I never thought I was all that bad
But I guess I'm qualified to win a Grammy
Cause everyone who's ever met me
Has described me as an asshole

Perhaps they're on to something here...

(Chorus)
Cause if it's not you,
Then it's gotta be me...

(Chorus)
Yeah, if it's not you,
Then it's gotta be me...

Up until now I never understood
All those reasons I got the cold shoulder
All the reasons why women hate me
All the times my friends betrayed me

But I think I'm beginning to understand...

(Chorus)
That, if it's not you,
Then it's gotta be me...

(Chorus)
Yeah, if it's not you,
Then it's gotta be me...

(Bridge)
Please, do yourself a favor
And just pretend you never met me
Don't look me in the eyes
Cause until now I always wondered
Who was responsible?
Who was at fault?
Well now I know...

(Chorus)
That if it's not you,
Then it's gotta be me...

(Chorus)
Yeah if it's not you,
Then it's gotta be me...

(Chorus)
Well if it's not you,
Then it's gotta be me...

(Chorus)
Yeah if it's not you,
Then it's gotta be me...

(Outro)
Don't feel bad that you hate me
Cause it's a pretty popular position
You know what they say,
"Well if it isn't someone else...

...Then I guess it must be me."