I rounded the bend, deep in thought. Why was it so hard to find good reading material all of a sudden? Just because I’d read all the good books in the Library didn’t mean that I shouldn’t be able to find anything! If I had to read one more sappy cliché romance I think I’m going to di-

SLAM!

I stumbled and two hands caught me. “Thanks, I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying at-” I stopped. I leaned back and stared at the white haired boy. “Draco Lex….” I whispered with fear.

He let go of me and turned hurriedly back to the window he had been staring through. I looked around quickly. There was no one else in the hall and…he hadn’t insulted me…

“What’s the matter?” I asked, my kinder side getting the better of me for an instant. I tensed, ready for a harsh answer.

He turned from the open stone window and stared at me with brilliant eyes. They were filled with countless emotions that I couldn’t name; countless emotions that sparkled and lit up his icy face. My breathe caught in my throat and something jumped inside me.

Then he blinked and it was gone.

“Don’t talk to me, bitch! I don’t want to catch your filth.” He pushed past me roughly and I stumbled.

“Asswipe,” I yelled, “Just because you come from a powerful family doesn’t mean you can talk down to me!” I harrumphed as he turned the corner without a word.

Something flashed and I looked out the window, frowning. A beautiful bluebird flew up and spiraled through the tree branches before winging away. Was Draco watching a bird?

I shook my head and hurried down the deserted hallway. It didn’t matter because I didn’t care. Draco was a bastard.

I was breaking the rules. That’s what kept running over and over in my head. I shouldn’t be out after curfew. I shouldn’t be doing this by myself. I could easily ask anyone else to help me.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

Guilt and hate swirled in my stomach, making me queasy. Why, the one time that a spell of mine went wrong, something had to get hurt? Why? It seemed to me as if Fate was trying to teach me to stop being so arrogant of my skills and grades.

I flicked the tip of my wand and muttered a light spell again. The light returned, brighter this time. I cringed slightly as I peered around a corner.

I expected at any moment to run into a professor. I expected the detention and the humiliation of being caught. I expected disappointed faces and lectures.

I shook off my wandering thoughts and focused on the job. I muttered a spell that would deaden the sound of my feet then quickly passed through the corridor and reached the door. All I had to do was open it and I was outside.

A light came into view and quick footsteps sounded. I flinched and threw myself into the opposite corner of the door. My backpack pressed against the wall and I cursed its unwieldiness. My heart beat heavily in my ears and my breathing became erratic. Inside my head, all I could hear was I’m caught, I’m caught, I’m caught. It played again and again in the same breathless voice filled with shame and horror.

I stopped breathing as the light moved across the hall. I had had the faintest hope that it could be some student out for a late night rendezvous, but it was crushed.

Although I didn’t know the teacher particularly well, I did know they were a teacher. I closed my eyes and pressed myself harder into the corner. All they need to do was glance sideways and I’d be found out.

I didn’t move for an eternity. My mind went in endless circles that drove me partially mad. Then, through the continuous cycle of I’m caught, I’m caught, I’m caught, my body screamed for air.

I gasped and sucked in a great lungful, then stuffed my hands in my mouth and peered sideways. The light was moved off around the corner and I breathed again. She hadn’t heard me.

I pressed my hand over my heart, which felt like it wanted out of my chest, then turned quickly and opened the door, slipping into the cool night air.

Outside was wonderful. The full moon hung high in the sky and illuminated the grounds in silver light and black shadows. The slight hills of the grounds almost looked like an old man’s face, weathered and lined by years of laughter and sorrow.

I took a moment to savor the view and breathe the crisp fresh air. I loved the school more than any other place. It saddened me when my friends spoke of their hatred of their teachers and classes. Didn’t they see that our school was more than just classes and teachers? How could they not see the naturally beauty of this area? How could they not feel the emotions that thousands of students had left behind? How could they not imagine what had happened in these halls?

It hurt me, to think that they didn’t appreciate this amazing place. Even the people who spoke of their love for this place annoyed me. Their love was superficial and shallow. They only loved this place so long as it went along with their expectations.

An owl hooted, followed by another and another. Crickets and cicadas filled the night with music and frogs croaked down in the reeds at the edge of the lake. How could they not love this beauty?

I stood spellbound by the loveliness then abruptly remembered what I had set out to do. I muttered incomprehensible condemnations to myself for forgetting what I was supposed to be doing and for getting myself into such a situation in the first place.

The full moon was brilliant and made it easy for me to see where I was going. Unfortunately, it also made it easy for others to see me, so I stayed to the shadows of the trees. I moved in the direction a group of abandoned cottages towards the back of the school. It was a popular meeting spot for couples, but lately the teachers had been cracking down on obvious displays of affection within the school. You had to be very good to get past all the teachers and make it to the cottages after curfew. That’s why I was worried.

Not to say I’m not good. I’m very, very good, but even I had my doubts about this. I just hoped that no teachers were lurking around. That would make things difficult.

I reached the cottages after only a few minutes of splinters and almost total heart-failure as a bat took off from next to my face. It chattered angrily at me and I grabbed my heart again, sure that I was dead from fright.

I crept up behind the dilapidated cottage and through its weed-filled garden, if you could call it a garden. I winced as each stair creaked under my weight then peered through the broken glass window.

There were no lights or sounds inside. I let out an enormous sigh of relief and opened the door with a thin metal screech.

I stopped dead, but no one came. I slipped inside and left the door open, for a quick escape. Softly I called, “Here, kitty! I’m sorry I hurt you, kitty. Please come out.” I looked around desperately. What if it had gotten out? It was still injured and young, not to mention malnourished and starving. My bottom lip began to tremble as the feeling of hopelessness washed over me.

“Mreow?” Out of the shadows limped a young cat. He was a calico cat with a green eye and a blue eye. The owner had probably just dumped the poor thing. It must have been a human because no witch would ever treat an animal so badly.

I put out a hand and carefully coaxed the creature out of the shadows. It moved forward with a bit of difficulty and sniffed my fingers. Being careful not to move to fast, I took off my backpack and undid the zipper. I pulled out a small jug of milk, which I had swaddled in newspaper. I also took out cat food, a small litter box and a bag of sand. I had been surprised when it all fit in my backpack, but after the edge of the litter box had stuck painfully into my back on the way down the stairs, I had rethought my previous mental remark.

I got to work immediately and set up the litter box in the corner, near the sink. The minute I finished pouring in the sand, the cat jumped into the box and did his business. Evidently, before he had been abandoned he had been potty trained.

Next I put out the food and milk. He gulped down the minimal amount I put in his bowl. I had read that it was bad to give a starving animal lots of food in one go because it made them sick afterwards. So I only put a small amount of cat food and milk into the double tray I had taken.

Then I put out my hand again and let the cat sniff it. He rubbed against my arm afterwards. I was sure he had misplaced affections…or he liked me because I smelled like food.

Hesitantly, gently I put my arms around the cat’s skinny torso and picked it up. Poor thing; his ribs stuck out way to far. He made no objection to the touch and when I put him in my lap, he settled in like he had always lived there.

“You’re too trusting, kitty.” I muttered, “I’m the one that hurt you after all.” I softly touched the leg of the cat and he let out a slight whine. It was the sound that a cat made before they hissed at you.

I got down to business. Grabbing the cat with more strength, I pulled the leg out, trying to ignore the sudden thrashing, hisses and claws.

I put my wand between my teeth and concentrated. I muttered the incantation and flicked my wand in the appropriate symbol. Immediately, soft golden light descended from it’s tip and settled onto the broken leg. I could feel the bone setting beneath my hand and hardening back to it’s original strength. I shuddered at the strange and rather disturbing feeling. I didn’t see how a nurse could possible like doing this.

The cat stopped thrashing the moment the golden light had appeared. He watched as if mesmerized as the light touched his fur and began to mend the break. The cat was absolutely still through the entire process.

Then once the bone had been mended and I let go, the animal leapt up and moved forward hesitantly. When he found that he could walk without pain the cat bolted around the cottage.

He jumped off the bed and zoomed up the sink, over the table and around the floor. I laughed as he stumbled and flipped, landing on his back with a comical expression of surprise on his face.

“Kitty, can I name you?” I asked and reached out a hand. It licked it and I took it was conformation.

I stared at the animal as it righted itself and looked up at me. The blue eye sparkled and danced in the faint moonlight while the green eye seemed sad and lonely in the shadow.

Sudden sorrow overtook me and I pulled one knee up to my chest. What did this remind me of? Why this abrupt feeling of depression?

Slowly an answer came to me. This reminded me of how someone could be so happy or so sad. How on the inside you never knew what they were really feeling. It was also the possibility of how a sad person could have been happy. How if they had taken the right step or if this hadn’t happened, then they could have been happy.

I was sad because this cat represented how a person could be. How Draco could be. I’d seen him around for all of my two and a half years here. I hadn’t given him much thought, but now he struck me as…different. He was a player with lots of girlfriends, awesome grades, a wealthy family and lots of shallow friends, but his smile never reached his icy blue eyes.

“You know, kitty, I’m going to name you after a strange person. He’s stuck in a wealthy family with a bad past. I’m going to name you this so that you can be the happy and easy going side of him. I’m naming you Draco.” I ran a hand down the gorgeous fur and sighed.

“I don’t need a cat to be happy and easy going for me.” I screamed and whipped around.

Draco leaned on the open doorway, arms crossed.

I stared at him, completely unable to say anything. Why did this have to happen when I said such embarrassing things. Oh Fate, why did you mortify me so?

Abruptly I remembered that I was in an abandoned cottage at the back of the school with no one around. My hand tightened on my wand reflexively. Slow fear began to wind up and twist in my guts.

“W-why are y-you h-here?” I stuttered and cursed myself for my obvious fright.

Draco didn’t say anything. He simply stared at me with cold eyes that stabbed straight into my heart. His tall, lean body was outlined by the moonlight and I noticed the shadows that ran over his face and cloths as a cloud passed the moon. His shadow filled the floor and stopped just before my leg.

He was a terrifying and frosty figure. Menace seemed to jump off of him and colour the air. I shuddered slightly and flinched away from him.

Something flashed through his eyes and I stopped. Had I just seen…hurt?

I calmed myself and stared back at the boy who excluded such frozen anger. I stared at the pale face and white-blond hair that had been spiked up earlier today, but was falling down now. I stared at the sharp nose and strong chin that signified arrogance and stubborn.

Then I saw the slightly round cheeks and the half moon eyes. These meant softness and penchant for sorrow. Lastly I saw under the hard exterior a person who was alone in a crowd.

