Scene I

A Starbucks Coffee ship in the small town of Nolford, 2005. It is summer, a few weeks prior to students returning to universities and the first day of school. Seen from a short distance, three young college students sit around a small round table, playing chess. Two are actively engaged in the game, and the third is reading a newspaper and dividing his attention between that and the match. Few people are in the shop besides. Off to the right, the barista, a boy of sixteen, finishes making a drink and hands it to a woman. She walks out the door with her vanilla latte, and the boy sits half way on the counter. The faintest murmur of conversation can be heard from the half-dozen or so other patrons.

(One of the two chess players makes a good move)

Trevor:
Trouble now, huh Malcolm?

Malcolm:
Half a minute, I’ll get out of it.

Garret:
(reading the comics section and keeping half an eye on the game smiles suddenly)
Oh, that Calvin!

Trevor:
(to Garret)
What’s so funny?

Malcolm:
(triumphantly)
You’re in check, that’s what’s funny!

Trevor:
No! (despondently) I’m going to lose.

(the barista approaches the table)

Garret:
(looking up)

Hello there, Joe, what’s up?

Joseph:
Been pretty quiet lately.

Garret:
How’s your sister?

(both chess players stop and look up expectantly)

Joseph:
Astrid is doing alright.

(Malcolm and Trevor look pleased and return to their game)

Father’s been after her to see more guys lately.

Garret:
(shakes head sadly)
She’s not enjoying that much, I guess!

Joseph:
No way! She hates it, but tolerates his whims sweetly. (all nod in admiration) You ought to do something together with her sometime, or at least rescue her from tomorrow night.

(all three look eager)

All:
Who?

Garret:
And what’s tomorrow night?

Joseph:
(shrugs)
Any of you. All of you. And tomorrow night she’s going out with Joachim VanRibbentrop.

Trevor:
(in disbelief)
What? Him?

Malcolm:
I didn’t think even she would do that, sweet and obliging though she be!

Joseph:
She wouldn’t. But father found out about it, and you know Joachim can be persuasive when he gets his thick head off bullying.

Garret:
(in pity) (softly)
Poor Lady Astrid. (aloud) Do you know where they’re going, Joseph?

Joseph:
(shakes head)
I’m afraid not. Astrid keeps quiet about it so father won’t think she’s complaining.

Trevor:
Well, we all know she shall have the most miserable night of her life, but what can we do about it?

All:
(fall silent)

Joseph:
(aside to Garret)
Who’s winning the game?

Garret:
Malcolm, at the moment. Trevor is a brilliant player, but he loses hope and gives himself no credit for his skill. He could beat Malcolm every time if he played a bit more boldly.

Joseph:
Did you read Calvin and Hobbes?

Garret:
(nods and chuckles)

(a customer enters)

Joseph:
Good luck, back to work for me. I’ll tell Astrid you said hello! (returns to the counter)

Garret:
(urgently, to Malcolm and Trevor)
We have to decide what’s to be done to protect Lady Astrid!

Trevor:
Definitely agreed!

Malcolm:
(solemnly)
We may need to call a meeting of the knights.
(the others agree)
Very well. Meet at my apartment tonight at six o’clock. We can have dinner and decide what is to be done.

Garret:
Good! We shall be there. (stands) I have to go, but don’t start without me tonight. (exits)

Malcolm and Trevor:
(wave farewell) (stare at each other) (stare at the board)

Scene II

Set shows the front door of Malcolm’s apartment from the outside at right on stage. Malcolm sits on a couch in his sparsely furnished living room. The most prominent furnishing is a large, low, round coffee table made of glass. A clock tower off in the distance strikes six. Garret and Trevor enter from the right.

Garret:
It was good of Malcolm to suggest our meeting. I have missed our knight errantry.

Trevor:
Yes, only tonight I haven’t the heart for it. But even though Malcolm meant well, I thought he . . .

Garret:
Can’t cook, I know. (knocking) I wondered what he would do about that.

Malcolm:
(rises and answers the door) (smiles eagerly and greets them)
Sir Gawain, Sir Trystan, welcome!

Garret:
Oh, I forgot to ask, who won the game?

Trevor:
(sadly)
I lost.

