Chapter 18

Realizations

“Good hustle out there, Rochelle,” Mr. Archie called out as I tossed the softball glove back into the cart.

I flashed a smile. “Thanks,” I said, proud that I get a few hits in and made some good plays. The people in my P.E class that always seemed to underestimate me were even starting to be more and more impressed.

“Yeah, great job,” Nicole—the most athletic girl in my P.E class—agreed with a nod.

My smile grew wider. “Thanks, you too,” I said, returning the nice gesture. Simple compliments like that always made my day, no matter who it was from. I never forget someone who has done something or said something nice to me.

“Rochelle Fletcher?”

I turned around to see one of the other P.E teachers—Miss Posey, I think her name was—jog up to me.

“Yes?” I murmured timidly as the rest of my class walked off towards the locker rooms to change.

“I’m the softball coach,” she explained, motioning towards herself. “Nicole Gilmore told me you were interested in softball, but couldn’t make tryouts.”

I stared at her with wide-eyes. Nicole—the most athletic girl in my P.E—told the softball coach I was interested in softball?! I mean, of course I would like to make the team, but…

“She tells me you’re very good and that the team could use someone like you,” she told me.

A wave of shock went through me. “Nicole said that?” I questioned in disbelief. She was good in every freakin’ sport and she referred me to the softball coach?

“Yeah,” she said with a nod as she flashed a small smile. “And I just saw a little of what you could do out there and our team would love to have someone like you with us.”

Even though Miss Posey sounded as if she were confident in me, I still didn’t think I was confident enough in myself.

Before I could respond, Miss Posey put her small hand on my shoulder with great gentleness. “Think about it,” she said, her intimidating blue eyes piercing me as if she were looking inside of my soul. “If you’re interested, come here tomorrow after school for practice.”

I nodded slowly and watched her leave.

Miss Posey believed in me, Nicole believed in me…was that enough to convince me I was good enough to play for the school’s softball team?

My eyes shot up when I heard someone call out Travis’s name. It was rather funny how it sort of grew into my instincts. With no surprise, I saw Travis stroll into the classroom and plop right onto the seat in front of me.

“I sang the song I wrote to Mandi yesterday,” Travis informed me with a wide smile that went all the up to his dark eyes.

“Really?” I said with a small smile. “What did she say about it?”

“She loved it!” he excitedly told me, his face brightening up each and every second that passed.

“That’s awesome, Travis,” I said softly, smiling warmly.

He’s so happy, I thought to myself.

“I mean, she was so stoked when I played it for her,” he went on animatedly. “She said it was probably the sweetest thing someone has ever done for her.”

My eyes softened, but my smile never vanished. “I’m sure she’ll have more of that from you,” I said, my voice soft.

His expression softened. “Thanks, Shells,” he said softly.

I didn’t know how to describe what it was I felt for Travis. My heart still fluttered every time he looked at me and I would still blush every time he caught me staring at him.

But he was happy with Mandi. I wasn’t thinking about the what ifs or the future, all I knew was that Travis was happy and that’s really all that mattered.

After class, I got up from my seat and took once glance back at Travis. He stood up and was right in front of me, smiling.

“Yes?” I questioned curiously, wondering why he was in my way.

Out of nowhere, he put his arms around me and hugged me. I could smell his Enchanted apple scent.

“Thanks,” he whispered.

I was too speechless to respond.

“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have sang that song to Mandi,” he informed me, finally letting me go. “I wouldn’t have made her so happy.”

My heart ached from the different emotions I was feeling, but I was touched at the fact that he would thank me for making someone he loved happy. “No problem,” I said softly, looking down at the carpet because I was getting a little intimidated on how close we were to each other.

“Gotta jet to office,” Travis finally mumbled, his eyes still warm. “I’m leaving early to go to The Used concert,” he informed me with a grin. “I mean,” he cleared his throat, “’my dentist appointment’,” he forced in a more serious tone.

I caught his drift and laughed. “You lucky bastard!” I exclaimed, wishing I could just ditch school and go to The Used concert. “I hate you,” I muttered playfully as I shook my head.

He flashed that wonderful grin and shot his usual comeback. “You know you love me, Shells,” he teased playfully.

As usual, I tried my best to hide my smile. Of course, I was unsuccessful.

Yes, but I have to let you go, I thought to myself.

“The movies?” Ashley suggested as we sat on the stairs near the band room after school as we waited for Jake to pick us up.

I shook my head. “What about the beach?” I questioned excitedly.

Her eyes filled with doubt.

“It’ll be fun!” I promised. “Sandcastles, volleyball…” I listed with a grin. “Cute guys?” I added playfully.

She laughed and nodded her head. “I guess it’ll be fun to try something new,” she said with a shrug.

I nodded my head in agreement and flashed a smile.

“Hey ladies,” Cody greeted. “Like my new guitar?” he questioned, holding up the black acoustic guitar that was strapped around his neck. “Now I can really rock!”

I gasped in excitement. “Is this really yours?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m actually holding it Freddy,” he informed us with a sheepish grin.

