Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

10:15am

Shouldn't you be at school?

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

10:17am

Shouldn't you?

I didn't feel like going today. The shame! Oh the shame... having another girl beat up on my ex is not something I was willing to deal with today. Also that bloody History essay is due - who gives a shit what the economic causes of WWII were? Not me!

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

10:20am

You are both simultaneously a pansy and seriously insensitive towards one of the most horrific periods in modern history. I shun you.

Evie.

P.S. Have you heard from Danny lately? When is he coming home?

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

10:28am

I'm no pansy.

Danny? Yeah I spoke to him last week. I think he's calling tonight... and he is coming home next tuesday, I believe. Why are you always asking about him? I can honestly say he isn't that great!

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

10:33am

Are you kidding me? Your brother is a freaking god. Tell him I'm going to ravish him mercilessly as soon as he sets foot in town! I'm getting all excited just thinking about it!

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

10:36am

Jesus Christ, Evie. You are not jumping my brother! That is not on! He's like five years older than you!! Anyway, if you were going to ravish either of the Allain brothers it would sure as hell be me. Okay?

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

10:40am

Is someone jealous that I am in love with your infinitely sexy older brother?! And five years is nothing, besides, every girl adores an older man...!

Don't feel left out though Jonah, you're the only man I hate. :)

Evie.

P.S. What is Danny's number??

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

10:45am

You suck. And I'm not giving you his number, because you suck. Did I mention you suck?

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

10:51am

Pipe down. And that is a really sucky insult, Jonah. I may be mortally wounded by those poisonous barbs. Eck eck. Hear me die!

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

10:58am

You still suck and the dying routine doesn't work in writing.

I still have dibs on your CDs.

Jonah.

_________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

11:01am

No you don't. Would you also tell Danny I have his cricket glove from last time he was over. I don't know what he was doing leaving it here! He must have bought new ones for the summer... Poor darl, he did love those ones.

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

11:05am

You are the epitome of bitch. Danny doesn't like you!! Danny doesn't want you!! Why must you be so blind?

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

11:12am

Oh dear, I'm sensing some more jealousy on the horizon. Sweety pie, schnookum bunny, puddin' pop, darling, you are the only one for me!! Marry me, pumpkin toes! Be my one and only! Be the water to my cactus, be the Italian to my masquerade, be the Molotov to my cocktail!

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

11:16am

You just refuse to get it don't you? Remember when the first time I met you and I thought 10 Things I Hate About You was just about the coolest thing since sliced bread and I quoted it all the time? Remember that? We were... nine I think. You were beating up on that crazy Moretti kid who tried to steal your headband and I was seriously considering snapping it in half since you were squealing in that really annoying pitch which is one note from shattering glass. Then you were beating up on me. Nothing has changed since.

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

11:20am

Umm, yeah? Of course I remember that day. Little Moretti twat ended up breaking the damn thing. And it was the only one I had with sparkles on it! What a jerk she was. What's your point? You kind of just stopped halfway through your story there...

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

11:26am

Well, remember how I quoted the movie and said that I hated you with the fire of a thousand suns? What I really meant is that if you ever stopped being so annoying and horrible, if you ever stopped letting me hate you, I would feel only indifference for you.

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

11:29am

I don't get it. Yeah, we've hated each other like a religion for half our lives. Yeah, you're my best friend in the whole world. Some see it as a paradox but we deal. I don't see where you're going...

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

11:34am

Evie! I know you aren't stupid! I know you aren't blind! Why are you acting it?? Do you know they have a betting pool going at school to see when we get together? Do you know that for the yearbook our peers have voted us cutest couple when we've been everything but for nine years? Do you know why I come over to your house almost every other night and you to mine just as often? Do you know why we argue so happily and get over it so quickly? Do you know why I am saying this?

Jonah

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

11:37am

Okay, Jonah, you're scaring me! Are you writing this because you want a friends-with-benefits thing? I won't be your rebound girl... you know that!! You're sexy as hell but even I have standards!