Garret:
(looks sympathetic) (changes the subject in Trevor’s favor)
What’s for dinner, Malcolm?

Malcolm:
(look around the room sheepishly)
I . . . umm . . . does anyone want peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?

Trevor:
No thank you, I don’t feel like eating anything.

Malcolm:
(looking concerned)
What’s wrong?

Garret:
Trevor’s pet lizard ran away this morning.

Malcolm:
Smaug? Gone? That is a tragedy.

Garret:
(sternly)
Don’t tease, Malcolm. (aside to Malcolm) You know Trevor is sensitive about such things.

Malcolm:
I was serious. He may have looked exactly like any other lizard, but Smaug was special.

Trevor:
(bites lip) (bravely holds back tears)

Garret:
But you should eat something. Your mother would tell you to if she were here.

Trevor:
She always says I shall waste away to nothing whenever I don’t eat.

Malcolm:
Moving along. What shall we do for Lady Astrid?

Garret:
It will be difficult. We don’t even know where Joachim is taking her.

Trevor:
But we shall rescue her, shan’t we?

Garret:
Of course! We would all be dishonored knights if we failed to defend her.

Malcolm:
Never! Oh, where are my manners? Sit down, please. I apologize for the lack of food. I could order pizza if you’d like.

Garret:
Thank you, Malcolm, but that won’t be necessary. As long as Trevor’s mother isn’t here, he won’t eat anything. And there’s no sense in getting it just for the two of us.

Malcolm:
We have work to do anyway.

Trevor:
Right!

(all gather around the glass round table)

Garret:
(looking at each one solemnly)
As you know, Sir Malcolm and Sir Trystan, my fellow knights, this council is to determine how best to come to the aid of Lady Astrid.

Malcolm:
Fairest of all those who live in Nolford.

Trevor:
In the whole world!

Garret:
We have learned from out young friend Joseph that the evil Joachim VanRibbentrop has plots concerning her.

Malcolm:
(vehemently)
Whatever they may be, he can mean her no good!

Trevor:
Malcolm, calm down! He just wants to go out with her.

Malcolm:
How do we know that? He could be planning anything! What if he wants to kidnap her and lock her up in a tower?

Garret:
Then we’d free her, of course. But we don’t know what he is going to do yet.

Malcolm:
It hardly matters. He’s a villain.

Trevor:
But just because he beat you up in third grade doesn’t mean . . .

Malcolm:
(interrupting)
That’s not what I meant. He doesn’t have a history of being honorable and well mannered, to say the least. Whatever else may happen, we know he will not treat her with dignity or respect, and that alone is cause enough to come to her defense.

Garret:
Well put, Sir Malcolm!

Trevor:
But we still don’t know what to do about it.

(silence)

Malcolm:
We could wait by Lady Astrid’s house and follow them.

Garret:
But we would be ill prepared for whatever situation we found ourselves in.

Trevor:
We could ground Joachim by slashing his tires.

Malcolm:
That would make us no better than him.

Garret:
At the very worst, we could make other plans and ask Lady Astrid to switch.

Malcolm:
(sarcastically)
Oh that’s a good idea. In the first place, her honor would keep her from abandoning Joachim without notice that way. In the second, why would she want to go with one of us?

Garret:
Well . . . Joseph did say that we should ask her sometime. And you know she likes us just fine as friends, if nothing more.

Trevor:
(sadly)
Yeah, right. She hardly knows we exist.

Garret:
Not true! We used to talk to her almost every day in high school, and she knows that we’re Joseph’s friends as well.

Malcolm:
We are knights after all. We ought to throw down the gauntlet, challenge VanRibbentrop, and fight to be Astrid’s champion.

All:
(laugh)

Garret:
That’s the best idea we’ve had all night! (smiles)

Trevor:
(dreamily)
To die for Lady Astrid’s honor. How beautiful that would be.

Malcolm:
Aye. But aside from that, what is our plan?

Garret:
One of us ought to talk to Joseph. He can get a message to Lady Astrid that we intend to rescue her. We should think of something she would like to do after we rescue her as well. That way she shall have a good time in addition to being saved from an awful one.

Trevor:
I don’t mean to darken the sky with rain clouds, but we don’t know how we’re going to find her, or what our chance shall be to save her. The whole thing looks a little hopeless to me, as much as I want to come to Lady Astrid’s rescue.

