“Trepidation;

A rapid glance of consternation,

Thrusts a shard of cold glass through the skin beneath your heart,

Rips apart.”

My eyes brushed across the soft ink letters, a lightning flash of ice glinting in my chest, blurring the final syllables of the note as I turned, startled. Nothing but the empty shadows of my dim apartment.

It’s playing with me.

And then I was falling; the floor beneath me opened up, I fell through, black.

And then I hit my head, I landed face-up on the blood-spattered flooring I had just fallen through; my body buzzed at the jolt of pain and beige carpet. I stared at the ceiling fan, its sick, fluorescent light bulbs glaring, reflecting off the tiny bits of pitch-black window that peeked through the smashed Venetian blinds.

Ow.

The fan hummed, frenzied, its blades slicing thickly through the humid air, pushing the dust and sweat and blood through the apartment in wild circles.

That bastard. He said the god of love would be easy.

I reached my hand behind my back, pulling a piece of musty glass out from under it.

At least it’s not very big…I guess…

“Well, your first battle will be with the god of love. It probably won’t be too bad; it’s illustrated as the weakest in every story. Of course, I don’t know how the hell you’re going to beat a god. I mean…it’s a god.”

Why did I think holy water would work? I’m an idiot. I watch too much television.

I held the dirty piece of glass above my head, watching it fracture the dim light, staring into the reflection of the black feathers that swirled in the veins of my wrecked apartment. A few of the god’s blackbirds sat perched on my refrigerator that was hanging open, revealing my embarrassing lack of food. Ketchup, grape jelly, and an overturned soda that was dripping slowly into a puddle on my kitchen floor.

Drip.

Drip.

The blackbirds didn’t react, simply staring at me as my drink emptied.

I was almost angry.

I was saving that soda…

One blackbird shook its head in disbelief. It opened its mouth and spoke in a language I can’t describe with the kaleidoscopic voice of a million people. The words whispered, almost shimmered through the air, sliding smoothly into my head. The bird spoke in colors and feelings and pain, questioning me. I couldn’t understand the language, but-

… I can feel what it’s asking…

It was scary: proof that I was in over my head. However, the mystical nature of the moment sharply contrasted the levity of the question.

Yes, I am worrying about soda at a time like this, thank you very much, I thought, almost bashfully in reply.

I was past denial, accepting.

The blackbird melted into steaming black oil that ran to the floor, turning dark red on its way down. The stream of blood bubbled up from the grungy kitchen tiles, growing larger, until became a huge sphere larger than me. It floated quietly, dripping messily.

I guess I have to get up.

I hoped it couldn’t see me shaking. With a sigh that masked a trepid despair, I stood awkwardly, adjusting my favorite purple T-shirt and jeans. My pulse pounded tar and cement, expanding my arteries until they swallowed my lungs, crushing the breath from my body.

I am about to die.

Accepting.

I’m the one who decided to fight. I won’t cry.

Suddenly I was quite alone in the woods. It was early in the morning; the sky was dark with heavy clouds. A misty drizzle of rain fell quietly, keeping secrets behind glistening oak leaves. The smell of wet dirt and grass and moss…

“I missed you.”

I turned, my rain-soaked hair in dark tendrils, whipping around my face.

“….Jack.”

It was Jack, standing there, his hair matted to his forehead, a small smile of curving affection on his lips. He was here, we hadn’t seen each other in so long, I missed him so much, loved him so much-

“I’m glad we could finally see each other again. It’s been way too long.”

“Yeah, I know,” I agreed, excitement whispering in my chest.

Silence, except for the patter of raindrop feet across every leaf. My clothes were drenched; rain was getting in my eyes. I didn’t care enough to take my eyes off his.

He took a step forward, his footstep muffled by mud and drowning grass.

And then I ran at him, fling my arms around his…his…

“You’re…bleeding. You’re bleeding Jack. What happened? You’re bleeding really badly.”

He swayed on the spot; it started to rain harder. My heart stopped beating. Blood seeped from his eyes and mouth, flooding slowly down his face to his chin, dripping into the puddles of mud on the ground.

“Jack? Jack?!”

He fell forward slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Wait! Jack!”

I started forward, tried to catch him, but the forest floor beneath me opened up. I fell forward into the black, smashing into my bloodied carpet again, face-down, banging my forehead, dizzy.

Ow.

Little white spots popped behind my eyes as I struggled to reorient; the room swam in broken glass and red splotches. My head throbbed painfully; everything was blurry.

Jack…

“You bastard!” I yelled, jumping to my feet, shattered glass crunching beneath my sneakers. A fire had started: I was made of gasoline. I ran at the god of love, the huge sphere of blood that floated quietly in my kitchen, my feet pounding white fireworks into the carpet. My surroundings melted into the echoes of my cry, and suddenly I was caught in a flock of black feathers. I hit the refrigerator in a chaos of talons, cawing beaks, and beady black eyes, banging off the door onto the kitchen floor. Blackbirds swarmed, everywhere; I couldn’t see anything but feathers and the occasional cooking appliance.

How dare that thing…how could it do that to me…?

I laid on the floor, lazy, apathetic, watching the flurry of birds.

The mass of blackness slowly thinned, the birds settling onto various, overturned furniture to watch me.

I slowly got to my feet again. The enormous, bloody sphere hovered in my living room, unmoving.

I can’t kill it. I can’t. I can’t even…touch it!

I’m…going to die…aren’t I?

I stared at the god of love until I realized there was a small, white note in my hand. I instinctually lifted it to my eyes:

“The end.

Wills bend.

Yours to mine with final stroke in heated battle.

The choice you made,

A life is paid.”

I can’t…

I started to tear up, the panic and fear I tried to suppress-

Everything that’s happened…and now this…I can’t believe…it all happened so fast.

My nose was running; I sniffed loudly, my hands wiping the tear-stained hair out of my eyes; the note dropped to the floor.

It’ll be okay. It’ll all be okay. It’ll…all be okay.

The god sprang to sudden motion, burst from apathy with an explosion of blood and feathers, rushing at me.

I can’t believe…I can’t believe I’m crying now, after all that tough bante-

-When we ran.