get your fingerprints off
my stuttering heart
you shouldn’t be here
in my head—look,
I can forget you
I can turn away from
this
and not have to fear
God or hell or damnation
or being different in love
just get out—be gone
I will scrub this blue
off my skin, out of my life
and mother won’t worry
and I won’t be
afraid.

I can pretend I can
live like this
I won’t fall apart
on this straight and narrow
side of the fence.

how did this start?
were you the cause
or is it me
born this way—
pale and small and
sick?

all I want is to be
like other girls
who notice boys
that make them feel
more alive
than they’ve ever been.

I can’t remember
the moment
I saw you
and you began to
have meaning,
change me
irrevocably.

stop making my heart
race—stop
I will not
I will not be blinded
by your blue eyes, I can’t
live like this.

I am so scared I am
like this.