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Author's Notes: Story written for Days' round three competition in Gaiaonline. This story can be linked to "A Predator's Fallacy" and "Unidentical Reflection" but it's also a stand-alone. The prompt for this contest is the song Stand in the Rain by Superchick. I've always wanted to write a story like this, but because of my exam on Monday, this story was pretty rushed - written in just two days or so. Reviews welcomed, criticisms appreciated. And enjoy, of course! - Rino-chan.
A Metaphor
Blue.
Red.
A touch of white.
A little dab of green.
Then a little bit of black.
And a little more r- no. No. Green. Yes, more green.
Half-sitting on a high stool in her study, Alice looked at her painting and frowned slightly, adding a few more colours onto her palette before working her brush onto the cream canvas. She painted carefully with her shaky fingers, admiring the way the colours could overlap or blend in with each other. Her lips were firm and at one point, her forefinger slipped along the brush ever so slightly, but enough to have a bad effect on the landscape she was working on. Alice cursed to herself and threw the brush into the bucket full of murky water, taking up another to work with. As an artist, Alice was used to such simple mistakes, but that doesn’t mean she never stopped getting frustrated over it.
Her mobile phone rang suddenly then, but she ignored it deliberately. She wasn’t one to be distracted during her time of work. It would ruin her concentration and the image she had in her head if she decided to answer the phone. Though part of her still wanted her to grab the phone and answer – whoever it was that decided to call her. Who could it be? Most of her friends and family knew better than to call her at this hour – and most learned it the hard way.
The room was brightly lit, just as how she liked it when working with her paintings. The walls were white and on the floor, a number of paintings were spread round, either to dry or just for the sake of being there. Nothing hung on the walls, and the shelves were loaded with old and new brushes, paints, palettes, buckets, charcoal, chalks, pencils, pastels and a whole load of artist materials that she found necessary to do her work. Like a typical artist, Alice’s work room was messy. In large drawers, paper of different sizes were scattered round – some even threatening to spill on the floors which was already covered with numerous paintings and pictures, or crumpled paper from wrongly-drawn pictures. To put matters simply, it was no doubt a room for an artist.
The phone stopped ringing but Alice never moved a muscle, trying to focus on one of the finest details in her painting. Of course, usually, Alice would use a variety of materials for one picture, but this one was custom-ordered, so she would have to stick with what she could - what she was ordered to. If she was honest though, Alice would love nothing else than to grab the nearest chalk and charcoal and work with the details that way. She loved painting, but when it comes to detail, charcoal and chalk would be best. It just wasn’t her… style to be working with paint on tiny little details.
“Curse you.” Alice grumbled when her finger slipped again. She glanced at the clock and realised that she almost forgot her meeting with Michael. Deciding to abandon her painting for now and work on it later tonight, the young artist stood and walked over to the nearby sink where she washed her hands hurriedly before slipping into her red coat. She grabbed her keys, forgot her mobile, and slammed the door shut before running to catch the earliest bus she needed to head to Kilton Park.
Five seconds later, her mobile rang again. The caller’s name:
Dr. Alphonse Sawyer.
The figure she was running to was tall and handsome, head held high with his fiery brown eyes scanning the crowd intently. Michael Atkins was Alice’s best friend and personal carer, but in Alice’s view, he was nothing less than the most important person in her life. With chestnut hair slightly past his shoulders, uncombed but neat, Michael looked like some sort of young actor for even as he stood there, a few heads turned to gaze at his way, some in awe, some in jealousy.
Upon hearing the familiar voice, Michael turned and spotted the person he was searching and waiting for – a young woman with her curly black hair trailing behind her. A small smile of relief crossed his lips and Michael crossed his arms, waiting for her approach. Once she was within hearing distance, a small smirk appeared on his face, showing his dimples. “A bit late, Alice? I thought you had forgotten about today’s meeting.”
“Oh hush.” Alice snapped, still gasping for breath as she halted in front of him. She bowed forward slightly, placing her palms on her knees as her chest heaved. “I was painting again. I almost forgot, but I didn’t, right?” She countered.
“You better be careful next time, Alice. You know Alphonse won’t be amused if he hears that you’ve been butchering your body.” Michael answered. Though his words were quite harsh, his eyes twinkled as he gazed at her.
Alice rolled her eyes. “Screw him and the stupid experiment. Isn’t twenty-four years enough to make a conclusion that I’m as normal as anyone else?” The girl huffed. That mad scientist was starting to get on her nerves. Her words only received a gentle laugh from her friend and a minute later, Alice found Michael’s hand around her shoulder. He helped her back up and steered her away towards their usual meeting spot: A small café nearby, called Café Nero.
