I drummed my hands on the steering wheel to the song on my iPod, singing under my breath, and was just getting into it when the song changed. “Damnit, Lizzie...”

She rolled her eyes at me. “That song's lame.”

“Well, when you drive, you can pick the music.”

“Can I drive?”

“Nope.”

Liz stuck her tongue out at me and leaned back in the chair. “So after we get Dad's birthday present, then what?”

“Play it by ear. Now put the song back.”

It was two weeks until Christmas, and it was really kind of scary how well we had all adjusted to the new situation. I was still a little skittish, but Corey was the most amazing boyfriend ever, so it was hard to complain. He and Lizzie had even come to my family's Thanksgiving dinner, and it was obvious that Elizabeth loved having extra people to dote on her and such.

I hadn't heard much about Corey's family – he had two brothers and a sister, but one of the brothers was somewhat estranged from the family since he'd gone all born-again and married some self-righteous bitch (Corey's words, not mine)and he was less than thrilled that Corey was living in sin. From the sounds of things, his parents couldn't wait to meet me – though he figured that his mother was just excited to meet someone who'd met Oprah and the ladies on The View.

Corey's birthday was today, and I know he hated being born so close to Christmas, since he wasn't really big into it, but with a kid, I guess you don't get much choice.

“Uh, Marshall?”

“Yeah?” I asked, flicking the turn signal and pulling into the parking lot.

“Can we still have Christmas if you're coming over?”

“...Of course you can.” I stared at her. “Why couldn't you?”

“'Cause you're Jewish.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes at her. “You can celebrate whatever you want, honey. You know what? Fuck it. Let's put the tree up today.” I realized my mistake too late and fished a dollar out of my wallet, handing it over. She beamed at me.

The three of us had sat down and figured out the pricing for the swear jar. 'Fuck' was a dollar, and pretty much anything under that was fifty cents. I figure any system that will give me two 'shit's for a 'fuck' is pretty fair. I think in the two and a half weeks Corey and I had been dating, the enterprising little bugger had made twenty bucks off me. Mind you, the swear jar only counts when she hears me – otherwise, I'd be out for a lot more; most of that in bed with her father. But shh.

I went into the flower shop and waited at the counter for the florist while Elizabeth wandered around, looking at the stuffed animals.

“Can I get a plant, Marshall?”

“If you use your swear jar money, you can.” I said, peering into the display cooler. She stuck her tongue out at me.

“How can I help you?” The florist asked, giving me that strange look people give me when they know they've seen me somewhere before, but can't quite place it.

“It's my boyfriend's birthday today, so I need a really big arrangement,” I said, flashing my most charming smile. She smiled back.

“That's so sweet. How much were you planning to spend?”

I shrugged. “Hundred dollars? Around there, I guess. Just make it big and as gay as you possibly can. Pinks, purples... Lizbeth, what am I forgetting?” She held up a stuffed unicorn that I was sure would end up in her room when Corey got home, and I grinned. “And the stuffed unicorn.”

The florist was looking at me very oddly now, making a few notes on her notepad. “Big and, uh..”

“Gay.”

“...gay.” She repeated. “When did you want it done?”

“Oh, as soon as possible. We're going to take it to his office so everyone can see it.” If she saw the evil glint in my eye, she didn't say anything. “Do you have any singing balloons?” I asked sweetly, hearing Elizabeth's delighted laughter behind me.

“Oh my god, we have to get him singing balloons,” she said, tugging lightly on my arm, and stepping on tiptoes to whisper into my ear. “He's going to kill you.”

“I know,” I laughed, putting my credit card on the counter. “When can we pick it up?”

She thought it over for a couple minutes, looking back at the cooler to see what she had, and grabbed a couple of balloons from a drawer by her feet. “Give me twenty minutes?”

“Will do. Let's roll, Lizbeth.”

I took her hand and we headed deeper into the mall. Of course, we had to go into the girly stores, and while she was off looking at the kinds of clothes that I wouldn't let my own daughter wear under threat of death, I ducked over to the till to buy a gift card. Just as I'd gotten it tucked into my wallet, she squealed, pointing to a halter top.

“Oh my god, it's so cute.”

“Honey, if I bought that for you, your father would dump my ass,” I said, shaking my head. “C'mon, let's go get something to eat.”

It wasn't that easy, as there was a store just selling Christmas decorations and the like, and we had to go look. I'd always been slightly concerned about Santa when I was a kid, as I didn't so much like the idea of a strange man coming into my house at night, which is odd, considering the amount of one night stands I had recently.

