Mother, Fate and I

The blackness around me slowly receded. It wasn’t because I was opening my eyes. A flowing, etheral blue light was moving towards me, shoving the darkness back. The light whispered words and emotions. I looked around in the dimness and realized with a start that I had no body. I was nothing, simply another part of the blackness. A small tendril of terror wove through me. I concentrated and created a form for myself. It was familiar. Long, strong limbs, almost non-existent scars on the wrist and back, red-brown hair and green eyes. I solidified.
The light whispered again and I reacted, reaching forward with a new hand and calling out. What had I just said? Why was it important? Who was in the light?
“Mother.” The word appeared from my mouth again. What did it mean? Was Mother this person, wrapped in ghostly blue light coming towards me? Who was Mother? Why was I happy?
The figure resolved slowly and a woman appeared before me. She had beautiful, brilliant emerald eyes and black hair streaked with burgundy. She was young, maybe five or six years older than me. A female copy of Alexander. Some one I thought I didn’t remember. “Mother?”
She smiled at me, such tender, familial love in her face that my eyes watered and overflowed. My form suddenly wavered and changed to a something much smaller. I looked at my small hand and flexed my child fingers. I was five years old, but Mother had left when I was two or younger.
The woman who I had missed so terribly all these years crouched down. “My little Nicola,” She touched my cheek, “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you these long, long years.” She caught my small body and pulled me to her, holding me tightly. A small sob escaped her lips as I pressed my face into her familiar hair again. It smelled the same. The same scent that had come with the letter to me. It was her. Her body was the right shape, holding me safe and sound against the boogey monsters of the world.
“I missed you too,” a more familiar name rolled off my tongue, “Mommy.”
We held each other for a long time. I let go of my resentment and anger towards Mommy. She had been the most loving, wonderful mother while she had been there. My child’s grip on her tightened.
“You were the best Mommy, while you were there.” I whispered.
“You don’t know how much I’ve longed to hear that.” she whispered hoarsely and crushed me against her. We stayed silent, savoring the moment. It had to be broken eventually though.
“Where did you go?” I pulled back slightly and stared into her disconcertingly green eyes.
“Should I start from the beginning? My tale isn’t…pleasant.” All around us was the flowing blue light and far beyond that, darkness. She stood and waved a hand into the light. A table and two chairs appeared before me. They looked familiar, for some reason. Oh. I recognized them. These are the table and chairs from when Alexander first told me about my abilities in the inn after meeting, Jamison. Jamison, whatever happened to that man? Had he escaped to some other Silvertooth holding?
“Darling, sit down.” Mommy slipped into another of the seats and gestured for me. Slowly I pulled myself up onto my seat and settled down. Only my eyes and nose peaked out over the table top. With a frown I stretched myself out and grew, morphing through years of growth in an instant to find myself at my fifteen years once more. Smiling slightly, I looked up at Mommy and gaped. My young, vibrant mother had turned into an older woman with crows feet and lines around her mouth. She looked slightly worn, as if fate had dealt her hard life. Her emerald eyes were unchanged, clear and piercing. “What…?” I trailed off.
“This is what I would probably have looked like, Nicky, if I had survived. I’d no longer be in the first full flush of my youth.” She chuckled slightly.
“How do you know what you would look like? And wh…why are you here?” Something inside myself pressed for attention. Something inside me was shouting. I’ve forgotten something. Something vastly important. Where was I? What had happened? What could it be? Wha….Where was Nathaniel?!
It came back in a torrent.
I bolted from my chair and looked around frantically. “Where is Nathaniel? I have to get back! Zachariah will kill him.” I was screaming by the end, searching frantically and staring at my dead mother in outrage when she moved not a muscle. “Nicky, darling, calm yourself. You drew far too much magic when you changed Nathaniel into a wolf while he was in between the worlds. Consequently, you’ve fallen into a short coma. If it wasn’t for the reserve of power I left, which you unwittingly drew on, you would be dead now.” My mother’s honey voice was grave and I paused in my terrified searching. “Coma? You mean when someone goes into a sleep and doesn’t come out?!” New fear crept into my voice. Was I some breathing corpse? Had I abandoned my friends and love to the vicious enemy? Oh god, no. Please, no. Were they already dead? Had I lost everyone? I started to crumble where I stood.