As they walked, Michael’s mobile suddenly rang and he frowned at the name of the caller. “Hello?” He asked.
Alice pursed her lips and looked around her, enjoying the rather familiar view of Kilton Park. The park itself was classic: green grass, a few dogs running around with their owners, flowers planted everywhere, and the typical old man with his newspaper sitting on the nearby bench. Across the road which more or less circled the park, stood a few shops and houses to finish off the cheery mood. Café Nero was located at the corner of the road, quite far away from the main gates of the park, so unlike a few other cafes that were built nearby, it was usually pretty deserted.
Not that Alice would complain – as an artist, she always enjoyed silence.
“Yeah, she’s here; of course she’s here. No, not yet. I know. Really? I’ll ask her later then. Okay. Yeah, I’ll remind her. I can do it for you if you want – not necessary? If you say so. I know. I know. Right. I’ll see you then, Alphonse. ‘Kay.” Michael snapped his phone shut and shoved the black item into his blue jeans pocket. “You’re done for.”
“What have I done this time?” Alice frowned.
“You didn’t answer the phone. Al called you a few times already.” Michael chuckled to himself.
“Doctor called? When?”
Brown eyes turned to gaze at her blue ones. “Just now. And, I expect, while you were working.”
“…Dr. Alphonse should know never to call me when I’m working. And I guess I accidentally left my mobile there.” She answered innocently. “But enough of this. How’s Kenny doing? Still at hospital?” Alice asked.
“Yes. It seems as though the beach didn’t do him as much harm as I thought it would, thankfully. Alphonse owes me one for saving that kid.” Michael replied.
Unknown to anyone but a selected few, Alice, Michael, Kenny and Alphonse were names that were hidden from the government, and to those who knew their existence, they were either sworn to silence or they would turn a blind eye to acknowledge their presence. Between the four, Alice and Kenny, at this moment, still never had any idea that they were involved in such a large project of scientists. They would know some parts of it, but none would know just how large their involvement was.
Alice was one of the more minor exceptions for the whole project. A few years ago, the truth was told that she was actually artificially made from a group of scientists trying to perform adult cloning and experiment with genetic engineering. Her genes were slightly modified and though she was born somewhat naturally, the mother who birthed her was not her own where her genes originated from, and she never wanted to care for Alice as her own. The truth of the matter broke her down to put matters simply, and if it weren’t for Michael who managed to pull her back to her feet, Alice knew that by now, she would, and should, be in an asylum.
Since knowing the truth, Alice swore never to shed another tear and not only that, she decided that though her genes were modified, it would make her no different from everyone else.
But even so, the truth was the truth. Alice could pretend as though it wasn’t there and that she was a naturally made human being, but the knowledge of it being otherwise would forever haunt her. She would always be self-conscious to her surroundings and to those around her. The only way to remain social but isolated was to become an artist where she deserves the privacy, but at the same time, still hold the pride as a human being. Alice was also forbidden to tell anyone the truth about her self, but Michael was an exception.
Michael had personal ties with the group of scientists. According to him, the lab they worked in experimented with anything and almost everything – from genetic engineering, to cloning, to mutating and sometimes, creating hybrids. Personally, Alice was more than against the group, but Michael had asked her to remain silent and turn a blind eye towards what they were researching. He said that whatever happens, keeping quiet would perhaps be one of the wisest decisions one could ever do.
When Alice had asked why, all she got was a blank stare and a cold personality from him for the next few days. She decided not to ask since.
“Two coffees, please. And today’s special, for two.”
“Yes, sir.” The waiter bowed and left them.
Alice took her jacket off and leaned forward, resting her arms on the table as she scrutinised her friend. “So… Why do you need to talk to me today, Mike?” She asked sweetly.
“Can a friend not ask someone out for a drink sometimes?”
She laughed. “Of course you can. But Michael, I know you inside out. Even if you want to enjoy the moment right now, there must be something from the lab that you have to tell me. Right? You’d be busy for anything else.”
Michael raised an eyebrow. “You sound as though you don’t appreciate me.”
“Well that’s uncalled for. You’ve been trying to pass messages to me all this time just to see me – of course I appreciate it. But that doesn’t change the fact that we can never have time alone without mentioning that place.”
She touched a nerve and she knew it. Michael fell silent for a split second and he shook his head, defeated. “Fine. You really want to know now? Or shall we just talk like normal and save the worst ‘till last?” He asked, the warmth in his voice slightly lost now.
“Just say it.” Alice muttered. “I’ll know sooner or later anyway, won’t I?” She pointed out.
