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awad: terrified – thursday.28.2.08.

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Perhaps it is just me, but there's an excruciating number of things to be terrified of these days. The current fears on my mind include plane crashes, the 2008 presidential election, finding a job, and screwing up. But that's just the latest; there are always the constants, the things that never go away and which we therefore just try not to think about. Murder. Disease. Deadly accidents. Come to think of it, just the fear of dying by any cause – death isn't going anywhere, but we or those we love just might.

Upon further reflection, i'm thinking that it really is just me. See, an inordinate number of things make me feel like crying these days. The current reasons for sorrow include love, romance, Obama's impending victory, and the future. And don't ever forget the worldwide poverty and suffering of untold millions. Don't forget the stranger you walk by on the street who just lost her son in Iraq and doesn't even know it yet. There's global warming, terrorism, nuclear proliferation, and fundamentalist Christians trying to take over. Why shouldn't i just scream at the sky – “Why, Fate, Why?” – drop my head to the table, and, well... Not cry. No, not cry. Crying is embarrassing.

Why shouldn't i just drop my head to the table and feel like shit?

(I tell my psychologist that i'm not depressed. I just see reality for pretty much what is is.)