Everyday I ask myself what the hell I’m doing.
I’m in love with a beautiful girl,
But she deserves so much better.
She says I’m what she wants,
What she needs in order to be happy.
I feel so evil though, all I do is hurt her.
Everytime I open my mouth, I say something stupid, something that hurts.
I tell people I’m good at what I do,
How true is that?
All I do is hurt her,
Make her cry and make her angry.
Every time she forgives me, I ask her wahy, she says she loves me.
How can she love me? I’m nothing but a monster, I hurt her and hurt her.
I’m never going to be good enough.
She’s there for me when I need her most,
But when she needs me just for simple hug, I’m not there.
Just because I’m at work is not an excuse, it’s not a reason to neglect her,
To make her feel second best.
Why can’t I be what she needs? Why do I feel so evil?
I love her so much, I want to be there forever by her side.
But I know I’m not good enough, she deserves so much better, someone who can help her.
I want her to be happy, it’s what I want most.
She shouldn’t be with me, I can’t make her happy, I can’t give her what she deserves.
Why am I such a bad person? Why am I so evil?
I want to blame my step father, his abuse and mistreatment.
But I have no one to blame, not evn him.
Everything I am, I became by myself.
People may have nudged me, shown me different paths,
But I’m the one who walked them. I’m the one who became this evil thing.
I don’t deserve the life I have, but death is a release I’ll never deserve.
I’ll continue to live, continue to love, continue to suffer this endless agony as the girl I love falls to pieces all because of me, and my evil ways…

By Alex.

Dedication: I dedicate this poem to my beautiful and darling girlfriend. If she ever reads this I want her to know that I love her, I always will, and that I’m sorry. I’m more sorry than you can ever know. I wish I could be the man you deserve.