A/N: OK. This is a really stupid side story about Samoda and chocolate chip cookies. It’s really lame but enjoy it if you can. I know I did.

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Sharp blue eyes scanned the expanse of the seemingly endless white room. Something was definitely not right. He couldn’t seem to remember how he’d gotten into this imprisonment. Was it somewhere in the depths of his mind or had he been kidnapped by aliens?

“Where am I?” he wondered aloud and just about had a heart attack as a bench with a jar on top appeared by magic in front of him. The glass jar seemed empty for a split second before it began to fill with chocolate chip cookies.

You are nowhere.

The Dragon Lord glanced around for the voice that echoed around him but could not find the owner. His eyes rested on the cookie jar and he unconsciously licked his lips. Stuff the ominous voice! There were cookies within his grasp! He reached out, intending to snatch the whole jar off the table when he was suddenly knocked in the side by an invisible bat. He staggered and glared.

“OK! That does it! Who are you and why won’t you let me have the cookies?”

I am nameless! Heh-heh-heh. ‘Cause it’s so fun to watch you crave for biscuits.

“That doesn’t tell me anything!” he snapped irritably and made a dart for the cookies again, but was easily swung away.

OK. OK. I’ll make you a deal. You have three tasks to do if you want the precious cookies. The first is you have to search the room and find the abnormal white spot on the floor.

Samoda’s eyes twitched reflexively at the task and he peered slowly around him in disbelief. How unfair was that?! How did this voice expect him to find an abnormal white spot in this place!? With one last longing look towards the cookies, he set off through the white waste land in search of the abnormal white spot. His metal boots echoed on the ground, clinking and clattering.

Even after a few minutes, the usually happy Dragon Lord was getting annoyed. There wasn’t any abnormal white spot!

Come on, Sam. It’s not that hard.

Samoda lifted his head to glare at the endless white ceiling. “Will you just shut up for one minute!”

I’ve been quiet for more than that already.

“How do you know my name, anyway?”

I…ummm…eh…you don’t remember anything from before, right?

“I don’t even know how old I am at the moment.”

A masculine chuckle echoed around him and his eyes sparked with some recognition to the sound but he couldn’t figure out the name. Instead, he focused on finding the damn white spot. There it was! It was the size of a soccer ball, and there was a note lying on top of it. He cautiously picked it up and read the script. The voice did not come back as he read out loud, “‘I really hope you can run fast.’”

The Dragon Lord frowned in utter confusion. All there was, was endless white. How could there be anything to run from? The ground suddenly shook.

This is the second task. Run from the creatures.

Run from the…creatures? It was then that Samoda heard an odd clicking sound, as though something was connecting with the floor. There was an unusual growl from behind him and he peered over his shoulder.

Three, two metre tall Velicoraptors stood there, eyeing the Dragon Lord with an intelligence that was completely lost on him.

“Nice, dinosaurs.” He coaxed to them and began to retreat.

The three hissed and he turned around and ran away, as fast as his legs would allow him. The high-pitched shriek behind him was disturbing and frightening all at the same time. Great. Why did he have to be chased by extinct dinosaurs? Who the hell was behind this? If he ever got out of this alive, with his prize, he solemnly swore to never go to this much trouble again for cookies.

The bench was up ahead, and as he skidded to a stop beside it, he was suddenly pushed to the ground by something falling heavily on top of him. At first he thought it was one of the dinosaurs, but it wasn’t. It was something human.

“Samoda?”

The Dragon Lord brightened immediately.

“Volante! How did you get here? I’m surprised I remember you.”

The vampire got to his feet and helped his former enemy up. “You do know who’s behind this, right?”

“No.”

“It’s-”

It was amazing. Whenever you wished to reveal some sort of relevant information to a person, you never seemed to be quite capable of achieving it, due to someone stopping you. A giant strip of sticky tape suddenly appeared, levitating in front of the vampire before it wrapped itself over his mouth and around his arms, torso and legs. Volante snarled and wriggled, muffled words echoing behind the texture of the tape.

That’s enough out of you! OK. Now, Sammy. Your last task to get the cookies is to kiss Volante.

Now, didn’t this seem somehow related to everything he’d forgotten? His eyes almost bugged out of his sockets at the unusual request. Who would suggest such a disgusting task? Well, whoever was playing this awful game would certainly be in for it once he had the lovely cookies in his grasp! Blue eyes narrowed into mere slits as they eyed the cookie jar possessively.

“My cookies.” He hissed before he rose to his full height and turned to Volante with a determined gleam in his eyes. “I will get the cookies, even if I have to French kiss you.”

