A/N: Sorry.

This one’s quite talking, and doesn’t have much of Jaynee and Liam at all, but I think I finally unblocked my writers killing disease. There was just something about this chapter that blocked me.

It’s also shorter than usual by a lot but I figured it was better than nothing – right?

---------

A couple of months passed and nothing interesting particularly happened to me, the only noticeable change is that just lately I’d been a lot happier.

Things were generally looking up, it was like being normal – dad was too busy doing whatever the fuck he was doing – I don’t know and I don’t care what – to bother me as long as I kept the house tidy and stayed out of his way. Fear of him was being over clouded by anxiety of exams and university. This meant I was very busy and extremely stressed – but so was everyone else.

I’ve even been too busy to get at idiot boy. Shocking yes?

In fact, in the “two and a half months” that me and idiotface were pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend we had established a very solid routine. He would pick me up for school, we would hug and act sappy for a couple of minutes before splitting up, we’d perfected the art of making it look like we were deeply kissing when we weren’t, and only giving pecks on the lips when people were actually looking, he ate lunch with us every other day and we went out on “dates” twice a week to keep up with appearances. We’d eventually settled down and made a mutual rule about just getting along, I think it was easier since our once only common factor of hating Casey still applies as large, if not larger than ever.

More importantly of all these advances, I hadn’t cut myself in weeks.

Like I said - I’ve been too fucking busy.

The nerves that overpowered me about the need to get into university found me, Jaynee and Liam slauming all over Jaynee’s room one night after school buried in prospectuses for what must have been every university possible.

Jaynee had her final choice sorted, but was stuck on a back up, the university her boyfriend Mick went too was highly recommended for her course, and was close to home – she was sorted. Liam, only had three in mind but had no idea which one he favoured or even if they were just final, and he wanted to see what I chose first, and me? I had no idea.

“For godsake! How are we supposed to make a choice? I might just do it randomly.”

Jaynee and Liam laughed at me but I shrugged, “hey, I could seriously consider it – I don’t particularly care where I go as long as the course is good and I’m not living in a hole.”

Jaynee closed her books for her homework, and announced “I cant concentrate anyway! Too excited about Mick!”

And as me and Liam are just weak, we didn’t need any convincing that we should carry on, so we just did nothing for the night – a definite improvement.

---

I was walking through the hallways after school, on my way to the car park to meet idiot boy when a sound that cut through me like a sword and stopped me dead in my tracks.

It was Casey, talking to one of her loser friends. Normally I would have stalked straight past, threw an insult at her and then carried on, only I head idiot boys name and there’s a slight chance that I eavesdropped. A slight one.

“I can’t get over that – Jacob Donovan, frigid!”

“As a fucking board Julia! I couldn’t believe it! In all that time we went out we barely did anything, he wanted to take it slow and be respectful and all that bullshit. Total waste of time being with him. It took me ages to even get him to ask me out. He is so fucking clueless. Its like he actually really liked me or something! Everyone should know relationships aren’t fun!”

“Why don’t you tell everyone? It would like, totally embarrass him!”

“Because he’d be the jock that rejected sleeping with me – I’d come off looking worse, because everyone thinks he’s a man whore I’d be looked at as the one girl he had turned down, and no one would want to touch me again.”

“Shit. I see what you mean.”

There was a sound of a locker slamming, “I just don’t understand! I mean he was on that date with that bitch and they were all over each other – she’s so ugly! It’s disgusting! He must just have wanted to be with someone as inexperienced as he is. At least she doesn’t have any good looks wasted on her though, he on the other hand is as fit as but probably doesn’t know how to get it up if I paid him!”

A sound of laughter followed by the clicky-clacking of heels fading slowly as they made their way down the hallway and out of school. I just stood there, leaning on the corner which had been hiding me from their view.

I think I’m in shock. I just can’t get over that. The scornful little cow had actually broken up with him because he wasn’t a slut. Her being a using, conniving and selfish bitch I defiantly understand but him being respectful, true and a good boyfriend was a concept that was rather baffling to me.

Be it him or not, I felt bad for him. There’s no wonder he was so pissed off. If anyone dumped Jaynee or Liam because they refused to give them some and just be used for sex I would go ballistic.

