Victory ran through the drizzle of rain through the parking lot. She'd just finished talking with her friend Rafa at their meeting spot better known as Steam, a local coffee shop. She had watched him as he slurped his peach iced tea from a straw and saw his dark eyelashes against the light skin of his lower eyelids as he looked down into the glass's amber liquid. His hair was black and wavy like hers but she always thought he applied way too much gel in his hair to the point where when she ran her fingers through it she hated the coldness of it. Her hair was up in a bun now, parted to really show the red streaks she'd put in. She went from a bit pleased to feel the cold droplets run down her face to annoyance as she felt the rain drops soak down onto her scalp and her bun begin to loosen.

She finally reached her little powder blue VW car and stuck the keys in the door. Really there was a lot of fumbling through keys and keychains until finally she grasped the car key between her wet fingers. She opened the door and jumped into the driver's seat only to rest upon crumpled papers. She raised her butt off the seat to swivel around and see what was poking at her. She swatted the balls of paper to the floor of the passenger seat, knowing what was scribbled on them. Poems and drawings and quote bubbles and imagined conversations between her and a certain person she wished she was brave enough to talk to. She brought up her manicured hand to wipe the rain from her brow. Looking into the rearview mirror she saw the damage done to her mascara. It reminded her of how much she hated wearing mascara in the first place. She looked into the glove compartment and pulled out a tissue. Wiping away the dripping mascara in its entirety she then decided it would be too much work to fix her bun so she pulled the hair tie out, running her hands through her hair and letting it fall to her shoulders. She looked into the mirror again and smiled to check her teeth for any sign of coffee stains. She was usually uncomfortable with her smile because it felt like she was hungrily baring her teeth rather than being personable. With Rafael that was different. She laughed with him without the fear of resembling a ravenous hyena. She sat in the car staring at the rain splattering onto her windsheild and recalling Rafa's voice back at Steam:

-"Yep. Hey, looks like it's gonna rain, no?"

-"Rafa, don't change the subject."

-"Ay, what's with you today sweetie?"

-"I, So...you talked to Gordon last night," she stated. "What did he say?"

-"We're gonna go party over on Elm street, wanna come?"

-"Elm street. You sure your gonna party or are you gonna come home with a limb cut off?"

-"Heh. I know. Weird name. Your familiar with Freddy though so no big deal." He chuckled. "You should totally come with us though, you won't be interrupting or anything like that."

Victory came back to the present and realized her hands were gripping the steering wheel.

Later that night Victory sat twirling and circling in the computer chair waiting for her laptop to start up. She was sliding around on the leather seat of the chair because of her silky burgundy pajama shorts. The living room with the glass table and tan leather sofas, the red draperies on the windows, the orange earthenware pot centered on the dining room table and finally the blue screen of the computer blurred around her as she spun. She had paired her pajama bottoms with a lime green Hello Kitty tank top. She didn't match and she didn't care because she was comfortable and no one important was going to see her, so she thought. Her hair was damp from the shower and she could feel a lazy drop of water running down the nape of her neck. She stopped spinning, dizzy, and began to check her messages: No emails, No Myspace messages, No Facebook messages. She started checking on her usual webcomics.

After a while she realized she was bored and began to wish she hadn't declined Rafa's invitation. Pushing away her thoughts of just how uncomfortable rather than fun it would actually have been partying with the two of them and simultaneously suppressing ideas of what Rafa might be doing now, she quickly went to the music library on her computer. If anything could take her to another place it was the voice of her favorite band's lead singer. As the acoustic guitar intro slowly rose into the air of her apartment like incense smoke, Victory slowly increased the volume on her computer and stepped out of the chair. Her eyes closed once she heard his soft voice. This song was so beautiful like all his other songs and it was sad and it was angry and it was painful, confused and struggling and it was her emotions through his words. When the chorus began she was already moving across the wood floor and moving her body to the harmony of the guitar and the voice. "En mi vida...el oscuro me mantiene...cuando yo te vi en la lluvia me prometistes tu sangre. Yo no me quedo...en mi vida. " Gliding and leaping up and down her arms and legs felt powerful. She realized what a coincidence it was that it had rained like the lyrics said and that she felt like she was hiding in a darkness just like he sang and that her life...she knew exactly what was missing in her life. She needed a promise like in the words he quietly sang. The tears immediately sprung from her eyes as she stopped dancing. Her arms and legs were weak and heavy and she breathed labored.

The clang of the doorbell startled her. Quickly she wiped the tears from her face. She inched towards the front door using the time to look more presentable. The doorbell rang again. She felt herself getting nervous as she quickly glanced at the clock on the wall to see it was 2:37 AM. Finally her hand was on the doorknob. She opened it, composed, only to burst into tears again and run into his arms. He was wearing his black leather jacket with the warm cotton lining, her favorite. He moved into the apartment with Victory still hugging him. He stopped to close the door behind him with one hand, turning all three locks, while holding Victory with the other arm. He made it to the couch with her where she lay there on his chest. She wasn't crying anymore but her eyes were closed and she layed there as if post mortem, not moving, barely moving her chest to breath. He didn't say anything and that's exactly what she wanted. She just wanted him there. No, she thought, she didn't just want him there. She needed to come out of hiding and out of the shadow and she needed a promise.

