21 – Recombination

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“Bassment,” Paul reiterated impatiently, hands jammed into his pockets as he, Daniel and Kazuhi stood in a close circle.

“I’m bored with that place,” Daniel argued, “I vote we check out that CC Club which Chris recommended.”

Rolling his eyes Paul growled, “Dude, CC is the most pretentious and cheesy place I have ever seen. And the music’s stupid. It’s nothing but a place to see and be seen, so I don’t know about you,” he slung his arm around Kazuhi, “But my man Kaz here and I, we want to dance.”

Kazuhi rolled his eyes at them but said nothing, turning to leave them to it and eyeing the candy shop across the way. They were back where they had all first met up, battling out where to go next.

“Fine, fine,” Daniel relented, breaking the circle as he stepped back. “I suppose Yu-re has to side with you on something.”

“You two stick together on racing every. Single. Time,” Paul accused, throwing his hands up and leading the way out onto the street. “At least I get him on my team for teaching you what good music is. You need to get out more often. Besides, Kaz and I are dressed for dancing, they won’t let us in to CC anyway.”

“Stuff it,” he told Paul, who ignored him. Turning to Kazuhi, Daniel asked quietly, “You okay, matey? You’ve been really quiet.”

“Yeah,” Kazuhi replied automatically but seeing Dan’s concerned gaze, and even Paul cocked his head to listen to them as they followed him, Kazuhi amended, “I’ll be okay. Music and dancing are exactly what I need. I’m just… a little shaken.”

“Onward march!” Paul called playfully, immediately catching on. “We need us some drinks and cute chicks! Hey, that rhymed.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Daniel said, shaking his head with mock despair, “When are you going to grow up?”

Following the pair, Kazuhi felt some of his tension ebb away and felt thankful the two let him stay quiet when he needed to, simply filling in the silence with their usual banter and talk. It always seemed natural for him to jump in when he wanted to, between them letting him watch and enjoy them have a go at the other. There never seemed to be any sort of pressure when he hung out with them.

They just took him as he was.

--

At Bassment, they paid their door charges and trooped in.

The club had some smooth, easy groove House Electronic music playing, the crowd much more informal and dressed to move rather than look stylish and pretty. The minimalist metal and glass made the place seem futuristic, the chill-out House beats making it so Kazuhi couldn’t help but let the sound take him, make him forget. The lyric-less melodies implied the emotions, and the power behind them soon swept his thoughts away.

He downed some drinks, danced with the cute girl he’d met bumping into near the toilets. A few more glasses and he went off to dance with the handsome guy he’d met by the bar. Daniel, Paul and he met some girls at the bar, three of them who immediately seemed friendly since they hadn’t tried to pick the girls up.

Paul was rather downcast when one of the girls praised them for it, leaning over to whisper to Kazuhi and making him laugh, “Damn, now I can’t try anything!”

They each broke away once in a while to dance, and Kazuhi found himself finally relaxing for the first time since he’d fled Primrose Hill earlier. A few drinks, he’d learned, dulled his thoughts enough that he didn’t have to continuously endure the ache in his heart and soul.

When the beats turned a little lighter, the dance floor cleared. He stood to one side and against the wall, giving Daniel a quick wave, who stood at a nearby terrace. He downed a bottle of water in one go and turned to toss it into a nearby bin. When he faced the dance floor again, a tall figure suddenly stood before him.

Then it felt like the breath had been knocked out of him.

Hazel eyes flashed in and out of his vision to the rhythm of the lights. Familiar blonde hair, still shorter than he truly preferred, fell over a memorable face. Worry shone in those eyes, and when Ian leaned forward, he backed reflexively away into the wall behind him. But Ian’s arms closed off escape, hands slapped onto the wall at each of his sides and forced him to stay.

Again, the idea of Ian near him made Kazuhi want to flee. But Ian was leaning forward, lips coming to his ear and he stiffened, turning his head because he didn’t want Ian’s touch, wanted to be safe and away from here.