“Why are you here, Draco?” I asked more softly. I looked up at him calmly.

His eyes glittered then he spoke, “I’m here because I wanted to see what such a perfect, prissy girl like you was doing out in the middle of the night, in a popular lovers spot. I was passing by and saw you from a window” He smirked at me. I didn’t bother to ask why he was out so late; Draco had lots of girlfriends.

I looked down at my hands in the moonlight and examined them, blushing. My hands were long fingered with square nails. They did such incredible things every day, but I never appreciated them. In the moonlight, they seemed suddenly so extraordinary.

“I’m not here to meet a boyfriend or girlfriend for that matter,” Draco cracked a small smile, “I’m here because of the cat. I…I accidentally broke it’s leg earlier today. I fixed it, though.”

A nasty smile had eclipsed the previous one. “So the Great Witch finally make a mistake, eh? Who would have thought that you’d screw up so badly then hide your handy work! That’s rather low of you.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I know. And I feel guilty about it too, but how could I tell anyone? How could I tell anyone that I had messed up a spell and ended up hurting something?” I wanted to be brutally honest suddenly. I wanted to be so sincere that it affected this boy.

Draco hadn’t moved from his position by the door. He spoke again, derision and contempt riding on his words, “So your pride kept you from admitting that you’d hurt a cat? You were scared people would say that you were horrible and didn’t deserve to be a witch? That’s pathetic. You’re pathetic.”

I stared at the boy, “Yeah, maybe I am. But I’ll reserve that term for when I do something even more horrible.” I blinked away tears and picked up the cat, Draco. I put him in my lap and ran my hands down his fur. He began to purr in an insistent baritone. Draco thought I was talking about hurting the cat. I wasn’t and I didn’t feel a need to enlighten him. I went with the flow, instead.

The wizard Draco cooked his head slightly, the first movement I had seen apart from his mouth and chest. “When….?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Obviously. Eventually I’m sure I’ll do something even worse than this. Then I’ll call myself pathetic, but not now. Now, I’ve taken steps to fix what I’ve done. When eventually rolls around, I’ll be running from the pain I’ve caused.” I stared into the impassive boy’s face without embarrassment. It took all my courage but I reached out a hand. It was simply an open hand, but I saw Draco’s eyes cloud over.

I knew I had lost. He let out a horribly cruel laugh, “Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to tell everyone about your little fiasco so that your eventually comes more quickly. I can’t wait to see you ignored by everyone. The Great Witch, finally brought to realize she’s even less than everyone else!” He laughed again then turned and disappeared out the door.

As the full strength of the moon filled the cottage I wiped away a tear.

Draco was a cruel, mean person who delighted in other people’s pain. I know that that there was no sad, weeping boy inside Draco, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t have warmer emotions as well. Everyone could be both at any time. Draco had the capacity for kindness and joy. I had seen it earlier that day.

I scratched the cat’s ears and remembered what had happened after I’d seen Draco.

I had hurried outside during the lunch hour to practice my stunning spells. My anger at Draco had magnified the spell, but it was have been harmless because I wasn’t directing it at anything except a small wooden figure.

I had been thinking about how Draco had called me a bitch. I became so angry that my spells got stronger and stronger until I was knocked the figure at least thirty feet.

Then abruptly something warm had brushed my leg and without even thinking I had turned my wand down and shot the cat.

No, scratch that. I had thought. All of my blinding rage suddenly had a moving, living outlet and I let fly all of my rage into one spell. I knew in the back of my mind that I could seriously hurt the thing. I liked that. I liked the sense of power.

The cat had been thrown forty feet and landed with a sickening crunch. I just stood there for a moment, surprised with the sudden release of my fury and the satisfaction that came with it.

Then I realized what I’d done. Guilt and self-hate had consumed me. But worse emotions had come with them, horror and wariness. What if someone had seen me hurt the cat? What if they realized just how bad a person I really was?

I immediately gathered and bolted for the cottage, which had been thankfully empty. I left the cat there and promised it I’d come back and heal it later.

I’d spent the rest of the afternoon and early night agonized over the cat and trying to figure out if anyone had seen me. It seemed as if no one had, that I was safe and I hated myself the more for that.

My amazing memory kept replaying the scene in full colour, sound and feeling. I was haunted by the shame and guilt throughout the hours leading up to night.

Even underneath my nice, smart girl exterior there had always been this mean envious creature that looked at all of the pretty, popular girls and wanted to curse them or ruin their relationships. When the nicer, but slower people would say hello to me, I’d cheerfully call back a greeting. But in my head, I was telling them to leave me alone, that I wasn’t as stupid as them so I didn’t want them talking to me.

In my own cruelty though, I had noticed the people around me more. Arrogance and disdain had followed this awareness, but it was worth it sometimes.

I’d watched guys flirt with girl and girls flirt with boys and wondered if they ever really saw beneath the surface. Like how one girl’s boyfriend was cheating with another girl or how this shy girl had a crush on the popular boy and he liked her too. I saw all of that, as well as the hatred between two people or the silent rivalry. I liked knowing these things about the others because I remembered every detail. All of it was imprinted in my mind and I could call it up at a moments notice. Even if it didn’t really help me.

I kept to myself mostly. My fellow classmates could come ask me for help with this assignment or that. They could greet me and say goodbye. They could be friendly and congenial at anytime, but I didn’t allow anyone closer than that. No one spoke to me deeply about their problems. I didn’t tell anyone my secrets or thoughts. What was the point when I was such a horrible person? I didn’t want to be accepted then rejected. It would hurt too much.

Instead I stayed by myself and people looked up to me. I would pass by in a hallway and they’d say, “Oh, that’s Arabella. She’s really smart and she’s going to be politician.” Or “Arabella’s the top student. She beats everyone by so far that we don’t even bother to try and catch up.”

I pulled the cat off me and put it down. We were allowed to have cats in the school, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to adopt Draco. I grimaced. I couldn’t possibly call him that if I was going to keep him.

I leaned down and pet the cat one more time, thinking. Eventually I said, “I’m going to keep you. But I’ll only call you Draco in private, alright? If there are other people around I’ll call you Rosso.” I grinned down at the cat. “I’ll come back tomorrow to pick you up.”

I left the cottage, leaving behind the food, milk and cat box. I snuck back around through the trees and slipped back into the castle, making sure that no one was around.

I was just turning the corner when I saw a body to the left of me, right in front of a teacher’s bedroom door. My heart nearly stopped beating but then I saw it was Draco. I let out a sigh of relief than wondered why I’d done so.

“What are you doing?” I whispered at him.

“Waiting for you.” He whispered back. I blinked and my heart started beating again. Hard.

“Um…….” He laughed in the dark. It wasn’t a nice laugh.

Then he tipped over the vase on the table next to the door. It shattered on the floor with an ear-splitting crash. I heard a muffled shriek from the room and a thump. The light came on. Draco had taken off running the moment that he’d dropped the vase. I bolted now too.

I cursed myself, screamed and berated myself for so much as believing that he would have waited for me without evil intent. I ran after him as fast as I could go. My heart beat hard and strong and the breath rushed in and out of my lungs.

Abruptly I began to feel exhilarated. Everything seemed sharper suddenly and my ears picked up the faint sounds of following feet, which only spurred me on faster. Life seemed to be rushing and pressing around me, jumping out for me too see. The cool air on my skin was refreshing in a completely different way from when I was outside. The lean boy in front of me was covered in silver light from the windows we passed. For a moment I caught sight of Draco’s face. He looked…happy. His eyes sparkled with the same strange emotions I’d seen earlier today. I smiled to myself as I realized I’d forgiven the white haired boy. This was just too much fun and he looked too happy.

I saw a T junction ahead and knew that Draco’s dorm was to the left while mine was to the right. My legs began to burn from the exercise, but I sped up. I was running next to him and as we reached the break in paths I laughed breathlessly and shoved him down the left corridor. “You bastard!” I called back softly.

I thought I heard a gasping chuckle as he ran the opposite way to me.

I was huddled and pretending to sleep when the teacher burst in, some twenty minutes later, demanding to know if any of the five girls in my room had been out after curfew.

We all yawned and rubbed our eyes, mumbling about our dreams and asking if we could go back to sleep. The woman interrogated us for a few more moments before telling us to go back to sleep.

I settled back comfortably into my bed and snuggled under the covers.

“Next time, Arabella, don’t get that close to being caught.” The girl next to me muttered and turned over.

I laughed softly.

How could any class be this boring? It was only through horrible effort that I could make myself stay awake and take notes. What did I care about the life of the wizard Arnold Cerpolin? He wasn’t interesting at all, if the various snoring students around the room could attest.

It was gloomy and rainy outside. The beautiful weather of the last two months was gone now and it wasn’t expected back for at long time. I didn’t mind the continuous rain that much, though.

I wanted this class to end so I could go get my kitty. It surprised me, just how much I looked forward to having Draco in my arms again.

I blushed furiously and hide my face with my hair. How could I have just thought that? Oh Fate, even if it had been directed at my cat, it was still so…..embarrassing! Thank god, no one in the class had telepathic abilities. It was a rare talent; the ability to read minds, but not completely unheard of.

“Hey, hey Arabella!” I twisted and looked up. In the row above me, one of the boys leaned down and whispered, “Hey, can I borrow your notes later. I…ah,” he gave an embarrassed grin, “fell asleep.”

Outwardly, I laughed softly, “Yeah, just meet me in the library after and I’ll let you copy them. I’m going that way anyway.”

Inwardly, You Asshole! Why the hell did you fall asleep?! Now I won’t be able to go get Dra- Rosso! Take your own friggin notes next time! Bastard!

I settled my head into my arms. My thoughts drifted back to the white-haired boy. What was I going to do about him? I knew myself and that meant that I knew that Draco would consume my thoughts until I brought closure. But how? Not only that, but my memories would torment me with his reactions and face. The emotions, sights and sounds would be imprinted on me until I did something.

What was it that I wanted to do? I closed my eyes and concentrated on last night, remembering what I’d seen, heard, felt. This was a gift that I was constantly thankful for. I remembered almost exactly every experience that I’d ever had.

I simply had to think about what had happened or what I wanted to remember. It was like my mind was a computer. It had started when I was twelve. After I lost everything my mind began to remember everything. I must have been so traumatized that I wanted to remember absolutely everything so I never lost anything again.

I could hear, see, smell and feel everything as if it had just happened. It was a major reason my grades were so good. I could remember almost word for word exactly what the teacher had said.

The down-side was that if I didn’t actively pay attention or if I just didn’t care about the topic or experience than it faded from my mind almost immediately. I couldn’t remember what I’d eaten for breakfast or if I’d had a shower that day. It was like to make room for everything else, my memory had dumped everything that I had deemed unimportant.