Pitying someone you hate makes you confused.

Just then I felt my phone vibrate and since nobody barely ever rings me – it made me jump, which annoyed me when I saw who it was – idiot face.

“What?” I snapped.

“I’ve been waiting for ten minutes, are you planning on getting here anytime soon?”

“I’m fucking coming now, calm down its not like I’ve never had to wait for you before!” I put the phone down on him and deliberately took my time in getting to the car to piss him off.

Just because I feel sorry for him doesn’t mean I’m going to start being nice to him…

I hopped into his car and smiled sweetly at how annoyed he looked. He pulled out of the car park and asked “do you want to come to mine for a bit? I need to know which way to drive.”

“Yeah sure.” I will give him credit, despite him using it over my head, him knowing about what goes off at home has caused him to be nice enough to let me go to his whenever I’m not at Jaynee and Liam’s in order to help me avoid my dad.

It’s a rule set it absolute stone that we don’t talk about it, but the fact that we’ve only learnt to tolerate each other because we have too yet he remains willing to chuffeur me around wherever so I don’t have to go home shows that at least he’s not totally heartless.

I think someone slipped me some sort of pills at lunch because that could almost be considered a compliment…fuck…take it back! Call him names!

“Dipshit!”

“How kind.”

By now he doesn’t even bother asking if there’s a reason for my insults.

Which means he actually knows me a little too well.

How worrying.

We pulled up at his house and walk to his room automatically, “how come I’m stuck with you anyway?”

“Jaynee’s with Mick and Liam has too much work to do because he procrastinates like fuck,” I rolled my eyes. This was the first Friday night we hadn’t been together in a while. “I’m going on your computer.”

“And if I need it?”

“Then you’ll make do.”

I sat down and spun round on his chair until I felt marginally dizzy and only turned to the screen when I heard the “bing-bong” of msn, why anyone leaves it to sign in automatically is beyond me. Stupidface must have gone out the room since he wasn’t ordering me off right away, so curiously I opened up the conversation. Don’t judge me. I’m nosey. Plus, since he’s signed in I may as well alter his display name for him…

It turned out it was Michael anyway.

MMMMMMichael says:

Dude! Lemme come to yours? Bored shitless already. Lol at the name, I’ve been telling ya that for years.

I R STUPIDS says:

Hey it’s Lucy sorry. I’m here so I don’t really see an issue with him finding out you’re coming, just come on over.

I tell him it too!

MMMMMMichael says:

That’s a bit fucked up you know, for a couple ;)

Fuck.

Stupid boys with their stupid have sex on their brains all the goddamned time. I covered up my little acting slip with a simple yet effectively suggestive “well his sisters here too…” causing him understand why it was ‘safe’ for him to join us and say he’d be right over.

I signed out and checked my emails – none from Janynee since she barely has time for computers anyway, and one for every I.T lesson Liam had been in since I last checked my email.

Okay, now I was bored.

“You done the English essay yet?”

“Nope,” I replied. “Was gonna work on it now.” He ignored me, “Michaels coming up, I just spoke to him.”

“Ace!”

When Michael arrived we didn’t really do much, I pulled up some internet games and listened to them talk about shit for a half hour before idiot thought he’d almost ruin everything by asking; “Are you two okay if I go pick Char up from school?”

‘You absolute twatbag!’ I wanted to scream at him.

Michaels eyes met mine and his eyebrows raised curiously as he nodded his consent and Jacob disappeared out the room having apparently noticed nothing.

“I thought she was home,” I say nonchalantly and quickly make for a diversionary tactic I’ve been waiting to employ for a good few days, Charlotte had carried a tin of marbles into his room to play with at some point, and they’ve been here ever since, I scooped a good handful up and crossed to the other side of the room ready to hide them, well aware of the fact that I was being watched.

I rolled a few under his bed, dropped some into his school bag, hid them in his pillow cases and put one or two into every nook and cranny I could find, by the time I’d hidden them all I was giddy with laughter. Sometimes, I’m just pure genius. Unfortunately my happy time was broken by a very purposeful coughing fit and a very awkward question.