“Don’t make me hunt you down again,” Ian asked softly. “It was hard enough to overhear your phone conversation about tonight from as far away as I was.”

Kazuhi shook, startled that Ian had gone to so much effort to spy on and find him… and chagrined that a mere civilian had kept up with him. He’d been certain there was no one around for at least twenty metres-- but Ian was leaning in again,

“Dance with me,” he cajoled.

The nearness drove Kazuhi half out of his mind, the familiar scent filling his lungs. But then Ian’s hands closed down on his upper arms, making his skin warm, pulling him forward and against a broad chest. Familiar arms closed on him, pulling him along as Ian backed away from the wall, through the people and toward the middle of the floor.

“To dance with me,” Ian pointed out, “You have to dance.”

Obediently, automatically, Kazuhi lifted his hands and set one high on Ian’s arm, fingertips on his lover’s shoulder, and the other over Ian’s forearm. Drawing a shaky breath, he tried to push away the sensations Ian’s body wrought on him, the warmth in his arms surrounding him and rushing in a crashing wave. Overwhelmed, he moved thoughtlessly to the beat, the sustained tones interspersing it resonating in a pleasantly dream-like quality.

More people were piling onto the dance floor now, crowding around them both, but all Kazuhi could see was the vision he held in his arms, the man he had held that night in the hangar basement. It brought back memories of the adoration in Ian’s eyes, the slow lingering touches and heart-felt moans. He leaned, curving into Ian’s body, mind assaulted by loving memories, the feel and joy of being held near almost making him weep.

Pulled closer, looking up into the man he loved, Kazuhi murmured, “I’m sorry.” Ian’s arms tightened about him, and wetness pricked behind his eyes. His voice cracked a little when he begged, “Don’t… I can’t--”

“Just dance with me,” Ian reprimanded him. “And don’t run.”

--

Through saying quick good byes and muttering excuses, waving and pardoning himself from the group they’d met, Ian stood just behind him, tacit and waiting. Daniel hadn’t wanted him to go off on his own as he’d had a lot to drink, but Kazuhi assured his friend he would be fine since Ian had a car.

“Ian, huh?” Daniel muttered, looking up to give Ian an assessing once-over. To Kazuhi, he reminded, “Call me if you need anything, Yu-re. Be careful.”

“Thanks, Dan.”

When they hit the street, Ian asked, “Yu-re?”

“Japanese word for Ghost,” Kazuhi answered, not meeting Ian’s eyes. He started when Ian pulled at his wrist, tugging it from his pocket before enclosing it in a larger, warmer one.

They moved without speaking, from the street into the parking centre and into the car. There, when Ian released his hand, it seemed colder, but he forced himself to lean away. It seemed natural that they went to Regent’s Park, and together they walked in silence up to Primrose Hill… and Kazuhi wished Ian would touch him again. At the peak, they stood quietly side by side, Ian with his hands in his pockets, in the same place they always stood, the same place they always went to talk about their relationship.

The silence lingered for long moments and eventually the quiet between them seemed less settled. There was too much to say and yet Kazuhi had no idea where to begin. Finally, still looking out over the view, he blurted out, “Please just let me say this,” he couldn’t even say it to Ian’s face, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry--”

“You have no reason to apologise,” Ian interrupted softly. “You have done nothing wrong in keeping me and my sister alive. I can understand you did… what you had to do.”

The tone of Ian’s voice seemed almost flat somehow, and Kazuhi was filled with a mad desperation. “It wasn’t a job,” Kazuhi gasped, whirling to face him, “I didn’t do it just because they ordered me to, you have to understand--”

“I know,” Ian cut in again, turning to face Kazu fully. A long moment later, he admitted, “I… knew.” Still whispering he took a half-step closer, gaze intense, and continued, “I knew… how you felt almost right off the bat. It’s what made dealing with you so difficult. I could see your mind work and see the thoughts flashing behind your eyes.” He tilted his head, “Remember that morning we were introduced at RIG?”

