Author Note: I have had this saved on here for a while. I haven't checked it out in a little while so I apologize ahead of time for the sloppiness.

Chapter Eleven: Four AM Show

Nic walked me to my car after the game. After Jordan’s little announcement, then haul back on the field, I spent the night talking to Nic, turns out he wasn’t as bad as I thought.

“Thanks for hanging out with me through the whole game.” I smile, as he opens my car door. A gentleman I could deal with that. “Why were you on the bench the whole game anyways?”

He gave me the crooked smile of his I have grown to love. “Well, I’m, like, second string…so I get barely any field time, plus I’m hurt.”

“Oh. What happened?” I asked.

“I was goofing around with some of the guys and landed on my right shoulder the wrong way.” He replies with a bit of a grimace. I gently glided my finger along his right shoulder. He winced the slightest bit so I pulled back. He looked at me with his beautiful eyes and took my hand in his.

“Thanks for walking me to my car.” I thank with a smile.

“No problem.” He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it. My cheeks grew an extremely deep red. “I’m proud of you anyways,”

“Why?” I ask, biting lightly on my tongue.

“You got over your “ums”.” Nic was sweet in a good boy type of way. He is a gentlemen and drama-free, something I hoped I would always find. “I better be going now, my mom will kill me if I break curfew.” With his free hand, Nic scratched the back of his neck.

“Mine would too.”

“G’night Pretty Girl.” He grinned, giving me one more kiss on my hand.

“Bye.” The night ended perfectly. He waved at me as he trotted away.

My phone was close enough to my bed that at four AM in the morning I could hear it vibrating against my wood desk. I opened my eyes the slightest bit to see my cell vibrating right off my desk. I sprinted out of bed to catch the phone before it landed on my ground. My cell had suffered a bit more than a few falls. I drop my phone at least three times a day.

I answered the wakeup call right before it went to voicemail.

“Hello?” I mumbled into the phone, rubbing some sleep out of my eyes.

“What are you doing right now?” Jordan’s voice chirped from the other end of the line.

“Well until you woke me up, I was SLEEPING!” I snap in a “duh” tone.

“Open your window.” He instructs in a hushed tone.

“Why?” I huff.

“So I won’t have to break the window throwing pebbles at it.” I could almost see the smile form across his lips. I groggily walked over to my window, there was no Jordan.

“Jordan, are you in the front yard or the back?” I asked, matter-of-factly.

“Uh, front….” He replied in an unsure tone.

“Unless you want to wake up my parents you better come around to the back.” I advise. The line goes dead. It is another long minute before he comes into my view. He has what looks like a guitar case in his right hand.

I pulled up my blinds so I could get the full view. He was dressed a long sleeve black t-shirt and dark jeans. I walk down the stairs and let him into my house. We slowly crept upstairs to my room.

“Now, what is so important that you needed to show me at four AM in the morning?” I yawn, rubbing more sleep out of my eyes.

“I learned a new song…I don’t have a title for it yet. I have to show you it.” Jordan grinned. He opened his guitar case and pulled out his guitar. “I’ll play quietly.”

“Sorry I’m not out, my pockets feel like holes
I've got nothing I can offer you as I sit here in the cold
It's a story I've been telling for longer than I know
Where did all my riches go?

An inquest I am scared of cause I don't wanna know
I've been walking off my worries
Hoping they won't follow me around and around
But they always find me

Why won't you leave me alone?

I'm terrified of answers so I chose just not to ask
Surely everything is easier when you leave it in the past
But I know that I've been waking
Almost every single night
Dripping wet with deep regret lost in this endless fight

I am falling faster to the ground
Punched at every corner with my arms securely bound
I am waiting for existence to hold me by the hand
Explain that all's not lost for me
and make me understand that I am free

He sang lightly. “Ta-dah.” 

My panic gets the upper hand as it tackles with me breath
I can see this is no playground fight
It's a battle to the death
I am chocking on the concrete with my faced pressed to the floor
The bastards won't defeat me can't you hear me scream for more.”

He smiled.

“Did you write that?” I ask in amazement, I didn’t even know that he could write music. I didn’t even know he could play guitar.