I couldn’t remember what my room looked like or what people’s everyday faces looked like. I could remember someone’s name, but their face, voice and personality where completely gone. I knew my aunt’s name, but sometimes I couldn’t recognize her.

It wasn’t just that. I had forgotten someone’s face who was so incredibly important too me. There was a dark hole where my heart should be each time I thought about it. I couldn’t find any pictures of him that were accurate to the fragmented memories I had left. I couldn’t remember his face at all.

I blinked and pushed away my dark thoughts. I couldn’t afford to get so emotional at this moment. Instead, I went over Draco’s words and my feelings. I saw his body outlined by the moon and the subtle shadows that hide in the crevasses of his cloths. I saw his face again and felt the fur of the cat beneath my hands. I breathed the cool, refreshing outside air.

What did I want from Draco?

I wanted to know him.

I bolted up abruptly, startling the people behind me. The slight patter on the roof turned into a roar as the rain began to pound. The classroom’s electric lights emitted an eerie glow as the darkness of the cloud cover began to slink inside. The windows turned black as the rain smashed against the panes.

With it came the striking smell of rain. That soft smell and grey dusk that reminded you of the hugs you got from your mother or the smile that your favourite person graced you with. When it rained I felt like I was held in familiar strong, loving arms. It almost felt like he was protecting me again.

The murky light reminded me of myself. Usually it brought a strange peace that could be misinterpreted as depression.

But now I was stunned. I want to know him.

Why did my heart squeeze when I thought that? Was it because I thought that he was like me? Or that I…cared for him? No.

No, it was because I wanted to listen to him. I wanted to hear what he thought and what he saw. Draco was a horrible person, but he was the smartest here. He could be my equal. He could rival me.

I wanted to move his soul. I wanted to find where it stood, in the dawn or the sunset or the twilight. I wanted to know him.

I smiled slightly and settled back down into my chair. Yes. I would pursue Draco. I wanted him to understand me as much as I wanted to understand him.

The teacher’s voice was eclipsed by the rain. He just kept talking, knowing that we didn’t care and couldn’t hear. So long as they said the information it would be our fault if we didn’t remember it when our exams came around. It was a rather convenient way for the teachers to become lazy.

The girl next to me leaned over, “Arabella, I haven’t been paying attention. I can’t even here Mr. Henglin over this rain. Can I borrow your notes? You seem to catch everything.”

I smiled, “Yeah, it’s alright.” The girl’s request was followed by a flurry of others. They looked at me with pleading eyes and I cursed them inwardly. I nodded and they all turned with relieved sighs and went back to whatever it was they were doing for entertainment.

An unexpected solution came to my mind suddenly. “Hey…he…HEY!” They jumped slightly and turned to look at me. I glanced at the teacher and saw that he hadn’t noticed. “I’ll leave my notes on the second left chair of the fourth table in the Library, alright? Just copy them there. I have something that I need to do and I don’t need them anyway.” They sang my praises and thanked me, but I waved it off, telling them that it was fine.

When no one was watching, I smiled. It wasn’t a nice smile. My smile was filled with bloated self-satisfaction and conceit. Even as I felt good, I left bad as well. My smile was slowly replaced with nothing as the guilt grew in my stomach. I really was a bad person.

I settled my chin into my hands and shut my eyes. The lesson passed slowly as I listened to the rain. The rain was a cleanser. It cleaned away all the refuse and death and left behind life. The creatures came out and the plants grew. The mood became lighter and filled with fun. Rain was a beautiful, vital part of an ecosystem that contained every life form on our planet.

I sat through one more lesson, this one thankfully more interesting than the last. The basic biology of a human body fascinated me. No one had ever made an engine that could outlast the heart.

I paid attention throughout Biology, but I was itching for the lunch break. When the bell finally tolled, I bolted out the door, down various halls and around various corner until I came to the library.

The library was a vast room with a giant collection of books. There were giant windows along two of the walls that showed the pounding rain. It looked like a vertical ocean.

In the two and a half years that I’d been going to this school, I’d read most of the really interesting books. Now I was stuck with the romance, humor and non-fiction sections.

I had read most of the fiction books and quite a few of the non-fiction books, but I was still hungry for more. I couldn’t imagine having to spend another two years with this library. They had to massively update it soon or I’d become bored.

The library was an important place for me. It held a niche that was all my own. No one went there and I could be away from the crowds. It was a rather unusual niche with absolutely everything I could want.

I placed my history notes on the second left chair on the fourth table and hurried out. I slipped through the crowd of students on their way to the Great Hall for lunch.

As always, it struck me how most walked in groups of three or four, sometimes larger. They smiled and laughed with each other, talking about random things that never seemed to register with me. They grinned and pushed each other playfully, mouthing words that I never heard. I walked down the halls by myself.

The rain was pouring down hard as I opened a side door. It was closest to the abandoned cottage.

My eyes filled with the roaring and when I put my hand out, the rain struck me so hard that it felt like needles. It hadn’t rained in a long while, so this wasn’t such a strange anomaly. It still hurt though.

My uniform would be drenched. I stared down at myself with distaste and wrinkled my nose. The uniform consisted of a formal white shirt with a tie, a plaid skirt and black stockings. On top of that we had our robes, which buttoned at our collarbones and were left open from there down. The uniform would be absolutely gorgeous on a girl with a long, slender body.

But, sadly, I wasn’t long and slender. I was considered short, though I don’t think I was. I have brown, wayward hair and a stout body. I wasn’t fat…I just wasn’t slim.

My uniform would be drenched when I got back with Rosso. Did I wasn’t to endure the scolding and annoyed glances. I’d have to pay to get it cleaned outside of the normal schedule and I might be late to class because I’d have to change. Was it worth it for just a cat?

I stepped out into the rain. The icy rain hit me like needles and I was immediately soaked through. I clutched my arms tightly about myself and shivered, but persevered.

The ground was horrible muddy and I sunk in almost to my ankles with each step. The rain was so strong that if I peered hard through the rain, I could just make out seven feet in front of me.

I took it slowly, berating myself. My robed stuck to my skin and dragged down on me with each step. My hair was plastered to my forehead and it felt hard to breathe.

I finally reached the cottage and trudged up the steps, not caring that I was bringing in ankle deep mud. There better not be anyone in there, I thought darkly. I’m so not in the mood.

I yanked open the door, muttering about stupid couples and rushed in without looking where I was going. My knees and feet hit something which yelped then landed on the ground with a hard thump. The breath was knocked from my lungs and I sucked in air, wheezing.

“What the fuck is your problem?!” I froze. The boy to the side of me snarled and rubbed his head. Draco looked up at me and his eyes widened in surprise. “You.” He hissed.

Draco was soaked as well. His white shirt stuck to his skin, revealing musculature than I’d never noticed before. I’d always thought that Draco was a tall slim boy, but with his shirt wet and stuck to his skin he looked buff and….hot.

I shook my head and got up. “Sorry,” I muttered, “I just want my cat.” I looked around in the almost impenetrable gloom. I glanced back at Draco and frowned. Why was he staring at me like that? Did I have two heads or something? I looked around then down.

My face flushed crimson and I yanked my robe over my chest. Damn white school shirts and damn green bra. “Where’s my cat?” I snapped at him.

“You mean the cat that you tried to kill? I think it liked me better than you.” He looked pointed at his lap and I noticed the cat, curled up with his head on Draco’s knee.

“Kitty…kitty, come here.” I made cooing noises and reached out a hand, without touching Rosso. The cat blinked and stretched. Then he got up off Draco’s lap and walked to me. He purred and rubbed against me.

I smiled, “Silly boy, now I’ll have cat hair all over me.”

“Are you going to keep it? Even after you’ve hurt it?” The white-haired boy pulled one knee to his chest and loosely wrapped his arms around it. I blushed again as the wet fabric clung to him.

“Yeah. I’m going to keep him.” I scratched under the cat’s chin and his purring increased.

“Are you going to change it’s name? I don’t want a cat being called after me and frankly, it’s rather stalkerish. I really don’t want you as a stalker.” He sneered at me, but I rolled my eyes at him.

“I’ve already changed it, kind of. I’ll call him Rosso in public, but when we’re alone I’ll call him Draco. He can have two aliases.” Draco stared at me for a moment without expression. Then he sighed and fell back onto the floor, arms outstretched to either side. He closed his eyes.

I looked the boy over and decided that although Draco was a year older than me, he almost looked younger. When he wasn’t excluding menace, Draco looked more child-like than I’d have thought. I pet my cat and stared. I started when he spoke suddenly, his eyes still shut, “You should go back now. The bell will toll in a few minutes and you don’t want to be found in here with me.” A small smile tugged his mouth.

I fell back onto the creaky old floor as well. “I don’t want to get even wetter. I’m fine where I am.” Rosso jumped onto my stomach and curled up. He was a heavy warmth.

“Why do I keep running into you?” Draco asked.

“I don’t know. Why did you come to this hut last night?” My eyes were closed and I slowly stroked the cat. I was tense. I didn’t know if I’d get a cutting insult or a true answer. Draco seemed almost at ease, but I didn’t want to spoil this opportunity by badgering him.

“I was in here earlier that day and found the cat.” He didn’t say anything else.

I relaxed against the floor. I didn’t ask what he had been doing inside the hut during lessons, I didn’t want too know. What did surprise me was although he hadn’t said it, but he had been worried about the cat. This more caring side of Draco was more evident that I’d thought. He liked animals.

“Do you like bluebirds?” I asked softly. I heard him flinch slight. His clothes rustled against the floor.

“Yeah. Yeah, I like bluebirds.” His voice was small. It sounded lost.

“I do too.”

We didn’t move or speak for another hour. I listened to the rain and didn’t think. For once, I simply lived at the moment and didn’t think of the consequences or advantages. I laid there, listening to the incessant drumming and Rosso and Draco’s breathing. I was peaceful.

I felt cleansed and warmed, despite the cold hard floor. The rain had cleaned out my soul. All the guilt and hate that had been in there, all the swollen satisfaction and malicious thoughts, all of that was gone. I was only a cleaned out shell. I was a shell that could hold new material and new experiences, new situations and new reactions.

I didn’t expect anything nice from Draco. He could do anything right now and I was slightly wary. This sudden, milder side of him made me wary. I expected some menacing remark instead of kindness.

It took an hour before the rain stopped pounding sufficiently for it to become possible to leave. My clothes were damp, but no longer wet. I was almost dozing, warmed by my serenity when sudden movement to the side of me made me reawaken.

