Copyright May 11, 2004 by Jayne d'Arcy

This story is from my collection of 'Really Odd Bits'.

Sleep Deprivation Experiment 439
Subject: Alison Kent
Day 9

This morning when the sun came up, I held my cup of coffee to my lips and was at peace. Jogger's Euphoria. Last night I was the little red engine chugging up the mountain; it was good.

After viewing the sunrise I went into the bathroom and looked at myself for the 1,937th time. My god! When did I begin counting my visits to the mirror? I think it was on the third morning. Anyway, where was I? Yes. I'm not all right, at least outwardly.

Even though I've taken 23 showers, both hot and cold, and have washed my hair 19 times, it looks like great ropes of heavy, black sludge from an old iron skillet.

My skin has lost all of its colour and my hands are becoming transparent. My eye can trace with precise detail every vein, muscle and bone in my hands.

Ohhhh my eyes. It's getting to be that I can barely look into... at them. My normal eye color was blue with a touch of sage. The whites were bright, healthy, and my tear ducts are, no were, pink. Not anymore. The color has washed it self from my eyes and the surface is like parchment. I had red eyes the first two sleepless nights, but the blood is gone. My tear ducts, despite my adherence to the 8 glasses of water per day, are shriveled. They were hurting up til this morning.

Dr. Anton, vitals duly noted in the computer.

I'm sitting down now and am listening to the eerie soundtrack from the old Patton movie as I write. This is the fourteenth time I've listened to this music. I can't say that I like it, but it does seem to hold me in some sort of thrall. Especially the part where Patton is recounting his life as Alexander The Great. Looking at the adjacent white page of my journal, I can see Alexander the Great leading his armies into battle. Sometimes, not today though, I can hear the sound of metal clashing in the distance.

It's time to take a walk.

Day 9 - evening

I find that as the time passes, my writing becomes more sporadic. Not as detailed as the first 72 hours were. Now it's a stream of consciousness approach. Or perhaps it is more of an "I'll write when I feel like it" attitude.

I stopped watching tv four nights ago. It was relaxing me; something I have to avoid. That's where my body, I think, is feeling its worst. I'm constantly keeping myself in a hyper-awake state.

I had quite a bit of energy today and cleaned the entire cabin.

Dr. Anton, see "Vitals"

Dust and cobwebs are everywhere! I thought the urge to run after all that was foolish, but I did allow myself to indulge in a little jog around the yard. Now, with the moon showing, I'm beginning to regret that.

Day 15

...misplaced the damn journal a few weeks... no days ago. Found it under the couch. Am so pissed that some pages are torn out.

The mirror in the bathroom is broken. I tried cleaning it up, but there were ten thousand duplicates of my eyes haunting me. tossed a blanket over the mess and just left it.

I can't eat now. I think I'm hungry, but I can't face the food. It smells horrid and the taste is like shit. I can drink the coffee, though.

Dr. Anton...

Day 17

it tooks me 26 minutes to turn computer on. why thehell did I turn it off? I can't stand the little beepings it makes and ripped out the speakers and had a fine oooooooold time crushing them with a baseball bat.

Talked to someone in the yard... didn't I mention him before?

... went through my notes. Nothing on "someone". I know he has a name, but can't think of it. Is he what the torn pages are? No, I don't think so. Someone, I'll call him for now, talked to me about this experiment. asked if the hallucinations had come yet. I laughed. Wasn't he one? He just smiled.

I have had some hallucinations like the walls moving closer or rippling like the water in the lake. Dr. Anton... no wait, he must have been real. Checking up on my... me.

Did he and I... no, that was Someone, wasn't it? Maybe it didn't happen?

Examined my breasts for the bruises. They are there, healing. I'm trying to remember and can't. I can remember the sensations; pounding into me, making the bed squeak horribly. God, it sounded like someone squeezing the breath out of a terrified puppy and it FELT SO DAMN...

Day 24

Someone's in the house. I think he's been here all the time. I'm not afraid of him and proof it by shouting every 15 minutes. see I know what he wants. I took string and tied every cabinet shut and tied the back door to the front door.

what an ordeal that was! and I kept tripping. Dr. Anton, if you come back, my knee needs attention.

vitals screw my vitals you ass my knee hurts

he was so fucking mad at me. take the goddamn medicine! he shouted in my face. what the hell are you trying to prove?

I wanted to strangle him then and there, bastard. but I couldn't remember why. Anyway, I got it across to him I wasn't going to take it. I drove the point home sharply...

I HEAR YOU! yes... see, I record it hear in my journal.

Here ends Sleep Deprivation Experiment 439. Subject, Alison Kent found dead in her bathroom along with her partner, Dr. Tim Anton. Subject had apparantly gutted the doctor with his own scalpel. Subject later used the scalpel on herself in an attempt to cut off her own head.

Dr. Vladimar Zanderski