“Okay, how do you know this is the right way to go again?”

“I have directions?”

“How do you know they’re the right directions?”

“Kale sent them to me. If they aren’t right, then no other directions are, Ethan. So take a left on that street.”

Ethan frowned. “Your left or my left?”

“Our left. It‘s the exact same left.”

Looking for their new apartment never got easy. At least for Ethan. Mostly because he had always been confused by directions easily and Kale’s were never easy. They always got lost but Rayan would always make him keep going because he believed in him or some stupid romantic shit like that. Rayan was good at directions and Ethan couldn’t understand why Rayan never drove more. Other than his stupid excuse about Ethan once having been a professional driver or something just as stupid. It had taken him two months to figure out all the roads of that stupid city he had had to drive all around as a taxi driver. He’d been lucky his old boss has a hard time keeping employees and never fired him.

“Alright, one last right and we’ll be at the apartment building.”

“When do I make the right?”

“You were supposed to three seconds ago.”

Ethan sighed and stopped the rented car, looking to Rayan desperately. “Why don’t you just drive us? We both know the same shit is going to happen every time.”

“Then we lose half the fun,” Rayan explained, his brown eyes twinkling with amusement.

Ethan didn’t find it funny.

“So what? My confusion is your sick source of entertainment?”

“Yep! Now, turn back and take that right!”

Of course he had to be stuck with the one who thought it was hilarious to see him confused. Of course, he’d have Rayan.

“Rayan, I hate you,” the brunette murmured as he drove in reverse and took the right. He was pretty certain it was the right right. It was the only right there was, there couldn’t be any others. At least he was sure. At least if Rayan hadn’t read the directions wrong on purpose and he was supposed to take a left. He still took the right anyway.

“That’s a lie and we both know it.”

“No, it’s the truth and one’s in denial.”

Rayan giggled. “Since being with me, your vocabulary has improved! How can you hate me when I’ve done something so beneficial for you?”

“Easily,” Ethan answered, smiling when he saw the apartment building nearby. “You love seeing me in pain and use words nobody uses.”

“But I use them so therefore, somebody does use them.”

“Oh, Mr. Philosopher comes on out. Great.”

When they finally pulled up in front of the apartment building, Ethan looked around for a place to park the car. Finding one, he parked it there and stopped the car with a sigh, leaning back.

“I could fall asleep right here. This is more comfortable anyway.”

His eyes had been closed and he had sensed Rayan getting closer to him. He had been expecting a kiss but gasped when Rayan began sucking on his neck.

“Maybe but we can’t have sex here,” Rayan whispered against the skin on Ethan’s neck. “Well, we could. We have. But here is too public. We’d be seen too easily and you’d get all embarrassed because somebody saw your butt.”

“And I’m the horny dick again because…?”

“You are a horny dick?” Rayan supplied, stopping his attack on Ethan’s neck to kiss his cheek affectionately. “You need sex every other day or you start getting desperate. If that doesn’t scream horny dick, I don’t know what does.”

“You’re basically the same! You’re always kissing me and expecting me to want sex every minute or something!”

“You usually do,” the red head said, kissing his cheek again. “But come on, let’s get inside. I want to take a nap.”

Rayan had made sure he had gotten in the last word before opening his car, Ethan following his lead. They got their bags out of their trunk and made their way to their new temporary home.

Their little arguments made life more exciting even though their life was already exciting enough. But surprisingly, hiding out in an apartment all day lacked any sort of thrill and sex was only so entertaining for so long.

“Wait,” Ethan whispered, making sure nobody could hear them as they made their way up the stairs. Their apartment was on the second floor obviously. Ethan never knew where they would be staying. “You made it sound like you wanted sex or something.”

“No, I just said we couldn’t have sex in the car. Just because I said that doesn’t mean I actually wanted to have sex. See? You really are a horny dick thinking things like that.” He had waited until they were at their front door until he answered him. A self-satisfied smirk was apparent on his face.

Ethan glared at him until realization dawned on him. “I hate you. I hate you. You did that just to try to prove I was a horny dick. You’re just like fucking Kale. Thinking up these little plans that nobody else knows about. I hate you.”

