The Heart of Everything

Chapter Three

Lying in his bed, Coop stared up at the ceiling, his normally brown hazel eyes red and the skin around them puffy from crying so much. He had spent the past three days in his room, only leaving to go to the bathroom. Blake and Andie had been bringing food in to him in an effort to keep him from wasting away. None of it really mattered; Coop was devastated over what had happened. He barely ate and barely slept.

“Coop,” Blake called, pounding on the door. “Can I come in?”

Groaning, Coop rolled over so his back was to the door, not even bothering to answer Blake. When no answer came, Blake knocked again. “Coop?” he asked worriedly. “Look, if you don’t answer me, I’m going to just come in.”

‘Whatever,’ Coop thought. ‘The door is locked.’ Blake pounded on the door a few more times then tried to turn the knob. He groaned and yelled at Coop some more. When that didn’t work Coop listened as Blake walked away from the door. Coop sighed; maybe Blake had actually left now. Then he heard the sound of a key going into the keyhole and realized that his bedroom door was opening.

Blake walked in and looked over at Coop for a moment before turning to look at one of the college custodians. “Thank you,” he told the man, who nodded then walked off. “Come on Coop. You need to get up. I’m not going to let you waste away in your room. Besides, who else is going to bug me about finally popping the question to Andie if you don’t get up?”

“What if I was wrong about that too?” Coop asked softly, not even bothering to look at his closest friend.

Blake walked over to the bed and sat down. “Come on Cupid, you’re never wrong. You were the one that suggested I date Andie in the first place and now look at us! And you matched Ron with Kate, and Greg with Jessica…that’s just those that are close to us. I’ve seen you match up so many couples since junior high school that it isn’t even funny. Match-making is what you do.”

“But I was wrong…I… failed with Brian and… and Tanya…” he answered sadly.

“Coop, no! You did not fail. Don’t think that way. You saw Brian and Tanya that night. They were both so incredibly happy. You can’t blame yourself for what that other driver did. It was beyond your control. Just let it go, please.”

Coop slowly rolled over and looked up at Blake. It was then that he noticed the suit his friend was wearing and reality struck once more. The funeral was today. “I…I don’t know…if I can do it…if I can go.”

Blake looked down at Coop, his green eyes filled with grief and worry. “I understand if you can’t go, buddy, but I know the others would like to see you and see that you’re still alive. Trust me; they’ve been worried about you. And…and you missed the wake.”

Coop sighed and slowly sat up. “I know,” he answered. “I haven’t gone anywhere…not since that night.” The trip to the morgue had wiped the usually constant smile Coop had far away. Few times could he be found appearing as anything but happy. Now though, he looked broken, destroyed. Blake hated to see his friend, his brother, so withdrawn. He stood up and walked over to Coop’s closet, digging through it and pulling out a suit.

“Please Cupid, I need you there. How else am I going to get through the service?”

Coop looked up at Blake, nodding and slowly standing up. “I’ll need to shower first.” Then Coop grabbed his shower things and walked down the hall to the bathroom. He let the shower’s warm water wash over him, wishing he could just stay there under the spray for hours. Maybe then some of the pain would wash away. Unlikely…but maybe it could happen. Coop washed up quickly and got out of the shower, drying himself off and walking back to his room, towel wrapped around his waist.

Blake had found his way into one of Coop’s textbooks and barely looked up when Coop entered. As Blake read, Coop changed into his suit and brushed his hair. “All right,” he said slowly. “We should go.” Coop looked at himself in the mirror and sighed, wishing this wasn’t really happening.

The funeral was being held in a large church in the middle of the city. The church loomed above everything within several blocks of it, the steeple stretching out into the sky. Coop took a few deep breaths, trying to steady himself as Blake drove to the church. The ride to the funeral service was filled with an awkward silence; Coop stared out the window while Blake concentrated on his driving, wishing he knew what to say to help Coop through this. Blake had to park a couple blocks away from the Church as the parking lots and street-side parking were full. Coop slowly got out of the car, looking around and noting the overcast sky. It didn’t look like it would rain but at least it wasn’t bright and sunny.

On the side of a phone booth and on several telephone poles, Coop noticed brightly colored pieces of paper, all with MISSING printed on them with a picture of a young woman underneath. He looked away from the posters, letting out a deep breath and trying to keep from turning and running. His mind raced, several thoughts flowing at once. Missing seemed to be a rather appropriate word for the day he was having. Brian and Tanya were missing, having been wrenched from their healthy full lives. ‘And it’s all my fault,’ Coop thought.

If he had suggested a different restaurant or suggested a different night to go out they would still be alive. Maybe he had lost his gift. Maybe he could no longer tell when two people were supposed to be together, either to learn and grow or to be together forever. Brian and Tanya were gone because of what he had done and nothing could change that.