“Nicola!” Mommy said sternly, “Sit down again and let me finish.” I sat, almost crying as she continued, “You are not dead and neither are your friends. Only one second has passed in the human world so Zachariah is still in the middle of his lunge. I quickly snatched your mind before it could descend into unconsciousness, so you are still within your body, just without it’s uses. Now, shall we get back down to my story? I have much to tell you and not enough time.” I watched my mother carefully. I could see Alexander in her and it wasn’t just her physical appearance. The brisk words were so like him. A small moment of irrational sadness and yearning rose in me for a moment. It didn’t matter that he was my uncle. I had still loved him.
“Start from the very beginning.” I said and made myself comfortable in the chair, although I guessed it didn’t matter. I didn’t really have a body here, after all. “Alright, this entire story starts thousands of years ago, with Esis.” I gasped, but Mommy continued, “Esis was the first ever witch, an unnatural blend of all the elements that led to the amazing powers of the first witch and subsequently, the first witch vampire hybrid. You learned about the First Vampire while in Amberblood, but not much about Esis, did you?” I shook my head. Nathaniel had never gone into detail about Arius’ mother and none of my books had either. “I know almost nothing about her apart from that she gave birth to Arius and disappeared for a few years.”
“Ah! Exactly! You see, darling daughter, Esis had the incredible gift of foretelling. She saw the future in myriad visions and predicted the future. Esis left her son, Arius in good care and went to a mountain where she meditated for months, watching the future and all it’s innumerable offshoots. No future is definite, Nicky, that is the only certainty.” Mommy looked away, “Although I do not know what she saw, it was for sure a vision of monumental importance. So then, knowing her own fate was to die at the Destroyer’s hand, she made herself pregnant and ha-” I cut in, frowning over the choice of words my mother had used.
“Don’t u mean, got herself pregnant?” I asked.
“No.” She raised an amused eyebrow at me, “I do not. Esis used her magic and created a life within her own belly, using only herself. It was an exact copy of herself, or to be more exact, it was herself, just reborn. Esis gave birth and named her daughter and clone, Sailan. The first witch lived with her daughter, a reincarnation of herself with all her memories and power, for a period of five years.
“Then, before the coming of the Destroyer, Esis sent her only daughter to the human world. This was thousands of years ago and little is known, but while there, at the age of sixteen Sailan had a daughter herself, by more conventional means,” Mommy chuckled roguishly, “who she called Byeri. After Byeri’s birth, nothing is known about Sailan, her daughter or the father. I assume that Byeri was a witch as well, but I do not know. There was a period of about a hundred years in which I know nothing. It was never taught to me.
“After this dark period, a successor appeared. Grendle had a family, a home and a husband. But she too was a witch. She had three children, but I only know of Saraphina. All were witches and all went in different directions, probably leading to the different witches around the world and in Amberblood.
“Anyway, Saraphina prophesized the need for a savior, thousands of years ahead. I believe and have been taught, that Saraphina and Esis shared a common vision. Saraphina did the absolute impossible when she mapped out a future that needed to be accomplished and the various steps that needed to be taken to get there. Saraphina is…the most universally hated witch.” My mother sounded thoughtful at the last, but I didn’t understand. “Why? What did she do?” I asked, drawn in by the history lesson. I couldn’t understand where it was going. “Saraphina mapped out the future, Nicky. She laid into her child’s memory, a complex genealogy that hadn’t come to pass. This genealogy specified exactly who had to be married to whom and who their child would be and who that child would marry and have a child with. It did not matter if that man or woman did not want the partner that was prophesized for them. They still had to bed them and produce an heir to the legacy whether they liked it or not. Throughout hundred, thousands of generations, the witch line of Esis has married or created a child with people we may or may not love. Our lives were given courses because we knew that we could not differ from the past, on pain of the world’s death.” I stared at Mommy with bewilderment and growing horror. I could feel the colour draining from my face. I could feel the next words coming. “A sparse few throughout the generations have been given foresight, but it was always a thin, weak gift compared to Esis’ or Saraphina’s. Those that could see sometimes altered the course of the prophesy, but always only slightly, so that the aim was achieved but with beneficial happiness. My mother was one of these lucky ones.” I flinched. “Mama had the gift of foresight. And she gave it too me.” Mommy stared at me with deep sorrowful green eyes. I couldn’t choke out the words that were locked deep inside my throat. “Yes, darling, you are of Esis’s line. You are the culmination of thousands of years of breeding and magic hoarding. In you is the future of our world and in you is the happiness so many of us had to live without.” I gripped the table hard, trying not to believe the words that my dead mother spoke. But the truth rang too greatly in my ears. The visions that I had always laughed off, the magic, the fateful feelings, the random chance of Nathaniel finding me again after so many years. All of it made more sense if I was somehow caught in a web of destiny. It made so much more sense.
