boy,
it’s not your fault
I’m backward
I never meant for you to be in the middle of
her and this and everything she means
my attempts to get over her were in vain
not even you
could save me from that

she is a train wreck about to happen
a slow-motion car crash
and I’m oh-so mesmerized all the time
just when I look away—bang
I turn back
and fall into the trap
the heart-beat-nervous crush I thought
I had with you—but it was over
a little too soon to be real
and for that I truly am
sorry

you did not make me this way
I just am this way
but I did not fake anything, I
promise

I am just
stuck
with this fear that I can’t have anyone
except the one girl
that made
my heart race

but you see
I am so forgettable
that there is no future with her
and I know it

she won’t call and I won’t call
but I’ll remember and she’ll just
get hammered

I laugh at her stories to hide a wince
even half-hearted hopes are in vain.