Astonished, Kazuhi nodded.

“I saw your contempt for me.” He shook his head, “Because for some strange reason I could read you even having just met you.” Ian chuckled dryly, shaking his head as he spoke, “I was so worried you could read me just as well, that you were stronger, that you could deal with this attraction better than I ever could. I was… afraid that you would turn away from me but not before mocking me for my attraction to you.”

“If you could read me even half so well as I can see you do,” Kazuhi murmured, tilting his head to one side, a small wan smile pulling at his lips, “You would have seen I could do no such thing.”

“I didn’t know what to expect. Like what you did… suffering Artois and yet here you stand. I don’t know how you could go through that,” he shook his head, scrubbing at his hair with a hand. Ian stepped another half-pace closer again and scowled, growling harshly, “That Artois demon deserves to be gutted and skinned alive.”

Kazuhi looked away, the memory of that bastard bringing him down. Closing his eyes, he tried to call up happier memories… then realised he only had to open his eyes and the happiest of them all stood right before him. Kazuhi watched as Ian sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up on end, uncertain and suddenly quiet. Then Kazuhi noticed something, Ian’s movements pulling his shirt taught about his chest where there was suddenly visible the distinctive bumps made by a specific set of charms underneath Ian’s neckline; the necklace Kazuhi had given his lover. And suddenly a small smile stole across his face, hope blossomed in his chest and he dared to reach up and cup Ian’s cheek.

Instantly, Ian nuzzled into the touch, a hand coming up to cover Kazu’s and hold it there, while the other settled on Kazu’s hip.

Smiling gently, Ian said softly, “I just want you to know… that I don’t hold it against you. I had as much a part of all of that as you. Hell, if it hadn’t been for me, none of that would have even happened to you and you wouldn’t have had to make those choices.”

Taking a deep breath, fingertips quickly covering Kazuhi’s lips to stop the attempted interruption, he muttered,

“More than anything I want you to know that I mean it when I tell you…” he took a nervous breath, “that I still want you. If you’ll have me, let me stay with you,”

Kazuhi gasped, astounded.

But Ian gave a little smile and pronounced the words he’d been dreaming of hearing since they were first spoken, “I want you to let me love you and I still want to fill your--”

And suddenly the words were gone because Kazu couldn’t take it anymore.

He had jumped forward, covering Ian’s lips with his own and seeking… Lord, seeking this onslaught of heat and need, Ian’s arms suddenly holding him tightly, Ian slanting lips demandingly over his own and stealing his very breath away.

Emotions out-poured into that kiss, longing and need, want and tenderness, accumulated after weeks of pining and pointless longing. He could taste how much Ian had missed him in that kiss, and with a small moan returned the emotions, clenching his fists into Ian’s clothing and wishing they never had to let the other go…

Eventually and very slowly, the kiss gentled, hands stroked at his arms and shoulders with disbelief. Those hands moved up over his back, fingertips teased at his neck before sliding back down, clenching reflexively along the way. Carefully and tenderly, Ian stroked his lips with a loving tongue, nipping gently at his bottom lip and making him moan. In the very embrace itself, Ian made a silent promise and Kazuhi echoed it, holding Ian just as tightly, wanting to never let go.

Until, with a sigh, the kiss broke.

With foreheads resting together Kazuhi realised the sensations in his chest, the amazing and uplifting hope, were of towering happiness and utter contentment.

“Damn!” Ian snapped softly, almost startling Kazu so that he stared wide-eyed up at Ian, “I always knew I was a romantic at heart.” Ian sighed, but a moment later he gave a heart-stopping smile and sheepishly admitted, “I just didn’t know I was a hopeless one.”

Kazuhi laughed, making Ian’s smile widen at the happy sound, and hiked up on his toes to reach for another one of those earth-shattering kisses.

FIN.

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