“Y-yes?” I managed to grit out.
“Oh, darling.” Mommy reached across the table and took my hand. Her ethereal fingers felt so real and warm against my own. I clung to her desperately, staring into her compassionate eyes, “Darling, do you want to hear my story now?” I shivered and let go of her hand. A small hurt appeared in her face, before I got up and went over to her. I created my 5 year old body again sat on her lap. Pressed against her chest, arms wound tightly around me, I felt safe enough to hear the whole truth. I felt as if I wouldn’t break to know my mother’s sorrowful story. “Yes.” I whispered in my young, child’s voice. Mommy petted my hair and began to speak, her voice full of raw memories. “My mother knew she had to mate the werewolf pack leader. It was her part of the genealogies and so she did what she had to do. She seduced the man and brought him to her bed where she conceived myself and Alexander. Before our father left, my mother told him she was pregnant, but she didn’t tell him with twins. He said he would return in a few years to claim the child. Mama always said that when my father said that, he had the softest, heart-breaking eyes as if the knowledge of the pain ahead for her was already known to him. I never understood it. For Alexander, and David, my father was always a hard man.
“Alexander and I were born and lived happily for the first eight years of our life. We were two creatures with the same heart, the same soul. If one of us was hurt, the other knew immediately. If one of us was scared, the other would appear and comfort. Our bond could not be described and even my mother didn’t understand it. Alexander had no magic and my mother and I kept our art hidden from him. It was hard to keep a secret from my other half, but I prevailed.
“A few days after our eighth birthday, our father came to claim us. He was shocked to see that there were twins, rather than just one child, but he was well pleased that one was a boy and prepared to take Alexander away immediately. At that moment, I had my first vision. At eight years old, I suddenly knew that I could not be left behind. It had nothing to do with a broken heart and everything to do with the survival of the world.
“I did my very first spell alone at that time. Without control or much finesse, I brutally knocked the knowledge that he had to take both of us, into my father’s head. Mother, although she couldn’t see my vision, understood that I had had a revelation and that I had to carry it out. So, weeping, my mother let both of her only children disappear into the night with a man they didn’t know, but were told to call father.”
Mommy trembled slightly beneath me. I wrapped my small arms around her waist and clung to her, trying to impart as much comfort and support as my tiny body could allow. It wasn’t much.
With a small shake, Mommy drew herself together and started to speak again, “I had learned much from my mother, but my magic was still raw. On the road to my beloved Silvertooth I learned to control my power as much as was possible for an eight year old. Again, it was so hard to keep it from my twin, but I knew that I couldn’t drag Alexander into the mire that I had already fallen into. He had a different path.
“In Silvertooth, Alexander was accepted and loved by all, especially David, who couldn’t have found a more perfect playmate. Alexander was everyone’s friend, everyone’s scholar and achiever. He was such a beautiful person.” Mommy’s voice cracked. Tears rolled down her cheeks and landed with soft plops onto my face. My own mouth trembled and I began to cry silently, too. I remembered Alexander, my first love and my unknown uncle. My second savior, second friend and first light after such a long period of darkness. Alexander, the man who had died in my arms because I was unable to save him. Mommy knew of her twin’s fate. She lived within me and knew everything I knew, but her pain was her own. She grieved him as a sister, as a twin soul lost. “A-aren’t you d-dead?” I asked and choked back a sob.