“No. I heard the song on Youtube. It’s by Greg Holden…I just loved the song so much…I wanted to play it for you.” Jordan’s smile turned shy.

“Well, it was good.” I compliment. “I didn’t even know you could play guitar.”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me Miss Rowe.” He countered sweetly.

“Now if you don’t mind. I think I am going to go back to bed.” I scoff, climbing under my covers. I couldn’t get in any deeper with him.

“And what am I supposed to do? Watch you sleep?” Jordan scoffed.

“What do you want to do then?” I asked.

“I just want to be with you.” Jordan scooted closer to me, cupping my cheeks in his hands.

“I’m going to bed.” I mumble pulling away. I curl up back into my bed without another word from him. “You can leave if you want…go home.”

“What happened to you at Lowden’s party?” Jordan asked.

“Why do you care so much?” I whisper. I wished he didn’t. I really did. Most girls would love this sensitive crap, the love of your life sneaking into your window in the middle of the night to give you a serenade. But not me. I did have to admit the gesture was sweet, but if only it wasn’t him. If only Jordan didn’t rule the school it would be so much more prefect. I could see us heading for disaster any moment now our imaginary world was bound to be popped by the talons of the popular witches.

“I can’t believe this…” He trailed off. “You still don’t get this…I like you.”

“Well, I don’t like you back.” I lie.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not. Jordan I don’t like you.”

“Well I am gonna have to change that. I’m going to make you like me, whether you want to, or not.” Jordan promises. I ignore the sound of his fingers drumming on his guitar and close my eyes. If he wants to sit at my bedside and play a live show he can. That won’t make me like him anymore than I already do.

“You can’t make someone like you.” I shot back.

“Okay, end of conversation.” Jordan said. He began to drum his fingers on his guitar, ever so lightly.

I didn’t know why I felt so compelled to lie to Jordan. The fact was I think I like him back, but, I 

don’t know. I am like an ugly version of Cinderella while he is Prince Charming, only in this fairytale, I don’t win. Or end up with my prince.

“You really want to know?” I asked after a ten minute silence, my voice barely above a whisper. He nodded. “I was raped at that party…in one of the spare bedrooms.” Jordan’s face fell into complete rage. His eyes turning bloodshot, his fist clenched together, teeth gritted and his face reddened.

“Do you know who did it?” He asked. I shook my head. It was dark that night; I was surprised I could even make out his hair.

“No, all I can remember though is jet black hair with blonde streaks.” I answer. I sat up on my bed, tugging my knees to my chest. Jordan discarded his guitar, setting it down in front of my dresser, and walked over to me. He cautiously placed his hands on my shoulders. Once he noticed I didn’t push him away, he curled me into his embrace.

“That’s when I adapted my “me against the world” attitude and lost all my friends. I went from semi-popular to a loner.” I finished up my story, feeling my stomach churn as the memory threatened to come back. “It’s nothing I really like to brag about.”

“I don’t blame you.” Jordan stroked my hair back behind my ear. I lay back on the bed, taking Jordan with me, curling the covers over us I felt Jordan pull me into him more. "And you did that thing again."

"What thing?" I asked, relieved that he had changed the subject.

"Where you switch your moods up on me. You went from "not liking me" to telling me about the party." He replied. "Now, I have some serious good news, wanna hear?"

"Sure." And in spite of myself I smile.

“I’m trying to write a song about you,” He whispered into my ear. “You’re my muse.” I smiled a little. He began to twirl a strand of my hair around his finger.

“It better be a nice song.” I warn weakly. I twist around to face him.

“It is.” He promise, bending forward to kiss my forehead. “Now, it’s time for bed.”

“Fine.” I huff as he reached forward to grab the purple blanket lying at the bottom of my bed.

“I thought you said you didn’t like me.” Jordan shot back.

“I don’t.”

“Then why am I in your bed?” That cocky ass.

“You wanna sleep on the floor?”

“No.”

“Then shut up.”

“That’s not very nice.”

“Jordan, can you please be quiet?”

“Yeah. Night now.”

