Dani Pidgeon

A Proposal for the War in Iraq

Since 2003, a war has dragged on and on far away from our homeland. Costing more than 275 million per day it is definitely a bank breaker. War is an expensive hobby, and this one is bringing our wallets down to empty. Many Americans question what we are still doing in Iraq. The war isn’t just a bank-breaker, it’s slowly killing off our fighting force. Four thousand American soldiers have died in this war so far; if it doesn’t end soon the numbers will only climb higher. Yet none can seem to figure out a way to extract ourselves from such a precarious situation. If only people would look to our history for such solutions. Keep in consideration, we have a lot of wars under our belt there must be one that taught us a lesson.

My proposal: just bomb ‘em. After all it worked with Japan. Japan attacked Pearl Harbor; we blew up two of their cities to get even. Iraq…well they had something to do with 9/11, so mine as well use the same tactic. After all, now Japan is one of our greatest trading partners. In fact, we import more of their goods than we export to them. We got the better end of the bargain if you ask me. Judging from how well the tactic worked with Japan, I believe it would be the perfect solution for the Iraq problem. Just think of what Iraq has to offer: oil. Bomb a few of their cities and we’ll be getting barrels of oil by the ship-full. Gas prices will drop to record lows.

Furthermore, if we nuke the country then we can finally say that there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. President Bush will get his reason for starting the war after all and save face to the American people (which we all know he desperately needs). There’s nothing more shameful than a lying President. It reflects poorly on the American people who voted for him. This way he can be right, and American voters will be at ease with their decision making abilities. It’s a win-win situation.

Then of course there’s the problem of our soldiers. We have an obligation to evacuate them before the bombing begins. We cannot possibly kill our own kind. The notion is appalling. Think about it. We have all those soldiers living for years in a desert far away from their families. It’s a traumatic experience, really. The enemy is every single Iraqi citizen; after all, you can’t trust anyone that doesn’t speak English. You never know what bad things they are saying about you without you knowing. Bomb them, and suddenly the enemy disappears. No more threats in languages we can’t understand, and no more reason for the soldiers to be there. It’s the least we could do seeing as they did serve their country. Therefore we will evacuate them using commercial airliners (after all men of such distinction need to fly first class).They can arrive home safe and sound with only a nice tan to show for their little adventure.

Then, of course, there’s the obvious advantages bombing the country will have for the future. If we kill off all the people in there now by the time the radiation reaches livable levels the United States will be so overpopulated it will need to expand. Ship a few hundred thousand people over there and we’ve got a Little America. It’s either ship them to Iraq or have people stop breeding, which is an impractical decision. People in America like sex; it’s as simple as that. Last time I checked birth pills are only 99.9 percent effective leading inevitably to unwanted babies popping out, unless we go the abortion route, but then we’d be copying the Chinese (which everyone knows is social suicide). Therefore, using Iraq as an extension of the U.S. is the perfect solution to future overpopulation.

Lastly, the people over there are extremely rude. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad went so far as to say about us, “without them the region ‘will live in peace.’” He even accused us of being liars! Now that’s a blow to the stomach we must not take. After all, if we don’t assert our superiority now these outsiders will start walking right over us. Bombing Iraq will put all the other surrounding countries in their place. I mean, Iran, the barbaric country that spills more blood than water started giving us advice. The President stated, “We are going to give them some friendly advice. We believe that directing accusations at others does not solve American problems. They should solve their problems elsewhere.” Like we have problems! We don’t look for fights with other countries. We only engage in warfare for just causes. Ungrateful barbarians; bombing Iraq is the only way to put them in their place. It’s like a domino effect really. Wipe out one country’s population and all the others will learn to respect us. It only takes once to learn a lesson.

America is a nation of morals. We simply cannot stand by and watch a government oppress its people. In death they shall find freedom. Live free or die as the New Hampshireans would say. In an Iraqi citizen’s point of view it would be one great jihad. Furthermore the land itself will be of infinite use to America. From being a future Little America to exploiting the oil fields, America will be better off. In short, America can’t afford not to take advantage of such an easy and obvious solution. It’s a shame the leaders of this country couldn’t draw up a plan similar to this for themselves. Then again they are busy individuals; I’m sure they would have gotten around to it eventually.