“Oh, darling, I’ve been d-dead for a…long time. But even a shadow imprint left within your mind still feels. Until I’ve faded from you, until I’ve told you everything you need to know, I won’t be able to join him in the afterlife, even if the real me is already there. I’m cruel even with myself.” She bit back her tears and hugged me tightly. “If it wasn’t for you, Nicola, I’d be lost. Thank you so much for being here. For being my child.” My only response was to hug her all the tighter. There was no words that could be said after something like that. Mommy took a deep, strong breath and let it out in a gush. She took control of herself with the same steel I’d seen in Alexander.
“Our father was a hard, honest man who lost his temper every once and a while and would lash out at anyone closest. Alexander’s hard side was gained and learned from him. I swear, if I could have gotten my hands around my father’s throat I would have throttled him for turning my sweet, sweet brother into such a cold man. Your grandfather only put his hands on me in anger once, but that was enough. Alexander almost killed him, but it didn’t dent their relationship in the least. Our father approved of Alexander’s killing rage and even though I was greatly loved within Silvertooth, I still didn’t have enough influence to break his rule. Alexander wanted his approval and so did every one else.
“When I was thirteen, I had a great vision that lasted for two days. Everyone thought I’d had a fever and was just hallucinating. I saw…the future.” I smiled at her obvious reply and she laughed. It was a short, painful thing. My smile died quickly. “In my vision, I saw…e-everything. I saw you,” Mommy touched my cheek and smiled down at me with intense love, “and I saw Blackmoon. I saw your…father.” The last word was whispered, a tight horrible whisper that strove to stave off a deep pain that lingered right beneath the surface. I stared up at her, seeing Mommy’s face turn blank and expressionless to combat the ache of a broken heart.
For the first time, I realized what kind of loss Mommy had gone through. She’d given up everything, even her life, even her love, so that I could be here, doing something that would save the world. The depth of her sacrifice was hidden to me. There was no way I could fully comprehend her ordeal, her pain. My eyes blurred with water and tears dripped down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Mommy.” I whispered.
“Oh baby, it’s not your fault at all. It had to happen and I would give up anything for you. Since the moment I knew about you, you where the centre of my life.” She kissed the top of my head, but I felt the telltale wetness of her tears. Her arms closed tighter around me, as if to shield me from the agony she went through. It didn’t help though. Mommy started talking again, but this time her voice grew more and more remote. “I enjoyed the two years I had left in Silvertooth. It was hard sometimes, but I loved my family and they tried so hard to make me happy. It wasn’t difficult to be the only human woman in a pack of male werewolves. All of them respected me and none ever tried anything untoward. Alexander and David would have killed them for it. After a small time, even watching them turn into wolves didn’t faze me. They were the same people, just in a different form. We were all part of the Pack, of the family.
“When I was fourteenth, I commissioned a painting because I knew…what would happen to me. I wove in a powerful spell of calm while the painting was being made and gave it to Alexander, so he wouldn’t be distressed when I left. The day after my fifteenth birthday, I packed a bag, took money and left.
“I traveled to Blackmoon, as you know. The journey was hard, but I got through it well enough because I knew I would. My magic helped me when charm could not and eventually I found myself in the rolling, golden fields of Blackmoon.” Mother’s voice turned wistful for a second and I too, momentarily remembered Blackmoon in a softer light. The beautiful yellow high grass, the fields and hills that made you think they went on until the end of the world and my caring, loyal friends who I loved so much.

“Yes.” I said. We smiled at the shared memory. Blackmoon was the same, even after so many years. The smile made it easier for her to speak and she continued with more emotion and flavor.