With a chuckle, I rolled my eyes. Cody was such an adorable dork.

“Are those your new prints from photos class?” Ashley questioned, looking pointedly at the Manila envelope in his thin fingers.

He nodded. “Yup.”

Cody handed Ashley the envelope that contained a few pictures he had taken for his class.

“You wanna go to the beach with us, Cody?” I asked, lightly punching his shoulder.

That dorky smile appeared on his face. “Tomorrow?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m going to softball practice tomorrow,” I explained. “On Saturday.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, sounds stellar,” he agreed.

“Cody! This is really good!” Ashley exclaimed, looking at one of his photos with an excited grin on her face.

We both looked over Ashley shoulder and I nearly gasped when I saw a beautiful picture of me in her hands. It was of me sitting on these very steps near the band room, listening to my I-pod as I looked up at the sky.

My eyes went from Cody’s lovely photograph of me, to him. His eyes met mine for one split second, but he quickly dropped his gaze timidly.

“You took these?” I questioned softly, my eyes staring admiringly at his work.

“Yeah,” he replied quietly. “I hope you don’t think I’m weird or—“

“No,” I quickly said, shaking my head. “No, it’s…it’s beautiful, Cody.” His eyes looked up at me with slight surprise. “Really,” I assured him.

A small smile formed in his thin lips, causing his whole goofy face to light up. “I had a good subject to shot,” he said in a soft tone, still smiling warmly.

I chuckled lightly, surprising myself when I felt my cheeks turn a little red.

“Hey, Shelly,” Ashley called out, breaking me and Cody’s gaze. “Don’t you play?” she questioned, nodding over at Freddy’s guitar. “Play something for us!” she encouraged.

I laughed and looked over at Cody. “May I?” I questioned.

He smiled and handed the guitar to me. “What song are you gonna play?” he asked with a hint of excitement in his voice as him and Ashley sat down on the concrete steps.

I shrugged as I put the strap around my shoulder. “Uh, I wrote it,” I mumbled. “It’s still kinda rusty, though,” I warned, stalling a little because I haven’t sang in front of anybody.

They both nodded. “Go on,” Ashley insisted with an encouraging grin on her face.

Taking a deep, steady breath, I nodded and starting strumming the notes that have haunted for quite a while.

“You wanna feel loose
You wanna see how I'm abused, I see
You wanna get faded
You never wanna concentrate on me
I'm too much of an angel
I'm too much of a saint though I can't be
I'm too much of a reject you don't expect much from

I wanna feel safe
I wanna feel like I'm not hated too
I wanna get closer I wanna feel the most I get from you
I'm too much of a rebound
I'm too much on the ground though you can't be
You’re always getting higher
You don't desire me

So what have I got to prove
And what have I got to lose
When your not worth fighting for
And why am I feeling down
While your out messing around and you're
Not worth begging for

Just wanted to stop by
Just wanted to see you
One last time
Just wanted to say bye
Just wanted to get you off my mind
Just wanted to fit in
But then I saw you with her

It's up to me, it's up to me
And I'm still falling
It's up to me, it's up to me
And I'm still calling

It's up to me
It's up to me
It's up to me and I'm still hoping
It's up to me for you to hold me
It's up to me to let you go
It's up to me
But for all you know
I'm already gone”

I looked at my friends, who stared longingly at me in awe as I strummed the last few notes on the guitar.

All these years of hating myself and hating my body were years wasted because I knew I could’ve been happy. Sure, I’m not a size five, and I probably will never be one, but I didn’t want to be afraid to do the things I wanted because I was too embarrassed about myself. I didn’t want to cry anymore because insecurities were starting to get out of control. I no longer wanted to care if other people thought fat was the equivalent to ugly. What mattered was that I thought I was pretty.

I wanted to stop being so insecure and go for what I wanted. I wanted to have more days like I had with Travis at the beach; I wanted every day to feel like I was free—free from everything. .

This time, it’s not about what other people thought of me—it’s what I thought of myself. It was up to me to accept myself to be happy. No, it wasn’t going to happen overnight, but this was a good start.

There’s a reason why Kellie landed a guy like Brian Walker and there’s a reason why Anna could be so unique and different with nobody giving her shit about it. Confidence—something both of them had a great amount of.

As cliché as it sounds, confidence is the key to happiness.

My friends and everyone else could push and encourage me, but it was up to me to do the rest.

A/N: Thank you for reading! It's been a pleasure writing this story and I hope every enjoyed it! Thank you EVERYONE who reviewed because you guys are one of the reasons why I keep writing. Special shout out to all the constant readers and reviewers! You guys rock.

Is this the last time we will see Rochelle?? Well...as some of you might have figured out from the desciprtion on my profile THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL. If you had seen my poll, the Rochelle story-line is the "Brother's best friend" choice. It is currently winning. The Nessa story is in second while the other two are tied for last. This poll will close soon, so VOTE which story you want to see FIRST! So tell me, now that you know that that story line is for Rochelle, are you interested?

btw-I'm still rewriting Throwing Curveballs, so check that out! THANKS AGAIN! -Ur Mom Thinks Im Cool