Draco got up silently and looked down at me. His face was expressionless again. He didn’t say a word and neither did I. We just looked at each other, me up, him down.

Then he turned and opened the door, slipping outside and back into the rain. He left the door open and I watched as his form receded into the greyness. Draco became a lonely, cruel boy again as he walked through the rain. While inside here we had been stripped clean, but I knew that the minute I left the cottage I too would take up my previous persona. I didn’t want to go back.

“Ready, Draco?” I murmured and kissed the cat’s head. His fur was so smooth and soft that I stopped for a moment and pressed my face into his side. He meowed softly. “I’m just sad, kitty. I wonder if, when we get back, will this all become a dream that I made up? Will Draco be gone?” I pressed my tears into Rosso’s fur and blinked back tears.

I held my cat inside my robe and walked back to the castle. I walked into empty halls that held silent whispers. The presence of the students that walked these corridors every day was ingrained forever. The halls shouted even as they were bereft of life. So many things had happened within these halls. They had weathered so many emotions. They were pieces of history because of it.

I dropped the cat in my room. I’d carried his food and water bowl with me and I placed them to the side of my bed. I put Draco on top of my comforter and whispered to him, “This is my bed. This is your home.”

I’d get the cat box later, but for now I hurried to class. I had Theory of Magic at the moment, which was located in the far west wing. I changed out of my wet uniform and left.

I opened the door and slipped inside. “Miss Arabella! Just where have you been?” The female teacher snapped at me. “I was caught outside in the rain. I took shelter and waited until it became weaker.”

“That’s no excuse! You’ve missed half an hour of important material and you’ve disrupted this class! Is a little water more important than your education, Arabella? Or your future?”

“No, Miss.” I shuffled a foot and burned with embarrassment as my fellow students giggled and whispered.

“Quiet! Arabella, I’m giving you detention for being late. You’ve never done this before. I’m disappointed in you.” I gritted my teeth and took the pink card. My detention was for tomorrow.

I sat down at my usual desk and listened to the woman teach us about summoning spells. It was a spell I’d already taught myself long ago. I sighed and laid my head on the desk.

The day passed without incident. I almost snapped at a student who asked me why I had been outside when it was raining. I had to reign myself in sharply when one of the teachers gave me a derogatory remark because they’d heard of my detention.

I had stormed back to my dorm room and made hasty, snappy introductions between the cat and the roommates. They’d pounced on the cat like it was the new lipstick from Revlon. Of course, Rosso as I introduced him, loved the attention.

“Oh! He has a green and blue eye! That’s so cool.” One of the girls giggled and rubbed Rosso’s ears.

“Where did you find him, Arabella?” One of the girls asked wonderingly.

“Oh, I saw him outside in the rain and went to get him. When it really started pouring I took shelter and waited it out with the kitty. He didn’t have a collar or any identification and you all know that any pet has to have identification at this school. So he must be a stray. Maybe someone’s cat had kittens.” They took my explanation without fuss. Most of them ahhhed and said that was why I had been so late!

I dealt with whiney voices saying it was unfair that I’d been given detention for saving a kitten. They didn’t see me roll my eyes.

I ate dinner, showered, and went to bed accompanied by my new partner in crime. Rosso’s warmth at my side reminded me of my rain filled hour with Draco. I didn’t know what to expect when I met him next.

The next day was more boring that I’d thought it’d be. It was filled with long, tedious lessons and bitter thoughts about detention. How was I going to become some powerful executive if I had a mar like this on my record?

I walked slowly to my detention room. This was my first detention ever and I was steaming. The lovely peace that had filled me yesterday was completely gone. My entire body was filled with a simmering anger that I had to work hard to control.

The detention room was in an older wing of the castle, that wasn’t used as much as the other. I’d only given this area a cursory exploration. I’d never thought that I’d have to come down here.

I glanced down at the pink card I held. It said that I was supposed to go to room B120. I glanced at the door next to me. It said G14. What the hell? Where was I?

I stared around me with the face of one hopelessly lost. Perfect, now I’d be late to my detention as well.

“Are you lost?” A face popped up to my right, a few inches from my nose. I yelled and stumbled back.

The boy laughed. He was slightly taller than me, with sun-coloured hair and green eyes. He had freckles. He was really, really cute. I blushed slightly. “Um…heh…yeah, I’m supposed to be finding the detention room, but it seems to have eluded me.” I smiled.

“Yeah, it can do that. You see the rooms were renumbered a few years ago, but they never got down to this part. So the letters are all correct but the numbers are wrong. I got lost on my first detention as well. I’ll show you the way.” He grinned and hurried down the hall. I followed.

The boy led me through an almost random selection of dusty corridors. I began to wonder if he’d been tricking me when we found ourselves outside room B120.

“Thanks, by the way I’m Arabella. I’m in Year 3.” I put out my hand and the boy shook it with a sunny smile. He seemed to smile a lot, “I’m Sebastian in Year 4. Nice to meet you.” He let go of my hand and opened the door, slipping inside. The seats were tiered and looked down on the teacher.

A professor sat at the desk with his feet up and a hat over his face. As Sebastian walked in, the teacher simply held out a hand. Sebastian placed the pink card into the hand.

“Hello again, Sebastian.” The teacher muttered without looking at him and the boy laughed.

I stepped into the room hesitantly. Immediately the professor sat up and took his hat off his face. He was a handsome young man with watery grey eyes. “Well, who could this be? You haven’t been here before.”

I held out my card, “No, sir. This is my first time.” He took the card and looked it over briefly before nodding at me. “Well, Arabella, I’m Demetri and you can call me that. You don’t seem the type to be in here. Was this a fluke thing?” I nodded and he smiled at me.

“Take a seat wherever. No one will spell you, although I’m not sure about biting,” I smiled at the lame pun, “Just do whatever. I’m not too strict about detention. There is one rule, though.” Demetri’s eyes turned cold and he stared me down. I shivered slightly. “Don’t ever wake me up, alright?” He raised an eyebrow, smiling and I nodded.

There were four people in the room other than Sebastian. Three girls and a boy, two girls sat together and whispered at the back of the room. The other girl sat by herself, eyes closed and listening to an Ipod. Sebastian and the other boy sat together and made airplanes out of loose paper.

I took a seat two rows from the professor’s desk and pulled a book out of my backpack. It was a fantasy novel called The Serpent Bride. It had become available just yesterday. I’d read all of the authors other series and loved the way that this tied in with them. It was almost as if the author had taken the plots of every other story and spun them into a fantastic, amazing epic. I was already in love with the story.

I was absorbed in a complex love between the lost winged prince and the cruel duchess when the door opened. I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t mind the newcomer.

“Oh, Draco, it’s been awhile.” My head jerked up. My ears hadn’t deceived me. Draco handed the note to Demetri, who hadn’t taken his hat off. “Take a seat wherever. You know the rules.” Draco nodded.

I looked down at my book again and reread the same sentence four times. My heart was beating too hard. From the shock, I told myself. You should have expected this, I told myself. He had come back late, just like you! I told myself this again and again, but it didn’t calm me down.

I tried to ignore him, but my entire being was aware of him as he passed by the corner of my eye. He sat above and one seat to the left of me. I yawned and stretched, glancing back at him. He pulled out parchment and pen and began to scribble.

Why was I so hyper aware of Draco? I wanted to know him, but…I couldn’t like him, could I? Even if I was, I had to stop myself. There was absolutely no chance that I could end up with him. I wasn’t a romantic. I tried to be a realist at all times and my realistic side knew that the possibility that Draco would like me was nothing.

Not only that, but I think he had other girlfriends. Draco was very popular with girls despite his cutting remarks and snide arrogance. I’d noticed a new girl hanging around him almost ever two weeks and then he at least two or three girls on the side. Each thought that they could make the cold boy melt, but it never happened. I didn’t want to delude myself into thinking that I could change him. My purpose was to see what Draco was. I didn’t want to change him.

I settled more comfortably into the chair and put my mind back to my novel. I pressed myself into reading each thing until I finally dropped back into the world of fantasy.

A piece of paper dropped onto my book ten minutes later. I blinked and picked it up. My heart was beating fast again. I couldn’t think of anyone who’d throw it but Draco.

Hey, are you single?

My heart stopped beating and I felt my face drain of colour. Then I read the name below.

Sebastian

I took a deep breath and scowled at the paper. I’d been asked a couple of times before to go out, but I’d always turned the boy’s down. I just wasn’t interested in anyone. No one could match up to my high and ridicules standards.

I glanced at Demetri. He was seemed to be sleeping peacefully. I turned to Sebastian who sat rather far away from me. He must have used magic to send me the note.

I pulled out a pen and scribbled yes underneath his name. Then I took out my wand and muttered the sending spell. The paper flicked upwards and shot back to Sebastian.

He picked it up, opened it and then nodded and grinned. I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair.

“You know him?” Draco’s soft voice rolled into my ears and I almost fell of my chair from surprise. He smiled slightly. “Uh….I met him on the way here. I got lost.” He nodded and went back to whatever he was doing.. I waited for another sentence, but it didn’t come. I picked up my book again.

Detention was two hours long. I spent it reading silently, missing dinner. I frowned as my stomach began to growl. I thought I heard a chuckle behind me, but I wasn’t sure. I was so hungry. I’d missed lunch as well.

Suddenly, the food bell tolled. That was the end of dinner bell. We now had an hour and a half to take showers and study, before the night bell rang. That was the signal for curfew. We weren’t allowed out of our rooms after that.

The students all got up and began to file down to the teacher’s desk. I moved to go out the door, wondering why they were stopping when Sebastian motioned me back.

Demetri pulled off his hat and sat up. The girl who’d been listening to her Ipod was the first in line.

“Alright, Cecilia, what do you want?”

“Roast pork, potatoes and green beans with gravy.” The girl smiled and I stared, curious. Demetri nodded and snapped his fingers. The dish appeared on the table, exactly as the girl had asked. She squealed and grabbed the plate; there was cutlery on the side. She took it back to where she’d been sitting and began to eat.

I was the last person in the line. Everyone asked for something and it appeared when the teacher snapped his fingers. Draco was in front of me and I felt strangely nervous next to him. It didn’t make sense, considering I had lain motionless near him for an hour only yesterday.

Draco ordered pumpkin soup, a coke and two bread rolls. He picked it up and took it back to where he’d been sitting. I stared at all the students and wondered if this was allowed.

“Don’t worry, so long as you don’t tell anyone we won’t get into trouble,” Demetri winked, “Now what do you want for dinner, Miss Arabella?” I blinked and thought for a moment.