“Once I was at the rival wolf Pack, I had no idea how to join them. I was exhausted from the journey and out of money. In fact, I was a down right mess.” Mommy harrumphed as if that thought of her ever being in that state bothered her. “I decided I’d do the obvious. I simply walked into the heart of Blackmoon and asked the Alpha to let me stay. I remember the Alpha of Blackmoon well. He was a strong, kind man who protected his own like a she-bear protects her cubs. His sons, Zachariah, Edmund and Robert came with him and stood, shocked and staring at me as if I was some ghost risen to haunt them. I remember asking straight out if I could live with them. I said that I knew exactly what they were and I didn’t mind. The Alpha saw my disheveled state and let me stay. Even I was surprised. I was fully prepared to coerce them into keeping me.
“At first, they were deeply distrustful of me, but I expected as much. Gradually, though, as I helped them clean, cook and wash their clothes, they became friendlier to me. From my vision, I knew I had to…gain their trust. The wolves of Blackmoon became a second family to me, after I was accepted.”
Hesitantly I asked, “Who’s Robert?”
“Robert was the youngest son of the Alpha. Zachariah and Edmund had both been on their two year roam away from the Pack and Robert left soon after I arrived. He only came back right before I left Blackmoon forever so I never really knew him, but from what I heard of him, he was fully of energy and life. Very like your Ferris, his only son.” I gasped. I knew something had sounded familiar. Robert was Ferris’s father, the man who had been killed in a raid on another Pack.
“Both Zachariah and Edmund pursued me, as a woman, but I knew who I had to mate with. I never thought I’d fall in love with your father, Nicky. I expected and hardened myself to the thought that your creation would be a thing without pleasure, but it wasn’t so. We loved each other very quickly. He was so strong and sweet when he was with me, but fierce with everyone else. He could be cold sometimes, but he never turned those eyes on me. In more ways than one, he reminded me of Alexander. I thought about my twin frequently and sometimes used magic to see him. You haven’t yet learned true scrying magic, Nicky, but it is possible to see someone even though they are far away, although it’s costly. From what little I could see Silvertooth continued to survive and flourish. They missed me though and I loved them all the more for that.” Mommy paused for a moment and smiled off into the distance, remembering the people I’d met.
“It was awkward to stave off his brother’s advances, but it had to be done. You had to have the father you did or the future wouldn’t be correct. You wouldn’t have the future you do and you wouldn’t be the savior of the world. It made it so much sweeter that I loved him, though.
“The Alpha approved our affection and gave us a blessing. He even went so far as to enlarge a room for me in one of dorms, making it a small hom-” I cut in, surprised.
“Is that the room that Daneral and Fraysher live in?!” She nodded and I grinned. So I’d been close to my mother all along, in the same room she’d lived in. I’d had my family near me the whole time and I hadn’t even realized. “Oh, but…Daneral?” I asked hesitantly, remembered Edward’s love for the woman. And their daughter. Oh.
“Darling, don’t look like that. I don’t mind that Edward has a family. He needs one after all everything. The love that binds him, Daneral and Fraysher together is something beautiful that should never be broken.
“It reminds me of the love I have for you. Nicky, you were conceived after I’d lived in Blackmoon for about one year. Your father was so happy about having a baby. It…pained me so much to tell him about what would befall him, you and I.” Dark pain built behind her emerald eyes.
“You told someone about your vision!” I whispered, shocked.
Mommy nodded and looked away from me, her long hair hiding her face for a moment. “I had too.” She whispered the words. “He had to know why I was taking you away. He had to know why I couldn’t stay with h-him, why I c-couldn’t l-love hi-” She broke off and pressed her hand to her mouth. A harsh sob escaped her control. Mommy put me down and got up, walking away into the blue light for a moment.
I stretched my body back to my real age and hugged her from behind, hard. This pain I could understand. The loss of love and the heart break of having to leave. Alexander, my first love, had died before we could ever have anything.
Mommy grew older beneath my arms, changing to suit my change. Perhaps age lent her some form of dignity and restraint because she quickly composed herself and left my embrace to sit once more. I took my seat once more. “I told your father everything.” My older mother said, locking away emotion beneath a steel façade that I didn’t think would crack again. Perhaps her father hadn’t turned just Alexander into a cold machine. “I told him of my past, something I’d previously kept hidden. I told him of my visions, I told him of you and I told him of his own tasks.