“Hey, they have those candle things.”

Only a teenage girl could turn an important part of a major Jewish holiday into 'those candle things'. I sighed deeply. “Menorah.”

“Yeah. We should get one for the house.”

“...What do you mean?”

She gave me a look. “...So you can come over for Hanukkah?”

“Is that your way of giving us your blessing?” I asked, feeling like I could've hugged her. Fuck it, I'd go buy her that hideously sluttish halter top. And heels. Fuck it, we'd go get our ears pierced together!

“Guess so,” Elizabeth shrugged, picking up a heavy looking Menorah that, considering it was two feet away from a mechanical Santa waving his arm at me, was actually a decent quality. “You're cool, and Dad really likes you. And I don't know why, but my friends like watching you guys kiss.”

Well, that was more than I ever needed to know. “When have your friends ever seen us kiss?”

She snorted. “You guys are like... teenagers, or something. When they slept over last week, you guys were kissing in the kitchen and giggling and stuff.”

“I don't giggle.”

“You were giggling.”

“Must've been your father.”

“Whatever. They said it was hot.”

I felt dirty. Like a sex object. “Well, you want to get a Menorah for your place? My mom wants us to have Hanukkah dinner at her place, and I'm pretty sure there'll be presents for you.”

“Can I hold the baby?” She asked, brightening. “And do I get more presents because it's Christmas and Hanukkah?”

“We'll see.” I picked out a good one and went to the cashier with it.

“Doing some father-daughter shopping?” The disgustingly cheerful man at the desk asked.

“He's not my dad,” Elizabeth responded, putting some Christmas decorations on the counter. “He's my dad's boyfriend.”

I was too amazed at how quickly she'd been able to acquire an entire basket's worth of merchandise in the time that it took me to walk to the till to notice how casual she was in outing both me and her father to a complete stranger. Not that I cared, mind you. When you write a non-fiction book about how totally gay you are and spend months promoting it, it's hard to hide in the closet.

“Oh,” he said, ringing in the items and losing some of his cheer. “Well. That's nice, too.” I handed over my credit card again and he looked from the name to me and cleared his throat. “Ah. You wrote that, uh.. book.”

“I did,” I said, the underlying message being 'And I don't expect that you've read it, so I won't say anything.'

“Huh,” he said, swiping the card, the underlying message being 'I haven't read it, and I don't ever intend to, but as you're spending two hundred dollars, I won't say anything'.

We left the store and did a little more wandering around, and when we got back to the florist's (after stopping off at the car to drop everything off. My god, this is why I don't go shopping with teenaged girls), there was a huge pile of flowers in a vase that could only be described as the gayest thing I'd ever seen.

“Dad's going to kill you.” Elizabeth repeated through her giggles.

I put money on the counter for a tip, thanked the confused florist, and off we went, setting off the singing balloons twice between the shop and the car. “Okay, hold that on your lap and don't let it tip.”

“Are we really going to like.. give it to Dad?”

'Leave that one, Mars. She's only twelve.' I thought. “No, honey. I'll just give it to the receptionist.”

I drove to the newspaper where Corey worked and with Elizabeth's help, we carried the massive floral arrangement inside to the bewildered receptionist.

“... Can I help you?”

“Yeah, can you have this brought up to Corey Malcolm in Sports?” I said, with my most charming smile. She, obviously weak to my charms, smiled and nodded.

“Do you want to put a card with it?”

I tucked a Mars bar into the side of the box and shook my head. “No, he'll know.”

“... Okay, I'll bring it up right away.” She flagged down some poor intern and he hefted the flowers and balloons into the elevator.

“Thanks.” I winked at her, and left with Elizabeth in tow. “And now we wait.”

“For what?”

“For him to get the flowers.” I said, smirking, and we waited in the car. Sure enough, about five minutes after we'd sat down, my phone rang. “Hello?”

“I'm going to fucking kill you.”

“Happy birthday, baby.”

There was laughter in the background, and he half-chuckled. “Where are you?”

“Waiting to take you to lunch. We're in the parking lot.”

Corey sighed and hung up. I was nervous then, wondering if I'd gone too far somehow. But when he came out of the building, he just looked amused. Elizabeth ran out for a hug first, and then he got to me, kissed me, and put his arms around me, and I melted. “You're an ass.” He said, laughing. “They all just think it's a joke from my mom or something. Nice touch with the chocolate bar.”

“Figured you'd like that.”

He kissed me again, gave me the very meaningful 'I'm going to fuck you when I get home tonight, so don't make plans' look, and got into the passenger seat. “Where're we going?”