“Can I have a bacon, cheese and runny egg toasty? With an iced coffee?” Demetri nodded and made a gesture. The food appeared on his desk. “Thank you.” He nodded.

I took my food back and ate it at the desk. My eyes closed as I savoured the runny egg mixed with bacon. It was possibly the best combination I’d ever tasted. I never got sick of eating toasties, but they never appeared at dinner. It was rather disappointing.

My iced coffee was perfect. Not too bitter with the hint of good sweetness. Ice cream and coffee were another great combination. Affagatos were awesome, but only if the coffee was watered down with milk. I had picky tastes in coffee.

I finished my food and drink just as the second person was leaving. Draco had left first. I licked my lips and grinned. I picked up my book and stuck it into back in my backpack before trotting down the stairs and placing my plate and cup next to the growing pile. “Best toastie I ever had.”

Demetri grinned, “Feel free to come back whenever you want.” I smiled and left.

I passed through the library and checked out the shelves, finally settling on a book that looked mildly intresting. I borrowed it and dawdled on the way back to my room.

My roommates were all gone when I arrived back at my room. So was my cat. “Damn girls.” I muttered. No doubt they had taken my cat to show off to everyone else. I fell onto my bed and put my hands under my head.

The bottom of the top bunk-bed was scarred and gratified after years of abuse and students. I ran a finger over the letters of one word. F-R-E-E-D-O-M

I flipped over and dug into my backpack. I pulled out a pen and fiddled with it, staring back at the bunk-bed roof. I wanted to write something meaningful, something special.

But what really mattered to me? Not much, I realized. My family had died three years ago and the fierce pain had dulled to a slow, dull ache. I tried to remember their faces and couldn’t. That mattered to me, I supposed. That I couldn’t remember the person’s face who I had loved most. But I wasn’t going to write about my family.

What else mattered to me? My grades mattered. I wanted amazing grades and I got them. I had been the head student for the past two years. After my family died, I had thrown myself into my studies to forget them. Eventually it became habit to be brilliant student.

The cat mattered to me. I liked it and wanted to protect it. I wasn’t sure if my affection was born out of guilt or pure attraction, but for the moment I didn’t want to dig deep to find out.

Draco….mattered to me. In a strange, backwards way, he mattered to me. But I wasn’t going to write his name on the bunk. I may be foolish at times, but not now.

I closed my eyes. What words came to mind? What did I want to write so that I was immortalized on this bunk? My name? No. The date of when I came here? No. Who I liked? Definitely not.

“What comes to mind?” I whispered to myself. I blinked, surprised then I smiled and reached up to write on the bunk. My words weren’t very poetic and wouldn’t give anyone a sudden epiphany, but they were important to me. When you’re lost, call my name.

“Yes, I’ll call your name,” A tear squeezed itself out of my right eye and rolled down my cheek, “John.”

My older brother had been more important to me than my parents. They hadn’t been around that much, considering that my mother, a witch had had a high paying job in the Council for Magical Control, or CMC. My father was a corporate manager for some big shot company. He was a human.

My brother, also human, was the one who basically raised me after my sixth birthday. I loved him more than anything, but he had decided to move out. He tried to get my mother and father to let my live with him, but they wouldn’t allow it. They thought he had a strange attachment to me and I to him. They just didn’t understand.

He had just turned eighteen and was moving out. My parents and John constantly fought with each other and he had finally had enough. He had enough money and a good job. He could survive.

I was in tears as the movers took his stuff and fit it into the back of a van. I sat in the living room and cried because I thought nothing would ever be the same. John walked in and sat down next to me. He pulled me into his lap and cradled me in his arms, muttering nonsense words and phrases that were supposed to make me feel better.

When I finally quieted he told me that he was leaving now. I clung to his shirt and told him not to go. Tears began to grow in his eyes as he unhooked my hands and looked me in the eye.

“I have to go, Arabella. I can’t stay here. Mom and Dad won’t let me take you with me, but I’ll come back soon, I promise. I love you, Arabella. When you’re lost, call my name.” He kissed me on the forehead and placed me back onto the couch. Then he got up and left.

I never saw him alive again. He never did come back soon. What I hadn’t known was that John was fighting for custody of me with my parents. When he left, he was going to a court to press his claim for me, but he never made it. A drunk trucker smashed it into his car and completely destroyed it. My parents, who were only a few second behind my brother’s car, smashed into the truck as well. It was a chance in a million that all of my immediate family would be wiped out while in two separate cars, by the same truck.

I was left alone and desolate. In a fit of rage I had burned all the photos of my family I could find. That was when my memory began to work in overdrive, once I realized I couldn’t remember there faces. I had searched desperately for photos of my brother, but I couldn’t find one where he was older than fourteen. It just wasn’t enough. I began to remember things in amazing detail after that.

My other relatives passed me around for awhile until I finally found a “home” with my mother’s sister, who was a wealthy and influential person.

She told me straight out that she didn’t want me living with her. She said that she would pay for me to go to a famous boarding school that taught magical students. On holidays I would go back to that unfamiliar, too large, too white apartment and wait to go back to school.

The only person I missed was my brother. He had been my role model, my hero. I’d been completely empty for an entire year, while I became a straight A student. Then gradually, feeling had come back into my body and I could move around and live. I never wanted to go back to that unthinking undead way of living. That was why I appreciated the beauty around me so much. It could be gone in a blink of an eye.

I stared at the words I written. “John….I still miss you.” I swung up and out of my bunk, landing with an odd crunch into a strange material. I looked down.

The kitty litter box had been placed next to my bed. I frowned. Had it been there when I first walked in? I searched my memory and concluded that it had been there and I hadn’t noticed it.

But, who had put it there? No one knew about the cat’s original hiding place except Draco. Wait….had Draco done this? Had he been in my room?!

I brushed the litter off my shoe and back into the box. Thankfully nothing else had been on my shoe. Draco had been in my room. He knew where I lived and he must have done this while no one was here. He could have gone through my things or anyone else’s. I paused for a second in my panic.

Did it matter?

Not really. It meant that I didn’t have to go back into the rain and get it. The older white-haired boy was such a mystery to me. It was fascinating.

I smiled and muttered, “Thank you, Draco.”

Eventually my roommates came back, carrying my cat. When Rosso saw me he sprang from his carriers hands and rubbed against my leg. “I missed you, too.” I picked him up and rubbed under his chin. Immediate purring filled the room. “Wow,” The girl who slept in the bunk above me said, “He really like you, doesn’t he? I’m a bit jealous.” I grinned at her and kissed Rosso on the top of his head.

I left my room again and went to the end of our dormitory where there was a huge bathroom. There were individual stalls for showering and such, but I mostly liked to bathe in the giant heated pool, next door. It was so steamy that you couldn’t really see anyone’s body, so I never really felt embarrassed about bathing there.

Today it seemed as if I was the only person in the bathroom. I looked around then quickly dropped my towel and stepped into the water. “Ahhhh,” I hissed, “Why’s it always so hot?” The water felt like molten lava against my skin and I entered slowly, wincing each time I went down a step.

Finally my entire body was covered up to my neck. I took a deep breath and ducked underneath the water.

Instantly the sound of chattering girls and running water became muted and almost non-existent. My hair tickled my cheek as it flowed around my face. I opened my eyes.

The water was very clear and deep. The pool end dropped off until it was nine feet deep. I put an arm forward and began to swim, listening to the sound of the water as it moved. My swimming style was different underwater from above. I slipped through the water like an eel, wriggling my body, my legs stuck together. People told me that I looked like a mermaid from above the water. I’d laugh and tell them to stop being silly.

But really, I loved to be told that. I loved the way that the water made me graceful. I wasn’t graceful anywhere else, but I felt at home in the water. John had taught me how to swim when I was three and I had grown up with a pool, so it was second nature to me.

Swimming naked was exhilarating. The water slid against your skin and you felt freer. Calling it a bath was just an easy way to not get into trouble. Not many girls bathed in this pool, though. They were too embarrassed.

I broke the surface and took in a deep breath before exhaling. I took in another breath and dived again. I was in the deep part of the pool, so I turned vertical and sped for the bottom.

There was a handle at the very bottom of the pool. As I went deeper the water pressed on my ears and hurt. I kicked out more strongly and ignored the growing need for air. All I wanted was to touch the handle.

I saw the handle and reached out a hand. A few…more….inches…..there! I grabbed the handle and pulled myself down and around. I planted my feet on the floor and pushed with all my strength.

I rocketed through the water and out into the air. I took a giant breath and laughed. Treading water, I pushed my hair behind my ears and began to swim freestyle to the shorter side of the pool.

When I reached the other end I grabbed my soap and began to wash myself. When I was done, I floated in the middle of the pool. I took a deep breath, flipped backwards and under the water.

The water rushed into my nose but I didn’t mind for the moment. I just floated, letting my thoughts calm. It was almost like lying in the cottage earlier today, almost…but not quite.

I wasn’t truly alone in here. The other girls were just outside. When I was in the cottage I had been so alone. Even with Draco and Rosso there, I had been alone. It had felt good being there with him…but not.

A frustration welled in me, at my inability to correctly think what had been so amazing about the rain and Draco. I broke the surface, breathed, then went back down again.

I was alone all the time because I never showed anyone the real me. But inside that cottage I had bared my soul without saying anything. I had been alone with someone right next to me. He was alone as well, while he was with me. It felt good because….I was alone, but…I was with someone else who was alone as well.

The strangeness of the thought threw me off for a moment, so I swam up, breathed and dived again.

Yes, I had been alone with a companion. That’s what felt so good. I hadn’t shared myself with Draco or spoken of secrets in a false attempt to become closer to him. No, I simply let him be by himself with me. That was special, I thought. It was special. I hadn’t been close to anyone since John’s death.

I got out of the pool a few minutes later. I dried off in a separate stall and put on my night clothes. I preferred simply sweats and a tank top when I slept. Nighties and lingerie didn’t appeal to me.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face before I went back to my room. The girls were asleep except one who was reading with a booklight. I slipped into my bed and looked around.

“Hey, Jess!” She started and turned to me, “Where’s my cat?”

She blinked then said, “Oh some boy came by earlier and said that you wanted him to looked after it. He took it for the night. You did….want him to take it, right?” She looked concerned.

“What did he look like?” I hissed through gritted teeth.

“Um…he was tall and slim, kinda. He had white hair.” I snarled slightly. Damn Draco! I wanted my cat.

I glanced around and thought a moment. It hurt my pride to allow my cat in his hands, but it really wouldn’t be that big a deal. He had to return him eventually, right? It wasn’t like he was going to hurt him. Draco seemed to care about the cat, but…he had taken Rosso without my permission. My anger grew.