Rayan only continued to smile before fishing around his pocket for the apartment’s key and then opening the door. It wasn’t anything big. Not like they needed five bedrooms or anything extravagant. They just needed a place to sleep and something to cook with and a place to go to the bathroom. Literally the bare necessities. Living in such a way made him jealous of the people who had couches and beds, even uncomfortable ones. They were so much better than a hard, cold floor. Those people were spoiled and Ethan missed being spoiled.

“Home sweet home,” Rayan said as he walked in, pulling Ethan along with him. “Not too bad. Clean.”

“At least it doesn’t smell like piss,” Ethan commented, referencing to the hideout, which he had stayed in with Rayan for the first two weeks he had known the criminal. “No rats either. We’ve got a winner.” Ethan could remember sleeping in that abandoned building and hearing rats scurrying around. So far, he hadn’t had to experience that again.

Rayan yawned, stretching and dropping their bags on the floor.

“Get our pillows, Ethan. Blankets too,” Rayan mumbled, sitting down on the ground with a yawn.

Ethan looked angrily to his lover. “Why am I your personal slave again?”

“You’re good at it.”

“That’s what you always say,” Ethan mumbled, running a hand through his brown hair. He was tired too. That nightmare had ruined his sleep. He hadn’t stopped waking up after that, looking to Rayan just to make sure he was there. Just to make sure he was breathing or not bleeding from some random area. He had wished airplanes didn’t have chairs like that. And against his unromantic side, he had wanted to hold him. Even if Rayan would have woken up and teased him for being so adoring.

Rayan hadn’t seemed to remember that he had had the dream. Which was unusual because Rayan remembered everything.

He frowned when he finally got a hold of their pillows and blankets. Throwing Rayan his pillow, he looked to him, checking him out for any signs of illness. Rayan didn’t seem to be knocking on death’s door. He did look tired but who wasn’t tired after a plane ride? He was tired. It was completely normal to get tired after riding on a plane. It was to be expected.

“Rayan, are you fine?” It was still better to just make sure.

Looking to him, the man raised an eyebrow. “Yes? Why wouldn’t I? Do I look sick or something?”

“No…” Ethan put his pillow on the ground, laying his head down on it. Not even noticing the hardness of the floor that he regularly complained about. “Does your….injury still hurt you?” He didn’t know how to word it. Referring to it as a gunshot seemed too blunt and just reminded Ethan of bad times.

Propping his pillow close to Ethan’s, Rayan rested his head down on it and smiled to his boyfriend. That same smile he always got when he had just had one of his romantic dreams come true.

“You know, you’re so romantic without even knowing you are. Worrying about me all the time. At least, it’s romantic for you. I have to take what I can get. Which is a little but hey, who is perfect?”

Ethan chose not to say anything to that. Rayan would just twist his words and he was too tired. He yawned and closed his eyes, feeling Rayan’s breath on his face. Why he always insisted sleeping that close, Ethan never knew. But he’d gotten used to it a long time ago.

“Ethan.”

“What? Aren’t you the one who was telling me to go get you this and that so you could sleep?”

“Yes but I was wondering if you were ever going to tell me that dream of yours.”

Opening his eyes, Ethan saw that Rayan seemed wide-awake. He’d been tired only a few seconds ago and now he didn’t even physically seem it anymore. How was that possible? He was too good an actor. He was also too smart but that was something Ethan had always known about his lover.

“Aren’t you tired? The dream isn’t even important anymore.” Ethan hoped he’d been able to catch onto Rayan’s acting skills.

“If your dream wasn’t so important, then why not tell me?”

“…Because.”

Rayan was too good at arguments. Or maybe he was just bad at logic.

“Tell me it as a bedtime story?” Rayan murmured, yawning. He moved the blanket up to his chin. “I’ve never been told one before.”

“And you’re not going to now. Go to sleep.”

“Aw, that’s not fair at all.”

Ethan had picked up a lot when it came to Rayan. He learned all his weird quirks and what made him tick easily. It wasn’t hard at all and so Ethan did know a simple way to just end their argument.

“Shut up.” He wrapped an arm around the other man and brought him closer, holding him against his chest. Rayan loved it when Ethan showed him this kind of affection. Even if it was something as simple as just a hug. A kiss. Holding his hand out in public. Although the last one was always the one he only did if he absolutely had to.