“Wherever you want, birthday boy.”

“Nn. I need a drink, and we can go anywhere the waiters don't sing.”

Elizabeth chose East Side Mario's (mainly so that Corey could spin the birthday wheel) and we were off. After a really nice family lunch, we drove Corey back to work, I got another kiss, and Elizabeth and I went off to pick up a cake for that night. My mother had determined that she was going to make Corey a birthday dinner, but I figured that was mainly so she could see her new granddaughter again.

“How come you're not cooking?” Elizabeth asked.

“You've had my cooking.”

“Oh, yeah. I like Grandma's cooking.”

“Kid, she's going to spoil the hell out of you this year.”

Elizabeth's eyes lit up. “Really? Dad said we were gonna go to see my other grandparents this year too. 'Cept I don't like Uncle Nick.”

“Is he the scary religious one?”

“Yeah. He keeps giving me these weird books that are all about Jesus and stuff, and they're for like... a six year old. And his wife's creepy."

“They're gonna love me,” I said, snorting, and getting out of the car.

Of course, when it came time to order the cake, she wandered off and left me to it.

“Uh... can it say 'Happy Birthday, daddy'?” I asked, cursing Liz's short attention span.

“Aw, that's nice. It's your dad's birthday?” the baker asked with a smile. I shook my head, and the smile faltered just a little. “...Buying it for your child to give to you?” she tried again.

“...Sure. Let's go with that,” I muttered, putting money down on the counter. It seemed much easier to let the decorator think I was a pervert than explain the whole situation. Besides, she wasn't entirely wrong.

“Just... give us about ten minutes, we're a little backed up.”

I decided not to go for the anal sex joke, nodded, and took my change, catching up with Elizabeth as I called my mother to see if there was anything else we needed.

“Well, I don't have any soda,” she responded. “Are you picking up the cake?”

“Yeah, we're just killing time now.” I mouthed 'soda' to Elizabeth, who nodded and ran off. “You know, you really don't have to go to all this trouble.”

“Nonsense. You like this boy, don't you?”

“...I kind of love him, ma,” I answered, blushing.

“And I'm just so happy my baby's settling down and giving up this French threesome B.S.”

“You know, over there, they call it a ménage à trois.”

“Just bring cake and ice cream and soda, Marshall.”

“Will do. See you in a few hours.” I hung up and took one of the soda bottles from Elizabeth, wandering around with her. “Mom says to get ice cream too. We got chocolate cake, so we should get some kind of vanillaish ice cream.”

“Pfft. Chocolate.”

“Too much chocolate.”

“No such thing.”

“I respectfully disagree.”

The two of us were able to agree on fudge ripple, and by the time we went through the checkout, the cake was ready. I passed the bags onto Liz and took the cake, ignoring the weird looks I was getting.

“Hey, Marshall?”

“Yeah?” I asked, making sure she was buckled into her seat before setting the cake on her lap.

“What do I call you?”

“...Marshall works pretty well. Some people are a bit more creative in what they call me, but generally, you can't go wrong with using my name, Lizbeth.”

She made a noise to let me know I was a moron, and shook her head as I got into the driver's seat. “Dad's other boyfriend didn't like me calling him 'Dad' or anything. He said it was weird. And I can't say 'Mom', 'cause you're not a girl. So, what do I call you?”

I'd like to say that the question didn't scare the hell out of me, but I'd be lying. It seemed very soon for her to be asking me things like that. Finally, I swallowed and turned around to look at her. “Call me whatever you want, kid."

“What about a-hole?” She teased.

“Been called worse.”

She shrugged and told me she'd think it over, because 'Dad' would get too confusing, 'Papa' was just weird (I agreed), 'Father' was too formal (or 'old', as she put it), and 'Daddy' was kind of childish. So, when we got home and put everything away, we got together and Googled it. After half an hour of searching, we'd finally decided that she could call me 'Dad' if she wanted to (a fact that still scared me) and by my first name if she wanted one of us specifically.

“How come you're so jumpy? Do you not want kids or something?”

“First of all, you're not really a kid, Lizbeth. Second, I adore the hell out of you. Third, I'm not jumpy. I'm wary. And four, I've never thought I was ready for kids. It's just a lot to think about all at once. Besides, I mean... Your dad and I are ...pretty serious...”

“You mean sex.”

“...Christ,” I moaned. “Yes. Sex. But it's more than that. I love him... but who knows what'll happen in the future? People break up, get divorced, whatever. And we've only been dating for like... a month. It seems longer, because we've known each other longer, but it still hasn't been that long, and I haven't had good luck with relationships, and I really shouldn't be talking about this with a twelve year old.”