Malcolm:
(opens his mouth to say something) (closes it) (says at last)
You know, as much as I hate to say it, I’m afraid he’s right. Things do look a little bleak.

Garret:
Come on, lads. Never have knights throughout history been daunted by stiff odds. Neither shall we.

(solemn pause)

Trevor:
So tomorrow morning, one of us has to give the message to Joseph?

Garret:
Right. Malcolm, maybe you could do that, and Trevor and I will work on finding out what our enemy is up to.

Malcolm:
That sounds well enough, but maybe you should talk to Joe. He seems to like you best. Besides, I don’t know where to find him.

Trevor:
(exasperated)
Good heavens! Our order suffers severely from never knowing where anyone will be!

Malcolm:
(loudly)
It’s a wonder we don’t suddenly forget where we are ourselves!

Garret:
(rolls eyes)

Trevor:
I’ve got a bad feeling about . . .

Garret:
(interrupting)
Trystan! Malcolm!

Trevor and Malcolm:
(fall silent)

Garret:
(sighs sadly)
You make me sad. Joseph is such a good boy, you don’t pay enough attention to him.

Trevor:
What do you mean?

Garret:
Don’t you ever listen to him? He walks every morning four blocks down to hang out with Alex until the afternoon when the little boy’s mother comes home from work.

Malcolm:
Alex Pruitt? The whiz-kid in fourth grade?

Garret:
Yes. Mrs. Pruitt doesn’t even pay him for it. He’s down it all summer just because he likes Alex and Alex doesn’t have any friends the can play with most of the day.

Trevor:
(hangs head in shame)
I didn’t know! But Garret, not everyone is as thoughtful or caring as you are, you know.

Garret:
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put you down. But no one gives Joseph Sundin enough credit. I’ll go deliver the message to him tomorrow, though.

Malcolm:
Good. Trevor and I will see what we can find out.

Garret:
It may not be much, but that’s what we’ve got to start out with.

Trevor:
May God be with us. We’re certainly going to need Him!

Garret:
Indeed. (looks thoughtful) Thank you for having us over tonight, Malcolm.

All:
(stand and walk towards the door)

Malcolm:
Farewell! An important day awaits us tomorrow! Goodnight!

Trevor and Garret:
Goodnight! (exit)

Scene III

Alex:
My low visibility filter finally came! Yes!

Joseph:
What does it do?

Alex:
It makes things that you can’t normally see show up, like gasses or clear glass or anything!

Joseph:
(in surprise)
You can see things that are invisible?

Alex:
Not invisible. Barely visible.

Joseph:
What are you going to use it for?

Alex:
(shrugs)
But I have the perfect mount for it. (holds up a pair of WWI pilot’s goggles)

Joseph:
Cool! Where did you get those?

Alex:
My dad gave them to me.

Joseph:
Hey look, it’s Garret!

Garret:
Joseph, I have something important to tell you.

Joseph:
(curiously)
What is it?

Garret:
(gravely)
We’re going to try and rescue your sister tonight. Make sure you let her know.

Joseph:
Hurrah! I’ll tell her. I’m sure she’ll be pleased to hear it.

Garret:
I hope so.

Alex:
(tugging Joseph by the arm)
Come on! Let’s go put this together, Joseph!

Joseph:
Okay, okay! Bye Garret. Good luck!

Alex:
(waving)
So long, Garret!

Middle third of stage. Joachim sits on his bed in his room. His walls are hung with posters of orcs. Blinds cover all the windows.

Joachim:
(grins wickedly)

This will be my greatest victory of all times! Who ever would have thought that I, the much avoided yet surpassingly admirable Joachim VanRibbentrop, would win Astrid Sundin? And after tonight, she’ll of course want to go out with me again, and again. In fact, she’ll probably ask me to marry her before long. But tonight, of course, is the beginning, and everything must go perfectly. First the movie, then dinner at McDonalds. It’s going to be great, isn’t it? (talks to a statue of Darth Sidious on his dresser) It will hardly cost me anything, but she will enjoy it because I’m there. All the sickeningly sweet people I hate can stare in disbelief now that Astrid has chosen me over them. (evil laugh) Especially that stupid Malcolm Hutchinson who always gets in my way. He and his friends took a fancy to her, it seemed. I wish I could see the looks on their faces when they find out! (his door suddenly slams shut unaccountably and he looks startled)

Right third of stage. Shows the front room of Trevor’s house. Furnished with a few chairs, a table, tall floor lamp in the corner, and most notably a large, round painting hanging on the wall of a waterfall and stream splashing over a stone bed in a forest. Malcolm is in the room, looking around.