“Are you two, okay?”

“What do you mean? Me and him? Of course we are.”

“Well you don’t exactly act like a couple…”

“Meaning I have more respect for myself than most girls do because I’m allergic to public displays of affection?”

“No. That’s fine. I mean something’s not right.”

“Like what?”

“Like you act fine in school but seeing you out of it and not being different is weird. You haven’t so much as looked at him affectionately since I got here.”

Shitters. Best friends are stupid. I thought I had exhausted all of this with Jaynee and Liam being suspicious. However I, rather cleverly I do think, used my newly found inside knowledge on buggerface and whorebag and the fact that Michael’s his best friend to try and blag my way through.

“Our relationships real. We get on really well, but we get on really well because we don’t need to be sickening around each other. And I’m glad of that…surely you know how his last relationship went? I don’t want him to think that I’m another slagbag just out for his money or whatever.”

He looked rather impressed and seemed to think that our fake relationship had enough credibility simply because I knew that secret. Oh well, that works for me.

“I like you Lucy, I’ll kick his ass if he hurts you.”

I smiled. Interrogation over. Points for me!

---

Idiot face and his accomplice dropped me off at home and then decided they would fetch Michael’s stuff so he could sleep over. As soon as I walked into my house I was met with the sight of my dad who must have seen me walking up the path.

“What the fuck are you doing home?” he whispered.

“Because -” Wait, whispered? “Why are you whispering?”

He looked over his shoulder and I could see that in the kitchen sat a pretty brunette woman, and then I registered that dad was wearing something that wasn’t beer stained and a light bulb flicked on in my head. No. Fucking. Way.

He has a date. Oh my josh.

I stood there torn between hysterics and revulsion when I was literally shaken out of it by dad who forcibly steered me back out towards the front door.

“I don’t want you back until tomorrow night.”

“Can I go upstairs and get some of my stuff then?”

“No!” he hissed, “I don’t want her knowing about you, you little fuck up so go before you regret it.”

I don’t need telling twice.

Don’t worry by the way dad, I totally have a place to stay.

Fuck. I was going to have to ring idiot boy again and ask to stop at his. Wonderful. Even though I’m usually out on a Friday night it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be expected at home. I knew Jaynee wasn’t home and I also knew Liam was working, because he’d text me and complained about it and I really didn’t want to put him off because it was important coursework and I’m not stupid enough to think that he’d get anything done with me there. So I really was going to have to go Jacobs.

I phoned him and Michael answered, “Hey, its me, he’s still driving.”

“Hey listen can you ask him a really big favour of me please, I need to sleep at his tonight, dad’s busy and I forgot.” I’m guessing he’d put me on speaker phone, because I got an answer straight away.

“Sure thing, I’ll come straight back to you now.”

He was only being nice because Michael was in the car, and because he wasn’t the one talking of course. I muttered my thanks and hung up, cursing. I would have to spend a night being observed by someone who was already suspicious and also, it means I would be with Jacob when he found the marbles he’s been losing for years.

He picked me up and we were in the car outside Michael’s house waiting for him to grab his stuff.

“Sorry I invited myself over but -”

“Its okay, you can stay but you’ll have to sleep in my bed with me because it will look weird if you sleep in another room and someone’s been suspicious enough today hasn’t he?” I nodded, “In fact, he’s just been telling me how good he thinks it is that I’m in a proper relationship with someone I feel comfortable enough with to talk about Casey too.”

“Oh.”

“How the fu-”

Thankfully the car door opened and our conversation cut short. For now.

“So why the change of mind Lucy?”

“Urgh don’t, it makes me feel sick. My dad has a…date.” I pretended to be sick when Jacob let out a bark of laughter and disbelief that expressed how I felt. “Tell me about it, Liam has more chance of scoring with a girl than he does, she must be fucking blind.”

---

It was three in the morning and we’d finally decided to go to bed. Jacob tossed me a black long sleeved T-shirt and some shorts to wear as pyjamas and I gave him a short smile in appreciation of the long sleeved T-shirt, there had been a couple of past occasions at Jaynee and Liam’s where I’ve had to ask for long ones and that had just been plain awkward.