“It's cool. I watch Dr. Phil.”

“...No more Dr. Phil.”

“Fine.”

We got everything back into the car, including the present Elizabeth had bought for her father with a mixture of her allowance and her swear jar money, and stopped off to check on my cat – I'd just been gone a day, but I tended to worry.

“How come you don't just bring him to our house?” Elizabeth asked in the car. I blinked. It honestly hadn't occurred to me. I'd been spending more and more time at their place, and I knew Corey didn't mind pets and Elizabeth had been harping at him for a cat forever, so it kind of made sense. When we were at a stoplight, I called Corey at work, holding the phone against my shoulder.

“Corey Malcolm.”

“Hey. Uh, Elizabeth just suggested that I bring Kosh over to live at your place. Since I'm... y'know, spending so much time over there. Is that cool with you?”

“Yeah, of course. I was kind of figuring you would sooner or later. Uh, what time are you coming to get me?”

“I'm gonna go grab the cat, drop him off at your place, drop Liz off at my mom's, and I should be back there to get you at ... five-thirty?” I pressed my foot against the gas and turned into the parking lot outside my apartment. “And the movie's not 'til nine, so we have time.”

“Okay. I'll see you then," He went quiet, like he was going to say something else, but just finished with a 'bye'.

The two of us went into my apartment, and were greeted by a 'NAOW.', as a large grey cat wandered to us and flopped onto his back. I scritched his belly lightly. “Hey, Kosh. “

“He's so pretty!” Elizabeth said, squealing. “And his eyes are two different colors!”

I'd gotten my cat after my breakup to keep myself from getting too depressed and lonely and named him Kosher. It'd started off as a joke, but that way, whenever my mother asked if I was keeping Kosher, I could honestly tell her yes. So far, she hadn't found out, and if she ever did, I'd just tell her it was a reminder for me to keep Kosher.

I put the lid on the litter box and carried it to the backseat of the car first, and then his food and water dishes went into a box with the leftover food I had, his blanket, and a couple of his cat things that he liked. It took a lot of work to coax him into the carrier, but we managed with some treats and catnip, and soon he was on a towel in his cat carrier, purring away. I could tell Elizabeth was already smitten, and overjoyed that there'd be a pet in the house.

“Just a second,” I said, disappearing into my bedroom and packing a suitcase full of my clothes. I figured if the cat was going to be at Corey's, I should have some of my things there too. I was tired of having to run back to my place every other day and get some clean clothes.

With Elizabeth carrying my suitcase and me carrying the cat, we made it back to the car, and after a quick stop getting Kosh comfortable at Corey's place, we made it to my mom's and dropped off the cake and soda and such. She was just about done with dinner, and shooed me off to pick up Corey.

“You can't have him late to his own birthday dinner,” she chided.

“Yes, ma.”

I pulled into the parking lot of the newspaper office three minutes late, and was greeted by my boyfriend looking dramatically at his watch. “Five-thirty.”

“Oh, fuck off,” I snorted, helping him carry the massive arrangement of flowers into the car, packing it between McDonald's bags and empty soda bottles (I eat in my car more than I'd like to admit) to keep it from falling over.

When we got into the car, he leaned across and kissed me, putting his hand on my thigh. “Thank you. I appreciate... everything, Marsh." The two of us looked to the clock and sighed in unison. There was no way we could sneak off for a quickie before dinner, so it would just have to wait until after the movie. After all, my mom was taking Liz for the night, and wouldn't drop her off again until the late afternoon, so Corey and I could get a few rounds in, or “alone time”, as my mother put it.

I almost suggested skipping the movie, but it'd been one that Corey had wanted to see for months, so I simply drove to my mother's for dinner.

The dinner was great, as usual, and my mother pulled me aside while Corey was cutting Elizabeth a second piece of cake.

“I think you should keep him,” she said, patting my arm.

“...Thanks, ma. I'd never given it much thought before, but now, I think I should put some effort into this relationship.”

She smacked me lightly. “I think he's perfect for you. And I always thought you'd be an amazing father... Maybe you two could even have another child.” I could see future grandchildren shining in her eyes, and cleared my throat.

“Well, ma, the problem with that is that Corey and I lack the basic reproductive system needed, but I promise, as soon as we can transplant a womb and some ovaries and stuff into one of us, we'll get right on that.”

She smacked me again. “You know what I mean. There are plenty of kids who want homes out there, Marshall.”