They walked into the church and a few of their friends waved them over. Blake saw them and nodded, giving Coop’s shoulder a light squeeze before walking over and taking a seat a few rows back from the front. From where he sat, Coop could see both caskets, lid open so everyone could see. Large pictures of both Brian and Tanya were set upon easels for the whole congregation to look at.

Even as the church began to fill with people, Coop noticed everything. The movements were slow and sad, as if the only thing keeping them going was the fact that it was a service to remember the lives of two wonderful teenagers. By the time the preacher entered, most had found a seat and the church fell silent with the exception of the soft sobs heard from several different areas. Everyone bowed their heads as the preacher opened the service with a prayer. After that he said a few words about both Brian and Tanya. Certainly the preacher had known both of them but his words only captured a small fraction of what their lives had been like.

When it came time for the whole congregation to sing a hymn, Coop stumbled through the words, tears streaming down his face assisting in keeping him from seeing the lyrics. Slowly the service progressed. Coop tried to focus on what was being said during the eulogies but found his mind wandering to all the times he had needed help in his Spanish course and Tanya had tutored him through it all, and to the time when Brian had pushed Blake into the fountain for accusing him of playing a trick on Andie. Coop remembered that it had been Greg that had done it, but Brian had played along for a while until Blake accused him of it and then Blake had gotten even. They had never been able to look at that fountain the same way again.

And now they were gone. That stuff wouldn’t happen anymore. Tanya’s smile, Brian’s laugh, the random jokes and comments they threw in to any conversation. No matter what the topic of discussion was, they would jump in with obscure facts that no one had ever heard of before. It made everything a delight. Brian’s music was gone, Tanya’s singing, the way they had meshed together to create a musical powerhouse.

Coop was so lost in thought that he hadn’t even realized that the eulogies were over. He snapped out of it when the congregation began to sing again. The hymn was followed by another prayer before everyone was given a chance to view the bodies one last time before the caskets were closed. Coop stood frozen in the aisle of the pew, watching as a line formed and began to move past Brian and Tanya. Everyone was so bereft that Coop almost ran. He couldn’t handle it any longer. It was then that Blake reached out, giving much needed support. “Don’t run out on me yet, Cupid,” he whispered quietly. Coop slowly gave a solemn nod. He wanted to leave but that didn’t mean he actually would.

Blake stood by Coop’s side with Andie on the other side as they finally joined the line, leaving only Blake and Tanya’s families to follow. The group of friends took a few moments at each casket, silently paying their respects. It almost didn’t seem real; their friends were dead. How were they supposed to cope with it all? Coop couldn’t even look at the bodies as that night flashed through his mind. The lifelessness of those who had done so much during their short lives was too much for him. He turned away and walked out of the church, heading back to Blake’s car and leaning against the hood. A minute later Blake walked up, one arm around Andie’s waist as she dabbed away at tears. Wordlessly Blake opened the car door and helped her in before looking at Coop. “How are you holding up?” he asked softly.

Coop looked at Blake with pain filled teary eyes and slowly shook his head. No words were exchanged. Blake opened the door to the car’s back seat for Coop, who sat down wearily. Then Blake ran around to the driver’s side and got in, starting the engine and pulling his car out into the funeral procession. The line of vehicles moved slowly through the city, heading out to one of the cemeteries. Blake tried to concentrate on his driving, sending the occasional comforting glance over to Andie. In the back seat Coop sat silently, eyes closed, desperately trying to push everything out of his mind.

When they pulled into the cemetery the procession pulled around and finally stopped. Blake parked his car and turned off the ignition before getting out and rushing over to open the door for Andie. They walked to the mausoleum where Brian and Tanya were to be buried and watched as the pallbearers carried the caskets in. Coop barely heard the last words said before the caskets were sealed behind large plaques bearing birth and death days.

Slowly the people began to leave the mausoleum, leaving flowers behind. Brian and Tanya’s parents walked up to Blake and Coop when most of it had cleared out. Mr. Lopez asked if they would be going to the luncheon. Blake nodded which made Coop look over at him, pleading to leave. The funeral had been difficult and the burial had been even harder. How was he supposed to get through a luncheon? He wasn’t even hungry. As they walked back to the car, Coop looked over at Blake. “I…I don’t know if I can do it Blake. This…it’s all too much.”

“It’s almost over Cupid. Please, can you just hold out for an hour at least? We owe their families that much at the very least,” Blake answered. Coop sighed; Blake was right and he knew it. Slowly he nodded. Certainly he could get through another hour, or at least he hoped to get through another hour.

At the luncheon Coop barely ate anything and he kept to himself, closed off from everyone. The others there were trying to make the best of the situation and remember all the good times they had with Brian and Tanya but Coop could only think of what had happened in preparation for their date, for the night they died. He was the one who had pushed them together. He was the one who had suggested where they went. It was his fault that they had been out. It was his fault that they were no longer around. Nothing could change that. Ever.