Rayan did snuggle closer to him. “Clever move, Ethan. But this only momentarily stops me, you know. As soon as we wake up, I’m asking you about the dream and getting answers.”

Once again, Ethan didn’t say anything but he knew Rayan didn’t expect him to.

--

“Ethan,” Rayan moaned out, panting and moving along with Ethan’s own harsh thrusts. “Ethan…good…”

Smirking, Ethan covered Rayan’s mouth with his own and quickened his pace. He was so close and with the way Rayan seemed to grow tighter around him, he knew he was too. It felt so wonderful. So good…

Suddenly Ethan felt Rayan cough against his mouth and he could taste something salty and disgusting enter his mouth. Ethan pulled away and what he saw terrified him.

Rayan’s wound had opened back up, blood flowing out of it easily and blood trickling down the corner of his mouth. Tears were falling down his cheeks as he seemed to be frozen in pain.

“Rayan! How?! I thought…I thought…”

Rayan coughed again, blood splattering against Ethan’s chest.

“Hurts…make it stop….”

He put his hands to where Rayan was bleeding but it only seemed to make it bleed more. Didn’t pressure make bleeding slow down? Why was it going faster? He moved his hand away but even that seemed to make the blood come out even quicker.

“Rayan! I’m sorry! I thought I was being careful!”

Rayan’s black hair was plastered to his forehead and all color was leaving his face. He was dying and his eyes were slowly closing.

“Rayan! No! Don’t fall asleep!” He had always heard that on TV, never to fall asleep when you were about to die. Maybe it wasn’t the right advice or maybe it was. He didn’t know but he was going to do anything he could to keep Rayan alive.

That was when Ethan took notice of Rayan’s appearance. He looked past the blood and the horrible paling skin. He took notice of his hair. It was black. They didn’t have their black hair anymore. Rayan’s hair was red now.

This was just another nightmare.

“Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up…” He muttered in a mantra. Ignoring the site in front of him was tough but it wasn’t real. It wasn’t real.

“Why don’t you help me, Ethan? Aren’t I good enough?”

“NOT REAL!”

He sat up, his body feeling as if he had just run a marathon. Rayan was sitting next to him, his eyes large and worry overfilling them. He wrapped an arm around him in a comforting embrace. Ethan fell into it, not caring what would come from it. Feeling Rayan breathe, feeling him solid against his cheek was enough for that moment.

“Ethan, what’s wrong? What isn’t real?”

“Nothing…” His breathlessness made it obvious he was lying.

“You were having another dream. But that isn’t really a dream. It’s a nightmare,” Rayan said as he massaged his back. “How long have you been having them?”

There was no point in keeping the lie going. There had never been any point.

“Since last night.”

“You mean the other dream began them? So it wasn’t even a dream. It was a nightmare. What’s happening? It’s about me, right?”

Ethan moved away from Rayan and laid his head back down on in his pillow, feeling his breathing finally calm down. “Isn’t that kind of arrogant, thinking like that?”

“You love me. You’re always making sure if I’m okay. If it isn’t about me, then who could it be about?”

“Stop saying that already! You’re my friend; I love you like I should so just shut the fuck up about it.”

Rayan began glaring at him. “Are you going to start that again? Just a minute ago, you were cuddling up to me, seeking comfort and this crap starts up. I’m sick of this denial.”

“I’m sick of your denial!” Ethan replied, glaring back at him. “I’m going back to sleep.”

“Whatever. Have nightmares all you want.”

With a harsh pull of the blanket, Ethan hardly had any on him and Rayan had most of it. He should have been expecting that. It was what he deserved. He’d been irritated and scared from that nightmare. He’d just blurted anything. He hadn’t said anything like that ever since the fight right before Rayan had been shot. Saying things like that never got him anywhere. It only caused problems and he had wondered if claiming he never cared about Rayan had somehow cursed him. But now Rayan was angry and there was no point in apologizing. He was horrible at putting words together and he’d have to think about what to say if he wanted to pacify him.

He remembered his dream and bit his lip.

