"G-Damn Effing Asthma (g-rated title omgz)"

Asthma, oh glorious asthma

Make me breathe the sublime miasma

Of cigarette smoke and general pollution

With joy and glorious diminution

Of breath that I need, while gasping and sighing

To keep my stunted self from dying

My albuterol, my albuterol

Oh how you do continue to enthrall

My lungs back to something like new

At least for a minute or two

Then my face turns blue

What a wonderful hue

Oh, albuterol, thank you.

Bronchitis, bronchitis

Turn my lungs to detritus

Nothing makes more contentment

Than that screaming sore torment

That only you can inflict

When the lungs you constrict

Oh, what inappropriate jubilation

You express at such failed inhalation

Suffocation, suffocation

You fill me with such grand elation

No amount of medication

Will negate this aberration

This painful annihilation

This internal strangulation

Death, oh death

Breath? Who needs breath?

Apparently not me

How silly would that be?

Unfortunate at birth

To be born with such dearth

Of air.

How unfair.