A/N: Lyrics are to Porcelain by Cauterize. I don't own the lyrics or the band. Hope you like it.

Sat up for hours

Thoughts of a lover

I’ll probably never get a chance to hold again

As I laid there in my bunk, Gustav thinking that I was going to take a nap; I frowned at the wall across from me. It was coming; I could feel it. That memory that I had tried time and time again to keep pushed so far down that it wouldn't rise up to haunt my dreams though it still managed to. I clenched my eyes tight, curling into a bit of a ball under my covers.I didn't want it to come; I hated when it came, but it always did, especially when I didn't need it to.

And I’m sharing a drink with a memory

And a laugh with an empty seat

Do you still look the same?

Will you still look at me the same?

‘Cause I know that I don’t

I’ve gotten so old in these last few years

"December!" I turned around, a smile forming as I recognized the voice. I waved with a grin at the gorgeous brown hair, blue eyed boy with a fantastic smile that came running up to me.

"Hey...” I said with a soft and happy smile on my face. I squealed lightly when his arms encircled my waist, and he picked me up, spinning me around quickly before kissing me softly.
I smiled a bit more; my arms already around his neck when he'd picked me up. I kissed him back, and just laughed lightly when he pulled away.
"What was that for, Joey?" Joseph Marshall McKinter is a 17 year old senior. He’s the lead quarterback for the football team and pitcher for the baseball team. He’s the school president and valedictorian of his class, but most importantly, he is my boyfriend. My heart melted when he pecked me on the lips again, and grinned.
"Guess who just got into their dream school?" He sang the question, and my eyes went wide before I smiled, completely happy for him. I squealed lightly.
"Congrats, Joey!" He smiled; his eyes getting that crinkle around them when he was exceptionally happy. It made my heart melt with warmth. He did that a lot…made my heart melt.
"Thanks, Dece," He grinned then, and I raised an eyebrow. "Can I get a real congratulations?" I rolled my eyes, still smiling, and lightly shoved his shoulder.
"Of course," I stated matter-of-factly as I grinned back at him before tiptoeing up, pulling his head down and giving him a nice, long kiss. It was the last day of school; the teachers didn't care, and our graduation ceremony was tonight.
We pulled away after a bit, and his eyes still sparkled, but they had that hint of a darker blue to them. I felt heat rise up my neck, knowing what it meant when his eyes started to get darker. We smiled softly at each other; my hand to his cheek.
"I'm seriously proud of you," He chuckled softly. Yea, I know; I sounded more like a happy parent. "I love you, Joseph." He smiled a bit more, softer, and his eyes turned light again. He kissed my nose, and then put his forehead to mine.
"I love you too, December." And at that moment, I knew it'd be tonight. We loved each other; we both knew it. I didn't just love him though; I was in love with him. My Joseph...We'd been dating since my freshman year, his sophomore. I'd be a junior right now if I didn't take courses over the summer to graduate early. ...

Don’t let me fall, I’ll break

What a mess I’d make

Pathetic pieces on your floor

Cut your feet forever more.

I opened my eyes, blinking as my lips quivered. I smiled softly as I remembered that day. That was a beautiful day, and an even better night. I closed my eyes softly this time, as tears slowly began to fall.

Joseph was so much for the school; he was so much to me. He was smart, and he played his sports. He was sweet as all get out, but he was the biggest dork ever. He was the master of Dungeons and Dragons, and sometimes, I swear I wanted to call him emo. All jokingly of course...

If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t have been into any of the bands that I was into now. Cauterize, Brand New, Diffuser, All American Rejects, Seether...Alright, so they weren't really emo bands, but still, I found out about them because of Joey... Cauterize and Brand New were the big ones though. They were his favorite and mine. I wiped at my closed eyes...

Your porcelain,

Such fragile skin

Just let me hold you,

I’ll be gentle,

He looked at me with a concerned expression, brushing my cheek gently. We were both breathing heavily, and my heart swelled with that look.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Dece?" I smiled softly, nodding, and giving him a soft kiss.
"I'm positive, Joey." I said softly. He smiled softly back at me, and kissed me softly.

I won’t drop you,

This time I’ll be…

…Careful

I smiled softly, keeping my eyes closed. He was so sweet and gentle, and he didn't let me go the entire night afterwards. Just held me close, whispered he loved me as we fell asleep in each other's arms. I'd never felt so content; I was feeling a bit sore, mind you, but it was nothing compared to how loved and warm and content I felt just being there in his arms, lying by his side. I brought a hand to my mouth, biting my lip. Please don't let me sob...

Forget for just one second

That this is not alright

Let’s drink to feeling nothing

At least just for tonight

"Deeceeeee," I rolled my eyes but smiled at the whine that came from my side. I looked over at him, raising an eyebrow. "I'm boooored." I rolled my eyes.
"You're always bored, Joey...” He shook his head.
"Nuh uhh...Not when I'm with you..." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Well...we're just SITTING here...and you're...reaaaaaaaading...I'm bored." He pouted, and I had to look up. You're so not nice. I looked back at him, closing my book.

"Wanna go to the park?" He thought about that, and then, nodded. I laughed a bit, getting up, but kissing him softly first. "Let me go change," I was still in my pajamas. He stood up and started following me. I stopped and raised an eyebrow.
"What?" He looked completely innocent. I rolled my eyes.
"Stay." He pouted.
"Buuuut Deeeeeeeeece," I just shook my head as he whined more. "Okay, Okay," He pouted further, sitting down again. "I'll stay."
I quickly ran upstairs to change. I smiled at him as I came back downstairs. "Let's go..."