--

When they woke up, Rayan gave him the cold shoulder, as expected, and took a book from his bag, ignoring Ethan like the plague. He still didn’t know what to say and so he took to exploring around the apartment. Sometimes people left things around. Once they’d found that somebody had forgotten to empty a closet and they’d found clothes. Unfortunately, it’d been full of women’s clothes although Rayan had insisted they kept them for just in case. Sometimes they found stupid things like combs or just old papers.

There was nothing around the apartment and Ethan still couldn’t think of a way to apologize to Rayan. He wouldn’t even make eye contact with him and that was never a good sign.

He sat down next to him but Rayan got up and moved to another spot. He was that annoyed.

He didn’t stop looking at him but it didn’t change anything. Rayan acted as if he wasn’t being stared at.

Getting into arguments with Rayan was terrible. Even worse than the fights he had gotten into with girls past. Rayan was stronger than him and he had shown that before. He had never punched him or done anything like. Nothing that could be considered really violent. Just pinning him to the wall and yelling at him. It hadn’t even happened for a while. But he would have enjoyed that more than Rayan ignoring him.

Rayan was sitting under a window and it was actually sunny out that day, causing the sun to reflect on Rayan’s red hair. Looking identical had been weird but he still missed them both having black hair. He’d never been into redheads but it did make Rayan look more interesting. It was that nice looking red too. Not that ugly one that made you wonder if their hair was clean or that was just their natural color. The kind everybody hated but never said anything because they were afraid of sounding mean and rude.

Ethan smiled and watched how Rayan’s brown eyes moved along as he read. He was a quick reader. His skin was still as pale as it had been when he first met him. Maybe it was a bad mix with the red hair but Ethan didn’t notice it. Rayan could pull it off and Ethan wondered if that was complimenting himself too before deciding it wasn’t. He would have been too self-conscious and worried about it too much. Rayan didn’t seem to care even if he’d looked much better as a blonde.

Another thing that hadn’t changed since they’d met was Rayan’s thinness. Except it had gotten worse. When he’d been recovering from being shot, he’d lost more weight, barely being able to eat. He wasn’t that much of an eater and Ethan wondered if he’d ever just pass out one day. He’d always worried that maybe he had some sort of eating disorder until Rayan had laughed at him and called him overdramatic for thinking that way.

Even if he didn’t have an eating disorder, he was still too thin. His bones jutted out. Yet somehow, he was still stronger. Ethan thought it was unfair.

Rayan hadn’t eaten for the day and neither had Ethan but Ethan still had more weight on him so it didn‘t matter. Rayan still jokingly referred to him as fat. He wasn’t even hungry. But Rayan needed the food.

That was when he figured out what he could do to make Rayan happy with him again.

“I’m going to the store, Rayan. I’ll be back a little later.”

Not shockingly, Rayan continued to ignore him but Ethan noticed a scowl showed up on his face.

--

Rayan was a man. It was obvious if you took one good look at him and if you wanted to make sure, looked down his pants.

Except he still had his feminine traits. He believed in true love and all those stupid, romantic notions. He thought way too much about feelings and always wanted to talk about things. Melanie had told him he was sexist for thinking that way but who didn’t think of those traits as feminine?

Ethan could remember that old saying “A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” or something just as stupid. He knew he could have cared less about what the hell anybody made him but this was worth a shot.

Rayan loved sandwiches. Especially pastrami sandwiches. They were simple enough to make and Ethan didn‘t know how to cook anything. But he could make a sandwich. If he made the sandwiches for him, it had more than one benefit. First, he’d known Rayan had eaten and wouldn’t faint for the day. Secondly, if he told the man he did it for that reason, because he was worried about his well-being, Rayan would be touched. Then he’d just have to apologize for earlier and everything would be okay. He knew Rayan well enough. He knew he’d be teased later with an “Ethan, you always worry about me. How nice of you!” or something but that was so much better than what was going on currently.

At the checkout, there was some really pretty blonde girl there. When she saw him, she smiled.

“How are you?” She had one of those English accents, he noticed. He felt kind of dumb for being surprised at it because he was in England.

“Okay. You?”

“Lovely,” she answered. She had that look in her eye that was telling him she was going to try to flirt with him. Thank God Rayan wasn’t there. He would have become overly possessive and jealous and giving the girl a death glare. “So, you’re American, huh?”

“Yup.”