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

11:40am

You are killing me Evie. Do you need me to spell it out for you? I don't want you to be my rebound girl. You are the reason I am rebounding. Every other girlfriend I've had has been a rebound girl because I've been trying to get over you! All I want is for you to see that maybe we hated each other a little too hard and turned it into love. By the way you're pretty damn hot yourself.

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

11:45am

Thanks, but are you saying you're in love with me? Jonah, baby, you don't need to tell me... I already know these things. I've known forever. I hate you so much I can't stand to be away from you. I hate you so much I come over to your house to hate on you. I hate you so much that I email you all the time, just so I can read you hating on me. I've hated you so much for so many years, I don't know if I can love you without, well, hating you.

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

11:46am

Do you mean that? Do you really, honestly mean that? I don't think you do. I know you better than anyone, Evie. You can't hide from me. I see straight through your stupid little charade. I know you hate me, I also know you love me more. I don't need you to say it because sometimes you lie about things you don't really want to lie about because you're scared. You are scared now. I'm coming over.

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

11:49am

No! Bad Jonah! Stop knowing me so well! You officially suck. Jonah, there is no spoon! You hear me? No spoon! We have no spoon to catch the hope in! Remember that? It was the third day of year ten. You lost your yogurt spoon and you told me in a bout of philosophical thinking that without a spoon there is nothing to catch the hope!! This is a no spoon time. We've said some awful stuff over the years. I don't think we can get past that! And if you look past all the exclamation points you'll see me bleeding. This is by far the worst we've said. You can't pretend to care after all these years.

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

11:54am

I'm not pretending you dunce!! I never did! I'm coming over and you are going to let me ravish, as you so eloquently put it, you. And you are going to like it! I have had enough pissing around. You are mine, I know it, you know it, Danny sure as hell knows it. Just about the whole of goddamn cyberspace know it. I am tired of waiting for you to get your act together so I am getting it together for you, just like I always have.

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

11:57am

That isn't fair. I'm not opening the door for you. I handed that assignment in on time that one time ALL BY MYSELF!

Evie.

________

Receiver: evie-manchester

Sender: jonah-allain

11:59am

I'm ignoring that second comment. By the way, you don't need to let me in. I have a key. Remember?

Jonah.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

12:01pm

Ah shit.

Evie.

________

Receiver: jonah-allain

Sender: evie-manchester

12:13pm

I am steadfastly ignoring you. I am also scowling at you. FEEL MY WRATH!

Evie.

________

"Wow, Evie, you scare the shit out of me. I think the computer will explode if you glare at it anymore..."

"Holy crap! How did you sneak in here? I told you not to come over!"

"And I ignored you. Evie, you are not my rebound girl. I don't care how much you hate me, you also love me, and that is fact."

"Is not."

"Stop sulking and pay attention. I promise you that in less than ten minutes you will have succumbed to my considerable charm we will be kissing, for the first time. You'll forget any other boy you've ever touched."

"You can't make ultimatums! If I have to forget every other of my sexual exploits with boys so do you!"

"I've never touched any boys sexually..."

"I mean girls, Jonah you spazz!"

"Oh. Consider them forgotten."

"Good."

"Wow, you came around fast... I was expecting a little resistance."

"Well, I really want to jump you. You're freaking sexy. I like that shirt by the way."

"Thanks, I got it for a steal."

"Nice work, you bargain hunter!"

"Now, about that ravishing..."

"Not happening Jonah, a little kissing - okay. More? No! And ravishing is most certainly more!"

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that, my little, what was it? Oh that's right, pumpkin toes!"

"Don't you raise your eyebrow and quote me! You're too goddamn sexy when you do that! Do you have any idea how long I've been trying to wean myself off you? Now, where the bloody hell is Danny?!"

"Not here, clearly. I told you, the only Allain for you is me!"

"Oh fuck. Come here, you jealous git!"

"Finally! Is that permission to kiss you within an inch of your life?"

"Yeah, I guess it is..."