"Okay.” Michael retorted. He waited for their drinks and food to be served first before leaning back, turning his eyes to his black coffee which he stirred unconsciously with his small spoon. “Alphonse said that it’s almost time for your yearly check-up. As I’ve said previously, the lab deals with all sorts of genetic information research, but I can’t go into much detail about who they’re working with. To be honest with you, Alice, up to an extent, I don’t know myself. It’s a pretty twisted organisation, if you ask me. Anyway, Al said something about needing you to undergo a few more check-ups – slightly different than before. Seeing that you’re almost reaching half the age of a typical elderly person, they want to make sure to keep their eyes on your progress as detailed as possible. So if you can, don’t do anything daft.”
“Anything daft? Michael, I’m a human being. Sure I’m a bit different from the rest, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still the same like you. I am, right? I can feel, I can see, I can hear – I have a soul, just like you do. I’m a human. And you’re saying I shouldn’t do anything daft? My existence here is for a reason. Everyone has a reason to exist.” Alice snapped.
“I know. I didn’t say otherwise.” His reply was quiet.
It took Alice nearly five minutes to get what he was trying to imply – or what he was trying to say according to Dr. Alphonse’s view. Her jaw dropped slowly and she stopped eating instantly, eyes wide. “You’re saying that the only reason I exist is to assist people like you with their research? Is that it, Mike?” She asked, disgusted.
Michael sighed. “To me, Alice, you’re more important to me than you would imagine. Far more important. But the reason you’re here is because Alphonse’s group created you. That’s the one and only truth. They made you – scientifically. Spiritually… we shall not delve into that topic.” He shifted uncomfortably.
“That’s not good enough.”
“Alice, look.” He grabbed her hand and bowed his head slightly. “You said that you can hear and feel and smell and touch – but we don’t know that, do we? We don’t know whether what you’re experiencing is the same as we are. And that’s why they want to do research on you. After all, what’s ‘normal’? How can one even define ‘normal’? You’re really important to me, Alice. Don’t waste your life away trying to argue with them. It can lead you to problems.”
“Like Kenny.”
Michael’s eyebrows rose slightly. “Kenny?”
“That boy you found at the beach. Didn’t he have something to do with all this?” Alice asked curiously.
For the first time in their conversation, Michael looked perplexed. He scratched his head slowly, thinking over her question before eventually making up his mind. “No. Kenny’s a boy. He has some connections with the place, but so far, that’s all I know. Alphonse said that we’re free to let him go now, but I was the one who decided to take him in.” He answered.
“Why so? It’s not as if you need to.”
Michael shrugged. “Without a family, Kenny will suffer. And he’s an experiment from the lab. I want to find out more, and to do that, I’ll need to be more involved. This might be a way.” He answered.
Alice shook her head. “You said I shouldn’t do anything daft.”
“We’re different. I’m the one who assists in the experiments. You’re… the one they experiment on.” He said, his voice tight.
“I don’t need reminding.”
Michael sighed. Sometimes, Alice felt sorry for him. She couldn’t treat him properly from time to time, always trying to blame him for everything which happened to her. She knew that he wasn’t to blame and if anything, he was only the middle person in all this, but part of her still blamed him for who he was. If only Michael was someone else in her life – someone with nothing to do with this whole matter. She hated to feel so unwelcomed in the world. As if she wasn’t part of it.
A human was a human, no matter how they were made.
To her, that was the truth and she would stick by it, no matter what.
A kind man, a kind soul, but with an evil brain. That was one of her thoughts on Dr. Alphonse Sawyer. Truth was, if anything, Dr. Alphonse would be one of the people that Alice would love to avoid most. She couldn’t understand why Michael was so close to the scientist. ‘A good friend’, that was what he had said. Whatever he said, and no matter how young and good-looking Dr. Alphonse was, he still gave her the creeps.
“I’ve been well, Dr. Alphonse. As I’m sure you know, because the other three asked the same thing.” Alice answered warily. “Can we just get down to business, doctor? I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”
“Yes, yes, so I know.” He answered with a gentle smile. “You are a very valuable experiment, Alice. I’m sure Mike would have told you that repeatedly by now. The usual check-ups revealed nothing but the usual. But I’m afraid we have some bad news for you…” He trailed off. Alice looked up and examined his face. From his expression, she gathered that the unfortunate must also be somewhat expected. “Alice, like what happened to Dolly the Sheep a few years ago… I don’t believe that you have long to live.”
Alice bowed her head. So she was right. Michael, also, was right. She was nothing more than an experiment, so she would deserve nothing more than an experiment’s death. “…I see.” She answered slowly.