“Always wanted to go to America. Having this job, though. It won’t pay for my tickets, I guess.”

Ethan shrugged. “You’re not missing much.”

He was trying to keep his responses as short as he could. Trying to brush her off. If it had been a year ago, he already would have asked her out but this was a year later. Rayan was in the picture and just the idea of hurting him just for a quick fuck made him feel awful. Even if it was weird, they were in some sort of relationship. He just couldn’t name what it was. And he wasn’t a cheater.

“So…your name is…?”

He pinned her with an annoyed look. “Is this some weird English thing so you can finish with my groceries or what?”

She frowned and looked away. “No, this is me trying to flirt with you. You’re just not flirting back.”

Now she made him feel bad and he sighed, looking to her.

“Listen, I’m sorry but I’m sorta…with someone. If I weren’t, I’d take the bait but just not now. Actually, can you hurry this up? I need to get back before they decide I’m not worth being allowed into the apartment or something.”

She did begin to go quicker. “So, you and your girlfriend got into a fight? Trying to pacify her with food?”

“Um, yeah. Girlfriend’s pissed at me.” There was no reason to tell her that the girlfriend was more along the lines of a boyfriend.

Thankfully, she stopped asking questions and he was on his way home. Thanks to the credit card Kale gave them, he didn’t have to figure out the currency and take an hour to pay her.

Though there was still one problem left.

He hadn’t had any directions and he was lucky he hadn’t gotten lost the first time. But now he had to find his way back and it had taken him at least fifteen minutes to find the stupid store. If he was gone for too long, Rayan would probably get even more pissed off because he assumed something stupid like he was out at some strip club, cheating on him.

Sometimes, Rayan didn’t have enough faith in him.

He suddenly saw that road Rayan had told him to turn to yesterday and he figured out he was somewhere close by. Looking at the clock, he saw that he’d been gone for at least half an hour. The clock could have been off because it was rented and they were in a new time zone. New time zones were always confusing and they always had a hard time getting used to day actually being night and night being day. When the whole ‘running from the law’ thing was over, Ethan had no idea how they were ever going to be able to get back to a normal sleeping schedule.

Though that was a while away and there really were more pressing matters at the moment. He was finally back at the apartment and there was probably a more pissed off Rayan inside there.

When he went inside, Rayan actually looked over at him. It was more like a glare but at least he wasn’t playing the cold shoulder game anymore.

“You were gone a while.”

“Yeah,” Ethan said as he walked to the kitchen. “I told you I was going to the store. And if you look in my hand, you’ll see there’s a bag full of food.”

Rayan brought his attention back to the book. “So it takes somebody over half an hour to go to the store?”

He was right. Rayan was assuming things. He sighed and began making the sandwich. “I’m in a different country and I just got to this place. Like I’m going to know where the store is. So, with my shitty sense of direction, yeah, it took me half an hour to go to the store.”

“Then why did you go to the store? We usually go together.”

“I wanted to get it over with and you were ignoring me, so I went without you this time.” This sandwich had to be the perfect icebreaker.

Rayan gave him a glance. “What are you making?”

“Sandwich.”

“…Is that pastrami…?”

Ethan smiled and finished making it, putting the final wheat slice on. Rayan didn’t like white, he liked wheat. He walked over to the man and held out the sandwich.

“Sure is. And it’s for you so eat it.”

Rayan looked to it and then to Ethan. “Did you go to the store just so you could make me a pastrami sandwich?”

“This thing has cheddar cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, and mustard.”

And finally, taking the sandwich, he smiled. He fucking smiled. No frown. Not a scowl. A regular Rayan smile.

“My favorite sandwich. And you made it for me. Why?” He asked, taking a bite from the sandwich.

“You know I hate how thin you are and how I’m always trying to make sure you eat. I remembered that you hadn’t even eaten today and I got worried. So I went to the store and since I can’t cook, I got you your favorite meat and made you this.” He sat down next to him.

Rayan smirked and swallowed. “Really? So, you did all the shopping? You only had one bag.”

“…No. I can’t cook and--”

“Ethan, you did this so I wouldn’t be mad at you anymore. You thought I’d be won over because you worried about me and then like some girl, I’d swoon into your arms. Then we‘d make passionate love until the sun came up?”