“Night.” With that we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

When I woke up the next morning. Jordan was gone.

Jordan walked to Alex’s house, his fist trembling at his side. Hannah was the girl he helped his best friend dragged upstairs; Hannah was the girl he watched his best friend tied down…and Hannah was the girl that Jordan ran out on and later hated himself for being a coward.

He could of saved her. But he walked away….

Bobby Lowden’s Party….

Freshman year….

“Hey Man!” Brett jeered as he slapped hands with Jordan. Jordan smiled embracing his friend in a boy-ish hug. His first high school party. He admired the wave of the upperclassmen blondes as they danced by Jordan – an excited Alex at his side.

Before school started Alex wanted to try out a “cool” hair style, the emo kind that all the girls loved. So three weeks before school started Jordan helped his buy temporary hair dye. They dyed it the day of Lowden’s party, but the results were bad. Alex’s once dark brunette hair came out black with blonde highlights, plus his mom wasn’t too happy. They assured her it would be out before they started school again.

“Hey, check her out!” Alex announce, pointing a shaking finger across the room to a bubbling brunette. Her hair was slightly curled, but was held back by a pony tail. She was standing next to a skinny sandy blonde, they were laughing, the blonde was drinking and the brunette was not.

“Who is that?” Alex asked. Despite the strong amount of alcohol he had consumed, not a twig of his words can out slurred. He has probably been drunk before….Jordan thought. Jordan hadn’t been to as many parties as Alex and he didn’t drink. Alex was only fourteen, only about to start his four year slit in high school. While Jordan, about to be a sophomore, was only fifteen.

Jordan squinted his eyes for a moment, trying to spot the perfect face of the girl, trying to find the girl out through the crowd of drunken high schoolers.

“She’s pretty.” Alex said, letting out a small burp of beer. Jordan finally found the nameless girl: Hannah Rowe with her best friend Jessica Moore in tow. She was in his Physical Ed class in middle school.

Jordan never wanted to admit it to anyone, but he always thought she was kinda pretty and she could throw a perfect spiral. Hannah was “below” him and his popular friends.

“Yeah.” Jordan agreed.

Seven beers later and Jordan was surprised he hadn’t passed out yet or puked.

“Let’s have some fun with the pretty girl.” Alex’s voice was clear still. Jordan squinted his eyes, before tumbling from side to side behind his best friend. Hannah was headed for the door, but something stopped her. Alex placed a hand over her eyes and mouth.

“Dude! Grab her legs! We’re taking her upstairs!” Alex jeered at his best friend, nodding his head over. Jordan, too drunk to think, willingly did it. They attempted to carry her upstairs, 

but accidentally dropped her. Hannah’s head colliding with a stair, knocking out the distressed freshman-to-be.

“Alex!” Jordan yelled, harping his fist against his ex-friend’s door. No answer. Another smack of his fist. “ALEX! OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW!” No reply from the dead house.

They laid the knocked out girl on the pale green sheets of the bed. They were in the last available room, the rest were full of couples either hitting second or third base.

“She’s out cold!” Alex called. Jordan froze at the door, his mind settling into an almost sober phase. He didn’t want to know what they were doing, but he had an idea.

“Uh, Alex, what are you doing?” Jordan stammered nervously. Alex tore off the girls jeans and she jerked awake. Her hands were tied to the head board of the bed and they taped her mouth.

“Oh! She’s awake.” Alex called out bluntly before he peeled off his shirt. The room was dark enough for Jordan to barely see Alex standing in front of him. He was only illuminated by the weak moonlight that crept through a barely open blind.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing?” Jordan snapped, falling into soberness.

Jordan grunted and jiggled Alex’s door handle. This is going to be harder than he thought. The door is locked. Oh well, he thought, he always kept a spare key under the mat. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? He mentally smacked himself in the head. He let himself in the house. Its dark when he first steps inside, but he refuses to turn on the dim lights.

“Chill, I’m just wanna have some fun and this pretty little thing is gonna help me.” Alex said, playing with his belt buckle. Jordan locked eyes with Hannah for a moment. She looked scared to death, but who could blame her, her eyes were pleading with Jordan’s to let her go. “I just wanna lose it, man. That’s it.”

