those who touch our souls are only meant to change us.
and it's true i spoke to his ghost more than i should have.

i sang secret hallelujahs with his fingers laced in mine.
we laid on a mattress beneath the staircase
while the walls wore away with time.
the heathens were building their army
and the recruiting was going well.
"i need you to be here" i whispered.
"but darling..." he said, "my heart lies within hell.
this heaven's no place for a heathen,
and i feel like i'm losing myself.
i haven't found a purpose and
i don't know what i'm for.
and perhaps i was close to loving you,
but i'm always longing for something more."
i smiled like seraphim and recoiled,
let my hands, clean, fall to the floor.
i smiled like seraphim and recoiled.
watched him fade through that safe wooden door.