I’d like to think I’m good at what I do.”

She winked at me and slung her bag over her shoulder.

“Shall we?”

In that moment, with that little rhyme and wink, with that grin, she looked more beautiful to me than ever before.

Even with the tiredness.

“Yes. Lets. I need the caffeine.”

I need the coffee to deal with you.

Holly: “Situations? What did she mean by that… Why is she looking at me like that? Why… does she look like she’s close to crying? Alright, fuck this, I’m calling foul and getting her out of here… Huh… she blushes so prettily..”

A/N: Ok so a quicker update albeit still a slow one. Beth's struggle for control is interesting to write. The girl just wants to let loose so badly but she's so scared. I chose 'Echoplex' for this chapter because the lyrics are apt for Beth's entire situation. She gets attacked continually and finally, her own walls shut out everyone and leave her with only the echo of her own insecurities. I thought I'd try to explain it as most chapters are written to match the feel of the NIN song in the title, as well as the lyrics and this is the first time I've deviated from matching that. Please review. I need to know if the pacing is alright. Is it all moving too quickly for you? *grins* I'm hugging all readers with my mind right now. Thanks.