Dr. Alphonse gazed at her sadly. To him, it was a loss of a very promising subject. But that doesn’t mean that their creation and research had gone terribly wrong. He had followed his father’s footsteps and research, and he couldn’t be more proud. Unbeknownst to Dr. Alphonse and to the others, in a few decades, one who shared the same first name as him would be fighting to destroy his discovery.
Life was full of irony.
At that moment, alone in her untidy workroom, Alice wanted nothing more than to be someone else. Michael or no Michael, love or life, she was willing to give it all away in order to be someone else. Someone who was naturally human. Normal. Definitely normal. Her definition of normal was something far from the abnormal. And she was abnormal in her own existence.
As she painted, in every minute, she would glance at her mobile phone, willing it to ring. She wanted to hear Michael’s voice then, even though he would know never to call her at that moment. Sure, Alice could call him herself, but she never tried to do so for she was scared of approaching him. She was scared of approaching the one and only, most important person in her life.
Michael was kind.
And she loved him.
But still, she was frightened.
She couldn’t explain the feeling, of being scared of the one she loved most. She guessed that it was probably something unusual, for if you loved someone and if you always spent time with that particular someone, surely you would be able to approach them? But if so, why be scared? In all truth, Alice would willingly give anything to get the answer. Why was she so scared to contact him herself?
Pressing her thin lips together, Alice placed her brush down and grabbed her phone. She searched until she could locate his number and she stared at the name for a while, scared to press the green button which would call him. Alice knew she was hopeless, but she wanted and needed to talk to him. Her life was running short, and she was still wasting time.
All it needed was to press a button. And she could let time handle it from there.
Outside, lightning flashed dangerously and Alice jumped slightly. Using her jumpiness as an excuse, she pressed the button.
And waited.
“…I talked to Dr. Alphonse. Did you know?” Alice answered, ignoring his questions. She was shivering cold from the heavy rain that was still pouring, but Alice wanted answers. She wanted to hear his voice, to touch him, to see him. To experience what she would call being human. If it was different to the others, so be it.
Michael grabbed her elbow. “Know what, Alice? Alphonse said nothing. I don’t think he had the chance – I was busy taking care of Kenny. He suddenly had a fever attack.” His voice was a mixture of concern and confusion still.
Alice turned around and looked at the man of her life. She raised her hand and placed it on his cheek. “…You were right. Michael… I’m going to die.” She said slowly. Strangely enough, the words felt empty and she couldn’t feel any sort of emotion from it. It was as though the knowledge itself was irrelevant. Unimportant.
Michael exhaled slowly, obviously shocked. He stared at her and when the wind blew his hood back, he didn’t bother pulling it back up. Michael moved both his hands to grasp her shoulders, as if he was scared that she might fall over – or if he would fall down. “Alice…” He whispered. Alice was both delighted and pained to hear such anguish in his voice. The only reason why she felt the delight was because she could tell how much he cared about her from it.
After all, the best way to know if a person cared was when they were at their weakest.
“That wasn’t what I wanted to tell you.” Alice said slowly. “That’s irrelevant.”
Michael shook his head. “Forget what I said earlier. We both know that your life means so much more…”
Alice smiled. “Michael… I love you. I’ve always loved you – I just didn’t want to ruin the taboo that one should never fall in love with their best friend. But I also don’t want to leave until you know. I love you, Michael. I want you.” She said softly.
Michael closed his eyes and bowed his head. He muttered something under his breath and his hands tightened around her shoulders, worrying her somewhat. “…I’m sorry, Alice. I… I can’t… give you what you want – no matter how much I want to.” He answered, voice barely heard above the thunder and the heavy rain. “I’m not as… straight… as you think.” Michael whispered. He raised his eyes to look at her.
Alice’s eyes widened and she felt her back stiffen. “You’re… gay?” She croaked out. “But – all this time… You kept on saying –”
“I never lied to you. Never.” Michael defended himself. “Alice, you’re the woman I’ve always wanted to love. You’re the woman of my life, but not the individual of my life. Alphonse is.” He bit his lips. “Life would have been so much simpler if only… Alice, I love you, but not in that way. You’re the woman I would have loved if things were only slightly more different.”
“How different can we be?!” Alice almost screamed. What was this, a game? All this time, she feared that Michael and the other normal humans might reject her because she was artificially made, and now she was denied just because she wasn’t a guy? It was such a human response that she hated it more than if Michael had said that it was because she wasn’t human.
Michael moved his hands to her cheeks and leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers. “I’m sorry. Alice, I’m so, so sorry. I’m… I didn’t…” He sighed. “I love Alphonse. I always have.”
