author's note: yeah, wrote this when i was twelve or thirteen and was a paranoid little child who couldn't sleep at night. this is possibly the only thing from that era that i enjoy reading.

insomnia

i figured out where the word insomnia came from.

latin origins. 'in' meaning not or no; "somnia" referring to somnus, the god of sleep. in-somnia: no sleep.

i wish i believed in somnus. then i could just sacrifice a chicken or something to appease him and then, bang. nighty-night.

my dad is full of advice. he's all 'mindful' and whatnot. buddhism and stuff. 'breathe' he tells me. 'just breathe, and be mindful of every breath, and concentrate only on the breathing. if you have a thought, just let it float away.'

my thoughts must be made of gorilla glue. or whatever that really strong glue is called. suffice it to say, they do not just 'float away'.

i wish brains had an off-switch. at night, everything i hear gets transformed into a sadistic killer who will rip my jaw off. (courtesy of "saw") or i'll get freaked out that my head will get ripped off, via elevator doors. (thank you, "final destination") or that there is a small bomb implanted in my face the will go off and cause my head to explode (i got this one from some ad for a horror movie when looking through the newspaper for the comics).

the pathetic thing is i haven't even seen any of these movies. it's all me. and my sick, hyperactive brain.

i've tried everything. meditation. chamomile. soft music. i've counted so many damn sheep i could feed a third world country.

nothing. works.

i can't sleep.