Why do I feel this way about you? I’ve never met you. Yet no one has ever connected with me in such an honest and complete way. And I don’t think that I’ve ever trusted anyone this much either. But somehow, you confuse me. You honestly do, and not only do you confuse me, you scare the shit out of me too. You’re one of my best friends and you know me better than almost anyone, then why am I so afraid that you’ll break my heart. And right now, I’m really really scared. Something happened I know it. You fell back in love with her. I think. Now I’m pretty sure of it, you’re not talking to me like you’ve been for the past 2 days. Something changed. I can feel it. You’re in love with her. That’s all. My greatest fear is coming true. Why the hell do I keep trusting you when I know that you’re just going to end up breaking my heart? Maybe because I love you. I know that I have to talk to you to find out the truth. But I really don’t want to. I’m scared. I don’t know. I’m confused and scared out of my mind. What should I do? I don’t know. I’m so damn scared right now that I can’t even focus on anything. What the hell is happening? What kind of games are you playing with me z? Do you or do you not love me? I have a feeling that you’re about to tell me that you don’t. You asked me to wait for you, but what am I waiting for? Am I waiting for you to act on your feelings or am I waiting for you to have feelings? Do you even have any feelings for me? I have no damn idea z. What the hell should I do? I’m ready to cry right now because I’m so scared of losing you and I have a feeling that I already have. I don’t know z, I just don’t know. I think I lost you, but I haven’t spoken to you yet. It’s 9:30 and by now we’ve usually been going for at least an hour. What the hell? I am so scared and so confused. OK so you just told me that you guys broke up. OMG you still love me!! And you want there to be an us. AHHH omg I love you z! But I’m still really scared. I mean you officially asked me out but….are we going to last? Do we even have a chance? But I can’t lose you…I really can’t.

-12/19/07