“And I was only a friend. And because I was artificially made, you thought I could never love you. Not in this way. Am I wrong?” Alice asked, her voice cold. “You’re wrong. I’m more human than you think.”
“For once, Alice – for once, can we forget about you being artificially made?”
“That’s not fair. I can say the same thing – that can’t we forget about you being gay for now?”
“Alice… You’re not making this any easier.”
“And you think you are? My life is ending and the man I’ve always loved said that he can’t love me back because I’m not a guy? Michael, how different do you want me to be? Different enough to benefit everyone who wants something different?” Alice could feel the tears burning, but she held her breath. She would not cry in front of him. Not just yet.
Michael drew back and stared into her eyes, his warm breath on her face. “I never wanted you to be different, I never wanted to be different – I never wanted all those things. Okay? But sometimes, things happen and you just have to deal with it. I did. The world does not revolve around one person. You can choose your path, but your decisions are affected by others, and you are affected yourself. It’s inevitable. If you’re different, then that’s just who you are. You can’t change it unless if you want to, unless if you can, unless if you try with all your might. And even then, sometimes, one can never change their true self.”
“…Does Dr. Alphonse knows?”
Michael nodded. “For a while now. He’s okay with it. Alphonse is a kind person, deep down.”
“And what about Kenny?”
“I’m gay, not a paedophile.” Michael sighed. “Leave Kenny out, he’s got nothing to do with anything.”
“So why did you take him in?”
“Alice…”
“Please.”
“You can call him my son.” Michael answered. “I couldn’t get my own child without cheating on a girl’s feelings, so this was one of the only options I had. Don’t get me wrong, Alice. And don’t make judgements as well. All I wanted was my own child, even if I couldn’t get him for myself. And Alphonse was someone who could make my dream come true.”
“But you let them experiment on your own child?” Alice asked, her voice cold but quiet.
Michael’s eyes burned with desperation. Wanting her to shut up. “The world does not revolve around you, Alice. Remember that.”
“How can I not?” Alice asked. “All this time, my life was there just for someone else. Always for someone else. Even when I want someone for myself, I was shunned away because I was different. If not in one way, then the other. That’s how life is, right? That’s what you’re trying to tell me. That life doesn’t revolve around us.”
“Alice, I still love you –”
“But not enough.” Alice answered for him, stepping back. “It’s okay. I can understand. I’ll talk to you later.” She turned around and walked away, leaving him. To her disappointment, he never chased after her.
If Michael was the only one who ever made her feel human before, then what was the point in living if she already lost him? She was rejected. The feeling washed over her, and for once, she couldn’t care less whether normal humans could feel the same thing that she was experiencing now or not. All she knew was that she could feel. If it was inhumane, so be it.
However, Alice also knew that in a way, she was being unfair. Michael never actually chose to become what he was, did he? And even if he did, he never wanted to hurt her – right? A small part of her mind denied the fact, however, for if Michael did care about her, he would have told the truth about himself sooner. He would not have kept her in the dark even when he knew that there was the chance that she might fall in love with him. But Michael was also, to an extent, a scientist. Perhaps he thought that an artificially-made human could not possess feelings.
Whatever it was, the truth of the matter hurt.
And Alice wanted to escape from it.
But if Alice wanted answers, she would first need to approach and ask no matter how hard that would be. The truth was, Michael did love her like he never loved any other woman, but not enough to be a lifetime partner. The rejection she felt was only disappointment on her part. And even when he knew what she was made from, Michael was the first to treat her like a normal human being – something she had wanted for so many years before. He regarded her as a normal human being. She was never rejected because of his wanting to do so – she was rejected because he was different, in this case.
Knowing that actually pained her a lot more than if he had rejected her because she was the one who was different. To be different, one would feel insecure, as though they might be shunned away by their closest friends once the truth was uncovered. Only one who had experienced it would know how it feels. To those who never knew… Alice could only hope that they never would. Perhaps that was why Michael was so close to her. He knew that if there was anyone who would understand him, it would be her – the one who metaphors his life. The difference.
Alice knew that she was only being silly. She loved Michael. She was the woman Michael would have loved. That was the one and only fact and truth. But with her life slowly fading away… Alice only wanted to feel human still. And the person who could give her that pleasure would be none other than Michael himself.
Slowly, Alice stood and looked up to the sky.
She was human.
“…Alice.” She could recognise the voice anywhere. “I’ve been looking all over for you. We need… We need to talk.”
“Michael…”
…She was human. To him, she was human. That’s enough of a reason for her to continue what was left of her life.