“I saw everything in the future, Nicky. I saw your birth, your life, your loves, your future and your own children. The future, darling, is not a set course, however. When I said Seraphina mapped out the future, I do mean mapped. The future is a vast wilderness with hundred, thousand, millions of different paths. When I had my visions of two full days, I did not see just your present life. I saw every life you could have and every possible future. So very many of them were bleak, horrible things that in the end, did nothing to help the destruction of the world. There were only two paths in which your life succeeds and the future is saved. One carried infinite blood shed and war. The other showed the sacrifice of some, for the good of many.”
I frowned, trying to understand her words. It felt like something huge and ominous was coming towards me. I drew back, suddenly wary of her next words. It was something I wouldn’t like. Something I wouldn’t want to hear. My fear was proved right.
“I ordered your father to invade Silvertooth and kill everyone.” Mommy’s green eyes were cold and blank as I gasped and recoiled. “You ordered your own family killed?! That’s, that’s….” I couldn’t even find the words to express the revulsion that warred with love inside me. My first friends, my first love, my first accepting family, killed at the behest of one of their own. My own Mother. “Why?” Only one word escaped from my mouth, even as hundreds of questions plagued my mind.
“Because it had to happen. At eight months pregnant, after I’d told my love everything that would happen and would need to happen, I left. I’d already drawn up the plans for the Alpha’s garden and gave them to Zachariah. I specified the statues exact measurements as I’d seen them in my vision and I knew that my orders would be obeyed, however painful and horrific. Your father loved me and I him, even as I used him. Our parting was sorrowful, but sweet also. I would never see him again, but we both knew that once fully dead, no one would be able to separate us. Our hearts were one.
“I used translocation magic and jumped. It didn’t harm you. I went to my mother, who I hadn’t seen in eight years. She, who also knew the future, understood what would happen. I gave birth to you there, in the place where I was born and stayed with you and with Mama for two years. In that time, I placed my shadow image in your mind, leaving a reserve of magic for the moment when you tried to change Nathaniel into a wolf. Without my added boost of magic, Nicola,” Mommy stared at me disapprovingly, “you would have died. Do not be so foolish again. You must preserve your life to preserve the world, Nicky. Don’t let all of my and our ancestors experiences go to waste.
“You were a beautiful little girl and you constantly reminded me of your father. It hurt to not be able to share you with him, but I knew what course I had to take. Mama adored you and as I watched you grow for the time I had left, I regretted deeply and bitterly the lot that fate had given me. I wanted to see you grow into the beautiful woman you are now and I wanted to teach you magic and protect you. Instead,” Mommy said resentfully, “I went to see my family one last time. You see, in the two possibly good futures I saw out of the multitudes, Alexander could either die from a fall from a horse, his neck snapped painlessly or die by multiple wounds after meeting you, a few years later. The future rested on whether I could let my twin die or not. And I chose, darling. I chose.” She blinked twice, thrusting away the starting of tears.
It felt hard to move my mouth, hard to force my words out, hard to think at all. “What did you choose?”
“I chose,” My cold Mommy murmured, “to save my brother and kill him later. Even though I’d been away three years, I just…I just could not see him die. I couldn’t. Even fate had no right to ask me that, after taking everything else from me.
“I knew that my death was going to be devastating for him, but…I just couldn’t see him die. I could not. Instead, I chose to give Alexander a few more years and have him meet his niece, even if he never knew it. I chose to have him know love once more. I chose…to kill all of my friends, all of my family and all of their children because I loved my brother. My love killed him in the end anyway.” She wouldn’t look at me as she spoke.
My mind was numb and I found it hard to draw breath or think. I stared at her. She’d caused the deaths of all of my friends, all of the innocents. Akeem, Sebastian, Paul, David, all the rest and most importantly, Alexander. He had died a painful death because of her. Rage roared within me. “Was it worth it?” I hissed out, all the loving feelings I had had earlier, disappeared.
“No,” Mommy whispered. “It wasn’t.” That stopped me for a moment, but my anger was too great to be shocked into submission. “Was everything part of your plan? Everything?”
