Handicappers'll Be the Death of Us!

an editorial by:

!Seefu Slim!

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The year was 2008; and everyone was finally equal.

My more astute readers may recognize this line from Harrison Bergeron, one of the late Kurt Vonnegut's most famous short stories. Maybe some people interpreted the tale a bit to literally, or maybe they're all loony. Kurt probably didn’t suspect that exactly what he had foretold could come all too soon... Okay, to be fair, not exactly as he described- we're not giving free parking spaces to ugly chicks or fatasses, (unless they have arthritis- from weighing too much, something which they can normally control) or crippling our normal stock. But all the same: Think for a minute.

Everyone, even those with a minor disability, can apply for hundreds of benefits: let's lampshade it all as 'special treatment'. Close parking spaces, medicare, free meals... Honestly, some people need this. Mentally handicapped people who can't support themselves (they don't need parking spaces) or any amount with untreatable conditions which severely hamper their ability to walk or use a wheel-chair. Yeah, those people need it. Not the assholes who can't control their OWN EATING and as a result are fat and make it hard to walk. It's like kicking a dog then blaming it for biting you; in the end, it is generally your fault and you can generally get better. Think of the man who began his exercise regimen by clapping and dieting. The fact is, the government doesn't need to support you just because you can't control yourself.

Most handicapped people don't want the help. Most wheel chair bound people don't want to be treated like children. Handicapped parking spaces and giving them a free pass in life is just that. They can, want, and will be strong on their own- this isn't to say you can't lend a hand by opening a door or two.

In the end, the government as a whole is forcing us to be compassionate. I know it's a nice thought to think we're all perfect little Disney characters, jumping up and down and opening doors and singing 'It's A Small World' like the mindless sheep we have become, but the fact is, human nature doesn't allow it. You can't force people to be nice. There are evolutionary ties in survival: and survival means competition. While we're past the point when handicapped people would outright die, this does not negate the fact that it is human instinct. The government forces people to make accommodations for handicapped people in private businesses. Force them too. It's just.. Foolishness. If the owner is a nice guy then he'll put it in himself. If he's an asshole we can all laugh at him. Overcome and stop being whiny.

So open a door here and there- lend a hand- but don't force me to be nice, or I'll be bad intentionally. Got it?

P.S- To the lady who fined me fifty something dollars because I parked in a handicapped space to GET MY WIFE TO THE HOSPITAL and she took a picture: fuck you in the neck. Get a life. You aren't even handicapped, you damn poser!

EDIT: Thanks for pointing out a misspelling. Much appreciated!