“Will you cover for me?” I asked the girl.

“Wha…where are you going? It’s almost curfew!” She looked at me like I was crazy.

I stared her down, “Will you cover for me?” She looked fearful then nodded hesitantly. “Good.”

I bolted out of my bed and through the door. I rushed down the hall, past a few late female students who were leaving for their rooms. They all stared at me as I passed.

The dorms were all mixed up. You basically got placed with the girls or boys in your year in whichever room was available. There was no set section for any of the years. It was all higgley piggley. The only thing that was set was the girl and boy dorms. The girls were on the right in the north wing and the boy’s dorm was in the south to the left. We weren’t supposed to go into the boy’s dorm for any reason.

I made sure that no one was around when I ran down the hallway that Draco had taken last night. I encountered boys almost immediately. They stared at me, dumbstruck. Then came the whistles and calling. I lamented that I had left my wand back in my room. I wanted to blow these boys right out the windows so badly. Instead I calmed myself as best I could and marched over to a boy who looked roughly to be in their fourth year. “Hey, do which room Draco is in?” I panted out and the boy grinned.

“Going for a late night rendezvous? You’re a bit early, you know! And Draco rooms with some other guys so it might be a bit hard to find your privacy. But, knowing Draco, he’ll probably pull you into some abandoned hallway and f-” I cut him off with a snarl.

“Just tell me the damn room!” He looked taken aback then muttered the room. Around me people were laughing and my face was turning red. My anger grew until it began to tip over my already shaky control. I wanted my cat back. And if Draco so much as said a word, I would break his face.

I stormed down the hallway, surprising many boys, some of whom were only dressed in towels. The quickly covered themselves as I bolted past. I rolled my eyes.

I stopped before the closed door, E17. I stopped my trembling with an effort of will and touched the handle. Then I stopped. Better to knock and make sure they were decent before I waltzed in. I knocked on the door.

“Yeah, come on in!” Someone unfamiliar yelled. I opened the door and walked in slowly, taking in the room. There were four boys in the room and they stared at me, shocked.

It was bigger than my own and had two more windows. It was circular and the bunk-beds were arrayed in a circle, against the walls of the room. Next to each bunk was a desk. There were four windows in the room.

Out of the four boys, I knew two. Draco and Sebastian stared at me like I’d grown another head. The other two boys were equally surprised. “Wha-what are you doing here?!” The boy who had called for me to enter yelled. “I’m here for my cat,” I paused and stared at Rosso in the white-haired boy’s arms, “Draco.”

The others turned to stare at Draco and my cat. “Yeah, my cat.” I growled.

“Well, Arabella, I’m sure Draco just found it somewhere. You should get out of here before someone finds you in our room,” Sebastian looked edgy, “please?” I ignored him.

Draco was sitting on a bed, petting Rosso. His eyes were cold and narrowed at me. I advanced.

“Thank you for finding my cat, Draco. I’ll take him back.” I stared down at him, my face set in granite. The other boys stared at us. I heard one of the unknown boys mutter, “Draco knows her? Who’s she?” Sebastian filled them in quietly while I locked eyes with Draco.

He looked relaxed, but I picked up the subtle tension in his muscles. His eyes glittered and his mouth set in hard frown. I took another step and stood right before him. It was a challenge now and I wasn’t going to lose. I wondered for a brief second if this was a test. I wouldn’t be intimidated.

I leaned in and whispered, “I want my cat, now.”

“Mreow!” Rosso struggled against Draco’s hands and the matter was decided. My cat jumped from Draco’s hands and bumped his head against my leg. “That’s my good kitty.” I leaned down and picked him up.
I gave Draco a satisfied, evil smile. “Thanks so much, Draco. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t gotten my cat back.” I had my back to the other boys so they didn’t see the evident threat in my eyes. Draco gave me a cold, amused smile, “I’m glad I could be of help.” We stayed the same for a moment more, staring at each other with icy, menacing smiles.

I left a moment later as the curfew bell rang. I felt elated. I hadn’t faced off with anyone as I had with Draco in ages. No one challenged me like that. I was smiling as I hurried back to my room.

I wasn’t hurt that Draco had been chilly. In fact, I thought it was probably appropriate. If he had suddenly become some big softie, I would have been disappointed. It wouldn’t have been such a challenge.

I just rounded the corner and was about to bolt into the girl’s wing when a teacher caught me, my Theory of Magic teacher. I cursed silently. She gave a cry of disgust and lectured me for thirty minutes about being out after curfew. Even when I told her that I had to find my cat, she said that it wasn’t a good enough excuse. She told me not to slip up again and that she was very very disappointed. I didn’t mention that I really didn’t care or that I’d come from the Boy’s dorm. That would have gotten me in even bigger trouble. I got another pink detention card. At least this time I knew where I was going.

I walked back to my room without further incident. Draco purred in my arms and I snuggled him against my chest. “That was fun, wasn’t it kitty?”

I tiptoed into my room and dropped under my covers, with the cat next to my stomach. The girl who had been reading was already asleep. I quickly fell asleep as well, wondering what the new day would be like.

Three days passed. I went to detention the day after I got my second pink card. Demetri asked me if I was going to make a habit of coming and I said maybe. He laughed.

The second day was boring with no difference, except for the sun coming out again. I walked outside and through the muddy grounds. The air was cleaner, fresher. I loved the washed clean feeling that everything gave off, even if I didn’t like the water everywhere.

Some of my classmates were running around and pulling tree branches, releasing a cloud of droplets onto unsuspecting victims. I stayed away from the trees.

The third day was when I realized the challenges of keeping a pet. I let Draco wander around without much fuss. Nobody had ever lost a pet at this school to abuse from students. The problem was trying to find him later when I became worried. Draco wandered into other people’s rooms or into the bathrooms and I had to go in to find him.

Draco was an incredibly well behaved cat, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t get up to mischief. I came back after my third class to find him rolling in the ink of one of my suddenly broken pens. I had to wash him.

Then I saw that his food bowl was empty and that I’d run out of the cat food that I’d gotten from the school’s supply shop. So I had to go buy more. I got a weekly allowance put into my bank account, but I didn’t like to touch my aunt’s money. I didn’t want to use it because it felt dirty and begrudged to me.

The fourth day was when something happened again. I woke up as usual and got dressed before going to breakfast and my first class. I paid a limited amount of attention but knew that I’d remember everything anyway. We had a test in one class that I knew I’d aced. I decided to forgo my last class before dinner, study hall so that I could go outside. It didn’t matter if I didn’t go.

The ground wasn’t as muddy now. The school bordered on a lake and there was a dock that stuck out under the water. Two small rowing boats were moored near the beach. I slipped down through the grass to the rocky sand then onto the wooden floor boards.

I walked to the end of the dock and sat down, my feet dangling into the water. I pulled out my wand and flicked it at the water. It wasn’t a real spell, but more of a gesture to use power through.

The water underneath me swirled for a moment, then a good bucketful rose into the air. I swished my wand again and it twirled and rounded into a ball. Next I created a perfect pyramid, then a hexagon, then a two swirling ribbons that looked like a DNA symbol.

Then I tried something harder. This took concentration. I held out my other hand and pulled the water apart, into two separate parts. I used my hand to create a bird, while simultaneously using my wand to create a cat. The water bird hung in the air, as did the cat. Creating them was hard, but getting them to move would be almost too difficult for me. “Let me help.” A voice whispered next to my ear and I jumped.

The cat and bird almost disintegrated, but a second power jumped in and held them firm. I released the bird into the boy’s care and held onto the cat. Draco sat down on the dock, next to me.

I used my mind now. The water cat tensed and crawled forward, looking intently at the bird. The cat wiggled its bottom and jumped for the bird. It took off and flapped above the cat, taunting it. I glanced at Draco. He looked impassive, as always. He also was just using his mind to control the water bird.

My water cat jumped and batted a paw at the bird, but missed as the it flapped gracefully. The bird flew around elegantly then shot up higher into the sky, performing complex twirls, dives and flips. I was impressed at Draco’s iron control.

I closed my eyes and re-imagined my cat. Sudden, beautiful wings blossomed from it’s back. Draco glanced at it and his eyes sparked for a second. The bird high in the air changed into a hawk and dived for my winged water cat.

I waited until the last second, then threw my cat sideways and up into the air. The water hawk pulled out before it hit the deck, but the movement was stilted and unreal. If it had been a real bird it would have crashed into the decking. I scored one point.

It was my turn to attack. My water cat twisted in the air and dived towards the hawk. I kept tight control of the cat’s descent, but I wasn’t expecting the hawk to turn over and stick it’s talons right into my path. I twisted the cat sideways, but the movement was uneven with it’s wing beats. One point to Draco.

The hawk flew up again and my cat turned to meet it. Now they were flying straight at each other. They would crash into each other if I didn’t change my water cat’s trajectory. I didn’t change it.

The winged cat and hawk smashed into each other and whirled into a large ball of water that both Draco and I controlled. I glanced at him and he looked at me.

“What should we make?” I murmured and he blinked. The brilliant, extraordinary emotions flashed through his eyes again. They lit up his face and I almost saw a real smile grow on his face.

Then it disappeared. His eyes turned dark again and his mouth turned down. The water that we controlled fell suddenly. It smacked into the lake and rejoined it’s fellow droplets.

“I don’t care. Your stupid games aren’t worth my time.” He got up and turned to walk down the dock. His back was stiff and hard. He looked so lonely.

I acted on impulse and grabbed his hand as it swung backwards. He turned back, looking angry and surprised. “They’re not stupid.” I let go of his hand and stared into the bottomless eyes. Draco’s face softened for a microsecond then he turned and left. “They’re not stupid.” I said again.

I looked out at the water and waved my wand. The water swirled and four letters rose from it’s depths.

John

I pulled the water up until it was written in the sky. “I miss you, brother.” I whispered

I slowly let the name drop back into the lake and got up. I left the dock and hurried back inside.

I stopped inside the door. There were words written in the air. They were almost completely transparent. I only saw them because the light glinted off the dust particles in the air words.

Sorry

I waved a hand and the dusty air swirled into a tiny tornado. I imprinted my words into it then gave it a sending spell. The wind flowed around my face for a brief second, almost like a caress, then flowed off and down the hall.

It would find Draco wherever he was and form words for him.

It’s alright

Another day passed. It was Sunday now, our free time day.

The school, a giant castle, was a forbidden area to any humans. The castle was located on an island in the middle of the lake, with only a small land bridge connecting it to society. On Sundays the students were allowed to go into town and buy anything that they couldn’t get at the school shop.

