September 11, 2001

I've never seen this much chaos, nor such an overload of emotions. Among all this debris cluttering the streets, there are children crying and mothers screaming, sounding heart-wrenchingly desperate. For once we are all united, but only in our despair.

I can't help but wonder… doesn't it shatter them when they see what they've to done to so many innocents? By simply destroying two buildings, they've managed to tear apart the lives of countless people. How did they have the heart to cause so much pain and destruction?

But most of all, I fear for Meliza.

I refuse to cry because tears are a sign of weakness, and because boys don't cry. I've told myself that she will be a survivor. Mel has so much strength and passion that it seemed as if death had no chance with her. But then again, it seemed impossible that anything as catastrophic as this could touch any of us. I carry only the faintest flicker of hope, but even that is fading away.

As I write all this, I can feel the ring burning a hole in my pocket. Twenty-four carat gold, along with an astoundingly beautiful diamond- a masterpiece, almost as beautiful as Mel herself. I'd had the afternoon all planned out. Today should have been the day that Meliza Courtland agreed to marry me.

But instead, I find myself in the midst of an endless crowd of weeping strangers, sharing their grief and sorrow. No-one wants to believe this, but it's all here, right in front of us, and we have choice but to believe.

The attack on the towers has finished, but the tragedy itself has only just started to unfold. How many mothers have lost a child? How many men have lost a friend? How many hours will it take to explain to a child that their father is gone forever, dead?

It's so hard to write this. My hand is shaking and I know that looking back, I might not even be able to read this entry. But without Mel, who else can I talk to at a time like this? Who else has her understanding and compassion, or her ability to make everything okay?

The tears are plummeting down my cheeks now, and I don't try to stop them anymore. My heart feels like it's been wrenched savagely from my chest, and I'm crying along with everyone else – mourning for what has been lost, and knowing that nothing will ever make up for it.