Letter to MAJE

By Tonnie Seawolf

When I first met you, I knew at once that there was something about you that I will like. I was right.

As days become weeks and weeks become months, we’ve become really close.

A lot of the times, you tell me things that I alone know. You made me feel special. I was someone you can trust and you confide in me things that you don’t usually tell other people. And to think that we’ve only met. And maybe because of those things, that I fell for you.

Oftentimes, I wondered what it would feel like if I was your girl. You’re really sweet and nice to me. You always help me out when I really need it. You make me laugh. Share things with me. Have healthy debate on things that we don’t agree on. Sometimes, I feel like I’m the luckiest girl in the office because of the attention you give me. I hoped that that attention you give had a different meaning. I often wished that there was something there. A small hope that for once you will glance my way and finally realize that you like me too.

But I guess it’s just wishful thinking.

I’m in love with you. But I guess you don’t feel the same way. All the times that I had been with you, giving you all my attention, going out of my way to help you out, doing the things that I wouldn’t normally do just so that you see that you’re special to me you never did notice.

My heart is hurting. It’s not because of my condition but you’re falling in love again and it’s not me. I feel like you’ve used me to get over your ex and now that you have moved on, you cast me aside like a dirty rag. I’m hurting and it’s all because of you. But try as I might to hate you, I couldn’t. Because I still love you and here I am stupidly waiting for a miracle that you might look my way and you feel the same way too. It’s not your fault that you don’t feel the same way for me either. But it still doesn’t stop the pain form hurting.

But if I hold my breath for that time to come, I’ll end up dead in the end.

I’ll keep living. I’ll try to move on. I’ll even say I’m happy for you, but it will take time before I’ll actually mean it. I’ll continue on, like nothing happened. Put a smile on my face and pretend that I don’t mind. But I’ll be crying and dying inside every time I know that you’re with her and not me.

I love you MAJE, and as the song goes: “As soon as my heart stops breaking and tears starts fading. As soon as forever is through, I’ll be over you.”