Stay for one more

Pass out on the floor like we used to do
it got so hot in your room

Please no...Please...make them stop. I don't want anymore of these memories. Please...no more...please...

Don’t let me fall, I’ll break

What a mess I’d make

Pathetic pieces on your floor

Cut your feet forever more

I smiled at him as I held my arms around his neck. "I'm going to miss you, Joey...” I pouted lightly. He smiled and kissed my forehead, squeezing his arms around my waist.
"I'm going to miss you too, Dece, buuut I'll see you in like...three days." He pouted then. "Gosh, that's so far away..."
I laughed lightly.”I tooold you..." He pursed his lips and then gave me a soft kiss, his forehead to mine.
"Promise to call me while I'm gone? I'll send you looove texts." I giggled a little. He was too damn cute.
"Of course I will, you just remember to pick up your phone while you're up at your orientation...Maybe its better if you call me. I'll wait up for your calls...” He smiled softly, kissing me again.
"Can we still share loooooooooove texts?" I laughed.
"Duh," I kissed him this time. We both looked to the side as the car honked. He sighed softly, looking back at me with a soft smile. I smiled softly back at him. This would be the first time we'd be away from each other for a while...since graduation night. We'd been inseparable since then. I mean, it's been two days, but still...that’s forty-eight hours of constant contact.
"I've got to go..." He stated softly, and I gave him a small smile.
"I know..." The car honked again. He waved at the person without looking away from me.
"I love you, Dece…" I smiled softly.
"I love you too, Joey…" He smiled back and kissed me, one last time…before we saw each other again in three days.

Your porcelain,

Such a fragile skin

Just let me hold you,

I’ll be gentle,

The car honked again and he pulled away, smiling softly at me again. "Don't forget my texts."
"I won't..." I smiled a bit more. "Now go, College boy, before your Dad drags you away..." He grinned cheesily before heading towards his Dad's car across the street.
I pulled out my phone and sent him a text. I love you, Joey. And when you said love texts...are we talking risky ones? I sent it and smiled as I saw him pull out his phone from his pocket. I knew I had to be blushing.
He stopped walking, and looked up at me. I could see the grin on his face, and from here, I knew he had a million ideas running through his head. That was Joey...It made my heart race seeing him stare directly into my own eyes. I was smiling to his grin.

I won’t drop you,

This time I’ll be…

…Careful

I clenched my eyes tight, curling tighter into a ball. It was so stupid. I should have waited...He shouldn't have stopped...My heart started racing, and the tears flowed more.

And I can’t let it go

The fits of pain I’m feeling

"I lo-" He was grinning at me as he yelled to me.
"JOSEPH!" His Dad’s scream cut through as he tried to get out of the car, and Joseph and I turned to look at the same time. My eyes went wide as we both looked, and I don't know how, but it all happened in a matter of seconds...Car breaks squealing, screaming Joey's name as he flew through the air...The driver getting out, and Joey's Dad by his body, as the person that hit him was calling an ambulance. My ears ringing as I ran over to him, dropping to my knees as he laid there, blood pouring from him.

And the hurt won’t leave me alone

And I’m tired of sleeping with ghosts

I felt like my heart was being ripped out and soon I heard the sirens, and there was the hospital waiting room.
I didn't know how long we waited out in that waiting room. Joey's Dad pacing, my heart racing, his mom and younger sister crying. Was I crying? I couldn't tell anymore.
I felt as if I was in another world, on the outside looking in. I looked up as the Doctor walked up to Mr. McKinter. I watched as his face dropped and Mrs. McKinter and Lacey both broke down into more anguished tears. I sat there, just staring at the scene.
"I'm sorry for your loss," the doctor said. I wasn't sure he felt it really; it was what he was supposed to say. "We did everything we could..." Did you really? Are you sure?

Fell asleep with your ghost

Woke up with a headache

I don't know how I managed this, but I ran from the waiting room to the emergency room, despite the yelling from the Doctor that I couldn't go in there. I froze, feeling as if my heart was ripped violently out of my chest, like I was being shot a thousand times, and as if I couldn't breath. There he was...so cold...so lifeless, blood everywhere...

I walked over to him, feeling so lost, so hurt, so much pain. Tears were pouring from my eyes; I knew it because I could barely see. I collapsed onto his chest, clinging to him. "You can't be dead...you just can't be...Joseph...Joey...please...what about our phone calls? ...our texts? …" I screamed when I felt someone try to pull me away.
"No! Leave...he's not! He's..." I broke down into sobs, clinging to Mr. McKinter's shirt as he cried himself, just holding me. "Joey...he's..." He rubbed my back, saying nothing as we both cried, and I felt ...I couldn't even explain it.

From the cure that’s only temporary

When the morning always fails me

I knew I was crying out loud now, and I didn't care. All I saw was his lifeless form on that table. I sobbed into my pillow. …

Don’t let me fall, I’ll break

What a mess I’d make

Pathetic pieces on your floor

Cut your feet forever more

Your porcelain,

Such a fragile skin

Just let me hold you,

I’ll be gentle,

I won’t drop you,

This time I’ll be…

…Careful