Malcolm:
(calling out)
Trevor! Are you home?

Trevor:
(offstage voice)
Malcolm! You won’t believe it!

Malcolm:
Trevor? (looking confused) Where are you?

Trevor:
I’m right here.

Malcolm:
I don’t see you anywhere.

Trevor:
Of course not. Mother always said I would waste away to nothing if I stopped eating when I was sad, and I have!

Malcolm:
(stunned)
You mean you’re . . . just gone!?

Trevor:
As far as I can tell. I can’t even see myself.

Malcolm:
Gosh, I don’t know what to say!

Trevor:
That’s okay. I’ve made good use of it. I was at Joachim’s house a little while ago.

Malcolm:
(excitedly)
Really!? Did you find out what his plans are for tonight?

Trevor:
(nods invisibly)
Yup. Everything!

Malcolm:
We have to find Garret and tell him! We may rescue Lady Astrid yet.

Trevor:
Aye. If we hurry we can meet him at Alex’s house.

Malcolm:
What are we waiting for?

Trevor:
Let’s go! I’ll be with you, thought you shan’t see me.

Malcolm:
(exits)

Return to far left. Front door of Pruitt’s house is closed. No on is in sight. A bluebird lights on the birdbath, splashes, then flies off. Malcolm enters from the left of stage, walks up to the door, and knocks. It is answered by Joseph, and also Alex, who is wearing his goggles.

Joseph:
Hello, Malcolm.

Alex:
Hi Malcolm. Hi Trevor.

Joseph:
(looking at Alex in surprse)
Trevor? I don’t see him anywhere.

Alex:
Sure. He’s right there . . . kind of. He looks funny.

Malcolm:
I’m impressed, Alex! Don’t worry, Joe, I can’t see him either, but he’s here.

Joseph:
What happened to you, Trevor?

Trevor:
I stopped eating when I was sad, and I wasted away to naught.

Alex:
No way! Cool!

Joseph:
Don’t even think about it, Alex. Your mom will kill me.

Malcolm:
Is Garret here, Joseph?

Joseph:
He was here earlier, but he left already. You’re rescuing my sister tonight?

Malcolm:
Yes, we shall give it our most valiant effort.

Alex:
Can I help? I wanna rescue your big sister too, Joseph!

Joseph:
You’ll hafta ask Malcolm, Alex.

Malcolm:
Garret will know, but I’m sure a smart boy like you can be a big help.

Alex:
(nods proudly)

Trevor:
What are we waiting for? We must find Garret and plan our rescue!

Joseph:
Best of luck to you!

Malcolm:
(waves and exits)

Scene IV

Inside of a small town movie theater. The main doors are at left, with the evening sun shining through. It is fairly busy, but three or four groups of people stand apart from the normal traffic. One is composed of Garret, Malcolm, and Alex. Across from them on the opposite side of the theater, two college girls stand waiting for someone. The other groups are mixed, people just waiting for a later movie. Many theater goers enter, buy their tickets, and head toward their theater.

Alex:
Boy, I can’t believe my parents really let me come with you guys.

Malcolm:
(rolling eyes)
That’s because they’re eating dinner across the street, and your mom’s known Garret since he was practically your age. Besides, you’re the only one who can see Trevor.

Alex:
(holds up goggles proudly) (brags a bit)
Yup, I sure am!

Garret:
Quiet, Astrid and Joachim are coming any minute now. Keep an eye on them when they come in, but don’t look like you’re watching them. And don’t let Joachim recognize us, or there will be trouble.

(More people walk past, buy popcorn, and go about their business. One of the groups checks the time and walks into the theater section. The two girls walk across the lobby toward Malcolm and Garret.)

Trevor:
Uh oh.

First girl:
You guys waiting to see Batman Begins?