Victory opened her eyes. She had been sleeping. She moved her eyes up from the warm forest green fabric and saw that the forest green fabric belonged to the t-shirt that Rafael was wearing. He had his arm around her still and his tired eyes were staring blankly at something. Victory took the moment to gaze at his face and see the black stuble on his chin, up to his lips, pink and smooth, to his nose and lastly to his eyes and the dark lashes that she admired so. A strand of his wavy black hair had protested the handful of gel and the curl had fallen onto his forehead. He was staring absently at the mute tv screen at the black and white scene of an old-timey car speeding down a winding road through the countryside. Dust rose from the speeding tires and an aerial view showed the wheat and corn fields on either side. The camera came to the front of the car, a man drove and a woman sat in the front seat with their hair blowing in the breeze, both with frightened looks on their faces. The man made a sharp turn around a hill and then the vehicle became a firey ball of metal when it crashed into a lumpy oak tree. Miraculously, the couple was able to jump from the car before then. Sensing someone's eyes on his face, he looked down at Victory. His eyes were a little red but the green irises glistened.

-"Hey sweetie." He smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

-"Rafa," she smiled and then remembered everything, all of it. So much time spent together it started to grip her like fingers around the throat and she got up out of his arms and stood up actually gasping for air.

-"Whoa. Breathe. Everything's ok. I'm here and everything's good."

-"NO!" She insisted. He stared up at her worried. Then she whispered, "Everything is not ok Rafa. You love me...right?"

-"What?! of course I do! What makes you think I don't?" He stood up and put his hand on her arm and squeezed it caringly. "Tell me so I can change your mind," he said. Victory fought the urge to just kiss him right there and stop worrying about...stuff! Just to be in the moment, this moment, but...

-"Its not my mind that needs to change, because I already love you with ..." she swallowed, "with my heart and my mind and I just, can't be your friend like this. It hurts too much to see you go off with these people and to hear about Gordon and all the while wishing it was me and wondering why your not attracted to me when I know you like girls too and I can't bear it. I can't pretend anymore because I CAN'T STAND IT!" She realized she was screaming at him and her voice shrunk back into her throat. "But not all of my mind because I know you'll always want something I could never fulfill but that Gordon can. You know?"

-"No. I love you." He moved closer. His hands on each of her upper arms, kneading away her nervousness and her inhibition. "I really love you. Its not, its not that kind of love that makes me weak in the knees and heart pounding and stuff but that's not what real love is, right? Man, all that other nervous bullshit is exactly that. Oversexualized, overdramatized, overrated bullshit. Listen to me right now, Mi vida, when I look into the future there's no me. There's us. I never thought I could tell you this because of our friendship. But I'm telling you. I'm looking into your eyes and I'm...I'm telling you." Rafael's voice began to quiver and he fought back tears.

Victory didn't know if she should be enamored by his confession of love for her or devastated by the confession that his love was something resembling calm waters along a sea shore, strong and beautiful but not at all life-altering, orgasmic or passionate. No pangs of the heart, groin, or otherwise. Victory turned away from his grasp and to the muted television. She felt the blood pounding from her heart, into the arteries at her temple, and then to her brain as she tried to reason and understand what he had just spoken to her. She looked at the couple flickering on the set in black and white as they fought off some gunmen, ran panting into some foliage and to a clearing where they couldn't help but begin kissing and groveling around on the ground groping each other. She thought it was so...oversexualized, so overdramatized and so over--

-"Don't get me wrong, sweetie. I know it sounds kind of cold or something but..."

-"Your right. Rafael, its nothing new your telling me," Victory interrupted. "I've always known what real love was. But the fact of the matter is, that same thing that has you out 'til two in the morning dancing with Gordon is what holds people together. If it was so easy to get passed that then half the babies on earth would be gone and everyone an ultraorthodox worshipper. That's too easy. And are you ready for something hard? Something real? 'Cause I don't think I am and I just realized it. Besides," she turned around to face him or rather to face the black curl on his forehead and then his teeth biting his bottom lip because she couldn't look him in the eye, "besides, what future could we have?" Her eyes finally rested on his.

-"What the hell is wrong with you! What in the hell is wrong with you Victory! This is your paranoia talking. This is your insecurity. If you love me you wouldn't say that to me. If you loved me you would...just love me! I love you can't you see? I'm so mad right now and only you could make me like this. I HATE being angry with you so STOP THIS!"

-"Am I REALLY supposed to believe that we are supposed to just be together forever? Am I supposed to have a baby with you and let him grow up and then think in the back of my mind that you just might find his male college friend attractive? What in the hell is THAT Rafa!? And then you'll run off and leave me because of course my boobs will be at my belly button by then and you'll be off with said male college friend who just my luck will be closeted and then, next thing you know, I'm sitting alone with my 5 cats and 9 kittens because no one will love me enough to put me out of my misery by placing me in a nursing home and stuffing me with pills to numb me from the despair of living in a NURSING HOME! Did you think about that before you called me paranoid and insecure!? Now, don't even laugh at that!"

The corner of Rafael's mouth began to curl upward and his dimple began to show as he fought back a laugh. Victory couldn't help but smile that smile that she was only comfortable doing around just one special person.

-"Come here mami" He said as he opened his arms. Victory could not resist his arms around her.

And then he kissed her gently on the neck and she couldn't resist. Then he took his face away from the sweet mango scent of her skin and placed his lips onto hers. And, surprised, he did feel weak in the knees and he did feel a little nervous as he ran his hands along her back. He pulled away reluctantly to look at her and it seemed like for the first time he allowed himself to appreciate how beautiful she was. Her round face, full lips and dark eyes.

-"I've been so stupid, Victory"

-"Yeah. I know Dummy."

-"Ouch," he laughed.

She met his lips again and when he moved his hands under her shirt she couldn't resist. Then when he pulled away and Victory realized that she was not growing like Alice in Wonderland but that Rafael was bending down on one knee to ask her a very important question she absolutely could not resist: the promise; that he would love and cherish her till death do us part. How prototypical, overdramatized and predictable she thought and yet she just could not resist.

the end