“…Yeah.” His shoulders drooped. “But I did think about how you hadn’t eaten! I did worry! I just…well, my worry wasn’t the only reason. And I didn‘t plan on this plan making you want to have sex with me! I‘m not that much of a horny dick! I just wanted you happy with me. That‘s all.”

Rayan only continued to eat his sandwich, not saying a word. A small smile was on his face as he ate though and Ethan wasn’t exactly sure what it could mean.

Why had he come up with the stupid idea anyway? Rayan was too smart to fall for it. He‘d been a criminal that had never been caught. Like Rayan would be fooled by such a dumb trick.

“You know, your plan was stupid,” Rayan said after he finished the sandwich.

“I know.”

“But you tried.”

Ethan looked to Rayan, who was giving him that sort of look that just said ‘apologize and get it over with’. Which meant he had to explain his feelings.

“Listen, I didn’t mean the shit I said. The nightmare scared me and I was really on edge. So I took it out on you and well, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t like to hurt you, and I’m not going to do it again.”

Rayan continued to keep smiling at him, just looking at him and saying nothing. He was teasing him and making him feel unnerved on purpose.

“Say something already!” Ethan yelled.

“Your plan sucked but it didn’t totally fail. I did calm down after you made me that sandwich. Not because I was swooned or anything like that. I have some masculinity to me. More like I remembered how great of a guy you can be and cooled off. Then that apology just sweetened the deal even though it wasn’t exactly deep.”

“So…no more fight?”

Rayan leaned forward and kissed his lips. “No more fight. But what did you dream about me?”

“I’m not telling you. It was stupid.” It was also terrifying. Besides, Rayan would probably tell him he was seeing into the future or something just as stupid. He believed in things stupid like that.

“But what if the dream is trying to tell you something?”

Ethan remembered his first nightmare.

“Who cares if I was hurting you? Never let my hand go!”

“No. God, Rayan. Dreams don’t mean anything. I had a dream I was having sex with my mom once, does that mean I want to go fuck my mom? I don’t think so.”

Rayan did laugh at that. “But it still doesn’t mean the dream didn’t mean anything.”

Ethan looked to the man, his face full of disbelief. “You are so fucking crazy. You’re telling me my totally crazy dream where I was having sex with my mom, meant something?”

“Freud ring any bells?”

“Yeah. Crazy bells. He was insane and obsessed with dicks.”

Rayan giggled. “He still brought up some good points. But Freud has nothing to do with your nightmares. Unless you dreamed he was raping me or something.”

“What if I did?” Ethan challenged. “Still want to talk about it and find deep meaning to it or whatever?”

“It could mean a lot of things. I read a dream meaning book once so yeah, I could find a deeper meaning in you dreaming about me getting raped by some dead guy.”

“You’re nuts.”

Before Rayan could say anything, Ethan kissed him. The conversation was going right back to his nightmares and even if he could joke about it; Ethan was scared Rayan would find some meaning to his nightmares. Maybe he would come up with a reason why Ethan had seen his parents in his dream or why Rayan kept dying in his dreams.

It didn’t take much guesswork to figure out he still felt guilty about what had happened to Rayan. Any idiot could come up with that conclusion. He had been a major reason why Rayan had been shot. If he had done a number of things differently, the accident wouldn’t have happened. It didn’t matter if Rayan had told him repeatedly that he didn’t blame him for anything. That all was forgiven.

“Ethan,” Rayan said as soon as the kiss had ended. Somehow, Rayan had gotten into his lap and Ethan was unbuttoning his shirt. “You can try to distract me all you want but the topic is still going to come up again. This kind of stuff has a way of coming back to bite you in the ass.”

“You swore,” Ethan commented, pushing the shirt away from Rayan’s body. “You curse more and more now. I’m rubbing off on you.”

“You can still avoid a topic better than anybody else,” the red head murmured with a smile.

And Ethan was never happier he still had that skill when Rayan leaned down to kiss him.

Notes: Just because I know people are going to be thinking this: NO. Rayan does not have an eating disorder. He's just thin and forgets to eat. And sorry for how long this took to finally get up. I've been having terrible writer's block which also explains why this chapter sort of sucks.