“I’m beat guys, night.” Michael was laying on the settee in Jacobs room and I had coined the side of Jacobs bed closest to the wall. His bed was very comfy, yet as the lights went out and me and my ‘boyfriend’ staged a goodnight kiss, I knew I wouldn’t be getting to sleep just yet.

“Why not?” He’d asked when I’d said this aloud,

“I’ve never slept with anyone other than Jaynee and Liam. Jaynee’s snugly and Liam’s a fucking fidget.”

He smirked. “We could snuggle.”

I kicked him in the shin.

I knew that soon I was going to be questioned about my knowledge of his ex-girlfriend, so I just lay in wait, I didn’t doubt that he’d just wake me up if I went to sleep anyway.

Sure enough, Jacob was soon checking we were the only two awake, “Hey Michael…Michael! Good he’s asleep. He won’t wake up for ages now.”

He turned so he was lying on his side and faced me, without preamble he jumped straight in, “how the fuck did you know that?”

I don’t need to know what he’s on about. His reaction in the car was enough for me to know this conversation was coming.

I sighed. “I overheard her boasting and ranting to one of her clones today.”

“Well just don’t fucking tell anyone. I don’t need you or the whole school laughing at me. Just remember you’re not the only one who knows a secret or too so if you want to go about sharing things then id tread very, very carefully.”

“Oh fuck off. Michael’s your best mate of course he’d know the real reason she elbowed you! I saved your ass you ungrateful prick otherwise he’d have decked you one for doing this to me by now because unlike you Michael obviously knows how to be a friend. You’re just pissed because your pride took a hit.”

“Bollocks.”

I snorted, “If you’d have told the truth then shed have happily been welcomed by the rest of the whores you hang out with – which shed probably been with anyway – and you’d have still been left even more popular.”

“What the fuck makes you think that?”

“What that she’s been with everyone else in the school or that you being a blushing virgin could be seen as a positive?”

He pulled a face and narrowed his eye, and when laser beams failed to shoot out and set my head on fire, he simply scowled some more and said, “both.”

“What makes you think that she kept faithful to you when you refused to give her what she really wanted?” he didn’t answer so I continued, “and I thought the answer to my next point was obvious. There are girls at school – me included, who wrote you off as a whore.” He opened his mouth to protest, “no. You asked, so you’ll shut up and listen. People knowing that you’re actually a fan of relationships with substance would have opened your options, not closed them. Besides you could have sold your morals and became a whore any time you wanted. But instead, you panicked, because you didn’t want the rumour spreading you were frigid. You didn’t want to be embarrassed and that’s pathetic because you could have bluffed your way through whatever slutface said be it truth or not. Instead you started to lie and you dragged me into this whole mess thoroughly against my will.”

He had the grace to look a tad taken a back, so I carried on.

“It’s pathetic. You make her look good – what she did to you was unexplainable – believe me if anyone pulled that shit on me, Jaynee or Liam I would strangle them, but you acted just as stupidly and you still don’t see that you didn’t need too and you still apparently enjoy abusing the fact that all that did was make you into a blackmailing prick. After spending all this time with me and knowing everything about me, you’re still willing to use it to get what you want when what you want cant be what’s best for you. It doesn’t make any fucking sense. You know I actually felt bad for you when I heard her saying all of that stuff? Even though you’ve never felt bad for me? You know that its horrible to find out you can be decent sometimes but that it’s all ultimately to save face? You’re infuriating. Just…fuck you.” I rolled onto my side and scooted closer to the wall, I wanted him to keep silent and to go to sleep, but at the same time I wanted an apology, and more than anything, I wanted to know why I felt close to tears.

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A/N: Bleh. I know, I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know what reception this will get, I think its lost its usual tone which is either because Jaynee and Liam weren’t in it much or because I’m out of practice – probably both. Plus it’s all over the place.

I’d appreciate reviews since I think I need the help lol.

Also the marble thing – much funnier in person, believe me. Me and my friend hid a load round our other friend’s bedroom and a month later we found one after we thought we’d got them all back. It was time well spent and well invested laughter.

Thanks for reading!