I'd like it to be known that this isn't fiction and this is something that has happened recently in my fucked up hell hole of a life. I'm not looking for your sympathy I just feel like getting this out. If you feel the need to be a complete ass to me then go fuck yourself because I have enough to deal with.

This was it. . .this was the night. . .the night of my second high school dance. I still have yet to recover from the first one and now all my friends are begging me to come. I really don't want to go but I don't show it. My excuse was that I couldn't find a new dress but I wound up buying a ticket anyway and wearing my old dress that I have worn twice prior.

At the last dance, homecoming, I went with some friends. Tey ran off after awhile and I couldn't find them so I went and sat by the wall waiting for them to find me. Instead the guy that lives below me in my apartment walks over. I never reallt talk to him. He held out his hand and asked me to dance. I didn't say no. I heart was beating like crazy. I had had my eye on him for a short time. After the slow dance was over he draged me over to his groupd of friends and got me to dance to a fast song with them. I felt really out of place so after awhile I slipped away unnoticed. Later that night when another slow song was playing I asked him to dance with me. He said he couldn't because he was looking for someone.

Ever since that dance I have been so confused. I don't know whether he likes me or not. Why did he have to ask me to dance? Was he aware of how confused it would make me? Does he care?

Well the current dance is called Twerp, meaning the girl is supposed to ask the guy. I sought up the courage to ask him a month prior to the dance, a month. He said he'd think about it and never said anything to me again. How can someone ask someone to dance with them but not say a simple yes or no?

Last night I had a friend over. She's supposed to be in my grade but her mother had her held back a year. Her life is practically in shreds right now. One of my other friends had a friend who likes this guy. Well the girl over at my house and the guy like eachother. Everyone is calling her a slut for liking a guy in highschool when she is in junoir high. As I said she's supposed to be in highschool so that is total fucking bullshit.

Anyway she confided in me, telling me what was going on. She says that I am the only person she can trust besides the guy she is secretly going out with. They both thought I was against them but I've clarifed that I am on their side.

Since they are secretly going he is going with another girl that asked him. He girlfriend said it was ok. Now my top secret mission is to stop her from kissing him, because that is what she is planning on doing. He is too afraid to reject the kiss so it's up to me.

At the dance I am sure to look around for him. I find him after awhile. He is with all the people that are persuring him towards he and away from his secret. I have other friend to hang out with but I make sure that I can always see him.

Along with that survalance I am also keeping an eye out for the guy that asked me to dance at the last dance. I stare at him, hopeing he will look my way but he never does.

I get a headache later and go and sit down. The guy with the secret comes over to talk to me. Jokeingy, he calls me a lucky bastard for getting to see her. I smile and laugh. He gets me to come over and dance with the group of people. Then he askes me about what his secret and I were talking about. I tell him that I'm not saying anything around the people we are with because I know that I am good at talking around people but I dont want something to slip. So him and I walk away from the group and into the back of the gym so were can hear better.

I tell him that if he really truly has feelings for the girl he is secretly dating then who cares about the girl everyone is making him be with. You should give you heart to who your truly yearn for. There's nothing I can do about it this is something him and his secret need to discuss.

The only problem that I have with this is that I like him. I have felt something for him ever since I met him. We both have a videogame that we like and he askes me about it, trying to find hidden items. I know where some are and I tease him about it, my way of flirting but he'll never get the message. Or has he?

I want to tell him I like him but she trusts me to much. Enough of her friends have backstabbed her and she doesn't need my betrayal aswell.

Before I can finish telling him everything I had to say, pouring out my feeling for him but changing words around to make it sound like I am talking about him and her, his date walks over and she looks pissed. She bring a girl over for him to meet. I say goodbye and wal away, off to find one of my friends.

Another slow song comes on and what do I happen to see. The guy I asked to the dance is danceing with someone else. I feel so angry and I want to punch someone. I go and sit back down by the wall.

Then the guy that I am supposed to not let get kissed comes and sits next to me. Before we can engage in a conversation about anything his date comes over and drags him away. I feel really depressed right now, and he was trying to cheer me up.

Many of my friends come over and make me get up and dacne with them and when they aren't looking I slip away ad sit back down.

Another friend comes over, the only one that I show my true emotions to, and she hugs me asking me what's wrong. I say I have a headache and my feet hurt, which isn't a lie.

She pulls me up and makes me dance with her and her friends. If it wasn't for the fact that she was best friend's with the girl that wanted to kiss the guy and was one of the people calling his secret girl friend a slut then I would probably tell her everything. Truth be told I"m starting to feel that I need to cry. I never cry though, if I do then it will only make the depression seep in further and I have enough on my mind giving me writter's block. . .

Finally the dance is over. I go and get my things out of the coat check station and head outside. I don't bother to say goodbye to anyone. I stand outside for a few minutes, half zonned out before I notice my sister's car and begin to walk over to it. The guy with the secret says bye to me as I pass him. I say bye quietly, my voice sounds small and croaky.

Once home my mother notices my depressed manor and I tell her everything. She says that I am too young to worry about stuff like this right now. That may be true but I can't help the way I feel and I'm sick of feeling so alone. I can't handle all this crap. Teenage drams is way fucking over rated.