“And they save the really damaged ones for gay couples. I read, you know." I sighed. “We'll see.”

“Good boy.” My mother went back into the dining room carrying a photo album that had apparently materialized out of nowhere. I sputtered.

“Where the hell did you pull that out of?”

“Aw, look how cute he was...” Corey said, pointing out five year old me dressed as a cowboy. I grabbed his wrist.

“We have to get to the movie, honey,” I said with clenched teeth. He snickered, kissed his daughter good-bye, and kissed my mother on the cheek.

“Thanks for dinner, Ruth,” he said, giving her a little hug. She mouthed 'Keep him!' at me when his back was turned, and I sighed, kissing the top of Elizabeth's head.

“Night, kiddo. We'll see you in the morning.”

Corey and I got to the theatre on time and sat near the back, and if you asked me what the movie was about, I couldn't even tell you. I spent the whole two hours with my head on Corey's shoulder, half zoned out. It'd been a busy day, and I was just so happy to be alone (so to speak) with my boyfriend, with his arm around me, I could've fallen asleep.

By the time I looked up, the credits were rolling, and Corey was nudging me lightly to get up. “I'm gonna go to the bathroom first. I'll be right back.”

“Mn. I'll wait in the lobby,” I said, stretching and standing, walking to the lobby and looking at the 'coming attraction' posters.

“...Marshall?” A voice said from behind me. I turned and brightened.

“Grey. Hey... How're you?” I asked, wondering if we should hug or something when he hugged me. I returned it gladly, relieved to have that friendship back in my life.

“Good. Just here on a date.”

“Me too. Waiting for my boyfriend.”

He raised an eyebrow. “So things are going well?”

I blushed. “...Yeah.”

“I'm really happy for you, Mars.”

A very sexy college aged boy sidled up to Graham and put his arm around Grey's waist. “Hey. There was a really hot guy in there, and I totally didn't mean to look, but I did.” He grinned, teasing, and then noticed me. “...Oh. Hey.”

“...Mars, this is my boyfriend, Jason.”

“...Aren't you in Grey's class?” I blinked. Graham cleared his throat. “Oh my god, you kinky fuck!” I gasped, laughing. “I love it!”

“Baby, there was this guy checking me out in the bathroo--... Uh, hi.” Corey looked the other couple over and then to me.

“Corey, this is Grey – my ex.”

He relaxed and extended a hand, which Graham shook. “I've heard a lot about you. “

“You too,” Grey said, giving me a look which rather plainly read 'Nice.' I winked at him.

“We better get going. Call me. We'll double date or something.”

“Sure. “ We kissed each other on the cheek and I went off with Corey, utterly thrilled that Graham had moved on and found someone hot. Hotter than me, even.

“You're so much hotter than his new boyfriend,” Corey said, making me look over. My heart fluttered, and I kissed him.

“And you're very sweet. A fucking liar, but very sweet.”

When we were next to the car, he pulled me close and kissed me, running a hand through my hair. I could feel my knees turn to jelly. “Mm. Thank you, baby. It was a great birthday.” Corey tilted his head to kiss my jawline. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I murmured, without thinking about it. Corey stood and kind of stared at me. “... what?”

“You... um... You do?”

“... yes?” I blinked at him, and it took me a moment to realize that I hadn't actually told him how I felt yet. I kind of assumed it was obvious. Still, the look on his face made my pulse quicken, and I didn't feel nervous or scared about our relationship anymore. After all, he'd loved me since before we'd actually offically started dating.

We got back to his place and didn't even make it to the bedroom. Hell, we had sex twice on the way to the bedroom, and by then, I could barely walk. I mumbled something about a stain on the stairway carpet and he chuckled into my ear. “Let's not worry about that now.. I need to finish unwrapping my present.”

He pinned me to the bed and slowly, his head disappeared under the covers. I heard him murmur “Round three” and then I kind of blacked out.

So, remember, kids. If it's your boyfriend's birthday, don't worry too much about presents. Just let him fuck you ten ways from Sunday, and it's all golden.

I wonder if he'd be upset that I was getting him the same thing for Christmas.

Soundtrack:

Franz Ferdinand – Walk Away (Acoustic)

Wide Mouth Mason – Companion (Lay Me Down)

Ben Folds – Trusted

The Magic Numbers – Mornings Eleven

Big Wreck – Blown Wide Open

Ben Folds Five – Don't Change Your Plans

The Decemberists – Hazards of Love 4

Matthew Good – Blue Skies Over Bad Lands

Toni Braxton – You're Making Me High

Guillemots – Annie, Let's Not Wait