-
awad: cellar – monday.25.2.08.

---

Life is so loud these days. Pieces of used-to-be go flying around my head, breaking the windows, shaking the walls. Everything is falling apart, but i remain in place, in the eye of a hurricane, trembling because i'm afraid, because i can't hear myself think and i can't turn down the volume.

I want to escape, i want to be lifted, or just sheltered. I want to crawl away into a storm cellar and come back up when conditions are more stable, when anything makes more sense. But i can only crawl away into my bedroom, turning up iPod to block the yelling, to drown the noise in my head. I turn on the computer and scan my homepage, Google News. Iraqi Pilgrims Endure Another Attack. Bodies of Adult, 2 Children Found at Oklahoma Air Force Base. Magnitude 6.4 Quake Strikes Near Sumatra, Indonesia (Update3).

This isn't hiding from the destruction. The tempest is everywhere, in my planet, my country, my home, in my mind. There is no fucking way to escape the terror, and i press the button to make the monitor go black. I walk over to the mirror, trying yet again to pull of a convincing happy face.

And it's hard to smile when you feel like screaming.