“Do you even know who she is?” Jordan snapped.

“No,” Alex let out a bitter laugh. “But isn’t that half the fun.” Jordan wanted to scoop the defenseless girl up in her arms, but did nothing.

“What are you seriously doing?” Jordan nearly shrieked. “You can’t do this. Rape her just for your pleasure! That’s sick.” Jordan’s fist hung clenched at his sides.

“Do you mind leaving, we need to finish something.” Alex winked at Jordan. Jordan walked out on them. He hated himself for leaving her that day.

He still regrets it, even at that time, when he barely knew her, he still felt like he made the wrong decision. Ever since last night, ever since her confession, every time he thought of her the same memory of him walking away from her in her time of need floated into his mind.

“Alex, where the hell are you?” Jordan muttered, following the familiar halls leading up the Alex’s room. He pushed the door open to reveal the last thing he ever wanted to see.

“Sorry, bro.” Alex smirked as he tore himself away from Hannah. Jordan rubbed his eyes, hoping to wash the vision from his eyes. It is just a dream…Jordan reassured himself, opening 

his eyes. The vision was gone. Alex was lying asleep buried underneath all the blankets and pillows on his bed.

Jordan ripped he sheets off of him. Alex didn’t budge. Jordan took a pillow in his arms and crashed it onto Alex’s back. Alex leaped awake, dark circles lining under his eyes.

“Dude, what the hell?” Alex snapped.

“Why did you do it?” Jordan snapped. “Why?”

“Why what?” Alex moaned. “It’s too early for this!”

“I don’t care what time it is.” Jordan shrugged. “I have to know, why did you rape her?”

“What are you talking about?” Alex scratched his eyes.

“Why did you rape Hannah in freshman year?” Jordan said through gritted teeth. Alex looked at his friends, slightly amused. Alex didn’t rape her, they just went all the way, that’s all. It wasn’t rape. Plus it was only one time.

“Chill, dude, I didn’t rape her, we just went all the way.”

“When you force it on a person, dude,” Jordan put air quotes around the word dude, saying it like he it was the more disgusting word in the world. “It is rape!”

“It’s not like you tried to stop me.” Alex snapped back. “And why are you bringing this up now? We’re seniors, well for you you’re a senior again, this happened like three years ago.”

“Because,” He fumbled with his answer. “Because I know her now. I saw the pain in her eyes the moment she told me what happened.”

“Wow that is so deep.” Alex mocked. “You knew her then. Plus if you told on me, you’d get in trouble, too, you helped me, remember?” Jordan winced. Alex always found the loopholes, one way to bring both of them down at the price of one. “You do, I can see it in your face.”

“Why do you even care for her so much?” Alex asked, but left no time for his enemy to answer. “It’s not like she’ll ever like you. I mean seriously, look at yourself, dude, you’re heading nowhere.” Alex stated matter-of-factly

“Plus, you’re a “super senior” now, how pathetic is that. Do you think that she will seriously like you? You’re a pathetic burn out.” Alex snapped. “Now, leave I need to sleep.” Alex curled back under his dark blue covers and tightened his pillow over his head.

Jordan walked out of Alex’s room and down the hall. He pushed Alex’s words out of his head. Hannah could like him. He would prove that to him.

It is Saturday. I know exactly what that means…a trip, sigh yet again, to the hospital. Every Saturday I had to go visit the hospital, which wasn’t my favorite way to spend my Saturdays.

“Mom, I’m gonna go, now.” I yell upstairs, my car keys dangling on my index finger.

“Okay,” My mom strode down the stairs as she spoke. “You know it means a lot to him that you’re going.” I nod. She said that every time I go.

“Bye.” I yell. I close the door behind me, then hop into my powder blue love bug. I tap my fingers along the leather steering wheel, anything to stop me from thinking about what I was heading to.

I hated going there. It killed me every time, even just thinking about it. I remember the day I heard my brother was in the hospital. I was twelve and spent the whole night curled in a ball and crying.