“Everything.” The woman echoed, “Mother knew that you had to meet the vampire Prince Nathanial, so she deliberately made herself sick. The entire world rests on your shoulders, Nicky, but only you get to be happy. Mother took over when I was gone, teaching you as much as she could. I know she must have hated not teaching you about our magic. She was the kind of woman who was brutally honest, just like Alexander. She killed herself, Nicola, so that you would meet Nathaniel and form a bond. I’m not saying it was right or just or fair, but it had to be done. She sacrificed herself, so you could save the world.”
I flinched and covered my mouth. Why? Why? Was this so important? Did she really kill herself, so that I could meet my love? Was this all my fault? Was everything, all this sorrow, all this pain, all this horror, was it all my fault? “Wha…wha…” I clenched my teeth together so I wouldn’t sob. No. No. It couldn’t be. I hadn’t done it. It wasn’t by purpose. This was a path chosen for me, created for me. I hadn’t done this. The beautiful, kind old woman whom I’d loved so much had done this.
Mommy continued brutally, “You’re stay at Blackmoon was protected as best was possible and there was only a few times when you’d get hurt. Your father knew how important you were and told Brodie to whip Ferris as warning. I never expected the Blackmoon heir to fall in love with you or to die for you, but that was also necessary. Not fair or just. Not kind or deserving. Necessary. To protect your life. For his death I am sorry. Tell Zachariah that. Tell him I feel his loss and keen for it.
“The excursion that you went on, the camping trip, was meant to take you into Nathaniel path from the very beginning. Brodie did not betray you, after you hurt him. Even if you had done nothing at all wrong, you still would have been dragged out, beaten and left. Apart from severe bruising no bones were broken. You could recover from bruises and it was the best excuse to let you leave, for a time.
“I saw Nathaniel’s discovery of you. I saw him teaching you magic in Amberblood. I saw your beautiful wings and how you were so powerful, you could fly in the sky. I left you the letter years ago, knowing Amberblood would have a copy of it and I knew you’d go to Blackmoon once more. I knew that you would expend so much magic to turn Nathaniel into a wolf that you’d almost die and that that was the only time I could speak to you. Only when you were so buried in the very darkest, deepest depths of your mind, would I be able to speak to you and tell you what you must do.” Her lined, emerald eyes bored into mine. Everything. Everything had been part of their plan. All of the deaths and losses and times apart from my loved ones had been part of a plan so that I could save the world. From a threat I didn’t even know.
“What must I do?! How can I save the world when I’ve no idea what threatens it?” I yelled at her, standing quickly and balling my fists, controlling my roiling emotions by the barest, barest degree. I wanted to cry and scream, wail and crawl into a little ball where no one would bother my sorrow. I wanted comfort and I wanted peace and I wanted to forget that I’d ever heard such grotesque things from my mother’s mouth.
“You have to be happy, darling.” Mommy’s face looked sad and tired as she watched my frustrated anger. “All you have to do is be happy and accept the loss when it comes. You have to love Nathaniel with all of your heart and accept his love as well. You have to bear children and raise them well, teaching them all you know. All of your experiences, all your scars, have been so that you can teach your children compassion, strength and love. They will need it in their fight. You will save your world by their lives and they will save another with theirs.
“When they leave, do not pursue them. They go towards their fate and their fate is hard. It is unkind and cruel, but they also gain and are nurtured by their future. Their lives will no longer connect to yours, but do not fear because, after all the strife and all the pain, they will be happy.”
“I…I have to give up my c-children?” I asked.
“Yes,” Mommy said, “you have to give them up and you have to let them die far far from you. Now, I’ve told you all I can, but I have two things I want you to remember. The first,” The woman began to fade, gradually slipping back into the blackness, “is that you must tell your father that I love him. And the second,” My transparent Mommy grinned at me suddenly, for the last time, showing a familiar spirit that I recognized in myself, “is that our line is well known for twins.”
I blinked and struggled for a smile, feeling the wetness of a tear down my cheek, then the blackness receded and I was once more in the light.