Apology

I have to write something for you
because I can’t be there with you.
I have to be able to put into words
all the things I’ve been trying to say.

I want to explain.
I want you to hear.
I need you to know that I’m sorry.

When I said you’re amazing and perfect,
I meant every word that I said.
When I said you that make me happy,
I didn’t mean you just make me smile.
When I told you why I can’t be with you
I wished there was another way.

I know I made you happy.
I know I’m making you sad.
And it kills me to see the look on your face
and know the hurt is due to me.
I don’t want things to end like this,
but we both know there’s no other way.

I’m sorry, so deeply, truly sorry,
and don’t know what I have to say or do
to make you believe that I mean it.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I watched as your heart broke tonight,
and knew it was my fault.
I heard you say that it was fine,
but saw confusion in your eyes.

I want to wipe away the tears
and take the pain away;
but I can’t do that for you now,
since I’m the one who caused it.