Garret:
(politely)
Unfortunately, no. We’re waiting for someone.

Second girl:
So are we. Who are you waiting for?

Garret:
(guardedly)
Umm . . . Astrid.

Second girl:
Astrid Sundin!?

Malcolm and Garret:
(nod)

First girl:
We’re her best friends! We tried to invite her tonight, but she said she already had plans.

Second girl:
They must’ve been really big plans too, enough to make her miss Jessica’s (indicates first girl) famous cooking!

Trevor:
(nudges Malcolm none too gently) (whispers)
Hey, Malcolm, she can cook! You oughtta get to know her!

Garret:
Well, ask her about it afterwards and you can decide!

A third girl walks in and joins the first two.

Third girl:
Hey! Sorry I’m a little late. Ready?

First girl:
Yeah, let’s go! (to Malcolm and Garret) So long!

Malcolm:
(smiles too big and waves)

Alex:
(snickers at Malcolm)

Malcolm:
(frowns at Alex)

Garret:
Alright, cut it out. Everyone knows what they’re supposed to do?

Malcolm and Alex:
(nod)

Alex:
(takes off backpack) (searches through it)

Malcolm:
(looking out into the audience)
I think that looks like Joachim’s black Neon!

Alex:
(finishes rummaging through his backpack) (holds up a small black box)

Garret:
That’s them, get ready!

Alex:
(puts on his goggles) (looks around) (finds Trevor standing behind him)

Malcolm:
Turn around, they’re coming in!

Garret and Malcolm:
(hide their faces to avoid recognition)

Joachim and Astrid:
(enter through doors at far left)

Alex:
(hands box to the unseen Trevor)

Joachim follows Astrid through the door. Astrid looks as if she is not enjoying herself. Alex'’ little box floats through the air in Trevor’s hands, follows behind Astrid and Joachim as they walk by, and drops gently into her purse.

Astrid:
(looking stressed)
So, what movie are we going to see?

Joachim:
The Devil’s Rejects. I haven’t seen it yet myself, but I’ve heard it’s amazing!

Astrid:
(winces)
Uh, wow! I can’t say I would’ve seen that one if I’d come by myself.

Joachim:
Yeah, good thing I picked it, huh?

Astrid:
You picked it, alright!

Alex:
(high fives the invisible Trevor)

Malcolm:
Are you sure this is gonna work?

Garret:
Only if we time this right. Too late and Astrid has to watch some of the movie. Too soon and Joachim comes after her.

Alex:
(reaches into backpack and pulls out what looks like a remote controlled car controller with a big red button)

Malcolm:
No, I mean are you sure Alex’s equipment will work? Maybe I should buy a ticket and go get her.

Garret:
You think Joachim will let her go if you’re there?

Alex:
(confidently)
Of course it will work! I built it myself from an RC car and X-Box rumble pack. When I push the button, the box will give her the signal and she’ll know when to get up. It’s up to you guys to pull off the rescue.

Garret:
Alright, Malcolm, go get Joseph. You have his promised Batman ticket?

Malcolm:
Right here. I’ll go get him. (exits)

Garret:
(looks at watch)
Okay Alex, good work so far. You ready to push the button?

Alex:
(nods solemnly)

Garret:
Alright, go for it!

Alex:
(pushes button)

Garret:
Now we just have to wait! (watches the hallway)

After a few moments, they see a dark figure with long hair coming out of the hallway. Garret is disappointed when it’s not Astrid. Joseph and Malcolm enter from left. They see another person walk out of the theater. This time it is Astrid. Garret walks calmly toward Astrid and offers his arm.

Garret:
Astrid! I’m glad to see you!

Astrid:
Not as glad as I am to see you! (takes Garret’s arm)

Garret:
(opens and holds the door for Astrid as they exit)

Malcolm:
(smiles at Alex)
Good work, buddy, you did great. Your parents are here to pick you up.

Alex:
You’re welcome! Glad I could help! (runs to the corner where the Pruitts have just come in the door) (calls back) Don’t forget to get my box back when you’re done!

Malcolm:
(to Joseph)
Okay, if Joachim comes out, all you have to do is ask him where your sister is. Other than that, enjoy the movie!