Volante began wriggling in an attempt to escape from the binding duck tape but it was useless. He was helpless. He started yelling but the tape made it sound like grumbling mumbles as though he was clearly unhappy, which he damn well was! Hell! He hadn’t come in here to save the guy just to get snogged by him. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt one of the Dragon Lord’s arms come around him. The voice around them began to giggle hysterically as Samoda reached for the tape wrapped around the vampire’s mouth.

Three…

Volante flinched and Samoda smirked.

Two…

The elf flicked the end of the tape up…

One…

…and ripped it clean off.

…scream.

Never, in his very long life, had Samoda ever heard such a torrent of curses or of how fast they came out of the vampire’s mouth. It was, to be quite frank, positively amusing and he found himself chuckling and just laughed harder as the vampire calmed down enough to fix him with a deadly glare that was meant to intimidate. It did nothing but fuel the elf’s amusement to the point that he was doubled over in hysterical laughter, accompanying the chortles that echoed consistently around them.

“It is not funny!” Volante snapped.

“You’re right.” Samoda regained his composure and became stoic. “Now, Volante, I’m going to make this quick and painless. The tape already gave you the pain-”

The Dragon Lord broke out into a fit of laughter yet again and Volante merely gave him a blank stare with narrowed eyes. A genuine: what the fuck having you been smoking and why don’t I have any look. All this passed through the vampires mind right before he was enveloped by a certain Dragon Lord and lips pressed firmly against his.

Samoda pulled back to see a most interesting dazed expression on the vampires face. The laughter continued at full-volume around them.

“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No.”

“I told you.”

“Can you do it again?”

“I – what?!”

There was no time to answer that question for the voice had suddenly controlled itself to speak to them.

Well, you’ve passed the test, Samoda. You may retrieve the cookies.

The Dragon Lord squealed (A/N: Yes, he squealed. I wanna glomp him) before he ran at full speed towards the cookie jar and grabbed it. He tore the lid off and his hand lashed out like a snake, preparing to grab a cookie but grasped….nothing. It was then that the white environment around him suddenly disappeared and he found himself standing in the kitchen in the Malta’s residence. Volante was standing beside him, eyeing him pointedly. Sandarac was a giggling mess by the kitchen wall. Samoda stared at his hand that was slowly inching into the trash can. He snatched his hand back as if he’d been burnt. Blue eyes regarded Sandarac sourly.

“It was you, wasn’t it?”

“Yes indeedy.” The blond replied cheerfully.

“The raptors were my idea.” Vincent stepped into the kitchen with Celia half a step behind him with a broad grin on her face.

Everyone else stepped in with similar expressions, even the ever stoic Deon.

“We finally pissed him off!” Mike crowed and high-fived Sandarac.

Samoda rolled his eyes and gave them a curt clap. “Fine. Fine. So, you guys pissed me off….well done. Now,” his gaze turned viscous and demanding. “Where are my cookies?”

And just like that, the room became scarce of people. But, there was always the idiot who was slow. Sandarac. A growl rose in the Dragon Lord’s chest as he strode purposely towards him. The blond shrunk against the wall and smiled nervously.

“Where. Are. My. Cookies?!”

“Your cookies? Umm…well…I…”

“Sandarac, you made me kiss Volante. I want my cookies and I want them now.”

Sandarac groped the side of the wall nervously in search of a weapon but luck didn’t seem to be on his side. He sighed in defeat.

Five minutes later after a trip to the shops…

Samoda, his eyes closed in delight, chomped happily on a giant chocolate chip cookie. The large jar was seated in his lap and several envious eyes watched him, regretting their previous prank.

“Samoda?” Mike knelt by his side and he adopted his puppy dog expression. “Can I have a cookie, please?”

The Dragon Lord pouted before he grinned devilishly. “No! My cookies! Mine! Mine! Mine!”

And then the events that followed were anything but surprising. Samoda got his cookies. Sandarac got locked in the basement for two weeks without nourishment and the rest of the gang never bothered the Dragon Lord again…except one.

Samoda wandered into the kitchen in the morning to find his cookie jar in possession of Volante. The vampire smirked.

“If you want the cookies, you’re going to have to complete the tasks I set for you.”

The Dragon Lord’s eyes twitched once, twice and once more before he turned on his heel and left the kitchen. “Fuck you. Go make out with a cookie.”

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A/N: I love Samoda! I’d get pissed if I had to make out with the same sex for a cookie, too.

I’ll update Shadow Defenders soon, so don’t worry!

And thank you all so much for being so patient and understanding!