I usually stayed in the castle and didn’t join the hundreds of students who basically supported the small town. This school was famous and notoriously expensive, so anyone who went here had wealth. Students would spend amazing amounts of money on Sundays.

Sunday was also the day when couples got together and did things. It partially sickened me as I walked down the halls and saw the pairs giggling and holding hands. I ignored them as best I could and went to the library. I left the cat in the girl’s dormitory, knowing I’d regret it later.

The librarian, a nice older woman, let me in with a smile. Over the last two year and a half years I had found myself a place in the library, that no one else went to. It wasn’t well known, but those people who did know about it, left it alone. I’d put a ward on it and they knew it was mine.

Our school library was as big as the auditorium. If only more than half of the gigantic space was actually filled with books. Most of it was filled with computers, desks, chairs, magazines and other stuff. I’ve petitioned the student council at least a dozen times for more books and less crap, but they always say that the majority likes it the way it is.

I wove in and out of the familiar shelves, looking for the one book that held my special room. It was hidden in the Family section, so few people had ever opened it and found my hidey hole.

“Ah.” I muttered and picked up the book. It was titled, My Secret Home. I picked it up by mistake one day then flipped through it because I was bored. I was shocked when I realized that it really did hold a “secret home”.

I opened the book to page 173. Immediately I was engulfed in green swirling, jumping bubbles. The first time this had happened I had freaked out, but now I was used to it. They didn’t really feel like anything except a slight wind. Contrary to most books where the person is thrown violently around when changing dimensions or some such, I only felt a slight movement beneath my feet. Then I was inside my hidey hole.

It was a huge circular room with five evenly spaced floor to ceiling windows. There were three armchairs around a big wooden table.

Books were stacked up in piles all around the room, along with strange magical items, two computers and various kinds of inks, quills and parchments. This room was basically the perfect room if you were writing or reading something.

Which I did. Each time I came here, which was almost every Sunday, I wrote another chapter in the book I was creating. When I finished it would be called Inside That Darkness. It was about a young boy who was human in a magical family. His family hated him and he was kept hidden away from the rest of the world. Eventually he breaks away and lives out in the real world. I had spent hundreds of hours, filled with harrowing emotion while writing this book. I had started when I first found this room, a year after coming to this school. By writing my emotions down in my book, it cleansed me. I could look at my experience without being emotionally biased.

For some reason I didn’t feel like writing now, though. I settled into my armchair and pulled off my backpack. Inside was the book that I had been reading in my last two detentions, The Serpent Bride. It just got better and better.

I lost myself in the world for a long time. For no reason I glanced up suddenly and looked at the clock.

“SHIT!” I shrieked and grabbed the blue book on the table called, Back From My Secret Home. I flipped back to the 173 page. The green bubbles swirled around me again and the floor seemed to tilt slightly under my feet. Then I was back in the library.

You had to pay special attention to the time when you were in that room. Time seemed to jump around in there so that one hour could be five in the real world, or one hour could be only two minutes. It made no sense and changed constantly. That was the downside of my room.

I peered out from behind the shelf of books. The entire library was dark and deserted. My clock had read that it was 11:32 pm. I had been inside the secret room for only roughly two hours.

I crept out from behind the shelves and bolted into the gloom on the other side. This was the third time in one week that I was out after curfew. I carefully tried the door and it slide open quietly.

My heart began to beat harder as I slipped down the hallways, keeping to the shadows and jumping at the slightest sounds.

That damn room! I cursed silently. I had never lost myself so fully that I missed about ten hours passing in the real world. I inched around a corner and glanced about. No one was coming.

I continued down two more hallways and through the Great Hall before I passed into the corridor leading towards the northern sector.

I sighed with relief, I was almost ba-

SLAM!

I had a brief sense of dejavu, as warm hands grabbed me. Please don’t be a teacher, please don’t be a teacher, please don’t be a teacher, please don’t be a teacher. I peeked up and gasped.

“What are you doing out at this time, Sebastian?” I whispered at him fiercely, “You nearly gave me a heart attack!” The blonde boy grinned down at me, but I felt an ominous stirring in my guts. It wasn’t a nice grin.

“I could ask you the same thing, Arabella. Coming back from being with…,”he leaned down and breathed into my ear, “Draco?” I jerked back, but found that his hands were holding me.

“Let go of me!” I growled at him and struggled. He just laughed and smashed me into the wall. The breath was knocked from my lungs and I wheezed. “You’re cute when you shut up.” Then Sebastian’s mouth pressed to my own. I struggled wildly, terror and panic overcoming any control I could have had. He pinned me to the wall with one arm and stuck his hand up my shirt, as he tried to force my mouth open. His fingers were like vile shocks as they passed over my flesh and came to rest on my bra. I bucked, but it didn’t help. I was getting weaker and my mind was getting foggier, even as it screamed. AIR! I couldn’t breathe! Please Fate, get off of me! I…can’t…bre……….

I opened my eyes and winced. My face felt swollen and my throat hurt so badly. I struggled to get up, but a gentle hand pushed me back down. My entire body felt bruised and hurt.

I looked up and started, before groaning as the pain doubled. “Stop moving.” Draco growled at me. He was sitting to the side of me, on the floor.

“Wha…what happened?” Draco stared down at me with impassive eyes. His mouth didn’t open. I sighed and closed my eyes, going over my last memories.

I gasped and tried to sit up again. “I said stop moving!” Draco snapped and pushed me back, this time more roughly. I winced.

Rage flashed through my blood and rain through my nerves. “When I find that motherfu-” Draco cut me off with derision, “What are you going to do? Tell the teachers you got molested in the corridor after curfew? I don’t think so. Will you go after him yourself? You’re a relatively smart person so you have to realize that he’s stronger and faster than you are. He knows more magic. Really, what are you going to do?” Draco radiated his contempt at me. I took a deep breathe and calmed myself. He was right.

“Yeah, but I want revenge. And I thought Sebastian was a good guy!” I said vehemently.

“Ha ha ha,” Draco shook his head and laughed nastily, “Is it a rude awakening? To find out that someone you had so pegged was completely different from what you thought? Sebastian is the worst kind of womanizing, cheating bastard you could ever meet. He spends every night with different girls and pretends some innocent chick is his girlfriend for a week or two. When he gets sick of them and after he’s got in their pants, he drops the girl and moves on. Everyone thinks he’s a good person because he acts so easy going all the time,” Draco paused and a vicious smiled crept onto his face, “I have to admit that it is amusing competing with him. I believe he’s in the lead now.” He sneered down at me. I flinched and looked around. We were back in the dark library and I was lying on one of the couches. I glanced out the window was saw that it was still very late at night. How long was I out? And what did Sebastian do after I passed out?

“Um….did you find me and bring me…here?” Draco didn’t deign to answer. He just stared out the window. “Thank you.” I murmured. He turned back to me and his eyes flashed like diamonds.

“Don’t thank me. Sebastian made a bet with me to see which of us could kiss you first. I lost and now I owe him a hundred bucks. You had better pay it.” I sputtered and tried to get up again. This time Draco let me.

“Why should I pay for your bet?! And it shouldn’t count because I was assaulted! I didn’t willingly kiss him! I passed out because I couldn’t get any air after he smacked me into the damn wall!”

Draco frowned for a moment and I caught anger flash through his eyes, but then he laughed at my fury, “You’ll pay it. Or I’ll tell everyone about why you took in that cat.” I stared at him. I had noticed that he hadn’t told anyone about the cat situation. I had thought that it might be because he had enjoyed being near me, but I was being continuously proved wrong.

What about yesterday? What about the apology written in the air? Did none of this matter to him at all? Was I being completely delusional when I thought that I could get to know Draco? An abrupt thought came to me, “Why are you out after hours? Did Sebastian just leave me on the floor?” Draco was silent again, staring at the moon. I was considering hitting him in the head when he spoke without looking at me, “Yeah, Sebastian left you on the floor. I was coming back from…” he paused then continued with telling me where he’d been, “and saw you. Even I wouldn’t leave a girl lying on the hallway floor.” He scowled at the moon. I turned until my back was on the couch back and pulled my knees to my chest. I studied Draco’s profile in the moonlight.

He was beautiful on a regular, sunny day. Draco had pale skin and deep blue eyes. He had an angular aristocratic face and his shaggy white hair fell in stylish layers. I don’t think he played any sports but Draco had a fit, lean body.

In the moonlight, Draco’s allure was intensified. His face was wreathed in shadows and the gloomy light turned his white hair silver. His blue, icy eyes became pools of blackness that gave nothing away. He was dressed in a baggy blue long sleeve shirt that looked black and jeans. I was still in my uniform.

“Why are you staring at me?” He turned and pierced me with his dark eyes.

“Thank you for finding me.” I said quietly. His eyes widened fractionally then he looked away again.

“I always run into you. Why?” I could hear bitter amusement in his voice.

“I dunno. Maybe Fate is telling us something.” His head whipped around and his stared at me. Draco’s mouth was twisted cynically, “You don’t actually believe that, do you?”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Fate had set up everything for us. If something’s going to happen, it does.”

“You’re wrong,” His vehemence shocked me for a moment; “Fate isn’t real. If we do the right thing bad things happen. If we do the wrong thing than even worse stuff happens. The situations we’re in are because of our actions. It’s our fault…” He trailed off and turned his face away from me.

Hesitantly, I reached out a hand. My finger tips touched his shoulder and I saw his entire body tense. Draco looked like he was going to snap in two, like he was going to break.

I didn’t move. Just my fingertips touched his shoulder, where I could just feel the hard muscle beneath. I didn’t say a word, but just stayed as I was.

Slowly, he relaxed and his shoulders dropped an inch. I still didn’t move, fearful that I might lose him again. It had happened twice before.

Draco turned to look at me. The cold eyes had turned into molten pools of black suffering. There was such exquisite pain in his face. A single tear dripped from his long eyelashes and ran down his cheek. Slowly, I reached up and touched his face, picking up the small, shining jewel.

“Tears are sacred. They are pure emotion. They tell us that we love the person we cry for. Whoever you’re crying for is the one of the luckiest people alive, even if they don’t know it.” I pressed my wet finger tip in between his eyes. His eyes closed for a moment and opened again. They held a harder, acid sorrow now.

Draco laughed bitterly and pulled away from my touch. “My family practically disowned me. They don’t deserve tears.” I stared at him.

John. I couldn’t remember his face. My lip trembled and I tried hard to keep it in, but it didn’t work. Tears appeared from nowhere and slide down my cheeks. I couldn’t remember my brother’s face.