Joseph:
Thanks! (walks slowly toward the hallway)

Malcolm:
(hangs back)

Suddenly Joachim comes out, looking annoyed. He forces himself to calm down as he sees Joseph.

Joseph:
Hi. I’m surprised to see you alone! Where’s my sister?

Joachim:
She, ah, well, she’s in the theater, of course! I just have to . . . use the restroom.

Joseph:
Oh, okay. (watches until Joachim has no choice but to go into the restroom) (laughs) (walks toward his theater)

Malcolm:
(sighs with relief) (starts) Where’s Trevor?!

Scene V

Park scene, heavily wooded. Sun has started to set and the sky is dusky. A small stream with a little bridge runs through part of the park, and a large, round, stone table sits by it. There is a park bench beneath a clump of trees some distance away from the table. Set is empty for several moments, then Garret, Astrid, and Malcolm walk into the park from the right and cross the bridge.

Astrid:
It’s so wonderful here tonight! Much more . . . peaceful than I expected the night to turn out.

Garret:
(shyly)
I’m glad it pleases you. You look beautiful, by the way.

Astrid:
Thank you!

Malcolm:
I suppose Joachim is enjoying his movie. He can take himself out to McDonalds.

Astrid:
(laughs)
Was that his plan? But how do you know?

Garret;
(look slightly disapprovingly at Malcolm)
Trevor told us.

Astrid:
Trevor? Where is he now?

Malcolm:
(looks troubled)

Garret:
(to Malcolm)
Should we tell her?

Trevor:
(comes running through the trees, now visible)

Astrid:
(smiling)
Trevor!

Garret and Malcolm:
(in surprise)
Trevor!?

Malcolm:
But you’re . . . !

Trevor:
(holds forth his hand delicately) (to Garret)
Look what I found!! Here in the park!

Garret:
Smaug?

Astrid:
You found a lizard?

Trevor:
(looking hurt)
No, he’s my pet.

Malcolm:
(explaining)
Trevor’s pet lizard Smaug ran away a few days ago.

Astrid:
How can you tell it’s him, though?

Garret:
(to Astrid)
Smaug is special. Trevor can tell.

Trevor:
(smiles as the tiniest wisp of smoke comes out of Smaug’s mouth)

Garret and Astrid:
(sit down on the bench)

Trevor and Malcolm:
(sit on either side)

Garret:
(at length)
We wanted to rescue you.

Astrid:
I’m so very glad you did!

Malcolm:
Joachim didn’t do anything bad to you while you were with him, did he?

Astrid:
No. But I had to put up with him telling me how wonderful he was for quite a while.

Trevor:
I am sorry for that. We couldn’t figure out how to get to you any sooner. (holds Smaug lovingly)

Astrid:
(gently)
It’s alright. I’m just glad I didn’t have to watch his movie.

Garret:
(sighs)
I hope we’ve not ruined your evening, or anything.

Astrid:
No, not at all! Quite the opposite. But I just remembered, I ought to give you this back. (hands Garret Alex’s box) It was cleverly built, which one of you made it?

Garret:
Actually, it was made by a little boy, Alex.

Astrid:
Oh! My brother talks about him sometimes, I shall have to thank him myself.

Garret:
I’m sure he would be proud! But we mustn’t keep you, it’s nearly nightfall, and you ought to be getting home.

All:
(stand and start walking left)

Astrid:
How has your summer been, Garret?

Garret:
Oh, rather nice. I’ve enjoyed it. Seeing my family and hanging out with Malcolm and Trevor.

Astrid:
I’m glad to hear it. And you, Malcolm and Trevor?

Malcolm:
It’s been great!

Trevor:
Aye, the same.

Astrid:
It’d be good to get together again sometime, before we all go back to school.

Garret:
(eagerly)
Yes! But here’s your house. I hope to see you again soon!

The front of the Sundin’s house slides onto the stage at left.

Astrid:
(climbs the stairs and knocks on the front door)
Goodnight!

Garret, Malcolm, and Trevor:
(bow)
Goodnight!

Harold:
(opens the front door)
Back already, Astrid?

Astrid:
I’ll have to tell you about it, dad!

Harold:
(goes back inside)
Can’t wait to hear it!

Astrid:
(stays in the doorway a moment longer)
Who says chivalry is dead? What a brave band of knights!