Rage Among the Tide

The waves crash along the beach, making my toes sink into the soggy sand. I take a water-logged stick and trace the outline of a heart in the sand before me, then toss the stick in the ocean and watch the hungry water swallow it as the undertow pulls it out to sea.

I sigh. There are no stars out tonight. Only clouds. Lightning strikes in the distance. Warm sea spray hits my face and I smile as I lick the salt from my dry lips. The tide is coming my way, creeping up the sand, reaching for me. But it doesn’t touch me. I still have just a little longer. The heart floods as a wave slithers up the beach. The ragged outline fades as the water slinks back into the ocean. I take my hand and wipe the heart out completely. It was never there.

The wind hits my face, fast and strong. I listen, stretching out and laying back in the sand. My mind keeps whispering, Sit up, you’re getting sand in your hair. But I stay where I am and bury my fingers in the warm sand, defiant, almost glad that it’s all around me, cradling me and protecting me.

This is where I’ve turned, when I can’t handle things anymore. It seems like the dark water is the perfect end for a dark life, a life only half-lived. There’s no fixing the things I’ve done. There’s no apologizing. And no regrets.

I close my eyes. And succumb to the water. It eats me up. And swallows me whole.

There’s no turning back.