I had one or two pictures, yes, and I could remember doing things with him, but his face was gone. Even after I looked at a picture of him when he was fourteen or younger I couldn’t remember what he looked like. Draco had lost his family as well.

The Lex’s were a well known, powerful magical family. There had been a giant media scandal when Draco’s father had murdered his wife, Draco’s mother. It was rumored that Draco had been the one to tell the police about his father’s involvement.

“Hey, why do …wha…what are you crying about?” Draco asked incredulously.

“I-it’s nothing.” I tried to wipe my face, but strong hands caught my own. Draco stared up at me with living eyes. The swirling, unnamable emotions were swimming in his eyes. “Tell me.”

I stared at him for a moment. The strong compulsion in his face was too much. It broke down my high barriers and scalded me with understanding. I broke down.

“I can’t remember my family’s faces! My o-older brother r-raised me and I cant remember his face at all,” Tears dropped off my nose and my voice turned shaky, “I loved John more than anyone. He was my mother, father, friends and sibling all in one. I didn’t need anyone else, but he died. My parents died and I can’t remember their faces or voices! I can’t remember!” A sob escaped me before I stuffed the sounds back down my throat.

A giant black pit of despair was opening underneath my feet. It carried all the demon emotions that I thought I had put past me. The dull, ache that I’d suffered with over the last years turned into a raging inferno suddenly. I had an empty hole where my heart should be. I’d lost him and no one else wanted me. I was living on borrowed money from a woman who wanted nothing to do with me.

“My mother…” Draco’s voice was taunt with pain and I looked up. He let go of my wrists and I wiped my eyes. “My mother was the only one who loved me. Everyone else…saw a means to gain more power. I was only a little kid, for chrissake! I could feel there greedy eyes on me as grew. My mother tried to protect me from their advances, but it didn’t work very well. My father had married my mother because he’s gotten her pregnant with me and he didn’t want a scandal. B-but she…began to be more protective of me. She didn’t want me to be used by my father and the other,” He stopped and put his head in his hands. His shoulders shook and placed my hand on them again.

I could feel the twin hole where Draco’s heart should be. He had lost his as well. His pit was bigger than mine with more horrible emotions and more pain. I forgot my own torment as I realized the magnitude of what Draco had lived with. No wonder he was so cold.

Draco was silent for another minute before he started talking again, “M-my father d-didn’t want her getting to me. He heard her speaking to me one day, a-about how I shouldn’t let my relatives control me. He flew into a rage and….killed her. He killed my Mom because of me! It’s my fault that she’s dead!” He sobbed and I put my arms around him. He didn’t throw me off.

I held him tightly. “It’s your father’s fault, Draco. He was the one the actually killed her.” He shook his head and tears splattered onto my arm. “N-no. It’s my fault because she was trying to protect me! I-I couldn’t stop him, either. I tried, b-but….”

“You can be alone, Draco. You are alone…but I’m here. I’m holding you right now.” My words made no sense. The overwhelming grief, guilt and loneliness made his body soft against mine. I pressed myself against him tightly, trying to comfort him without words.

Draco stopped shaking and straightened slightly. I felt the hardness come back to him. I saw him stiffen as he realized that he’d allowed someone too close. He didn’t look at me as he spoke, “Let go of me.”

I nearly cried as I let go of him and moved back onto the couch. Draco wouldn’t let me closer to him. He wouldn’t and that killed something inside of me. I wanted to know him so badly. I wanted to feel his pain and share my loneliness with him. But Draco wasn’t influenced by me. He didn’t want an alone companion.

I shut my eyes and went over every experience that I’d had with Draco in lightning succession. I saw, heard and felt everything again.

Then I put those memories away. I hide them in the back of my mind where I wouldn’t find them without prompting. He didn’t want my companionship and I wasn’t going to force him to take me.

“I’m going,” He jerked up and looked at me, surprised, “Thank you for saving me earlier. I’ll pay Sebastian for you.” My voice was cool and my face was hard. I hide away all my familiarity and gave him what I showed everyone else. I nodded once than strode away.

The hole where my heart should be grew. My demons frocklicked around me and pressed in on my coldness. I batted them away with a thought and left the library.

I would go back to my dorm and slip into bed. Tomorrow I would get up and go to my classes, smiling. I’d eat my meals, study, listen, bathe and go to bed. And I’d do it again and again and again. My existence stretched in front of me. It was a bleak and unwanted thing.

I walked into the girl’s dorm and my microscopic hope died. He wouldn’t come for me. I was completely alone again, in the halls that whispered of love, hate, betrayal and joy.

I touched my door knob and stopped. I couldn’t bring myself to go inside. If I did than….I really would die. I turned and pressed my back against the door. Silently, I slide down until I was sitting.

I wasn’t waiting. I sat, numbly cold and stared at the wall opposite me. It had two doors. Two different paths, two different futures.

They stood before me. I was on a crossroad between two places. Both went forward and both held life…of a sort. Would I stand up, open the door to my room and disappear inside? Or would I run down the hall as fast as my legs could carry me?

I stood up on shaky legs. Sadness weaved around me. It was pure and good. My sadness was alright. I could be upset. Sorrow was….a pure emotion. Guilt and anger were corrupt and so were joy and contentment. But sorrow…..it was pure.

I pressed my hand onto the door knob.

I bolted down the hallway as fast as I could. My lungs screamed and my legs aches, but I was crying again. I was crying with joy.

He might not want me. Draco might not care for me at all. He could tell me to go away. He could tell me that he hated me. But I wanted to be with him. He consumed my thoughts and the last week held nothing but his voice and face in my head. I remembered his every move and expression with a clarity that was surprising even for my memory. I only thought about when I would see him next, what he would do, how he would act.

I didn’t care that he’d made a bet with Sebastian. I didn’t care that I could get caught and given another detention or even expelled. I didn’t care!

I streaked around the corner and down the hall. The windows around me looked out onto the grounds and the world seemed coated in an ethereal light. No teachers came in my way. It was completely silent, expect for my thumping steps and gasps for breath.

The library door was opening as I ran. “DRACO!” I screamed and threw myself against him.

We tumbled back and I landed on top of him. “Draco, I l-”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” the boy underneath my screamed and I jumped back and off of him. Sebastian struggled up and wheezed. “You fucking bitch! I’ll beat the shit out of you!” He raised his hand and I turned and flinched, my eyes closing.

“I don’t think so.” I gasped and turned. Draco held Sebastian by the neck from behind and was pressed down on his windpipe. Draco’s eyes were black marbles filled with malicious anger.

“Move.” He told me and I jumped back. He threw Sebastian to the floor and stepped around him. The blonde boy rubbed his head and groaned. Draco leaned down and gripped his hair, pulling his face up.

“Watch this,” he murmured with a vicious smile. Draco turned to me and his eyes were a brilliant living black. His smile turned softer, “Arabella, will you kiss me?”

I blinked. Then I stepped forward and without hesitation pressed my lips and body against Draco’s. Fire raced around where we touched. Electricity ran through my lips and my ears roared. I gasped slightly and his tongue slipped into my mouth.

After a moment we unhooked our mouths, both breathing raggedly. I was still pressed against Draco’s side and he kept an arm around my waist “I do…believe…I’ve just won…our bet. I expect the money…by tomorrow afternoon.” He smiled nastily, “It doesn’t count unless she kisses you willingly. You said so yourself. And I think,” He leaned down and pulled Sebastian’s head up by his hair again, “assault doesn’t count as willing!” He snarled in his face. Sebastian paled and he stared at me.

“Just you wait, you whore! I’ll get you for th-” Draco put his foot on the boy’s head and slammed it into the floor. I heard a crunch and Sebastian cried out. A small puddle of blood appeared around the boy’s face.

“If you so much as look at her again, I’m going to kill you.” Draco whispered. The hair on the back on my neck rose and I shuddered slight. Draco was terrifying. “By the way, I’m getting a room change.”

“Come on.” He tugged me away from the weeping boy. I didn’t care.

Draco’s side was pressed to mine and he held my waist tightly. He fit together perfectly and he walked swiftly down and around the corner. We didn’t say a word. Draco pulled me into a side hall and I was the first to speak, “Why was Sebastian in the library?”

Draco blinked and said, “He must have been coming from some girl’s room and he saw you leave the library. He came into gloat about kissing you first. He tried to tell me that you were so overcome with happiness at his kiss that you fainted. It was such a crock of bullshit I have no idea how he thought he’d get away with it,” Draco pulled me against his chest, “and he interrupted me. I was coming to get you.”

Giddy joy seeped through me, but I didn’t want to hope. That kiss had given me life and his words sounded so sweet, but I didn’t want to find out that it didn’t matter to him. I didn’t want him to just be playing with me.

The warmth disappeared as I pulled away. He looked at me surprised and…maybe hurt. His mask fell back into place to quickly for me to see. He raised an eyebrow over chilly blue eyes.

“Draco….” I trailed off, staring at the floor, “I…I don’t want to be a play toy.” I looked back up at him. I let him see the pain I felt. I wanted to be special to him. I wanted to be his alone companion.

His body engulfed me before I realized he’d moved. My face was pressed against his chest and his arms held me tightly. “Don’t say that,” He said brokenly, “you couldn’t ever be a play toy for me.” I hesitantly put my arms around him. He tensed then relaxed as I held him as tightly as he held me.

He drew back slightly and leaned down to my face. His eyes shown with the brilliant, beautiful emotions again. Draco stared at me with shining, radiant eyes. I slipped a hand back around and touched his cheek.

“What is it?” I whispered slowly, wonderingly, “What’s in your eyes?”

“Love,” Draco’s face lit up with hope. It burned away all the shadows. I liked his face better now then when he was in the moonlight. “I love you.” He murmured. I froze.

What was this sudden relief that I felt? This abrupt joy that flooded my entire being and left me completely incoherent? What filled me up?

“Love,” I whispered, “I love you, too.” It was like a flower bloomed inside Draco, or maybe it was life. He held me tighter and I could feel the hole in his chest healing. It was healing slowly, but soon it would be gone. My black pit was closing as well.

Draco pulled my face up to meet his. His lips locked with my own. Draco’s kiss sent shock waves of electricity through me and fire burned through my body, igniting my blood. Brilliant colours, images and sounds flashed through my mind’s eye. Everything I remembered blurred past in a kaleidoscope of memory. My mind froze on something.

A face stared at me with a smile. Strong brown eyes and a straight nose. Dirty blonde hair and a ready smile. John. I remembered my brother’s face.

I remembered.

The End